For Pucking Keeps: A Hockey Romance (The Seattle Vipers Series Book 1)

20. Tor

TWENTY

“You want to talk about it? Or are you going to shoot laser beams out of your eyes until you crack the barbell in half.” Ridley’s voice pulls me from my thoughts of Jaz as I stare blankly at the ceiling. The Vipers mascot logo hovers above me, bright blues and vivid greens bleed together as I blink and regain focus. I lift my eyes higher, Ridley’s upside down face comes into view with a waiting smirk.

I grab the barbell and lift it. Ridley shifts into spotting position as I take out my aggression and frustration on my arms. “I don’t”—lift up—“want”—drop down—“to talk”—lift up—“about it”—drop down.

I keep going in silence for a while. In Ridley’s fashion he doesn’t push me to talk. He just stands there spotting me, waiting for me to talk. Normally I launch right into my troubles, whatever they may be, but how can I talk about something when I can’t pinpoint the problem myself?

Something is off with Jaz, and I feel I’m to blame. The moment I told her I loved her, that’s when things started to change. I felt the shift in her demeanor, her body language and the way she kept herself busy with writing for most of yesterday. The only time she can”t deny anything is wrong is when I’m inside of her, when she cums so beautifully, letting go of whatever it is that’s holding her back and giving herself to me.

I blow out a breath, my arm muscles feel like jelly as Ridley helps me guide the weights into place. I know I need to talk about this to someone and there are only a handful of people I feel comfortable enough to have this conversation with. I sit up and stretch my arms out as Ridley sits on the bench next to me with a set of hand weights. He sets them down and sits up expectantly, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Spill it, Bailey, before I lose interest and go looking for Devan instead,” he says, feigning boredom as he does a set, alternating between arms. Little does he know, maybe he should be having a conversation with Devan. Especially when it comes to Lia. But maybe I’ll keep my mouth closed about those two and be a spectator for once.

“I told Jaz that I love her.” I let the words fall out of my mouth in a rushed whisper, keeping our discussion as private as possible.

Ridley’s eyes raise, his head tilts slightly as he nods his head in understanding. He drops his weight and gives me his full attention. “Okay, I’m not going to pretend I’m lifting. Man talk it is.” He crosses his arms again. “So, you told her you loved her anndddd.” He moves his hands in a circle to encourage me to continue.

Allowing myself a few minutes of vulnerability, I let my feelings fly. “I didn’t need her to say it back, because Ridley, I can feel her feelings. I know I sound absolutely ridiculous, but I know she loves me too. Actions, you know?” I pause as he nods his agreement.

“Normally, on a day off we get lost somewhere in the city, spend the day together, you know, make up for the time we lose. But I woke and she wasn’t next to me. The distance felt like a fucking fissure splitting us apart as she stayed glued to her laptop. I know her work is important. I would never get between her and her writing. But damn, it hurt, to be so close, yet so far away when we barely see each other right now.”

I sigh and snatch up my towel and wipe the sweat from my face. “I finally managed to pull her away in the evening, we watched movies, cooked dinner together, but she was still distant.” I look up at him as if he has all the answers. I am ready to hang on to his every word. Not so long ago I was the listening ear when he and Brea were together. I used to think nothing could go wrong between the two of them—the perfect couple. The outcome of Ridley’s relationship proves the fragility of love and how we precariously walk a fine line between the crash and burn and what we consider happily ever after.

“Did you ask her what’s wrong? Or did you just dick her down as much as you could without actually talking?” he asks bending forward and resting his elbows on his knees. I can already tell he is losing patience with me.

I shrug. “Both.”

Ridley tsks and rolls his eyes.

“But I asked her to talk to me first. She said she’s just stressed, and I believed her. The stress of her book deadline is getting to her. She’s working tirelessly to make up for lost time after all the delays because of her ex.” I move my hand around animatedly, garnering raised brows from my teammates on nearby cardio machines. I am sure they are silently getting a kick out of me unravelling over a woman. Probably never thought they’d witness their captain having a freak out of this magnitude. Well they can witness my downfall because I regret nothing, especially when it comes to Jaz.

“Do you think it’s about the ex? Maybe there’s some residual crap from whatever he did that’s holding her back,” he asks suggestively, and I pause, thinking through what he just said.

“I don’t think so,” I say after a significant pause, then it hits me. I snap my fingers as something she mentioned yesterday comes to mind. “She’s been nominated for this Lit! Award, I’m not sure what it is, but apparently it’s a big event. Ahh, it’s happening in a few weeks, right before Christmas. Jaz hesitated to tell me at first, but he will be there, along with the ex-best friend he cheated on her with. She asked me to go with her. Thank goodness we don’t have a game that Sunday because I will be damned if I let her face him alone.”

