For Once In My Life

Chapter 23

‘Do you think we’re going to go to that secret pub?’ said Shazza to Kitty, as they stood on the boardwalk, watching Sadie, Fergal and Tom tie up Pansy-Pearl.

‘Where can it be?’ said Kitty. ‘Surely we know every pub around here…’

‘A secret pub, though,’ said Shazza, excited. ‘Like a hidden, underground place, full of spies and smugglers…’ She clutched Kitty’s arm as Tom, Fergal and Sadie walked towards them.

‘Ladies,’ said Fergal, ‘are you ready for a drink? Fancy a little sundowner?’

They both nodded.

Kitty felt a million miles away from her house, and her old life, as though she’d stepped into another world.

‘Right, onwards,’ said Tom. ‘To The Grace O’Malley!’

They walked along the wooden boardwalk, and the old granite wall of the harbour, but instead of turning left to the yacht club, they turned right, to where the old fish factory used to be, on the end of the old pier. As far as Kitty knew, the place hadn’t been used for years and years, and from the outside, it looked disused and dilapidated, but as they drew closer, they could hear the sound of music and voices.

The door was on the far end of the building and there was a shabby, green-painted metal riveted door, with the hand-daubed painted words ‘The Grace O’Malley’.

‘Ladies…’ Fergal stood to one side as Sadie, Shazza and Kitty entered.

It was like nothing Kitty had ever seen before, the place didn’t seem like a pub at all, but a party. There were the old counters which were now used as a bar, with Guinness and beer being served straight from the barrel. A man in denim shorts and a sleeveless T-shirt was pouring shots for a group, all of whom had the same sun-kissed glow Kitty and her new friends had. The place was lit only by hurricane lamps which were hung from rope from the ceiling. Over in one corner, there was a DJ, and people danced or talked, or sat in groups on plastic garden chairs or old park benches.

Shazza and Kitty looked at each other. ‘How did we not know about this place?’ asked Kitty.

‘Because it’s secret,’ said Tom, smiling back at them. ‘But you’re in on it now.’

‘You passed your initiation,’ said Fergal.

‘Right, what’s everyone having?’ Tom took their orders and while the rest of them found somewhere to sit, he disappeared to the bar.

They found an old-school PE bench and Fergal balanced himself on an orange buoy. ‘Good for the core,’ he said, wobbling around.

Somehow, they had bonded and felt like old and the very best of friends, as though they had known each other forever, as though the sea had cast a spell.

‘We’ve fallen down the rabbit hole,’ said Kitty to Tom, when he returned with a tray of cocktails.

He nodded, immediately understanding. ‘Like Alice In Wonderland. It’s exactly what it feels like. Enjoying yourself?’

She nodded. ‘I love it…’ The place was filthy and smelled of long-ago fish and the bench they were sitting on was dirty and probably had mould and woodworm and all sorts of lurking things, and back in the real world, away from The Grace O’Malley, Kitty would have been disgusted and demanded something to wipe it down, but for some reason it didn’t matter. She smiled at Tom.

‘Not a bad way of filling in time…’ he said.

Kitty didn’t mind him teasing her. She liked it. There was no edge to him, she realised. ‘No, it’s not a bad way… I could fill in my time very easily like today…’

‘Well, then it would be called living,’ he said.

Sadie and Fergal began dancing together and for a moment Kitty watched them, wishing Dave was the kind of man who danced with her, but she pushed the thought away as she didn’t want to think about him and everything that was wrong with them, not after this glorious day.

‘I like it here,’ said Shazza. ‘I’m going to come all the time…’

‘But it doesn’t happen all the time,’ said Tom. ‘It only happens when you want it to… when you need the secret pub, it appears.’

Shazza couldn’t quite work out if he was joking or not. ‘Well, I needed it.’ She slightly drunkenly tugged the sleeve of his T-shirt. ‘Thanks for inviting us,’ she said.

‘My pleasure… it was only to get Kitty out of the house…’

Kitty could tell from his body language that he was teasing her again.

‘We don’t want her going mad while her life is on hold.’

‘God knows why she is waiting for him,’ said Shazza. ‘I’d have kicked him out years ago… you know what Kitty’s problem is? She’s too nice…’ Shazza rested her head on Kitty’s shoulder. ‘It breaks my heart to see it because she deserves so much better…’

‘Shazza…’ began Kitty.

‘And it breaks my heart to think of your brother,’ Shazza carried on. ‘When did he die?’

‘Five years ago,’ Tom said, looking at her steadily. ‘He was everything I wished I could be. He had brains to burn and could charm the birds. Everyone loved him. He was my hero, you know? I looked up to him… and he looked after us. He was the best.’

‘You poor things,’ Shazza said. ‘You and Rory… you must be devastated.’

Tom nodded. ‘We are… we’ll always be…’

‘Sorry for making you talk about him…’ said Shazza, teary-eyed. ‘The world is so cruel…’

‘Sometimes it is…’ said Tom.

‘It’s full of good people like Paddy who die… and then people like Mr Unmentionable who lie…’

Tom nodded again. ‘It’s called humanity…’

‘Yes, but it’s not fair…’ Shazza said. ‘I’m sorry. I was having a nice evening and then I started thinking about everything again. The best thing is not to think…’

‘But if you don’t think, how will you learn? Thinking is part of the process… thinking means you are alive.’

