30. Declan
30
DECLAN
“What is your princess’s name?” Luna peered across the hospital waiting room coffee table at my picture.
“Princess Buttercup,” I responded. It was the only princess I could think of. I stole it from the movie The Princess Bride, which was a favorite movie of mine as a kid. “What is your princess’s name?”
“Princess Ponytail.” She pointed to the ponytail she’d drawn on her princess. “Because she has a ponytail.”
“I see that. It’s very pretty.”
She smiled, clearly proud of herself.
The last place I would have ever expected to find myself was a germ-infested hospital waiting room, drawing and coloring with a six-year-old, especially voluntarily, yet here I was. And there is no way that I would have ever thought I would enjoy myself doing it, but honestly, I’d had one of the most relaxing days I could remember having in a long time. I didn’t find myself in the company of kids very often, so I had never formed a strong opinion about them. I didn’t like them or dislike them. I’d always known I was expected to have children of my own. But if I hadn’t been sure I’d actually wanted them before today, Luna had tipped the scales.
She was clever, creative, funny, and exactly how I imagined Ashley might have been when she was a little girl. More than once, my mind had wandered to what mine and Ashley’s baby would be like. I’d thought about her belly growing, us setting up a nursery, picking a name.
In all the years I’d been with Serena, I’d never envisioned those things, and we’d discussed having a family on multiple occasions. We’d gone as far as considering the number of children we may want, the names we preferred, and even the ages we may want to start trying if we did decide to have them. But not once had I pictured what that would look like in the future.
I’d also got to meet Jimmy’s wife, Isabella; Hank’s middle brother Billy and his wife Reagan; and his little sister Cheyenne, and her husband, Cash. They all seemed like down-to-earth, solid, caring people. I was glad that Ashley had them, even if they were in-laws once removed.
It was nice to spend time with people who didn’t care about money or status. It was oddly liberating to be around people who didn’t give a shit about your last name or the number of zeros in your bank account.
“He’s here!”
The entire room shifted their attention to the doorway where Ashley stood with a wide smile on her face that spanned from ear to ear. Everyone except me stood and started to speak at once.
“How is Skylar?” Cheyenne, Hank’s sister, asked.
“What’s his name?” Billy and Jimmy spoke at the same time.
“How big is he?” Reagan questioned.
“She’s good. Tired, but good. Mason William James. Eight pounds, six ounces,” Ashley fired off the responses.
As she did, I noticed the dark circles under her eyes. She was tired, and it was my fault. I hadn’t let her get much sleep last night. She’d fallen asleep around four this morning after we’d made love once more in the shower and another time in bed. I just couldn’t get enough of that woman. Around her, I was insatiable.
We’d been at the hospital for over twelve hours. I doubted that she’d had anything to eat. Each time she came out to give everyone updates, I asked her if I could get her anything, but she refused. She only seemed concerned that I was still there and encouraged me to go home.
Part of me knew that I should. This wasn’t my place. But for some reason, I couldn’t bring myself to. Real or not, she was my wife. If she was here, this was where I wanted to be.
“Can I see the baby, Lee Lee?!” Luna jumped up and clapped her hands.
“Yes, you can.” Ashley held out her hand, and Luna grabbed it. “And if two of you want to come back, she’s in the recovery room, so she can have visitors.”
There was a brief discussion before it was decided Billy and Jimmy would be the first group to go see their nephew. Before they all headed back, Ashley told me once again, “You can go. You don’t need to stay.”
I just grinned at her, letting her know that I wasn’t going anywhere. She rolled her eyes and smiled with a sigh. When she walked out, I collected all the crayons and started putting them back into their box. Once I’d cleaned up our arts and crafts, I sanitized my hands and sat, waiting for Ashley to return.
While I did, I replayed the past forty-eight hours. So much had happened. When I landed in Atlanta and then flew to Firefly, I’d prepared myself to demote Ashley. To go head-to-head with Gran over it. Then, in the span of an hour, everything in my life changed. I learned about the will—that I could not only lose everything I’d ever worked for, everything I’d dedicated my life to, but it would go to my brother, who would destroy it. I hadn’t absorbed that shock when I came face to face with the woman who had haunted me for six months. I was still processing that when I opened my mouth and proposed to her, something I would never normally do, which was only one more thing I had to try and process. Then, in the span of thirty-six hours, I was getting married. And now, I was at the hospital, in a waiting room, where I’d been all day because my wife was helping her sister give birth.
