Chapter 5 - Amanda

Shadows from the flickering fire cast across the runes, obscuring their symbols. There is no other light, and I could easily use the excuse that I don’t understand what they say.

But I do understand. I can’t deny it. My magic might be faulty, but my instincts, my intuition, these are crystal-clear.

This essence is what makes someone a witch. It never fades, even when the ability to craft spells fails.

Nell puts an arm around my shoulders, and I can feel Lucy’s eyes on me. All around the circle, I can hear the others calling out and talking amongst each other. No one else seems to have any issues with the path we have been ordered to take.

I gather up the runes again, bruising my fingertips and tearing my nails in my haste. The ground is cold, scattered with a light dusting of ice that makes my hands numb. I don’t care. I shake the runes in my hands and toss them out, going for a wider throw. They come up exactly the same again.

“No,” I moan. “It can’t be.”

“Amanda,” Nell whispers. “Stop. It isn’t going to change. If you are getting a consistent result, even without access to your higher magic, then you know it must be real.”

Hot tears have started to run down my cheeks. I stare at the runes, begging them to change. I know Body is looking at me. In fact, I know that he hasn’t taken his eyes off me the whole time he’s been standing there.

What brought him here, at exactly this time? How did he know?

I look up, very slowly. My eyes flick over his body, the hard lines of him traced out by the light and shadow from the fire. My gaze lingers, and I hate myself for it, but I can’t deny how handsome he is, or how much he turns me on.

Isn’t that the whole problem? I want him, even when I don’t want him.

“Amanda,” he says softly.

I shake my head as tears pour down my cheeks. He reaches out with one hand but doesn’t come any closer.

“We know what needs to be done, Amanda,” Lucy says. “We came out here to solve the problem, and now we have a solution. Are you up to the task?”

I can’t take my eyes off Body. It was such a short time ago that I said I’d do anything to help my coven. I didn’t know anything was going to include giving up my dignity.

“Yes,” I answer miserably. “I will do it.”

Around me, there is an excited chatter as the rest of the witches explore the possibilities this will give them. They want their magic back, but I know some of them are looking forward to meeting hot, sexy wolves and potential mates.

“We’ll need to talk to Bae,” Lucy says. “The final word will come down to the alpha.”

“I’ll go right now,” Body answers eagerly.

I don’t know what I expected, but it wasn’t this. He seems… happy?

“Okay, message me or Peter when you have an answer,” Lucy replies. “And we’ll get organized.”

Body turns and shifts, running into the trees. The others all get up and start heading through the woods. Nell keeps an arm around me while Lucy gathers up her things and follows us some distance behind.

The rest of the coven are excited as we take the minibus around town to drop them all at their homes. We found a solution to our problem, and there is a chance of love in the future for every single one of them. It would be a perfect situation… if I didn’t have to sacrifice myself to do it.

Nell squeezes my hand tightly when we drop her off at her sister’s, her eyes full of sorrow. She doesn’t know the whole story, of course, but she knows that I’m upset and wants to comfort me.

I shake my head, and she doesn’t ask me any questions. Even though she’ll be wondering why I never shared this with her before, she still respects my feelings and doesn’t press the issue while I’m upset.

When we get back to Lucy’s, she stays in the driver’s seat after turning off the engine, staring absently into space.

“What’s going on, Amanda?” Lucy asks.

“Nothing.”

“Don’t lie to me. You looked at Body like your worst nightmare had come charging out of the woods to tear you apart.”

You’re not wrong.

“I… I have a past with him,” I stammer.

“I guessed that much. Come on, Amanda, how bad could it be?”

Tears start to flow down my cheeks again, and Lucy reaches out to pat my shoulder. I cover my face with my hands, shaking my head.

“He dumped me, okay?” I blurt out. “At the end of high school. We were together—I thought we were together—and we were going to start our lives as a couple when we graduated. But he dumped me, right in front of everyone.”