Ridley chuckles. “Damn, well, maybe that’s it. Mostly, it was your I love you word vomit.” He pauses, lost in his own memories before he speaks again. “I think you need to give her time. You say you can feel it, then let it go. Let her come to you. Above all else, communicate with her, just because she’s contemplative and quiet doesn’t mean you have to be.” He points an accusatory finger in my direction as if I’ve already caused the offense of noncommunication. I guess I have throughout our friendship.

“I get it, I need to be patient.” I hold up my hands in surrender as relief washes over me. Sometimes talking things through with an uninvested third party helps. Well, maybe Ridley is not as uninvested as I think he is. He is pushing his way through his discomfort on this subject yet again to help me. When the time comes and he finally musters up the courage to get his girl back, I’ll do the same for him.

“Yes, captain Bailey, not all of us can be an overachiever. You just had to say “I love you” first. Poor woman was probably plotting her escape,” Ridley teases but when I don’t find it funny, he doubles over, his laughter echoing around the room.

He better be glad he’s my best friend. I smile, because him smiling and laughing freely is always a sight to see these days.

“I’m glad you find my situation amusing,” I huff out like a petulant child.

“Hey, are you two going to keep cackling like gossiping hens are or you actually going to train today!” Coach George shouts from across the room, making Rid and I jump back into our routines.

“You coming to Lia’s party tonight?” Ridley asks quickly before we are reprimanded by our very irritated conditioning coach again.

“You know I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I scoop up my towel and water. “Thanks, Rid,” I say as I leave him to his hand weights.

“Someone’s got to help you keep your head on straight,” he replies.

“Watch your step, baby.” Tor holds his hand out to me as I make my way across my front porch. I take the short distance between us to admire the way his jeans cling to his thick, muscular thighs, his brown boots, and dark grey cable knit sweat stretching over his broad chest and shoulders. His beard is freshly trimmed to perfection. His locs, slightly longer now, hang sexily over one side of his head. Torrance Bailey is hot without trying, and he knows it. How is he my life? How the hell did I get so lucky? My man is delicious, and I want to walk him right back inside and peel those clothes off. Maybe we can be fashionably late.

As if he can read my mind Tor clears his throat. “Keep looking at me like that, Miss Starr, and you and I can make good with all those dirty thoughts running through your mind.” He winks, adjusting his stance and making me zero in on the growing bulge in his pants.

“Truth,” I say instead of promise, knowing that he will know exactly what I mean.

“As soon as we give Lia her gifts and we mingle for a bit. Always, Supernova.” He waits until I lift the hem of my royal blue long sleeve maxi dress, then he takes my hand in his as I make my way down the steps and next door to Lia’s.

The sun has been hidden behind a grey hazy sky all day, the brisk chill in the air threatens snow. The evening is slowly making its way to night as the telltale signs of the holiday season are upon us. With Christmas only a month away, some of our neighbors already have lights decorating their homes. Any day now I will get to experience a real winter. A thought that has me bringing up my next topic of discussion as we cut across my front lawn.

“Tor?” I ask as the sound of the music coming from next door filters out into the evening. A thrill runs through me as I begin to bob my head to the familiar tune. The excitement of being out, even if its next door, supersedes what I was about to say.

I take in the luxury sports cars and SUVs of Tor’s teammates lining the streets and I pick up my pace. I’ve been so consumed with my book that I feel like I am finally coming up to breathe air. Social interaction is definitely on the cards. Big burly hockey players are hilarious, especially after a few drinks. I mean, self-care is important in all forms.

Tor laughs as I begin to sway beside him. “Jaz,” he replies as I practically skip to the beat of the music.

“Yeah,” I reply as we go round the driveway and head up the path to Lia’s house. The large two-story blue, white, with red trimming, Queen Anne Victorian is yet another beautiful historic home on our block.

“You said my name back there, like you intended to say something,” he says, catching my arm and stopping my progress on the large, manicured lawn. Tor pulls me close, so close our chests bump gently, and the music is forgotten. The close proximity and the smell of his rich masculine scent has me clutching to the front of his sweater as I sway to the beat of our own sensual melody.

