Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Two
Life sucked.
It didn’t matter how Brandy looked at it, she’d never been more bored and restless, or damn it, lonely.
As she turned over her car to the Den’s valet, she automatically scanned the parking area for Master Niles’s luxury SUV.
As usual, she exhaled in relief when she didn’t see it.
Brandy reminded herself it was still early.
There were only a handful of vehicles in sight, and they belonged to staff members. It had become a habit to look, though, each time she arrived.
If she was going to run into him, she wanted to be prepared.
Dozens of times over the last month, she’d told herself that walking away from Master Niles had been the prudent—and only—choice.
On the endless drive home to Granby, she’d taken off the necklace he’d given her and dropped it in her purse.
That last morning together on his patio, when he’d taken her notepad and added his ideas to hers, creating something unique, she’d realized he was beginning to matter to her. She’d liked the blending of their thoughts. It had energized her, made her feel vibrant.
After breakfast, she’d carried their dishes back into the kitchen. As always, she’d been amazed by how natural hanging out together seemed to be.
When she’d wiped down the counter, she’d caught him looking at her. She’d read the desire in his eyes, and that had stoked a flame inside her.
The haunted expression that had defined him over the years had vanished from his eyes. He was no longer the same Dom she’d witnessed sitting outside at the Den’s private party, looking so formidable that she’d debated whether or not to approach him.
That fateful night, she had.
But, with the ache of knowing him intimately gnawing at her heart, she wished she’d never invited him to scene.
During the time at her home and at his, she had seen how deep he was, laughed with him, met his aunt, learned about his businesses, been cared for by him, been spoiled and pampered like a princess.
And damn it, he’d even sent a rubber foot to her nasty little wiener dog.
As much as she hated to admit it, in retrospect, Gregorio had been right. Master Niles was a man she should have stayed away from.
The hurt she’d been through with Reyes couldn’t compare to the loss she was now experiencing over Master Niles.
She’d been accurate when she’d told him there were too many miles between them—and she’d meant it literally as well as figuratively.
Brandy enjoyed a humble, unassuming life in a small mountain town. He had his fingers in five or six different businesses and a lifestyle to match.
From the beginning, he’d been clear that he didn’t intend to get involved in another relationship.
So she’d had to end it before it was too late.
If she’d continued to see him, she would have ended up losing herself in the powerful, commanding man.
But still, he wasn’t making it easy for her to keep her distance.
He’d approved her website design. Every few days, he sent a polite request for an update. Like the coward she was, she’d moved his project to one side while she worked on other things, like his aunt’s marketing campaign.
A week after the silent auction, he’d sent her the basketball tickets she’d been so excited about.
He’d included a note telling her he’d enjoy going, but that she was free to invite someone else. They were her gift, and she could do whatever she wanted with them, as long as she enjoyed herself and the event.
Margot would probably be the happy recipient of the extra ticket, much to John’s disappointment, but guilt told her that Master Niles should be in the seat next to her.
Since that wasn’t possible, maybe she should just gift the tickets to Margot and John. No one deserved a night out like they did.
She entered the Den and saw Gregorio.
After giving him a half-hearted wave, she went straight to the ladies’ locker room.
Since her time with Master Niles, she’d managed to avoid private conversation with Gregorio, and she wanted to keep it that way.
She changed into a short skirt, spiky heels and an interesting, sheer shirt that had only one sleeve, leaving the opposite shoulder and arm bare.
With a flick of her wrist, Brandy slammed her locker door shut, ready for another now-meaningless evening at the Den.
She hadn’t lost the joy of submission—she’d just lost the enthusiasm for giving it to anyone other than Master Niles. So while she was happy to take care of the guests, she’d refused to participate in any scenes, something that Damien had so far been patient with.
“We need to talk.”
Brandy looked up to see Gregorio standing inside the doorway.
“This is the ladies’ room,” she informed him.
“And you’re hiding.”
When she didn’t reply, he went on. “And I’m done waiting on you.”
Then he intentionally spread his legs, folded his arms across his chest, and raised his eyebrows.
Resigned, she sighed.
Tonight he looked even more rugged than usual. He wore masculine motorcycle boots, a pair of painted-on pants, and a leather vest that hung open over his smooth, sun-kissed Mediterranean skin. Doms and subs alike would like to get their hands on this bad boy switch.
“I’ve known you, what, four years? Five? It’s not like you to be disinterested and lethargic.”
“My freelance business has taken off.” It was close enough to the truth that he should believe her. “I’ll be fine once I’ve met some of these deadlines.” Once I get over my ridiculous infatuation with a remote, heartbroken hero.
“Other people might accept that. I don’t.”
When she tipped her chin and swallowed the stupid lump that unexpectedly lodged in her throat, he took a step toward her.
“I’ve seen you at your best. And at your worst.”
“Same with you.”
With a tight nod, he acknowledged what she said.
“Is it Master Niles?” he guessed.
