Chapter 30
30
Josefine
I felt wildly uncomfortable sleeping in Cam’s bed last night, but Ezra refused to let me crash on the sofa. Snuggled between clean sheets, I laid awake most of the night, heart aching no matter how many breathing techniques I tried. Laser focusing in on every inhale and exhale to calm my pulse and my mind only led to more thoughts of him .
Cam on the precipice of a panic attack; me soothing his tense body from behind. When I was sure he was calm, whispering “I dare you to fuck me” in his ear.
But today is a new day, and I’m determined to situate my head straight. No more fawning over alluring men, with their forearm porn and tortoise-shell glasses. I am a strong, independent woman with one goal: finish writing a goddamn book.
Ezra was kind enough to make breakfast, and I offered to clear the dishes.
Like a boxer battling an opponent, I fight the jet lag by powering through. I know if I stay within the confines of the apartment—especially anywhere near Cam’s cloud-like mattress—none of my tasks will get accomplished .
I could walk to one of my regular coffee shops, but why not switch things up a little? I google cafés nearby and head to one with great reviews.
The baristas at the Black Hole café are the nerdy-on-purpose kind, and a sign on the exposed brick wall over the bar reads I licked it, so it’s mine . Wallpaper made to look like the pages of books covers the remaining walls. All the drinks are named after fictional characters, so although I typically drink my coffee black, I treat myself to a Mr. Darcy—a half-caf soy latte with whipped cream.
I connect to the café’s Wi-Fi. (Password: ilikebigbooksandicannotlie )
When I fish for my blue-light blocking glasses, two stickers fall from my laptop case. Cam bought them at the hotel’s gift shop after he noticed the collection covering my MacBook Air the day we worked side by side on my balcony. Just like I wanted to ask about each of his tattoos, he questioned my stickers.
I bought the Reading is my foreplay sticker for myself.
Millie gifted me the Am bitch ous sticker when I told her I was finally writing a book.
Working hard or hardly working came from Tyler. I need to take that one off; I thought it was funny at the time.
A cartoon pigeon from Poland reminds me of the time Millie got shit on after we visited Auschwitz-Birkenau during my senior year of high school. (There’s a dark metaphor somewhere in there.)
Remember your why is also from my cousin.
There’s a sticker made to look like a library card, with the face of Matilda in the little rectangle window.
And now I can add two more. I run my fingers along the vinyl surface of the first. It’s the outline of a Greek goddess on a calming blue background. Aphrodite is printed beside the long- haired woman. The second sticker, in the same style, is of Atropos.
A quick google search explains that Aphrodite is the goddess of love and beauty, while Atropos is the goddess of fate and destiny.
Hmm .
After applying both, I snap a picture of my laptop to send to Cam. I stop, though, with my finger frozen over his name. When I switched out of airplane mode yesterday, there was a text from him waiting. I let him know I’d arrived safely but left it at that. There was no mention of sleeping in his bed last night. I bet he’d appreciate a picture of the stickers’ new home, but then what? Sure, we’re technically friends, even without the “with benefits” part, but what does a friendship with him post-Greece even look like? Will we hang out when he’s back in the city? We didn’t talk about it before I left.
Deciding against messaging him for now, I prop my phone against the small floral arrangement on the table, set a three-second timer, and snap a picture of myself holding my Mr. Darcy, keeping the new stickers on display in the foreground. Then I navigate to Instagram and post the picture along with a caption that reads Cozy vibes winking face
Me
What’s that?
Cam
Please tell me you’ve read The Alchemist
Me
No… face with peeking eyes
Cam
I should spank you for that
Yes. Yes, you should. While I love his playful side, I can’t let this convo go there.
Me
winking face with tongue
I pull up my web browser and search for The Alchemist , then zoom in on the orange cover with a yellow circle in its center. The drawing inside the circle is familiar. Where have I seen this design before? I sit back and survey the ceiling while I rack my brain. It only takes a moment to place it.
Cam’s tattoo. Specifically, his forearm tattoo. I feel like Sherlock Holmes solving a mystery. ( Sherlock Holmes also happens to be what the Black Hole calls their black coffee.)
I switch over to Instagram again.
Me
Is that your favorite book?
Cam
Yes
What’s your favorite book?
I don’t even hesitate.
Me
Maestro by Auden Dar
Cam
Never heard of it
Me
I should spank you for that
I couldn’t help myself.
Cam
You’ll have to tell me all about it when I get back
Whether he’s trying to guarantee we see each other when he returns or not, there’s no way I can resist talking about my favorite book.
Me
You may change your mind once I get started. I could talk about it for hours. Days, maybe. How long do you have?
Cam
For you? All the time in the world