For the Love of Summer

Chapter 18

Erica spent most of Sunday at work. She usually tried to spend the day with Summer, but given the changes at the house, she’d thought it would be easier for everyone if she absented herself. She’d gotten home around five, in time to help with dinner. Mara had joined them and Jackson had been the star of the meal. Afterward, they’d all gone to their separate corners, so to speak.

Monday morning Erica walked into the kitchen to find Summer fixing hot cereal for Jackson.

“Hey, Mom,” her teen said with a smile as she added warm water to the small bowl. “Allison’s still sleeping, so I thought I’d take care of this guy. She needs her rest.”

Erica was torn between pointing out that Jackson was Allison’s responsibility, not Summer’s, and mentally agreeing that the other woman was close to collapsing from exhaustion.

“You need to get going or you’ll be late for school,” she said instead as she glanced at the clock. “I can feed our little man.”

Summer handed over the bowl and spoon. “Great. Thanks. He likes a little banana mashed up in the cereal, and then he gets milk.”

Summer gave her a fast hug, kissed Jackson’s cheek, grabbed her backpack and flew out of the door. Erica turned to the toddler.

“Good morning,” she said with a smile. “Did you sleep well?”

Jackson waved his arms as he grinned. “Rika!” That was followed by several nonsensical sounds, delivered in a tone of great importance.

“I hadn’t heard that,” Erica replied, stirring the cereal. “But it’s good to know. This is rice based, by the way. Very tummy neutral.”

She was just mashing in a little banana when her mother walked in.

“Good morning,” Mara said, walking directly to Jackson and pulling him into her arms. “And good morning to you. How do you feel? Did you sleep well?” She sniffed him. “You need a bath. We’ll do that after breakfast. Are you hungry? I’m starved.”

Jackson waved his arms and kissed her cheek, mumbling something that was probably toddler for I’m happy to see you.

She expertly settled him back in his high chair and took the bowl from Erica. “I’ll do this. You’re dressed for work and I’ve discovered this one is a messy eater.”

“Thanks, Mom.” Erica crossed to the coffeepot and poured herself a mug. She held it up. “You want one?”

“I’m good.”

Her mother pushed the high chair close to the table then took a seat. She checked that the floor mat was in place to catch the inevitable spills before handing over the bowl and spoon. Jackson immediately scooped up the cereal and managed to get most of it in his mouth.

“You should eat something,” Mara said without taking her gaze off the child. “Coffee isn’t breakfast.”

“I’ll grab something on the way to work.”

“No, you won’t.”

“I promise to eat lunch.”

By then she should be hungry. The disquiet of her late-night conversation with Allison had already lasted more than a day. It was time to let it all go.

“You’ll get used to having her in the house,” her mother told her. “In time.”

“It’s not her so much as the idea of her,” Erica admitted, crossing to the table and sitting across from her mother. “She told me how they met.” She briefly recounted the car-breakdown story. When she was done she blurted, “He rescued her,” then wished she hadn’t.

Mara, of course, knew exactly what she meant. “And he never rescued you.”

“I don’t need rescuing.”

“That’s not the point.” Her mother wiped Jackson’s face with a napkin. “You’re doing so good. You’re a big boy, aren’t you?”

Jackson beamed at her, then returned to his eating.

Her mother looked at her. “You’re capable. You’ve always known what you wanted and gone after it. Peter said he liked that about you until he didn’t. He never played fair.”

True but painful words, Erica thought. “My goal was never to be capable. I wanted to be his wife. I wish I knew what went wrong.”

“You do know.”

Erica wondered if that was true. “I don’t think he ever loved me. He loved the idea of what he thought I was, but not the me inside.” She sighed. “Maybe I wasn’t completely honest when we first met. Maybe I pretended to be more what I thought he would like. Not on purpose but because I was tired of being alone.”

“I’m not sure you have the acting skills for that. You put yourself out there. And you’re equally guilty of loving who you thought he was rather than who he really was.”

Jackson dropped his spoon. Mara picked it up, wiped it off and handed it to him.