It was like a Black Mirror episode of my life.
After about thirty minutes, Ashley reappeared with Luna, Billy, and Jimmy. The next group was dispatched, and she walked over to me. “I’m going to take Luna home with me.”
“Great.” I stood.
“I can Uber. You don’t have to drive all the way back to Firefly.”
I just stared at her, not saying a word. I’m not sure when exactly our relationship had switched to the silent communication stage, but we were there now.
“Or not.” She sighed with a small shake of her head. “Come on, Lu Lu. Let’s go.”
On the way out to the parking lot, Luna talked a mile a minute about her new baby brother Mason and all the things she was going to teach him. After grabbing Luna’s booster seat from Hank’s truck, we were on the road back to Firefly. During the thirty-minute drive, I’m sure Luna must have taken a breath, but I didn’t hear it. She’d been pretty talkative all day, but now that she’d seen her brother, she had even more to say.
“Do you have a brother, Uncle Declan?”
Ashley’s head spun toward me. I could feel her stare boring into the side of my face. I didn’t need to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out she wasn’t happy about her niece calling me uncle. I glanced over at her and tried to communicate that earlier, when we were getting snacks from the vending machines, she asked me if I was her uncle; I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t want to lie to her. I was.
I’m not sure if I was able to convey that entire narrative through my what-was-I-supposed-to-do expression and slight shrug, but whatever she deduced through our nonverbal cues satisfied her enough that she let me off the hook with an it’s-okay half-grin.
I glanced in the rearview mirror at Luna, who was in her booster behind me. “I do.”
“Did you teach him things?”
“I did.”
“What did you teach him?”
“I taught him how to ride a bike, and I taught him how to swim.”
“Was he your best friend?”
My eyes cut over to Ashley. I didn’t want to lie to Luna, but I also didn’t want to tell her the truth. Derek had always been an entitled little shit. From the time I could remember, he threw fits and tantrums if he didn’t get his way. He got expelled from six boarding schools, which was quite a feat with the money that my grandparents paid to put him in them. He never followed any rules. Whenever we played games, he cheated. He stole everything from baseball cards, hats, money, shoes, clothes, anything and everything he could. He started drinking when he was twelve and smoking weed a year later. He was on to pills and powders by age seventeen. His addiction didn’t make any of his already loose morals, selfish behaviors, and entitled beliefs any better; it only amplified them.
Even with all that, I still tried to be a good brother to him, but he never took my actions the way they were intended. He always saw them through the lens of his motives, so he accused me of ulterior motives or trying to be his father.
Picking up on my hesitation to elaborate, Ashley took the conversational baton that I’d silently passed to her.
“Your mom was my best friend,” she enthused. “She taught me how to French braid my hair and how to put on mascara and roller skate.”
“I’m gonna teach Mason how to roller skate and braid my hair!” Luna declared excitedly, then proceeded to name dozens of other things she planned on schooling her baby brother on, including how to paint glitter nails.
She was still talking a mile a minute when we pulled up to Ashley’s house, and all piled out of the SUV. On the way up the porch steps, I heard Ashley’s stomach growl loudly.
“I’ll make dinner,” I stated as she opened the front door, and Luna scooped up Mr. Purrfect and headed into the front room, where she immediately turned the television on.
“That’s sweet.” Ashley yawned. “But I haven’t been shopping this week, so there is nothing to make.”
“How does pizza sound?”
Her brow furrowed. “Pizza?”
“Luna mentioned she wanted pizza for dinner.”
“Stella said you didn’t eat fast food.”
I didn’t. I also didn’t have sex with strangers and not wear condoms. I also didn’t marry people as a business arrangement and then blur the lines with them by having a honeymoon night. I also didn’t spend an entire day in a germ-ridden hospital. There were things I didn’t do that I found myself doing when it came to Ashley.
“My grandmother doesn’t know everything about me.”
Her crystal blue eyes were locked with mine, and I had the strongest urge to lean down and kiss her. She was my wife. Technically. But that wasn’t our relationship. I knew that I didn’t have that right. But the way she was looking at me…
“Why did you stay?” There was confusion and vulnerability behind her gaze.
