16. Silas
Chapter sixteen
Silas
The nightmare clings to me like a bad smell—rotting memories of Ezra flash behind my eyes. He's there one minute, gone the next. Drowned in his demons and swallowed by the earth because I couldn’t save him. I jolt awake, gasping, chest tight.
But I’m not alone. Leah’s there. For once, I’m not alone.
Her fingers thread through my hair, soft, delicate, grounding. “It’s okay,” she whispers, voice smooth like velvet. “Everything’s fine.”
But it’s not. It hasn’t been for years.
I glance at her, taking in her long chestnut hair spilling over her shoulder and those brown eyes looking at me like she can fix me. She can’t. But damn, her touch makes me wish she could.
“You were thrashing in your sleep.”
I remain silent.
She strokes my cheek. “Ezra? You’re dreaming about him, aren’t you?”
I stiffen. Of course, she brings him up. It's the one topic I’ve spent years dodging. The one person who has a chokehold on my nightmares. Ezra.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” The words come out sharper than intended, and I sit up, pushing the sheet aside.
She leans back, watching me closely. “I didn’t mean to overstep, but Silas, it’s been years.”
“And I’m supposed to be over it, is that it?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Silas—”
I meet her eyes. “Are you over your mom’s death?”
Leah looks like I just slapped her across her face. I feel bad almost immediately, but I know I’m not wrong. Grief. There’s something about it that just makes everything else pale in comparison. Some days, you think you’re over it, and on some days, it just hits you out of left field.
“That’s unfair, Silas.” Leah shakes her head. “That’s really fucking unfair.”
She’s right. “Look, I didn’t mean it to come out that way.” I put a hand on her cheek. “I just . . . I don’t know. I’m just not in the mood to discuss it.”
She removes my hand from her face. “You’re never in the mood, Silas.”
“We’re gonna have to talk about this later.” I swing my legs out of bed, hating the distance I’m putting between us. “I have to get ready for work. I have a bunch of meetings regarding the Caldwell deal.”
I can feel her eyes on me as I walk to the bathroom. Each step away feels like a mile, but I need the space. The last thing I want to do is talk about Ezra; I’m not ready to face it yet.
I catch my reflection in the mirror, wondering if I should’ve kissed her before I left the bed. Too intimate? Probably. Things are already messy. A kiss might just tip the whole damn thing over the edge.
I shower quickly, letting the hot water scorch away the remnants of the nightmare. By the time I’m out, Leah’s already gone.
***
The conference room is stifling.
Lawyers drone on about contracts and terms, but my mind’s stuck on Leah. Specifically, Leah in her office, right across from mine. All morning, I’ve tried to focus on the contract discussion of the Caldwell deal. But every time I glance at the damn clock, all I can think about is her.
What we did last night. What we said. What we didn’t say.
“What do you think, Mr. Waverly?” one of the bespectacled lawyers asks.
I rub the back of my neck, annoyed with myself. “Let’s take five,” I say, standing abruptly.
The lawyers blink at me, confused, but I don’t wait for their response. I’m out the door, heading straight for her.
Her office door is cracked open enough for me to see her. She’s on the phone, but her eyes flick to me the moment I step in.
“Join me in my office,” I say, my voice low. She reads my tone instantly, raising an eyebrow, but she finishes up her call and follows me.
As soon as the door closes behind us, I’m on her. I push her up against the wall, my hands already tangling in her hair, lips crashing into hers. God, I’ve been craving this all day. The taste of her, the feel of her body pressed against mine. She moans into my mouth, and it sends a rush of heat straight through me.
Thank God my walls are soundproof.
Her hands are all over me, fingers tugging at my shirt, her hips grinding against mine. “You’re supposed to be in your meeting,” she whispers breathlessly, but I can hear the smirk in her voice.
“Screw the meeting,” I growl, nipping at her neck, trailing my lips down to the curve of her collarbone. “All I’ve been thinking about is you.”
True. She’s all I could think about.
I grab her hips, lifting her skirt with one hand. She gasps as my fingers slide up her thigh, teasing the edge of her underwear.
“Silas,” she moans, her voice a mixture of frustration and need. It’s enough to drive me crazier than I already am.
“You’re already so wet for me,” I murmur, my fingers slipping under her panties. “You’ve been thinking about this too, haven’t you?”
She bites her lip, nodding, eyes dark with lust. “Shut up and do something about it.”
I smirk, sliding my fingers inside her, feeling the way her core responds, tightening around me. She gasps, her head falling back against the wall, eyes fluttering closed. “Oh, God.”
I keep my hand moving, steady, watching her as her breath quickens, as she grips my shoulders, trying to keep herself grounded. “Look at me,” I command, and her eyes snap open, locking onto mine. “I want to see you come.”