“Amanda,” Lucy whispers, “is this why you left?”

I nod helplessly.

“You took the coven out into the wilderness to get away from your ex?” Lucy gasps.

“Hey,” I straighten up, looking at Lucy as I wipe the tears off my cheeks. “I didn’t force anyone to do anything, okay? I told them I was going, and they chose to join me. Just like you chose to stay, remember?”

“Yeah, I remember,” she sighs. “I just… I didn’t think you’d do something like this. You’ve always been so strong.”

“Not when it comes to Body,” I say, chuckling in spite of myself.

“Well, let’s go inside. We’ll have word back from Bae soon enough.”

I follow Lucy into the house, then head into the spare room. I can’t go to bed, I’m too wired. I end up sitting in a corner with my arms wrapped around a pillow, trying to keep my mind blank. When the first light of dawn creeps into the room, Lucy knocks softly and comes in.

“Hey,” she says. “Bae called. He said we’re meeting at Shelley’s, and Jen and Carson can come to perform the ceremony.”

My heart twists in my chest, then seems to stop completely. Cold floods my bones, and I can’t breathe.

“Amanda.” Lucy hurries over to me and gives me a quick hug. “Are you going to do this? Decide, right now. Gina’s on her way with a couple of dresses for you, and the pack is gathering at Shelley’s. You have to choose now.”

I stand up slowly, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. “I’m going for a shower. Let me know when Gina gets here.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” I say through gritted teeth.

The warm shower relaxes me and washes away my tears. By the time I get out, I almost feel good.

I know nothing will make him love me, but maybe after we’re married, we can talk. I want to understand why he let me down like that, after what we shared. He owes me that much.

A sudden bang on the door sends panic flooding through me again.

“Hi, Amanda, it’s Gina!” my friend’s voice calls. “Let me in.”

When I open the door, I’m smiling with genuine warmth. Gina throws herself into my arms and gives me a big squeeze. We were good friends in high school, and her mom often took care of me.

“It’s good to see you,” I tell her, really meaning it.

It won’t be so bad, taking on the whole pack as family. It’s not like I ever had one of my own, anyway.

My dad abandoned my mom not long after I was born. She took off before school ended, saying I was old enough to take care of myself. I had never really been close to her. In fact, I’d practically raised myself.

“I brought a couple of dresses,” Gina says with enthusiasm. “We’re about the same size, so they should fit you.”

“Thank you, Gina,” I say bashfully. “That’s very nice of you to let me wear your clothes.”

“Don’t mention it,” she answers, blushing a little. “You’re practically family now. Ask me if you need anything, anything at all!”

While she pulls the dresses out of their bags, I watch Gina with something that feels too much like envy. I’ve always thought she was beautiful, but now that she’s grown up and full of confidence, she’s absolutely stunning.

I wish I could be as outgoing as she is. I know I’ll never be that beautiful, and I'd feel like an absolute fool if I ever tried to own it like she does.

Gina’s dresses are a very good fit, which surprises me. Both of us have big, generous curves, but somehow, I thought her dresses wouldn’t suit me. Seeing myself in a midnight-blue gown with a heart-shaped neckline and tight waist boosts my confidence more than I thought possible.

“That one suits your eyes really well,” Gina says. “It’s not the same shade, but it really enhances the blue.”

“I agree,” I say, doing a little spin. “I didn’t think it would fit.”

“Why?” Gina asks, grinning. “You’re just as curvy as I am, and twice as gorgeous.”

“Stop it,” I mutter, blushing.

“I will not,” Gina says firmly. “It’s your wedding day, so I can’t stop giving the bride compliments. That’s just not how this works.”

“Seconded!” Lucy announces from the doorway. “You are absolutely stunning, Amanda.”

“Oh, okay.” I shake my head. “I don’t have to believe it, though.”

“No, you can just own it,” Gina laughs, nudging me with her elbow. It makes me blush even more.

