Chapter 33 Sam
Nope, I need to focus on the giant horse that I’m riding and not think about Tommy’s stamina. Or the desire he didn’t try to hide in his eyes. There are too many details to catalog and unpack while sitting on Bella.
I notice the way the reins feel in my hand. The leather is soft, well-worn, and well-loved. It’s mostly smooth, but there are little nubs that I trace with the pad of my thumb. Next I wiggle my toes in my turquoise boots. I wasn’t sure how safe I’d feel relying on these two stirrups to anchor myself, raising up and down with Bella as she walks, but it’s surprisingly secure. Even through the saddle and my jeans, I can feel her body heat seep into my legs and, when she’s still, each breath expands her massive ribcage, lifting me just a hair. The seat is wider than I expected, which is odd, because the only thing I’ve really noticed about horses is how massive they are. But their size always seemed more about their height.
A cleansing exhale leaves my lungs as I’m fully back in the moment and focused on this horse, this experience.
“I think I’m ready if Bella is.” I refrain from running a hand down my face in embarrassment by squeezing the reins tighter without pulling on them.
What a silly thing to say. Why wouldn’t this horse be ready?
“You ready for Sam to lead, Bella?” he asks, rubbing the horse’s nose.
And she gives one of those little snorts where her lips flap, tipping her head up for a moment. Like she understood and is saying yes.
Tommy looks back and smiles at me. “I think we’re all set. I’ll unclip and can stay in here for the first few laps if you’d like.”
That’s typical Tommy style and it makes my heart melt at his thoughtfulness. I nod, probably looking a little overenthusiastic with nerves coursing through me while determination seems to be winning. This is something I’ve never done and I want to be in this community. I want to know what the ranchers and farmers do. I want to truly understand their attachments to this life, this land. And I want to belong to what has been built here generation after generation and make it more sustainable. To share this with him.
The metallic sound of Tommy removing the tether makes me realize that I’m on my own. It’s just Bella and me. Yes, he’s in the corral with us, but we’re at each other’s mercy.
More like I’m at hers.
She keeps her pace steady, unlike my heart, which is pounding. I peek down at my feet, trying to not off-set my balance to make sure my boots are fully in the stirrups, then remember that I’m steering this horse and look up. I check that my hands have both reins the way they were originally positioned and that I’m not pulling back or too much to one side, except to gently lead her with the curve of the circle.
Tommy steps to the center so he’s next to the step and he turns as we circle him. His smile is wide and he looks proud of me.
“You’re a natural, Samantha Davies,” he says, his voice just loud enough to hear over the crunching of Bella’s steps. “How do you feel?”
“Terrified and free?” I venture.
“Just enjoy the ride, there’s nothing to overthink, you’re doing amazing.”
I grimace. “Easier said than done.”
“Okay then, truth or dare?” he asks, wearing a satisfied smirk.
“Isn’t this practically a dare in itself?” I squeak, realizing that this horse is huge and even though she’s going at a nice, slow pace right now, one wrong move on my part could send me flying off.
“Truth it is then.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see him tap his cheek with one finger as he thinks. I wiggle my feet a little so they’re a little farther into the stirrups and immediately pull them back to where Tommy placed them, wondering if I could get stuck in a stirrup. “What did you want to be when you were little?”
My head pops up, my eyes meet his. “An administrative assistant.”
He doesn’t look surprised or anything, he just asks me what made me want to do that.
“I don’t know,” I say, my gaze returning to Bella’s ears, watching them shift as I speak. “I used to always pretend to welcome people into an office and work at a computer or filling papers or answering phones. I’m sure there were other occupations I pretended to work in, but that was my main one.”
“So, you’ve always enjoyed putting information together and making things happen. That makes sense.”
“I guess so.” I sit up a little taller, feeling proud that those childhood dreams came true in ways I couldn’t have imagined and knowing how much I love what I get to do.
“You ready for another truth?”
“Give me your best shot,” I say, feeling a new sense of confidence.
“How long was your last relationship?”
“Two and a half years.”
“How long ago did it end?”
“Shortly before I did my final interview in Greenstone.” My answers come out naturally, my reflex to be polite and make a good impression outweighing my nerves.
“What’s something you’ve always wanted to do with someone?” Tommy seems to have something ready immediately.
“Watch the sunrise. You’re going to have to work harder than that to stump me, you know.”
“You’ve never watched the sun rise?”
“I have, just not with someone.”
He makes a thoughtful noise and butterflies erupt at the thought of what he could be cooking up. Tommy pays attention to details like this and he’s the type of guy who could make it happen.
“What’s the most ridiculous gift you were given by someone you dated?”
“Okay, I’m a little impressed by this question,” I relent. “Probably a corsage.”
“Wouldn”t you have needed to wear those for your cotillions?”
I roll my eyes at him and Bella snorts, seemingly on my side. “I was given one when the guy I was dating in high school broke up with me. He walked up to me in school with it in his hands, gave it to me, and said that we should just be friends.”
“What the hell?”
“Exactly,” I agree. “The gift would have been sweet for just about any other reason, but it was the most bizarre thing.”
Tommy makes a tsk-ing sound before saying, “Those city boys have no manners, apparently.”
“That one for sure.”
“Alright then, what’s something none of your exes realized about you?”
“That I’m really good at faking it.”
Oh. My. Goodness. I just said that out loud. My whole body tenses in mortification as I try to think of something, anything, to add to that sentence to make it sound like I was not talking about a lack of orgasms.
I realize that Bella has stopped moving on top of my mind whirring. Looking down, I see that I’ve clearly pulled back on the reins in my panic and my legs are pressing into her sides. At least she responded to my panic by stopping and not leaping over the corral?
I suppose if she had jumped, if I could have managed to stay in the saddle, I would be riding somewhere that I could hide.
But no. Tommy’s low whistle cuts through the thoughts pinging back and forth in my head.
This is a whole new level of mortification.