I wait for my thoughts to clear, before I remember what it is I wanted to say. When it comes to me, a slow knowing smile spreads across my face. He’s going to love this. “I was just thinking that I should move into the penthouse over the winter.” I watch his eyes widen at the suggestion, his nostrils flare as he releases my wrist and wraps his arms around me possessively. “I don’t know how to drive in the snow. It makes sense to stay with you. I’ll have Lucas to help when you’re away, not like I don’t already practically live there anyway. Plus everything is within walking distance of your place. Lia can come to me, because she’s a native.” I laugh and lean away from his lips that are closing in slowly. I lift one cardigan clad shoulder nonchalantly, like what I am asking isn’t monumental. “It makes sense, you know?”

Tor growls in frustration at me escaping his kiss. One of his arms snakes up my back and his hand cradles the back of my neck, holding me in place as he claims my mouth in a languid kiss of approval. I melt, my body sings with need as he pulls away with a satisfied smile of his own.

“You don’t have to ask, Supernova. Great minds think so much alike, but I expect nothing less from you. Yes, baby, move in, my home is your home. I love you.” He holds my gaze, waiting, anticipating, but I stall. Why can’t I say it back? You know why, I remind myself. It’s the reason why I asked to move in for the winter. My conciliatory olive branch, showing him I love him through my actions instead of using words.

When I lean in for another kiss instead, he goes willingly, claiming my mouth just as hungrily as before. My eyes begin to sting because I don’t deserve this man. “You don’t have to say it back, Supernova, because I know you do.” I drop my head, but he doesn’t let me hide as he tips my chin up with his finger.

“I want to,” I mutter under my breath. “I really do,” I say, hoping for now it’s enough.

“When you’re ready to tell me why you’re holding back, I’ll be there. For now, let’s go inside so Devan can gush all over you.” He grabs my hand and tugs me behind him. Relief, appreciation and gratitude for him blossoms in my chest for him giving me an out without question. Even if he had never told me he loved me with words, his actions, like my own, are a dead giveaway. I love him. I will tell him, but I need to come clean first, sooner rather than later.

I lift my hem so I don’t trip as we make our way up the steps before I cringe at what he just said. “Please don’t say gush and Devan in the same sentence again, Mr. Bailey. I mean, your boy is hot and all, but no, just no,” I say as the door swings open and Lia’s very drunk, petite frame blocks the way.

The man in question towers over her with a gorgeous smile on his face. “Torrance Bailey is gracing us all with his presence everyone!” he shouts to the room behind him as Lia shouts, “It’s my birthday,” at the same time. Her dark brown tresses are fashioned in a rockabilly pin up girl nineteen forties style, her red A-line dress swishes around her knees as her arms shoot up in celebration. Lia sways forward but before Tor can catch her, Devan reacts lightning fast, wrapping his arms around her waist and lifting her off the floor.

“Someone was day drinking,” he says good naturedly as Lia protests in his hold and we follow them into the house. Closing the door behind me, the room comes into focus, the foyer opens into two large living rooms on either side. Both rooms are packed to the brim with Vipers, their wives, girlfriends, and dates.

“It’s my birthday!” Lia shouts again, part protest, part drunken excitement. Her body is draped over Devan’s shoulder as he holds her dress down and works his way through the crowd.

“Yes, it is, baby girl,” Tor replies with a laugh. “Where’s your brother? Looks like you’re the one in need of minder tonight.”

“I don’t think she needs Ridley,” I say leaning into Tor conspiratorially, looping my arm around his, I point towards Devan’s back.

“You’re thinking what I’m thinking, dear Watson.” He turns his head and gives me the widest smile. My heart flutters in my chest at the sight. He lifts his brows suggestively and I laugh. He’s such a secret nerd, his antics only make me love him even more.

“Why yes, Sherlock, indubitably,” I say with my best very bad British accent. Tor throws his head back and we both laugh playfully.

A guitar strumming stops all my laughter as I turn around, taking Tor with me in search of it. After years of attending live concerts, my ears are tuned to the sound. It’s not until I hear Tor’s, “Oh shit.” That I stop and let my mouth fall open. There in the corner on a raised platform is none other than Brea Brookes, guitar in hand as she prepares to perform.

Tor releases my arm but keeps me close as he searches the room for Ridley. Hell, even I’m searching the room for him as Devan comes into view and places Lia back on her feet.

“It was a surprise!” she yells at me, though the music is now at a reasonable volume now that we are about to get a live performance. When Lia realizes, she covers her mouth with both hands. “Oops,” she mumbles, then snorts with laughter. It’s her birthday, if my girl wanted to day drink and be merry, then it’s her prerogative. You only live once, and Lia spends her time looking after her older brother when he’s home. She deserves to let her hair down for a change.

I think we all do. From the looks of things, the stage is set for one hell of a night.