“No.”Her answer was too quick, too snippy.
“He looked like shit the other night.”
Her pulse hammered. “You’ve seen him?” Despite herself, her heart leaped, and she couldn’t keep desperation out of her tone.
“His production company had a shoot up here.”
Brandy sank onto the bench behind her.
Purposefully, she had shoved aside flashes of images of him dominating other women—sexy, beautiful models and actresses.
Even though she suspected he wouldn’t get involved with any of them, it was always a possibility, and the idea tortured her.
“So this is about him.” It wasn’t a question, it was a certainty, from a man who knew her so completely.
“You’re right. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Damn it, Brandy.”
The tears she’d been holding back, emotion she’d pretended not to feel, rushed to the surface, and tears filled her eyes.
No matter what, she wasn’t going to let them spill over.
She’d been foolish.
Now she had to deal with the consequences. “I shouldn’t have seen him.”
“Oh, honey.” He swore in some foreign language. At least, the emphasis on the syllables told her it was a curse word. “You’ve got the biggest heart of anyone I know.”
“Dumb, aren’t I?”
“No. Never.” He shook his head. “After you scened with him, it was bound to happen.”
“He’s…caring.”
“Broken,” he corrected flatly.
“Because his wife died.”
“Partially.”
His response shocked her. “What does that mean?”
“There’s more to the story.”
Intrigued, she waited, but he didn’t go on.
Still, Gregorio hadn’t glimpsed the wonderful moments when pain had momentarily vanished from Master Niles’s eyes.
“I never wanted to be right,” Gregorio said.
“Next time I’ll listen to you.” She went into his arms and gathered strength for at least a minute.
“For the record? He hired someone else to emcee the scene. He didn’t participate in the video. Told Master Damien he was going to be stepping back to pursue other interests after he gets some people trained, said part of it depends on his redesigned website going live.”
Breath froze in her lungs.
Stunned, she stepped away from Gregorio and looked at him to see if he was teasing. “Are you serious?”
But he didn’t need to answer.
Gregorio might joke with her, but never about something this important.
For a moment, she processed what he said.
Master Niles was no longer working in his own company?
“Let us know if you’d like us to fire you or whether you’d prefer to turn in your notice.”
“I… What?” She stared at him, trying to comprehend what he’d said, but unable to make sense of the words.
“Your heart is no longer in this.”
“You’re firing me?”
“Do you really want to stay?”
Shell-shocked, she once more sank onto the bench. “I… I don’t know what to say.” For years, the Den had sustained her. She had friendships here, a place to go where she was valued and always welcomed. What would she do with her time? Her weekends? How would she manage the loneliness? The vast, empty nights? “This is unexpected.”
“Is it?” he challenged quietly. “Or have you been moving toward it all along?”
“This is part of who I am, the fabric of my life. God…” She pushed back her hair. “Even you, my annoying older brother, always helped me get through my struggles.” She sighed. “You can’t fire me.”
He laughed from somewhere deep inside. “I’m afraid I can. You can tell me I was right later.”
“Fuck you,” she said.
“And you can thank me.”
Her heart fluttering, the emotion now chasing down her cheeks, she frantically shook her head. “No.”
“You’ve refused to scene.”
“I’ll strip down and find a Dom to beat me.”
“Fuck it, Brandy, you know that’s not what I’m asking. I’m doing this for you. Not us.”
“I know I haven’t been myself.” She hiccupped on a sob. “All I need is a little time.”
“Go home, Brandy. Think about it.”
“You really are terminating me?”
“In that capacity.”
“What other capacity is there?” she asked, not even trying to be polite. She was too flummoxed, overwhelmed. Furious.
“We’ve had complaints about the newsletter not being timely enough, about links not working, about members not being able to find information on special events.”
Her mouth fell open. “Are you offering me a new job?”
“Honey, you’re a part of the Den. We couldn’t survive without you. We need your web service skills and social media savvy.”
She blinked. “I don’t know what to say.” Never in her entire life had she been given a pink slip and a job opportunity in the space of three minutes.
“Think of it as a transfer from one department to another.”
“I’d be working here?”
“From home. But yes, I’m sure we’ll need you for in-person meetings. And maybe you could lead some groups for submissives.”
Which meant she was still adrift.
In a hazy, mechanical state, she cleaned out her locker, dumping the contents into a duffel bag she’d had stashed in there.
Gregorio made no move to help or to leave the room. When she had everything, she flicked the locker door, sending it flying. It slammed with a horrible, harsh, satisfying slap of metal on metal. “Bill me for damages.”
Bag slung over her shoulder, she breezed past him and hurried toward the door, her head low so that she didn’t have to make eye contact with anyone and see whoever was witnessing her mortification.
Gregorio followed, and it occurred to her she was being escorted out.
An envelope bearing her name lay on the check-in table, and he picked it up and offered it to her.
“I’ll buy you dinner tomorrow.”