“Or maybe you wanted him to be more like you?”

Erica tried not to flinch. “That’s not true. I wanted him to have a successful business because it would make him happy.”

Mara didn’t say anything, leaving Erica to squirm.

“Fine. I’ll say it. I didn’t like him being a junior accountant with no ambition. I mean at first it didn’t matter, but later...” She looked away. “I made him start his own business. He never wanted to and he resented me after that.”

“He was always going to end up resenting you,” her mother said flatly. “You were too strong for him. You’re right—he started out admiring you, but then ended up resenting you for an assortment of reasons, most of which are on him, not you.”

“Oh, I don’t know.”

She thought of all the evenings she’d worked late, how she’d been so busy growing her business and being there for Summer. She’d still loved Peter and had thought they would be together always, but toward the end, how much had she shown up?

“I’ll accept my responsibility for what happened, but I’ll never forgive him for trying to turn Summer against me.”

“He does need to own that.” Mara smiled at Jackson. “Did you finish your cereal?” She passed over the sippy cup filled with milk. “Here you go.”

Jackson grabbed it with both hands.

“Summer’s not gone,” her mother added. “She adores you.”

“She won’t let me cut her hair. She has her friends do it. She disses what I do. Her friends would be thrilled to have me as their mother. I always thought we’d play with makeup and go shopping together. She doesn’t want to.”

She had once, she thought bitterly. But since the divorce, Peter had been not-so-subtly trying to turn her away from all that.

“It’s one thing to resent my success,” she added. “But to put Summer in the middle is awful.”

“It is,” her mother agreed. “And she’ll come around. Just be patient. The more you resent him, the harder it is to let go.”

“Let go? Peter and I are old news. I’ve moved on.”

“All evidence to the contrary?”

“What evidence? Do you think I still care about Peter? I don’t.”

“You’re not in love with him—I’m clear on that. But you haven’t let go of past hurts. You hold yourself back.”

Mothers, Erica thought grimly. Always annoying. “You’re talking about Killion, aren’t you? I don’t know why you can’t accept our relationship for what it is. Not conventional, but it works for us.”

“You’re holding him at bay.” Her mother’s gaze was steady. “You’re never going to marry him.”

“I’m not marrying anyone. I don’t need that in my life.”

“What about love?”

“I have plenty. I have you and Summer. I don’t need a man.”

“You need companionship, Erica. You need a life partner who is your equal. Someone to have your back. It’s lonely when you don’t.”

Erica didn’t want to talk about this. She was fine on her own. “Look at you. After Dad left, you weren’t interested in getting married again. You have lots of boyfriends, but no one serious.”

“Those who can, do. Those who can’t, offer advice.”

Monday evening Erica found herself hovering outside of Allison’s closed door. It was barely eight, so the other woman should be awake. Still she hesitated, not really wanting to speak to her, but knowing they had to figure out some logistics.

She told herself to grow a pair, then knocked briskly. Seconds later the door opened.

“Oh, hi. You’re home.”

The faint surprise made sense, Erica thought. She’d worked late to avoid dinner with Allison and Jackson. Well, not Jackson, but they were a package deal.

“I am. Do you have a minute? I thought we should discuss some ground rules. Knowing each other’s expectations should make things go more smoothly.”

“Um, sure. Good idea.”

Erica pointed down the hall. “Let’s go in my office.”

She led the way to the back bedroom she’d converted into a home office. The walls were a pale blue-gray and there was a glorious Oriental rug on the floor. The closet had been modified with floor-to-ceiling shelving for her records and office supplies, leaving the workspace serene and tidy.

As Erica gestured toward one of the chairs on the visitors’ side of her desk, she remembered Peter complaining her office was never messy. He’d said it was unnatural that she didn’t pile papers everywhere.

She told herself not to think about him and offered Allison what she hoped was a warm smile.

“How are you settling in?”

Allison shifted in her chair, as if trying to get comfortable. Erica eyed her huge belly and thought that probably wouldn’t happen until after the baby was born.

