Chapter 55 Sam
Breathe.
Samantha Davies, you are going to breathe evenly, get those tears in check, and keep walking until you’re at Courtney’s door. Then, you’re going to knock and say you’re here to join girl’s night. You’re going to stay as long as Avery and get a ride home with her. It doesn’t matter if it’s in twenty minutes, or tomorrow morning.
You can cry your heart out when you’re back at the apartment. Right now, that’s too far to walk to in the off chance Tommy sees the note anytime soon because even if Maisy’s in the truck, he’s too much of a gentleman to let me walk home.
Oh the nausea’s back. I pause and press my hand against a tree in someone’s yard, steadying myself. My eyes squeeze shut, trying to stop the onslaught of tears threatening to come out at any moment.
What if he’s on his way to the truck right now, with her, and he hasn’t even noticed I’m gone?
I mentally chide myself because that’s unfair. Tommy wouldn’t leave me to fend for myself. Even if I was just a placeholder.
My feet continue forward and soon I’m on Courtney’s block. Oh my goodness, how did I misread everything so poorly? I try to think back to any conversation regarding past relationships. Did we explicitly talk about Maisy? Or has he been avoiding anything specific to her because he’s been in love with her but couldn’t have her? Or did he think he was over her and was trying to move on?
What if he tries to call me? The thought leaps out of the jumbled mess in my brain.
I almost drop my purse in my rush to pull out my cell. No missed calls or messages. Good. I proceed to fully shut my phone down, squashing the little voice that’s telling me it’s rude to shut your phone off when you’re expecting some sort of communication.
But right now, I’m not worried about being proper. My focus is on ringing the doorbell, plastering a smile on my face, and hoping a decent excuse comes to mind before Courtney opens the door for why I’m here, alone, and not on my date with Tommy.
It’s Avery who opens the door and her face lights up with excitement when she sees it’s me.
“Oh my God, hi!” She pulls me into the house with a hug and a squeal and looks along the road. “Wait, it’s your date night, why did you guys come here? Did Tommy park around the corner or something?”
“Something came up and I walked, it’s lovely out right now,” I say, feeling terrible about not just saying what happened. But these are Tommy’s best friends who have been in his life for twenty years. They’re not going to want to believe me, and even if they do, they’ll need to distance themselves from me to make room for Maisy again even though they didn’t really like her all that much.
All I need right now is to not spiral. They’ll find out when they turn their phones on and I’ll leave them. Just one evening of having girlfriends in this little town before everything falls apart seems like something that’s acceptable.
“What came up?” Avery asks, sounding surprised. I don’t blame her…the Tommy I’ve known, my Tommy, would have never done this.
But he”s not mine anymore. He’s Maisy’s.
“Something confusing, I’m not sure what the details are.” Again, that’s sort of true.
Thankfully, Courtney yells from downstairs to come down and Avery motions for me to go down.
“I came up for milk with the cookies, I’ll get a glass for you, too.”
“Water is good for me,” I say, not wanting to get sick on top of everything else from dairy, which most people don’t know I have restrictions on.
Tommy knows.
Avery shrugs with a smile, “Fine by me.”
When I’m down the stairs, I see Courtney pulling a fourth chair over to the table filled with home spa night items and a plate of Avery’s oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies in the middle. They’re pretty darn tasty, but my favorite cookie is peanut butter, and she makes amazing ones. But Tommy was the one who asked her to make them for me once. And they won’t need to know that I love peanut butter cookies more than oatmeal chocolate chunk cookies because…
Stop it, Samantha. No more of that tonight.
Courtney is already telling me about the different masks we can try as she hands me the polish remover and some cotton balls. “Avery and I just finished taking off our old polish. The nail polish options are in the cupboard over there if you want to pick one out now. But we should put on our masks before starting our nails, I think.”
She pauses and blinks a few times, so I reach out to grab her hand. I can be brave tonight and not overthink everything.
“I’m sorry he canceled.” It’s so much easier to focus on someone else. Not that I want Courtney to have gone through this again.
She gives a quick smile. “Thanks, guys just suck some days, even if they have a good reason.”
Her watch lights up.
“Wait a minute. I thought we were unplugging?”
Courtney gives me a sheepish look, “Avery hadn’t noticed…”
I realize mine is still on, too. “Okay, we’ll take them off together and we’ll put them under a stack of pillows so we can’t hear them vibrate. Deal?”
“Deal,” she replies.
We both remove our watches and, while Courtney looks like she might regret removing it, I feel a huge sense of relief because I hadn’t thought about my notifications. Shutting off my phone doesn”t mean messages won’t come through to my watch one bit.
“How about in the recliner? We’ll be piled on the couch like teenagers after our nails are done.”
“That makes sense, let’s put them there.”
Courtney lifts the cushion and places our watches side by side. I catch her tapping hers one last time before putting the cushion back.
“What is taking them so long? Avery was just getting milk and, even if Tommy wants some, they can both carry two glasses each.” Courtney turns on some music as she comes back to the table.
Oh, Courtney didn’t hear the conversation. I begin removing the polish on my nails, starting with the thumb that so often has chips from chewing it.
“Tommy isn’t here, something came up,” I say, trying to make sure the story is the same. “I chose to walk here.”
“Is he picking you up later to have your date?”
“Nope, I’ll hitch a ride with Avery.”
She frowns. “What came up? Are his brothers okay?”
How the heck am I supposed to keep evading the truth?
“The brothers are fine,” I say, grabbing a handful of pretzels to buy me time to think.
And then I realize that I don’t want to evade the truth with these two. I want to trust that they’re the kind of people I believe them to be: loyal, yes, but also mature enough to figure out how to stay friends with me.
“When Avery gets down, I’ll fill you both in,” I say, my voice getting a little wobbly.
“Are you okay?” she asks, reaching across just like I did moments ago.
Footsteps descend the stairs and Avery appears with her attention in the three cups in her hands. “Sorry, I put a half batch of peanut butter cookies into the oven. Those are your favorites, right Sam?”
Those are my favorite. And Tommy didn’t have to ask her. She just remembered because that’s what friends do.
Instead of explaining first and crying later, my heart decides that sobbing now is necessary.
So that’s exactly what I do.