First and Baby

20. A Walk in the Park with a Goat

20

A Walk in the Park with a Goat

“Nursing is not a career… it’s a post-apocalyptic survival skill.”

—Unknown

Natalie

I woke up in a strange room with a very warm, very large, very muscular arm draped possessively over me.

And I’d never felt happier.

My body ached in the most delicious way, and I had a feeling I would be walking crooked for at least the first half of the day, but I felt deliriously happy.

“Don’t leave,” Dylan mumbled, his face buried in his pillow.

“I don’t have any clothes here,” I whispered to him. “And I want to brush my teeth.”

“Don’t care. You still taste good to me,” he replied, his eyes still shut.

I kissed his cheek. “I’ll bring back breakfast.”

One eye cracked open. “Burritos?”

I nodded. “Do you like the bacon or the chorizo?”

“Chorizo, extra green salsa.” He didn’t move his arm to let me up though.

I kissed his cheek again and slid out of bed, he groaned as he lost touch of my skin, but that half-open eye followed me with a hunger that had absolutely nothing to do with breakfast burritos.

I threw on my clothes from the day before and quickly slid out of the bedroom. I paused at the crib, making sure that Ellie was still fast asleep. We’d both woken up once during the night to take care of her, but it was easier with a partner. Plus, being able to slide right back into bed afterwards and snuggle up to Dylan made the getting up feel worth it.

Penelope brayed softly at the bathroom door as I walked past, but I didn’t let her out. All she wanted to do was sit on the recliner and watch Supernatural . She was going to burn through all the seasons at this rate, and I wasn’t sure she would be okay doing a re-watch. It was better to let her sleep in for a little bit longer. I didn’t bother to put on shoes as I peeked out the front door and scampered back to my own apartment in the world’s quickest and easiest walk of shame.

I brushed my teeth, did a very fast shower so that I felt clean and sexy, threw on comfortable weekend clothes and then ran downstairs. Since it was a Monday, the burrito cart was out front of our building. I ordered three, all with extra green salsa before heading back upstairs with a friendly wave to the front desk worker.

I headed back upstairs, humming the entire way up the elevator. When I walked back into Dylan’s apartment, he had coffee going and a now awake baby in his arms. They both smiled when they saw me, making my heart suddenly feel too big and wonderful for my body.

A girl could get used to this.

“I have the day off,” Dylan reminded me. “And so do you.”

“I don’t think my aunt will mind if we go back to the lake house...”

He grinned, his eyes lighting up. “I was thinking of a date.”

I stopped with my coffee cup half way to my mouth. “A date?”

“Yeah, I know we’re kind of doing everything out of order here. A kid, sex, then a date, but...” He shrugged. “Can I ask you to dinner tonight?”

My heart sped up and words failed me as nerves hit for the first time. I’d already slept with the man. I was already taking care of his child and his goat, but a date sounded... serious. I swallowed hard.

“Who will watch Ellie?” I asked, remembering that he didn’t want to be seen in public with his daughter yet. Hopefully, the DNA results would be in soon, but I understood his need to keep the paparazzi away from this story for the time being.

“I already asked Alex. He said yes.”

I raised a skeptical eyebrow.

“I have to pay him double.” Dylan sighed and rubbed his forehead. “I had no idea how expensive kids were.”

I laughed at his expression, knowing that I had heard many a parent lament the cost of a good babysitter.

“So, are you in?”

I didn’t hesitate this time. “Yes. What do I need to wear?”

“If I said nothing...” He looked me up and down appreciatively.

“Then it wouldn’t be a date. Dates take place in restaurants or bowling alleys,” I informed him.

“Then it’s a good thing I have reservations at La Chez.”

I almost dropped my coffee mug, which would have been a true tragedy.

“You got reservations at La Chez?” I repeated. “Isn’t there a six week waiting list?”

He grinned and shrugged nonchalantly. “Not when you’re a world famous NFL player.”

“Oh. I guess that does come with some perks,” I agreed. I swallowed hard. At least I did have a dress that was appropriate for that nice of a restaurant. It was technically an old bridesmaid’s dress, but luckily the bride had chosen something that could actually be worn again.

“I’ll pick you up at six,” he said, then paused. “Although, you are welcome to stay here until it’s time to get ready. We’d love to have your company.”

Ellie gurgled that she too would like me to stay.

I grinned. “I would love that. Thank you.”

“I really hope you aren’t wearing that to La Chez.” Alex looked me up and down, his face judgmental and unimpressed.

I was still in my comfy sweats and t-shirt, my hair piled up mom-style on the top of my head. I didn’t have an ounce of makeup on my face and I smelled liked I’d spent the day taking care of a baby that liked to blurp milk onto my shirt, no matter how many burp clothes I put on my shoulder.

“You just have no sense of fashion,” I informed him, striking a model pose. “I’m told this is all the rage in Paris.”