“It’s an adjustment, but again, I really appreciate you—”

“Oh, dear God! No. I don’t want to hear thank you.”

Allison ducked her head. “All right, but I’m thinking it.”

“Think quietly.”

Allison looked at her and smiled. “You don’t get to control my thought process.”

“I can try.”

Allison’s smile faded. “I’m sorry I wasn’t up this morning. I wish someone had woken me up. Jackson isn’t your responsibility.”

“You need to catch up on your rest and it wasn’t me. My mom fed him. We all adore him and he’s so easy to deal with. Having said that, I promise if it gets to be too much, or if there’s a scheduling conflict, I’ll absolutely tell you.”

“Thank you.”

Erica glanced down at her list. “All right, logistics you need to know. Wednesday the cleaners are here. A team of three or four take care of the house. They scrub everything, so you’ll need to let them into your room. I would suggest you tell them to do your bedroom and bathroom first and take Jackson to the park or something for an hour.”

“I can clean my own bathroom.”

“Not with that belly. Besides, it’s what they’re paid to do. They’ll also change your sheets. Another team member will collect anything for the dry cleaner and bring back last week’s.”

Allison’s eyes widened a little. “They do that?”

“It’s part of what they’re paid for.”

“I don’t really have any clothes that need to be dry cleaned.”

“Fine, but if you do, they’ll take care of it. They also do grocery shopping. We keep a master list in the kitchen. Write down what you need and they’ll get it when they get everything else.”

Allison drew back a little. “I’m not having them shop for me. I’ll do that myself.”

“It’s up to you, but it can’t be easy, shopping with Jackson. You’re welcome to use the service. Again, it’s what they’re paid to do.”

Erica looked at her list. “We’ve discussed the house. I hope you’re using more than your room. The basement living room is actually quite large. Jackson could run around there when it’s rainy. And speaking of outside, I ordered a playset for him.”

She held up her hand. “Nothing fancy. Sturdy plastic construction with a swing, a slide and a little basketball hoop. It comes with a ball, but I got a couple of extras in case he loses one in the yard. And a little table and chairs. The gardener will put them together.”

Allison stared at her. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. I wanted to. It will be summer soon and he’ll want to get outside.”

“You’re being too generous.” Allison blinked several times. “Thank you.”

“Before you get emotional, I’m going to annoy you by asking a blunt question.”

“Hardly a surprise. What do you want to know?”

“How much money do you have? I don’t mean what’s in the frozen account. I mean real money, cash on hand.”

Allison stared at her hands. “Of course I want to pay rent,” she began.

Erica cut her off. “That’s not where I’m going. I want an assessment of your situation.”

Allison looked at her, then away. “I have the money the landlord returned because I left early. That’s fifteen hundred. I have an additional maybe two hundred and fifty dollars from before and, ah, that’s it.”

There was something in her tone that made Erica want to probe a little deeper, but she held back. Allison was dealing with enough crap right now. Let her have her secrets.

“What about your credit cards? I assume you’ve been using those to get by.”

“I don’t usually use the one I have. I use a debit card, which I can’t anymore. But yes, I’ve put grocery, gas and the medical insurance payment on it. Jackson and I are on a different policy than Peter. It was something about the business.”

Erica wrote that down. “So the balance is what? About two thousand?”

“With the second insurance payment? Yes.”

“What about the car? Is there a payment?”

“No. We own that.”

“Are you on the title?”

Allison stared at her. “I don’t know what that means.”

Seriously? “When you bought the car, did you sign the paperwork as well?”

“I think so.”

“Good. You should always be on the title of the car you drive. Any other debts? You have a phone bill, plus your regular expenses. Is that about it?”

“I think so. I can make a list if you’d like.”

“Not necessary.” Erica stared at the business card next to her pad of paper. She might as well get it over with. “We have a meeting tomorrow with my personal banker. I want to open a checking account for you. It will be in my name so the government can’t seize it, but you’ll be a signatory and the money will be there for your use. At some point your accounts will be unfrozen but until then you need cash. I think this is the easiest way.”

