For Once In My Life

Chapter 50

It was a warm summer’s Friday evening when Kitty, Shazza and Tara gathered in the changing rooms before their match.

‘So, how are you feeling?’ asked Shazza to Tara. ‘Worried about losing?’

‘I gave myself a good talking-to, internally,’ said Tara, sitting on the bench, her football socks pulled up smooth, her long legs stretched out. ‘Trying to tell myself that these matches aren’t important, that it’s not the winning, it’s the?—’

‘Not being an arse…’ finished Shazza. ‘That’s my new motto. Winning, losing, none of it matters, it’s just try not to be an arse while you’re at it.’ Shazza turned to Kitty. ‘Do you have a new motto these days?’

Kitty nodded. ‘Don’t force someone to marry you who doesn’t want to…’

Shazza nodded. ‘Sage advice. Or their mother might attack you. My other new motto is, don’t tell everyone you’re incarcerated in a virtual nunnery if you have no intention of staying in there…’

‘Rory,’ said Kitty.

‘Rory?’ said Tara, smiling. ‘He’s a very nice man. I approve.’

‘Yes, he is nice,’ said Shazza. ‘And he’s single-handedly transformed my feelings about men. Turns out some of them are actually quite lovely indeed. But my real motto, said by some clever philosopher, is life is a rollercoaster and you’ve just got to ride it…’

Tara stood up. ‘Come on,’ she said, ‘it’s time to play…’

The three of them left the changing room, arm in arm singing ‘Life Is A Rollercoaster’.

Billy was standing at the side of the pitch. ‘Just thought I’d cheer you on,’ he said, smiling at Kitty.

‘Thanks, Dad,’ she said.

‘Now, remember, what did I say about focus, about the ball…?’

‘Be in the moment, the ball is just a representation of my energy…’ Kitty replied.

‘Exactly,’ said Tara. ‘That’s exactly what it is.’

‘Go on,’ said Billy. ‘Go and show the Glenageary Goers why Sandycove is the best…’ He put his arms out to hug Kitty and she allowed him to fold them around her and he kissed the top of her head. ‘Chip off the old block,’ he said. ‘All my good points and none of my bad.’

‘Thanks, Dad,’ Kitty said, smiling when he released her. ‘But I don’t think you have very many bad points. None that I’ve noticed, anyway.’

He grinned back at her, his face lighting up suddenly. ‘Selective memory, eh?’

‘Maybe…’ She smiled at him, as the girls ran onto the pitch and joined Tom and Rory. Kitty turned to him, feeling slightly nervous. Perhaps, there was nothing between them? Perhaps they would just be friends. But he, for some reason, seemed as nervous as she.

‘How did it go earlier?’ he asked.

Kitty put her thumb up. ‘Couldn’t have gone better.’

‘Brilliant,’ he said, ‘but I’m not surprised. And Juliet and Romeo are both doing well. They can go home tomorrow…’

Kitty was just about to answer when she heard someone call her name and over at the stand, sitting on one of the plastic flip-down chairs, was Catherine.

‘It’s my mum,’ she explained to Tom. ‘I’d better go and say hello.’

‘Thought I would see my footballer daughter,’ said Catherine, after Kitty had hugged her. ‘Now I am no longer gainfully employed.’

‘How are you feeling?’

‘Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m going to take a few weeks’ holiday and then see what else is out there for me. Now, tell me, how was the pitch?’

‘We won!’ Kitty felt quite tearful. None of it had sunk in.

‘That’s wonderful!’ Catherine hugged her again.

Tara blew her whistle.

‘I’d better go,’ said Kitty. ‘Are you going to stay for the whole match?’

‘Of course I am,’ said Catherine, just as Billy came over.

‘If you’re staying,’ he said, ‘then maybe you would like some company?’

‘That would be very nice,’ said Catherine. And Kitty jogged back to her team, thinking how strange it was to have both of her parents, sitting together, as though they were old friends, which was, of course, what they were. Time was a great healer. Heart and soul were all you needed. Love was all around.

Right. Time to focus. Kitty took a moment to breathe, to centre herself, to listen to the sounds of cars far away, the sound of the voices from the other team, Shazza and Rory laughing, Billy’s ball which he was kicking around while he waited, and her heart beating. I am alive, she thought. I am living.

The referee blew her whistle, and they were off, Kitty focused on the game. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d enjoyed herself this much. And, by the way, they lost. The Glenageary Goers won 3-2.

After it was all over, Kitty ran over to Catherine and Billy. It was strange but also lovely to see her parents together, two old friends, comfortable in each other’s presence. She smiled at them both.

‘I thought you played brilliantly,’ said Catherine. ‘You had great… what’s the word? Conviction?’

‘She’s someone to be proud of,’ said Billy. ‘I think your ball skills are improving. I think another few training sessions and you’ll be scoring goals all the time. I’m going to write everything down, stop being unreliable.’

Catherine let out a laugh. ‘Well, that would be nice to see,’ she said.

‘Wonders never cease,’ said Billy. ‘You’ll see.’

And the two of them smiled at each other. It was quite nice seeing your divorced parents being kind to each other, thought Kitty, as she walked back to the changing room. And yes, he probably would let her down again, but her perfectionism and his unreliability might meet in the middle somehow and cancel one another out.