“Yeah, for zombies,” Alex retorted with a sniff and a wince at my smell. I knew it wasn’t that bad. He was as bad as a little brother.

“Good thing you’re here early then,” I said, sticking my tongue out at him. “Watch me leave a mess and come back as Cinderella.”

“Don’t forget the pumpkin. Your goat will love it,” Alex said, walking past me and into the apartment to flop on the couch. He looked around the apartment. “Where’s my cutie-pie date for the night?”

“Your date is currently sleeping off her latest bottle,” I said, picking up my things to return back to my own apartment. “Dylan’s in the shower.”

“You should join him.” Alex wrinkled his nose again. “You really smell like baby barf.”

I rolled my eyes at him, but he didn’t see it. He was too busy hunting for the remote control to change the TV channel.

“I wouldn’t change the show,” I warned him. “Penelope only likes Supernatural . You may not like the results of watching something else.”

“Penelope is a goat. She will adapt,” Alex replied, holding up the remote victoriously as he pulled it from between two couch cushions. “Maybe she’ll even like my show better.”

“Good luck,” I warned with a shrug and headed back to my apartment to get beautiful.

I didn’t make it out of the door before I heard Alex shouting at Penelope to get off of him. I shook my head but didn’t stop walking. He could figure out what to do with the goat. I needed to get ready.

Luckily, I was just high maintenance enough to know how to look good, but low maintenance enough that I could do it fast. Well, relatively fast. I did minimal makeup, but took my time with a smokey cat-eye look. I didn’t bother to curl my hair, instead opting for a fancy-looking, but easy to do, french twist. My dress was dark red and strapless, with a slit up the thigh that made my legs look long and model-like.

I knew that I should probably wear heels, but I knew if I did I would be able to walk about three feet before they hurt my feet or I face-planted into a wall. So, nude flats for the win. I did not want to visit my workplace with an injury because I chose to wear inappropriate sexy shoes.

I double checked that I had indeed pulled off a Cinderella-worthy transformation and checked my watch to see I had minutes to spare. Just enough time to add some gold jewelry to make everything sparkle. Oh, and spray on a little bit of fancy perfume my aunt had bought me in France last year.

I finished the final touches just as the doorbell rang. I schooled my face into what I hoped was seductive and opened the door to see Alex with a baby on his hip and Dylan’s front door hanging open.

“Where’s Dylan?” I asked, looking up and down the hallway. A roll of toilet paper decorated the hallway now, looping up and down the hallway in a messy pattern. It looked like an entire roll of paper towels had also been flung around as decoration for a terrible party.

“He’s chasing the goat.”

I slowly turned from the toilet paper mess to look at Alex. “What happened?”

“So... Penelope did not like my TV show...” He hefted Ellie up on his hip, looking everywhere but at me. “And so she threw a fit. I didn’t know goats could throw temper tantrums, but she did. She got the toilet paper and...” He motioned to the mess in the hallway.

“And then?”

“And then she snuck onto the elevator. I don’t even know how she did it, but that goat knew what buttons to press to make the door open!” he exclaimed. His cheeks were flushed and his voice had a tinge of panic rising with every word. “Dylan went after her, but...”

“I’ll go help Dylan,” I said, suddenly very glad I’d gone with the flats rather than the heels. “You clean this up and watch Ellie. I’ll help Dylan catch Penelope, and then we can head out on our date once we have her.”

I hit the elevator button and rode down, noticing that the paper products were not in the elevator. At least Penelope was nice enough to leave them all upstairs in the hallway.

“I told him not to turn off her show,” I said under my breath, walking quickly through the apartment building’s lobby. It was busy with evening traffic, everyone coming home from work and preparing for dinner, I hurried toward the front door where I could see Dylan’s silhouette against the darkening sky outside.

“Dylan? Did you find her?” I asked, hurrying to join him on the sidewalk.

“Not yet.” He turned to face me and stopped, going completely still. He looked me up and down, opened and closed his mouth twice, and then finally said, “Wow. You look amazing.”

I blushed at the compliment, but before I could tell him how handsome he looked in his suit with his hair brushed back, Penelope tried to walk into oncoming traffic. “There she is!” I shouted. We both moved to get her out of the street, but she saw us coming and decided that we needed to play chase.

Without another word, we both took off after the goat. My feet slapped against the pavement as I tried to keep up with Dylan, who was surprisingly fast for someone in formal wear, but then I remembered that he did this for a living while wearing pads.

Penelope was nimble, weaving between pedestrians and dodging hot dog carts with the agility of a seasoned New York cabby. She bleated defiantly as she led us on a merry chase through the busy streets, drawing bewildered looks from passersby. Some people cheered us on, while others just stared as if seeing two people in formal wear chase a goat was a totally normal part of their day.

Maybe it was normal in Nebraska.

