37. Rome
My knee bouncedas I sat at my desk reviewing emails. The little clock in the corner of my screen kept drawing my eye despite my best efforts to ignore it.
Nikki would show up today. She said she would, so she would. I had no need to doubt that.
But Cole was leaving, and my mother and brother were backing me into a corner. I’d been on edge since yesterday, and I didn’t know how to shake this sense of impending doom.
Something was wrong, and I didn’t know what.
I needed to figure out how my mother had found out about the contract. Was it Nikki? Had she broken her NDA? Was there someone in my organization telling secrets? I’d set Arthur on the hunt for the leak, but I hadn’t told Cole. What if he quit because he’d betrayed me?
People were turning their backs on me, and I needed Nikki here to look at me, to touch me with those gentle hands, to tell me that she wanted me.
I just needed one touch. Just one stroke of her hand against my cheek, and everything would be okay. One single person to see me for me, and nothing else would matter.
Finally, I heard her voice greeting Clara on the other side of the door. I leaned back in my chair and a moment later, Nikki was poking her head through the door.
“Clara said you were expecting me,” she said in way of greeting.
“Come in,” I told her, pushing up from my chair. I crossed the space between us and wrapped her in my arms, inhaling the scent of her hair like it was the only thing keeping me tethered to sanity.
She melted into my arms but didn’t turn her face up for a kiss. I stroked her back with my palm and asked, “How are you feeling?”
“Better,” she said, and it sounded like the truth, even though I got the sense she was holding back.
“But?”
Nikki pulled away from me, her brown eyes wide as she stared up at me. “I want to talk to you about something.”
The words made me freeze. Dread left a dirty, acrid taste on the back of my throat as I tried to read her expression. My arms were still around her waist, but she dropped her gaze to stare at my chin. When I spoke, my voice was rough. “About what?”
Her breath skated along my jaw. Nikki pulled back until I dropped my arms, her teeth biting into her lower lip. She finally met my gaze again, brows arched. “Can we sit down?”
She was breaking up with me. She was going to stand there, looking like that, and tell me that she didn’t want to be with me. That she was turning her back on me, just like everyone else did. She’d tell me that I wasn’t worth the effort, that I wasn’t good enough. Not in those words, but I’d be able to read it clear enough in her gaze.
At least my mother would be happy. I’d be able to attend my brother’s wedding solo, just the way she wanted. This little secret would be kept under wraps—or maybe my mother would wrap it around my neck like a leash to forever keep me controlled.
My molars ground together. “No. Say what you need to say.”
Her shoulders softened, brows drawing together. “Rome?—”
“Just spit it out, Jordan.”
She stiffened in front of me, confusion flitting in her gaze. “I just wanted to talk about us. This—this relationship. You… I…”
“It’s not working for you.”
She inhaled deeply, and that hesitation was all I needed to hear. I spun around to lean my knuckles on my desk, throat so thick I could barely breathe.
“Rome, I think you’re misunderstanding. I want to be with you. I’ve loved this… I’ve loved what we have. That’s exactly what I want to talk about. I want to keep seeing you.”
The wobbling beneath my feet steadied slightly. I turned my head toward her and asked, “But?”
She wrung her hands in front of her, squeezing one hand so hard with the other that the tips of her fingers went red. “But I don’t think I can keep working for you. I want?—”
I scoffed. “Right. I see. I offer you the world and you throw it back in my face.”
“Rome, that’s not what I said at all.”
“That’s exactly what you said.” The words came out as a hiss. I straightened and faced her. “You’re all too happy to take the paycheck and the nice clothes and private flights, and then you throw it back in my face the minute you think you don’t need me anymore. How’s your closet looking these days, Jordan? And your bank account?”
She’d used me. Milked me for all I was worth. I’d been right from the start.
Her spine straightened, twin spots of red appearing on her cheeks. “I’m trying to build a relationship with you, Rome.”
“Oh, right.” I snorted.
“What’s the alternative?” She dropped her arms to the sides, spreading them slightly. “I just keep working here, we keep fucking behind closed doors, and when someone finds out, we just play it off? When a client gets wind that you’re paying me to stand at your side, we keep pretending I’m a consultant? When it hits the press, we just deny it?”