‘I’ve got to rush,’ said Tara. ‘I’ve got a hot date… I’ll let you know how it goes next time I see you both. Training on Tuesday?’

‘Glad you’re still going to score after all,’ said Shazza, making Tara laugh again. ‘We know how competitive you are.’

‘Not as much as I used to be,’ said Tara. ‘I’ve learned it’s not all about winning… I mean, I still hate losing… but you two have made me more comfortable with this alien concept.’

‘Everyone should spend time with losers like us,’ announced Shazza, happily. ‘We’re good for the soul!’

Tara laughed again. ‘You two are,’ she said. ‘And you’re not losers either. You are just more comfortable that not everything goes your way all the time. You’re psychologically healthy.’

Kitty and Shazza preened happily. ‘Psychologically healthy, eh?’ said Shazza. ‘First time that’s ever been said about me.’

‘Or me,’ agreed Kitty.

‘But you are,’ said Tara, ‘both of you. You know how to enjoy yourselves, you don’t pretend to have everything perfectly sorted, you’re open to new things, you don’t mind embarrassing yourself or looking foolish…’

‘Luckily,’ said Kitty.

‘And you’re both great fun to be around,’ added Tara. ‘I’ve enjoyed losing with you two far more than I’ve ever enjoyed winning with the other teams.’

‘That kind of sounds like a compliment,’ said Shazza.

‘It is,’ said Tara, ‘believe me.’

They walked out of the changing room and there was Rory and Tom walking towards them. Tom was smiling, just at her, and she smiled back, her heart and soul being as full as they possibly could be. Shazza ran up to Rory and Tom and chatted with them, while Kitty said goodbye to Tara.

‘Good luck on your date,’ she said.

‘I’m learning to keep my ambitions low,’ said Tara as she made her way across the grass, back to the car park.

Shazza, flanked by Tom and Rory, came over.

‘I come bearing good news,’ said Shazza. ‘Go on, Tom. Tell Kitty.’

He looked a little shy, as though he wasn’t quite sure what Kitty’s reaction was going to be.

‘Fergal texted earlier,’ he said. ‘He and Sadie are taking Pansy-Pearl for an evening sail. Does…’ – he paused and looked straight at Kitty – ‘…anyone want to come?’

‘We’ll come,’ said Shazza, immediately. ‘Won’t we, Kitty?’

‘I’d love to,’ she said to Tom, looking straight at him, smile as wide as her heart at that moment. Shazza and Rory began walking towards the car park, to Rory’s van.

‘Good…’ Tom smiled back at Kitty. ‘Because I’m not going if you don’t…’

‘And I’m not going if you don’t…’ she said.

‘In fact there’s lots of things I want to do with you…’

‘Me too…’

‘And there’s lot of things I don’t want to do with anyone else but you…’

‘Nor me…’ Her throat was dry.

‘Come on then,’ he said. ‘Let’s go sailing…’

Kitty felt almost fluttery and breathless as they walked to Rory’s van. Tom held out his hand, catching hers in his. ‘All right?’

Kitty wondered if this was one of those moments in life when you were on the cusp of something new, that twist of fate, that turn in the universe when heart and soul are in perfect harmony and you found your flow. Whatever the future held for her and Tom, she was going to make sure she enjoyed every second.

‘Yes,’ she said. ‘Completely. You?’

He nodded, smiling at her. ‘Yeah… couldn’t be better. My wild and precious life and all that.’

‘It is,’ she said. ‘That’s exactly what life is. Wild and precious. Not to be wasted.’

‘Not a single moment.’ He squeezed her hand.

Later, under that still-bright sky, which was only darkening at the edges, Pansy-Pearl made her way through the deepening navy-blue water of Dublin Bay, the wind catching her sail and tugging them out to sea. Fergal was at the wheel, peering through the sails, his eyes on the horizon, Shazza and Rory were at the back of the boat giggling and poking each other. Kitty sat at the front, her bare feet over the edge, the spray of the water splashing her toes, the breeze in her hair. She felt invincible, and Shazza had been right, you didn’t need to have a perfect life to feel that you had enough. Just enough frills was more than enough. It was strange how bright the world was, from here, on this little boat. They could keep going and follow the sun. You need never run out of day.

‘You look as though you are having deep thoughts…’ Tom slipped down beside her, his feet dangling off the edge of the boat, his thigh close to hers.

‘I was just thinking that we could keep on sailing,’ she said. ‘Go forward into tomorrow or back to yesterday?’

He laughed. ‘You mean, cross the International Date Line? I don’t think Pansy-Pearl is fast enough.’

‘It’s just the idea that we can do anything. We’re not stuck,’ she said. ‘We can do so much more than we think.’

‘We can.’ He grinned at her. ‘We really can.’

‘Life is beautiful,’ she said. ‘Even the messy bits, the things you can’t tidy up.’

‘There is a crack in everything,’ he said, ‘that is how the light gets in…’ He took her hand in his. ‘It’s been quite an adventure getting to know you. And to think it started with volunteering for a football match.’ He put his arm around her shoulders, and lightly kissed the top of her head, as they sailed into the glittering sunset.