Allison sat wide-eyed. “I don’t understand.”

“It’s a checking account. You must be able to grasp the concept.”

“Hey, don’t snap at me. You’ve had all the time in the world to figure out what to say. My whole life has changed and things are coming at me fast. I’m doing the best I can, but I’m tired, I’m pregnant and nothing about this situation is what I wanted, so maybe you can give me a break!”

They stared at each other. Silence crackled in the room. Erica wondered if Allison would immediately crumble, but her back remained straight, her expression defiant.

Good for her.

“You’re right,” Erica said quietly. “I did snap. I apologize. Let me start over. I want to open a checking account in my name but make you a signatory. I’ll start with five thousand dollars. You’ll have checks and a debit card.”

She paused to meet Allison’s startled gaze. “What you do with the money is up to you. I’m not interested in an accounting of it. If you want to blow the entire amount on a new Prada bag, that’s on you.”

She paused. “I’ll admit I would be disappointed, but I wouldn’t say anything.”

“If I spent five thousand dollars on a purse, you’d better get me to the ER because I’m not right in the head.” Allison slumped back in her chair. “Don’t do this,” she said in a low voice. “Don’t give me the money.”

“You need it. You have things to buy. You need to put gas in your car. The bank will notify me when the account dips below a thousand dollars and I’ll put in more money.”

The other woman covered her face with her hands and began to cry. “Don’t be so nice to me. Just don’t.”

“Why? Do you speak badly of me behind my back?”

“What?” Allison raised her head. Tears still trickled down her cheeks. “Of course not. The only person I talk to about you is Summer and I’d never say anything mean about her mother.” She wiped away the moisture. “I try not to talk trash about anyone.”

“An admirable quality.” And one that made Erica tired. “Let’s be real.”

“Because until now things haven’t been real?” Allison sniffed. “Sorry.”

“No. Don’t apologize. Your instincts are good. You have the ability to be strong, you just never take the next step. Actually you back up. Let the snark hang out there. Give the other person time to realize you’re someone to be reckoned with.”

“I can be reckoned with? Where do you come up with that?” Allison’s voice was exhausted. “I’m barely able to get up in the morning. The only reason I’m not homeless is my husband’s first wife is giving me a place to live. I don’t have a job or income. I’m the definition of powerless.”

Erica dismissed the words with a flick of her fingers. “As long as you believe that, it’ll be true. You have resources and powerful friends. That’s a form of power. You have the ability to be loved. Summer adores you. More power.”

“You think I’m manipulating Summer? I’m not.”

“Stop jumping to the worst possible interpretation of what I’m saying. My point is my daughter loves you enough to give up her bedroom and share a room with your son. You are the kind of person other people want to love. That’s a form of power.”

She hesitated, not sure if she should speak the truth, then decided, what the hell. “Peter begged me to help you. When I saw him in jail, he went on his knees and begged.”

Allison flushed as she turned away. “I’m sorry.”

“Why? That’s how much he loves you. I’m one of his least favorite people and he begged me to help you. He would do anything for you. You are his one true love.”

“I don’t know what to do with that,” she admitted.

“You don’t have to do anything. My point is you generate strong emotion in people. They want to take care of you.”

“Because I’m weak.”

“Weakness generates pity, not love. Peter would never have begged for me. He didn’t take care of me. Not really. I was perfectly capable of taking care of myself. I still am.” She rose, signaling an end to their meeting. “Love is power, Allison. In every form.”

“You’re confusing me.”

“You’re tired. Get some sleep. I’ll text you in the morning and let you know the time to meet me at the bank.”

Allison stood but didn’t try to leave. “I don’t want the money.”

“I know, but you need it and I’m in a position where I can give it to you. Maybe instead of fighting me, you can just take it and say thank you.”

Allison managed a faint smile. “Make up your mind. First you don’t want me to thank you, now you do. Which is it?”

Erica laughed. “Point taken. I’ll text you in the morning.”