Chapter 41
41
Ezra
The first week Millie is gone flies by. If I’m not consumed by trainings at work, then I’m busy with cramming tutoring sessions in with Kane. If I’m not occupied by Kane’s tutoring, then I’m consumed with guilt over whether he’s making friends. If I’m not consumed with guilt, then I’m hung up on how to expedite permanent guardianship. These days, my life feels like the fucked-up adult version of the children’s book If You Give a Mouse a Cookie .
The second week Millie is gone is a whole heck of a lot harder. It’s strikingly obvious she’s not around; my sheets don’t need to be changed as often now that we’re not up to our usual activities. The only thing that helps the ache in my heart is the joy in her voice when we talk. Even through text, her glee is evident.
Me
How’s your roommate?
Millie
Sasha is great!
She’s quiet and keeps to herself, which is way better than last time. I don’t think I’ll have to worry about her partying and staying up late
Me
What about the rest of the cast and crew?
Millie
So far so good. No one is obviously toxic. And the kids are so cute!! They make me miss Bea, though
The actors are all different shapes and sizes. Lots of kids in this cast, and the director was adamant about hiring a children’s psychologist. Rumor is he’s paying for it himself. The psychologist is passionate about the kids’ mental health and has already reprimanded one adult for criticizing her body in front of the kids
Me
That sounds amazing
Millie
It is
I’ve gotta go but I miss you
Me
I miss you too. And I love you
Millie
I love you too
Though I encouraged her to take the role of Ms. Honey and follow her dreams, a secret part of me hoped it would fall through. Maybe I’m an asshole, but mostly, I was worried she’d have to deal with another jackass like her last director.
Me
Is the cast still behaving? Do I need to fly down to Florida and have a word with any of them?
Millie
Easy there, killer
She doesn’t need my protection, but the Neanderthal in me cannot be convinced otherwise; I’d quit my job and protect her twenty-four seven if I could. But every text and phone call I receive is like a salve to a wound, making this long-distance situation a little less painful.
Millie
Two weeks down
Me
Feels like a million more to go…
Millie
But I’ll see you in two weeks!!
Me
Can’t wait
At first, I figured spending time with Millie’s family without her would be awkward or that it would make her absence even harder to bear, but it’s been nothing but natural .
When we’re out and about one day, I send her a selfie of Asher, Bea, Kane, and me.
Millie
OMG! So jealous. Where are you?
Me
The slime museum
Millie
Lol. You at the slime museum? Was it a sensory nightmare?
Me
Quite the opposite, actually. Though I thought I might throw up when Bea dragged us to the exhibit where you can take your shoes off and walk through the slime. The things I do for that girl…
I don’t know who had more fun—your niece or my brother
We’re about to meet Cam and Joey for dinner in Little Italy. Want us to FaceTime you?
Millie
I wish I have to get ready for a show, but send my love xx
No matter how hard we try, communication is a struggle, and I can’t imagine it ever being enough to sate me. Though I love the hit of dopamine when my phone chimes as much as the next guy, nothing beats conversing back and forth in real time.
Me
Video sex?
Millie
New phone who dis?
Me
HA HA
Millie
No hello first? Lol
Me
I’m impatient
Millie
Ugh… I wish I could, but Sasha is here. She never leaves the room
I’d hate Sasha if she hadn’t become a safe space for Millie. Not only that, but she’s a good influence, preparing smoothies and keeping her active with YouTube Pilates workouts.
Millie
I accidentally went running with her today
Me
How do you *accidentally* go running?
Millie
A bunch of us walked to the botanical gardens, but we got turned around. It was a freaking maze in there
Then we got a text that our call time had been moved up an hour, so we were forced to run back
Me
Does this mean you’ll go running with me when you’re home?
Millie
Ezra, I love you, but that’s a big fat NOPE
Me
Fine…
I can think of other ways we can work up a sweat together
Millie
You horndog
Me
I love you too
Even when our schedules match up and we get to FaceTime, our conversations remain brief so she can rest her voice. She’s loving her role as Ms. Honey, though, and I cannot wait to see her in action.
Millie
Two more days, and I get to kiss your stupid face
Me
Stupid, huh? You’ll pay for that…
Millie
Don’t tempt me with a good time, Daddy
Me
AMELIA
Millie
EZRA
OMG please don’t tell me you’ve shaved your beard or cut your hair
Me
I may have a stupid face, but I’m no dummy
Millie
Good
Me
I have a meeting at the school, but I emailed you the Airbnb reservation for this weekend in case you get there before me
Millie
I can’t wait