She slowed at a corner, deciding if she wanted to head into the park or down the alleyway. Both were good options for her- the park was full of grass and open spaces, but the alley had a trashcan full of restaurant leftovers.

“Penelope, come here,” I called, making the clicking noise my aunt made when she took her up the elevator to the rooftop. “Come here, baby girl. I will get you all the cabbage you want if you come here.”

Penelope took a small step toward me. Dylan moved off to the side, obviously setting up a play. I wondered if he was going to tackle Penelope like he was a linebacker instead of a tight end.

“That’s it, girl...” I coaxed, squatting low and holding my hand out to her. I suddenly realized that I didn’t bring her leash. I didn’t have a halter, a rope, or anything to walk her back home with. I hoped that Dylan was wearing a belt or the walk home was going to be very interesting.

A car honked, probably because a man in a suit was about to tackle a woman in a dress talking to a goat. It was lucky no one had called the police on us yet. Unfortunately, the noise spooked Penelope and she bolted for the park. We both sighed and took off running.

Dylan, slightly ahead, glanced back with a grin. “I can’t believe this is happening. You know, I did not have chasing livestock through the city on the agenda for our date tonight.”

Somehow though, that seemed to fit with our lives in a way that made me feel happy.

“There’s a first for everything!” I called back, laughter bubbling up from deep in my chest. Despite the insanity of it all, I felt a strange sense of joy. I wouldn’t want to be chasing a goat down with anyone else. I definitely would have preferred to be eating a fancy meal at a fancy restaurant, but this wasn’t awful. It wasn’t a bad time, but the only reason it was good was because it was with Dylan.

We chased her deeper into the park, running along the walking paths in our dress clothes and passing people walking their dogs and pushing babies in strollers. Dylan was crazy fast, but I managed to keep up. I did have practice chasing patients down the halls, so this felt surprisingly familiar.

We both spotted the goat stopping to take a drink from the decorative fountain in the middle of the park. It was a huge cement fountain, the kind that kids threw pennies in to make a wish and Penelope was up on the sitting space, her head lowered as she took a deep drink.

Dylan and I slowed, not wanting to spook her again.

“Okay, so you distract her, and I’ll… tackle her?” Dylan suggested, clearly unsure of his own plan.

I laughed again, shaking my head. “Distract her with what? My charm?”

“Couldn’t hurt to try. You are quite charming.”

“You’re the one with goatskin experience,” I countered.

He turned, clearly confused. “Goatskin?”

“Isn’t that what they call the football?” I asked, suddenly pretty sure that wasn’t one of the nicknames for a football.

“Pigskin,” Dylan corrected me with a laugh. His shoulders shook as he tried to keep the laughter contained. “I play the pigskin.”

“Same difference.” Rolling my eyes but still smiling, I gingerly approached the fountain. I was so close I could almost touch her. “Penelope,” I cooed, trying to sound soothing. “Why don’t you come down from there and—”

Before I could finish, Penelope let out a triumphant bleat and jumped into the water, splashing water everywhere and all over me. My squawk of surprise made her jump again, this time out of the fountain and directly into Dylan’s knees.

“Watch out!” I shouted, but it was too late. The goat barreled into Dylan’s legs, sending him stumbling backward into a nearby bench with an undignified oof . It was a tackle fit for the NFL.

“Are you okay?” I asked, trying to keep my giggles contained as he lay flat on his back in the dirt.

Penelope stood just off to the side, munching on a patch of grass like this was a completely normal thing to do.

“I’m just really glad Coach didn’t see that,” Dylan grumbled, rolling to his side and getting up. He had dirt all down his back, across his knees, and his hair was a mess. I had a feeling I didn’t look much better.

“Well,” I said, looking down at my water-splattered dress, “I don’t think we’re making it to the restaurant.”

Dylan chuckled, reaching over and smoothing a huge strand of hair out of my face. I could feel my hair falling out of the up-do and catching in the late summer wind. “Probably not.”

We stood there for a moment, catching our breath and trying to process the absurdity of it all. Finally, Dylan turned to me with a sheepish grin. “We can still do dinner. Maybe somewhere where they serve goat?”

I laughed, knowing that he was joking. Although, I did know a kebab place that made the best lamb. That probably counted.

Dylan slipped off his belt, and I let my eyes watch the movement, suddenly hungry for something that had nothing to do with food. With a smooth and easy motion, he had his belt wrapped around Penelope’s neck like a leash. She didn’t balk or bleat. She let us catch her easily now that she had eaten some grass and had some fountain water. She walked docile alongside us like a very strange pet dog as we exited the park and returned to the apartment.

Alex snapped to attention as we entered the apartment, relief and then horror crossing his face as he saw us march the goat in.

“What happened to you guys?” he asked, his eyes wide as he looked us over.

“We have decided to order in for the night,” I said.