My vision went red. “Is that a threat?”
“What?” Nikki put her hands to her head and let out an incredulous laugh. “Wait. Stop. This isn’t happening. Everything is going wrong.” She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, then lifted her gaze to mine.
She looked sincere.
But how could I trust her sincerity? How could I trust that she’d stay by my side when no one else did? The only reason she was here was because I was paying her. If we removed that… If she wasn’t actually employed by me and required to be here…
Then what would actually make her stay?
“Rome,” she said softly, “I want to be with you. Really, truly be with you.”
We stared at each other as the silence thickened. My throat felt raw. My chest ached. I wanted to believe her. I wanted to take that sincerity written on her face and have it be everything I needed.
But it wasn’t.
No one wanted me. Not without an ulterior motive. Not without an exit plan.
Cole was my best friend, and he was turning his back on me. He was pursuing his career, and I couldn’t begrudge him that, but I fucking did. And my family treated me like an inconvenience that could be summoned and dismissed at will. The only person that had ever cared about me was Reggie, and he died when I needed him most. Would he have stuck around if I hadn’t made the effort after high school? Or would he have turned his back on me once I was out of sight the way everyone else did?
So yeah, I wanted to believe Nikki. But I didn’t.
“What brought this on?” I asked, my voice like crushed gravel.
She licked her lips and gulped, eyes sliding to the side. I could see her marshaling her thoughts, figuring out the best way to let me down gently. She shouldn’t have bothered. I already knew what was coming. She’d tell me that she just cared about me so much, but we needed to have more time to ourselves. She’d back away slowly like I was a wounded animal who would attack if she turned around and ran. And then she’d cut me out of her life the way everyone else did.
That’s what I thought would happen, which was probably why the words she said shocked me so much.
“Roseanne Monk offered me a job,” she said, lifting her eyes to mine. “And it’s not that I was interested—well, I mean, I was—but it just made me realize that our?—”
“She what?”
Nikki blinked. “I haven’t accepted.”
“You’re damn right you haven’t. You’re soliciting work from my clients? Is that what this has been about the whole time?”
Nikki took a step back, and I realized I’d lurched toward her. She put her hands up. “Rome, it just got me thinking, is all. It was a casual offer. It just made me realize that maybe—maybe it would be best if you and I… If we did this the regular way?”
I had no idea what the hell she was talking about. All I knew was that Nikki had leveraged her position as my plus-one to advance her own career. She was clever, I’d give her that. I didn’t even see the betrayal coming. To use the one thing I was proud of, the company I’d built from the ground up?—
“Get out.”
“Rome—”
“Get out!”
She jumped, scrambling for the door. I heard the clip-clop of her heels as they headed for the elevator, and Clara’s voice as she called out to ask if Nikki was okay. All I could do was drag in deep breaths as I shoved my fingers through my hair, pulling at my scalp until my vision righted itself.
I heard the shuffle of a foot on the floor and turned to see Clara in the doorway, frowning at me.
“Start Ms. Jordan’s exit paperwork. She’s no longer employed at Blakely, effective immediately.”
Clara stared at me for a beat, then dipped her chin. “Right away.”
The door snicked shut, and I was alone. I almost started laughing. Of course I was alone. How else would I be? Did I really think Nikki would swan in here and wrap her arms around me and make everything all right? Did I think she was different?
I was a fucking fool. The worst kind of fool, because I should have known better. Not one single person in my life had stuck by my side. Not unless they had a fat paycheck or used me as a rung up the ladder. My acquaintances were clients. My friends were nonexistent.
Nikki had read me properly from the very start. She probably never cared about me at all. She saw the pathetic, lonely, business-obsessed loser that I was, and she decided to work me for everything she could.
But she could have done it for longer,my brain reminded me. She came in here to tell you she wanted to be with you. She wanted a relationship.
I snorted and dismissed the thought. She didn’t want me. She probably saw the precarious position she was in, and she wanted to secure her spot by my side. Get all the perks and no risks. She’d have another job with one of my biggest clients, so she’d have me over a barrel personally and professionally.
Very neatly done. Clever woman.
I should have known.