Kitty looked at Tom, hoping he wasn’t upset, but he seemed amused more than anything, and concerned for Shazza. She stood to buy another round and as she stood at the bar, waiting to give her order, Tom stepped in beside her.

‘Thought you might need a hand,’ he said, shouting over the music and the noise.

She nodded. ‘Thank you…’ They stood there, smiling at each other, Kitty taking Tom in, and Tom taking her in, as though wanting to remember and recall exactly what the other looked like.

The barman began lining up the drinks on the counter behind her, and as they both reached for them, Tom’s hand brushed Kitty’s and then, somehow, he was holding her hand and she was holding his, his eyes momentarily on hers, and she felt as though she had landed at the bottom of the rabbit hole with a thump, everything slowed, the music deadened, just his eyes on hers. And then, they were carrying the drinks back, her following Tom through the bodies and the people, back to Fergal, Sadie and Shazza, and she could still feel his hand on hers. They all spent the rest of the evening talking and laughing, telling stories, filling each other in on who they were, what they wanted out of life, where they wanted to go, all the wisdom they had accrued so far… the usual wonderful intensities that only being young and a little inebriated can foster.

Finally, it felt as though they would have to surface and go home. Outside the bar, the five of them stood, swaying slightly, the sound of the music from The Grace O’Malley, the noise of the voices, the unreal feeling of being in the world but away from it, still lingering.

Fergal and Sadie hugged them goodbye. ‘We’re getting a taxi,’ said Sadie. ‘But come out with us another time?’

Shazza was nodding. ‘I only sail on Pansy-Pearl,’ she slurred. ‘Nothing else will do. It’s Pansy-Pearl for me!’

Shazza, Kitty and Tom walked back to Sandycove, talking as though they’d been friends forever.

‘Don’t tell Tara we were drinking,’ said Shazza, as they stood outside her house. ‘She’ll go mad and blame our next loss on the alcohol…’

Tom laughed. ‘Oh, I don’t think our next loss can be blamed on alcohol…’

Kitty hugged Shazza goodbye.

‘I totally and completely love you,’ said Shazza. ‘You know you deserve so much better than that eejit Dave… he’s like… he’s like…’ She flailed around, her arms stretched out, and stumbled a little. ‘He’s like the biggest IDIOT IN THE VILLAGE!’ Her voice echoed around the street. ‘Did you hear me, SANDYCOVE?’ She shouted again into the blackout world, lit only by stars and a sliver of a moon. ‘DAVE IS THE BIGGEST IDIOT IN THIS AND EVERY VILLAGE IN THE WORLD!’ She then toppled to the floor laughing. ‘Oh my God,’ she said, ‘how I love my life… my lovely life with my best friend and how we have fun. Her too little, me too much and now just right!’

Curtains began to twitch, and a bedroom light in the house next door had been switched on. Kitty pulled her up with both hands.

‘I’d better go to bed,’ said Shazza, in a still too-loud voice. ‘If I am to have a little less fun, then it’s time for bed, is it not? Isn’t that sensible and grown-up of me? Don’t you think so, Tom? Amn’t I sensible?’

‘Very,’ he said. ‘Come on, where’s your key?’

She handed it to him and he went through her small front garden, opened the front door, turned on the hall light, and stood to one side.

‘Thank you, kind, sweet man,’ said Shazza, hugging him. ‘Kind Sweetman!’ And she began to laugh. ‘I love you two,’ she said, standing at the door. ‘You look very nice together, standing in the light of the moon. So long! Farewell! Auf wiedersehen!’ She began blowing kisses.

When her door was closed, Kitty and Tom stood for a moment looking at each other. Kitty knew she was smiling, her whole body fizzing with energy. Whatever they had drunk in the secret bar was sensational.

‘You don’t have to walk me home,’ she said. ‘I don’t live too far.’

He was looking at her with the same kind of smile as she knew she had.

‘But how will I know if you got home safely?’ he said. ‘I’d be worried.’

And she suddenly laughed at the sweetness of him, thinking how nice it was that someone cared and she didn’t allow herself to think about Dave and how he’d never cared how or if she got home. There was a giddiness between her and Tom as though they were in the middle of some great adventure and it felt so natural to slip her arm through his as they made their way along Harbour Road towards Kitty’s house.

‘So… good day?’ asked Tom.

‘You have no idea,’ said Kitty. ‘I didn’t even know it was possible to have days like this. It was…’ She couldn’t think of exactly the right word to sum it all up. ‘It was magical.’

He laughed. ‘It was,’ he said. ‘And on days like this, I remember to think how lucky I am to be alive, you know?’

Kitty was nodding. ‘Absolutely. It’s as though everything in the world is right… ordered, perfect and there is nothing you need to do to make it better. It just is.’ They had arrived on Sea Road and her little house on the corner. ‘Here’s me…’

They stood for a second, looking at each other.

She assumed he was going to hug her, just as he had with Shazza, but he didn’t. Instead, he gently kissed her cheek. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow, for Sunday lunch?’

She nodded. ‘Thanks again, Tom…’

And he stood, lit by the street light, as she fumbled for her key and let herself into her door, realising that she’d had the best day of her life.