The girls help me with my makeup, then we head out to Shelley’s. My anxiety rises every second, and by the time we get there, I’m almost jumping out of my skin at every sound.

“Calm down, Amanda,” Lucy says gently, taking my hand.

“Never once in human history has a person calmed down simply by being told to calm down!” I snap.

Lucy squeezes my hand hard. “I’m sorry, Amanda, I really am,” she says placatingly. “But you’re here, ready to do this, so there really isn’t much more to say.”

I nod miserably and let her lead me through the back doors. Body is already there, standing up the front of the room with Bae, Carson, and an older woman I assume must be Jen.

Body is wearing a dark gray suit that shows off his trim waist and broad shoulders. In the harsh light of the bar, his blond hair looks dusted with gold. His eyes, usually so dark, look pale and shimmer like hard-set amber.

He also looks shocked to see me, and this makes my anxiety return full-force.

Of course he doesn’t want to do this—he made it clear that he didn’t want me. He’s only doing this because his alpha told him to!

“Welcome!” Jen exclaims, clapping her hands. “It is an absolute honor to have the witches with us again. In the old times, witches and wolves lived as one, their magic enhancing each other and strengthening our connection to the mountain. This is a great day for us all.”

“Not all of us,” someone growls. A tall man pushes through the small crowd, followed by a few other wolves wearing almost identical expressions of anger.

“Decker,” Bae warns.

“No, I won’t be silenced!” Decker says. “Witches only ever married wolves for one reason—to enhance their own power. It was never about love, or mutual feelings. Witches enspelled us, forced us to marry them, and kept us from our true mates.”

“That isn’t true, Decker,” Jen snaps. “I don’t know what fairytale you’ve been reading, but that’s not history.”

“Bae, don’t let this happen,” Decker pleads, ignoring Jen. “It’s a trick. They just want to steal our power for themselves, then they will rule us. Imagine not being able to shift or join with the mountain! Just imagine a world where your title as alpha means nothing—because you have to live by the word of a witch!”

Bae’s face is hard as he glares at Decker. “You need to leave, now,” Bae says. “I will see you in the bar shortly.”

Decker glares, his eyes glowing faintly with the power of his wolf. Bae’s gold eyes seem to burn as they stare each other down. In the end, it’s Decker who blinks and looks away.

His face twists as he tries to swallow his defeat with grace, then he turns and slams open the door to the main bar. His disgruntled men follow him, leaving tension hanging in the air.

“Come forward, girl,” Jen says, beckoning to me. “Take no notice of those fools. It’s your wedding day, and you deserve to celebrate!”

I watch Body’s face as I approach. I can’t fathom what he’s feeling. He looks like he’s still in shock—his eyes are wide, his lips are pressed together, and his whole body is so tense that his hands are clenched into fists.

“Are we all here?” Jen asks.

“I think so,” Bae answers.

He and Rider stand next to Body, with Carson in front of us with Jen. Gina and Lucy come up beside me, and it almost feels as if they are herding me.

Like an animal. A doe trapped in a small pen, desperate to flee from the hunters.

The ceremony is short, much quicker than I anticipated. Jen merely speaks a few phrases, and it’s over. I wanted it to pass me by without much emotion, but instead, the words have incredible weight, and I feel the binding nature of them.

This ritual is old. As old as my witch blood. I can feel it in my bones.

“You may kiss the bride,” Jen says to Body a little mischievously.

I turn towards Body, and he looks terrified. His pupils are dilated, and his lips are pressed tightly together.

He doesn’t want to kiss me. For God’s sake, let’s just get this over with!

I lean forward and plant a soft, quick kiss on his lips. Just that light touch sends chills running through me, striking my bones and firing my blood. Warm rivers of anticipation run across my skin, hardening my nipples and starting a low, throbbing pulse between my legs.

Oh, Goddess, no!

He turns me on as much as he always did. Maybe even more, and I know I’m not strong enough to fight it.

I’ve always been yours, Body. Even if you were never mine.

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