“What?”
“Today at the hospital?”
“I don’t know,” I answered honestly. “I just… I didn’t want to leave you.”
She took in a shaky breath. Unable to stop myself, I began to lean forward. Her lips were like a beacon calling out to me in the middle of a stormy night. She closed her eyes, and just as I felt her breath fan my face…
“Lee Lee!” Luna called out as she rushed into the room. “Can I have a soda?”
The spell that I’d fallen under broke, and I straightened back up.
“Um.” Ashley blinked. “Bath first. Then you can have a soda with dinner.”
Luna’s shoulders dropped in disappointment.
“Speaking of dinner. Do you want pepperoni pizza?” I asked.
“Pizza?” Luna’s face lit up.
“I don’t know…” Ashley looked down at Luna. “Do we want pepperoni pizza?”
“Yes! Yes! Yes!” Luna cheered.
Ashley smiled up at me.
“Pizza it is.” I pulled out my phone and ordered as the girls went upstairs.
As I waited, I walked around the house. The last time I’d come to Ashley’s house, I’d never made it past the entryway. It was an older home, but I could see that some updates had been made to it. The floors were new. Fresh paint was on the walls. The appliances were upgraded, and so were the light fixtures.
In the background report, I’d discovered that the Thompson sisters inherited the house from their grandfather. It had sat empty for over a decade before Skylar moved into it almost two years ago. When she married Hank, she and Luna moved in with him, and Ashley stayed here, living on her own.
I could see that she’d made the space her own. It felt like her. The paintings on the walls and the eclectic furniture screamed Ashley. I seriously doubted their grandfather owned a velvet copper-colored couch with a mustard armchair and electric blue cushions. The color combo shouldn’t work, but somehow, they did. The Persian rug that covered the entire floor had all the colors in it and tied them all together. The paintings ranged from landscapes to portraits. Some were abstract, and others were realistic. There was also a gallery wall of mismatched frames with photos of Ashley, her sister, and her niece through the years.
She had plants, pottery, and knickknacks arranged on shelves and windowsills. Typically, I wasn’t a fan of clutter. The more objects there were, the more dirt could collect on things. The more dirt, the more contamination. But in this case, the space didn’t make me feel anxious. It made me feel relaxed. Ashley’s home felt like a hug, sort of like the woman herself.
The kitchen was clean, but unlike my home, where the appliances were all in designated storage spaces, Ashley had a coffee maker, toaster, and microwave on the counter. She also had a drying rack for dishes where there were five coffee mugs and three bowls. A dishtowel was on the counter, and there was a cookie jar on the top of the fridge that had the words: Life is Short Eat a Cookie on it.
I headed through the kitchen and made my way out to the screened-in back porch. As soon as I stepped into the room, I was transported back in time. I couldn’t believe what I saw. There were at least a dozen canvases painted with images of the first night we spent together six months ago, or at least that’s what it looked like to me. The first was a man seated at the bar. It was only a profile. He was wearing a white shirt with the sleeves rolled up and taking a drink out of a rocks glass. The background was blurred images. There was another of a man standing behind a woman, staring at their reflection in a window. The woman had long red hair and was wearing a form-fitting blue dress; the man was in a white shirt and black slacks. My favorite was of a man and woman in bed together. Her arms stretched above her head, him above her, his hand grasping her hip, his fingers digging into her flesh.
The style of the paintings was a hybrid of realism and romanticism. I knew that Ashley had a degree in fine art, but I had no idea she was an artist herself. She was very talented. Even if the subject matter weren’t so personal, it would have provoked emotion.
As I stared at each one, studying them, my phone rang, startling me. I pulled it out of my pocket and saw it was Hannah.
“Hell—"
“Where have you been all day?” She interrupted my greeting.
“My phone was turned off.” While I was in the hospital, I didn’t have my phone on. It had been turned off for the entire twelve hours, which may have contributed to my day being so relaxing.
“I know that. Where have you been?”
“I got married yesterday.” I didn’t feel the need to share that I’d spent the day in the hospital with my wife’s niece. I felt one bombshell was enough for this phone call.
“I didn’t know you and Serena were?—”
“I didn’t marry Serena.”
There was a beat of silence before she asked, “Who did you marry?”