“No, thanks,” she snapped. “I’ll be all right.”
“Brandy—”
“Give me some time, okay? You’ve been the only steadfast person in my life for the last few years. And this feels like a total fucking betrayal.”
“It’s not that way. I’m being a better friend to you now than I ever have been.”
How will I manage without you?
“Get out of my way, please.” She was hanging on by a thread.
He held up his hands. “Call me.”
“I’m deleting your number from my phone.”
Her car was still outside where she’d left it.
Once she was in the driver’s seat with the door closed and locked, she dropped her head onto the steering wheel.
What am I supposed to do now?
She did the only thing she could think of.
After digging her phone from the bottom of her purse, she texted Margot to open a bottle of wine.
When she arrived at their home, John was in his man cave, and Margot had already poured them each a glass.
Like a good friend, Margot offered Brandy a job waiting tables. “But you’d have to wear a few more clothes than you did at the Den.”
“No she wouldn’t!” John called from the other room.
“Pervert!” Margot shouted back.
Brandy laughed, something she hadn’t been sure she’d ever do again.
“And turn up the sound on the damned television instead of listening to our conversation!” Margot yelled.
“Sorry, babe! Can’t hear you over the sound of the TV.”
At their easy, friendly banter, Brandy smiled.
She truly was grateful for their friendship.
“So tell me everything that’s going on. I know you got fired, but there has to have been a good reason.”
“I’m not sure I want to talk about it.”
“Even better. Drink up. We’ll eat pie and ice cream and talk about anything except well, you know, the off-limits stuff.”
After making arrangements for the pets to be taken care of, Brandy spent the night on her friends’ couch and stayed there even when they left the house at four o’clock to open the restaurant.
When Brandy awakened at nine, the house was quiet, and she felt surprisingly good and more than a bit guilty at having slept while Margot and John had gone to work.
Last night, after a second glass of wine, Brandy had spilled everything, all the details about her time with Niles and the fact she’d refused to scene with anyone else once she’d returned to the Den.
Embarrassingly, Brandy was afraid she’d told Margot all about the triskelion necklace and its meaning—at least two or three times.
She owed Margot—big time—for her patience.
After tidying up the living room and washing the wineglasses and the bowls they’d used for homemade chocolate silk pie, Brandy drove home.
She’d spent years working a tight schedule, juggling the Den while building her other business.
And now the absence of a defined schedule left her aimless.
Margot’s offer of a job inserted itself in her musings.
Waiting tables would give her purpose and force her to get out of bed, but the idea of getting up at the same time she now often went to sleep made her cringe.
Later that day, restless after walking the dogs and getting food for the lizards, she returned to work on a client’s social media.
Surprisingly, she’d received an email from Master Damien, outlining the things he’d like to see in a proposal from her.
He’d signed the email in a cordial way and said how much he was looking forward to seeing her soon.
“Not likely,” she muttered.
MW jumped up and ran over, as if Brandy had spoken to him.
After petting the mutt, she tossed his already half-destroyed toy foot, then she moved Master Damien’s email to a pending folder so she didn’t have to look at it.
Tomorrow was soon enough to respond.
Which meant the only remaining project was the draft of Master Niles’s new website.
Thinking of him, she sat back in her chair, staring unseeingly at the screen in front of her.
Had he really decided to sell his company?
And if so, did it have anything to do with her?
Telling herself she was being ridiculous as well as fantastical, she forced herself to start working.
Since she no longer had to keep to a specific schedule—which was good as well as bad—she stayed up all night and sent him a beta version of the website before going to bed.
After she woke up, she checked her email every five minutes to see if he’d replied.
When he didn’t get back to her right away, her imagination supplied a dozen different reasons why. Maybe he’d grown tired of waiting and hired someone else. Maybe he’d taken a willing woman on vacation with him. Maybe they went to Belize, like his aunt had.
“Stop,”she told herself, getting up to pace the floor.
Her mind was out of control.
Gregorio had told her that Master Niles wasn’t shooting videos at the Den anymore. So suddenly that meant he’d sought out a random submissive and jetted off for sun and surf?
What’s wrong with me?
For the first time since she’d walked away from him a month ago, she wondered what would have happened if she hadn’t left.
What if she’d stayed and talked, like he’d wanted?
What if she’d agreed when he’d said he wanted to see her again?
And…
And…
She headed outside and threw toys for the dogs, trying to burn off some of their energy.
Her reasons for leaving were still legitimate. The two-hour drive between their places was daunting enough. Having animals in his urban setting wouldn’t work. And she didn’t see such an imposing man living in her tiny, ancient house.
And as Gregorio had once told her, Master Niles was broken.
In ways she didn’t understand.
Because her heart had already been in a precarious position, she’d had no choice but to run.
It was a matter of saving herself.
But what if her choices had been the very ones that ultimately destroyed her?
She sank into a chair.
Her life lay in splintered pieces around her.
How will I ever put them back together again?