She’s close. I can feel it in the way her hips rock against my hand, the way her breath hitches. I don’t stop. She doesn’t look away.
“Silas, I—” She doesn’t finish the sentence. She doesn’t need to. Her body trembles and shudders as she comes, hard and fast, and I swallow her moans with a deep kiss.
I pull back slightly, watching her catch her breath. She’s still pressed up against the wall; cheeks flushed, chest rising and falling rapidly.
“Have I told you how beautiful you look when you orgasm?” I rasp, sliding my fingers out and wiping them off on my handkerchief.
She gives me a half-laugh, half-moan, her eyes still hazy with satisfaction. “I’m not done with you yet.”
“What are you—”
“Your turn.”
Before I can respond, her hands are on my belt, tugging it open, and then she’s freeing me from my pants. Her fingers are quick and expert, and I barely have time to react before she’s on her knees, her lips wrapping around me.
“Fuck,” I hiss, my hand immediately tangling in her hair as she takes me deeper. The sight of her like this, on her knees for me, sends a rush of desire through me so intense it’s almost painful.
“This was supposed to be just for you.” I glance down at her.
Leah doesn’t respond. She just holds my gaze as she pleasures me. She’s too good at this, her mouth moving in perfect rhythm, her tongue teasing just enough to drive me insane. She wraps her fingers around my length, stroking as her lips send me to the edge of paradise.
I’m just about to lose myself in the feeling when I hear footsteps.
“Silas? Leah?”
Shit. Harvey .
“Shit!” Leah mirrors my thoughts.
I pull her up quickly, tucking myself back into my pants, just as Harvey’s voice gets louder and closer. Leah straightens her skirt, and by the time Harvey steps in, we’re both standing, looking way too composed for what just happened.
Harvey, oblivious, gives us a friendly nod. “Well, aren’t you guys a sight?” he tries for a chuckle. “My daughter and my best friend.”
If only he knew.
Leah, without even glancing at him, brushes past, nose in the air. “Call me if you need me, boss,” she mutters, disappearing out the door.
Her calling me boss after what just happened is somewhat funny. But the last thing I can do is laugh.
Harvey watches her go, then turns back to me, raising an eyebrow. “She’s still giving me the cold shoulder.” He sits across from me. “You see how she treats me?”
I shrug, leaning casually against my desk beside him; memories of a few minutes ago are racing, and I try to shake them off.
“She’ll come around. You just gotta give her time, yeah?”
He sighs, rubbing his temples. “Shit, Silas, all I’ve done is give her time. And she’s still treating me like a stranger.”
“Well, maybe she needs more time.”
“Maybe you can talk to her, get through to her.”
“Yeah,” I nod, pretending like I can actually help. “I’ll try.”
“Thanks, Silas. I know you’re always in my corner.”
I want to ask him what he’s doing here, but I have a feeling he just came around so he could see Leah. The last thing I want to do is make him feel unwelcomed, so I don’t ask.
Harvey crosses his leg in his seat, dark circles surround his eyes, and I wonder if he’s been getting enough sleep. His gaze roams my walls and settles on one of Ezra’s medals from the war.
“How are you, Silas?” He doesn’t look away from the medal of honor. “How are the nightmares?”
I mentioned once on a drunken night that some days, I had trouble sleeping because I couldn’t keep the nightmares about Ezra away from me. I regret mentioning it. Not because Harvey would taunt me with it, but because there was nothing he could do. So why did I mention it?
“I sleep like a baby nowadays.” I shrug.
He studies me for a moment before leaning forward. “And how’s the Caldwell deal coming along?”
“Slow.”
“Damn brits.”
“I gotta go to England with Leah, though,” I say too quickly. “For the Caldwell deal. She’s gonna help with the logistics.”
Harvey narrows his eyes. “Huh. And your fiancée? Isn’t that the whole reason for the engagement trick?”
I freeze, heart pounding. He doesn’t know it’s Leah. If he did . . .
“She’ll be meeting us there,” I say, voice steady, but inside I’m screaming. I’m in so deep I can’t even see the way out anymore.
Harvey nods slowly, standing up. “You didn’t publicize her identity, I noticed.”
“She’s very private.” I rub my cheek, feeling stubble. “I think it’s a good thing, too, because I’m private, so the engagement makes sense.”
“Blonde?”
“Brunette.”
“Well, I’ll expect to meet her when you return.” He clasps my shoulder. “Don’t forget to talk to Leah, yeah?”
“Of course.”
I force a smile as he heads for the door, but my mind is racing. This is a disaster waiting to happen.
And I have no idea how I’m going to fix it.