“Ashley.”
“Ashley…Ashley, who?”
“Ashley Thompson.”
Another moment of silence passed between us before she continued, “I have so many questions, but they will have to wait. It’s Derek.”
“What happened?”
“He got another DUI.”
“Okay.”
“Harry has convinced him to go back to rehab. It will look good for him with the court if he does. But he’s asking for you. I don’t think he’ll go without you.”
“For me?” I repeated.
“Yes. Where are you?”
“I’m in Firefly.”
“What do you want me to tell him?”
What did I want her to tell him? I wanted her to tell him he could go fuck himself. He’d gotten himself into this mess; he could take his own ass to rehab. Why did he need me to hold his hand?
I checked the time. “I’ll be there by ten.”
“Okay, I’ll let Harry know.”
The doorbell rang, and I answered it. When I did, the kid seemed surprised to see me. Or maybe he was just surprised to see a man here at all, which would be good. I didn’t like the idea of other men answering Ashley’s door. After handing the delivery driver a generous tip, his surprise morphed into gratitude.
“Was that the door?” Ashley came down the stairs barefoot, wearing sweats, a t-shirt, and her hair pulled up in a messy bun. I don’t think I’d ever seen her look more beautiful.
I had the strongest urge to pull her into my arms. I didn’t for a few reasons. One, I was carrying a large pizza box. And two, I wasn’t clear on the boundaries in our relationship. I had noticed that she wasn’t wearing her ring. She’d taken it off in the car, and instead of putting it back on, she’d put it in her purse when we got to the hospital. That didn’t bode well for what she thought our relationship was.
“Oh, good. Pizza’s here. Perfect timing.” She followed me into the kitchen. “Luna’s just getting her pj’s on.”
I set the box on the counter and turned to face her. She stopped up short, almost crashing into me. I wouldn’t have minded if she had. I just wanted to touch her. Any part of her. I wanted to be close to her and have as much contact with her as possible.
“I have to go.”
“Oh, okay.”
Her expression remained unchanged. I couldn’t tell if she was relieved I was leaving or disappointed at the news. I did notice that she didn’t ask me why. For some reason, I wanted to tell her.
“My brother got in trouble again. He says he’ll go to rehab, but he’s asking for me.”
She nodded. “I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Luna’s dad had those issues…it’s a disease. It’s hard on the people close to them.”
Serena had never had any empathy when it came to Derek, not that I blamed her. Truth be told, I hadn’t given my brother much grace. But seeing the world through Ashley’s eyes was an entirely new experience.
Which reminded me… “I saw your paintings.”
Her face flushed with a deep shade of pink. “Oh, um, yeah, I did?—"
“They are incredible. You are very talented.”
“Thank you.” Her response was breathless.
Once again, I found myself leaning down, our mouths being pulled together like magnets, drawn to one another. Just as my lips brushed hers, there was the sound of a herd of elephants stampeding down the stairs.
“Lee Lee!” Luna shouted as she ran down the steps. I had no idea how one six-year-old could make that much noise. “Is the pizza here?”
Ashley took a step back. “It sure is.”
Luna came into the room wearing an oversized t-shirt that hung to her ankles, her hair still damp.
“It was nice coloring with you today, Luna. Congratulations on your baby brother.”
“Can’t you stay for pizza?” she asked.
“No, I actually have to go see my brother.”
“Oh, okay.” Her shoulders dropped, and it was clear she was disappointed. “Tell him I said hi.”
I nodded, not exactly agreeing.
Luna gave me a hug. “Bye, Uncle Declan.”
“Bye, Luna.” I hugged her back.
It was strange how natural it felt to have a niece. I’d never given it much thought since Raquel didn’t have a maternal bone in her body. When she let go, she immediately opened the pizza box as Ashley walked me to the door.
“Well, thanks for everything, husband.”
My lips curled in a grin. “You’re welcome, wife.”
It didn’t feel right just walking away, but I also didn’t feel like I could kiss her on the mouth, so I did what I had last time we were at this door: I leaned down and pressed my lips to her forehead. “Bye.”
“Bye.”
As I walked to my SUV, my chest ached, and I wanted to turn back and stay. For the first time in my life, I was torn between my family and business and my personal life, which was ironic since the only reason I had this personal life was because of my family and business.