Forced Plus-Size Mate (Silver Meadows Wolves #6)

Chapter 13 - Amanda

As the gray light of dawn creeps across the outside of the tent, I lie in my sleeping bag, practically paralyzed with anxiety.

What the hell am I doing?

Since we arrived on the mountain, I’ve felt much closer to Body, and more attracted to him. I haven’t been able to stop myself from getting close to him.

And now all I can feel is the pain I’ve suffered for the last ten years. I don’t know if I can forgive him.

I sit up slowly, looking at my hands. With just the barest thought, yellow sparks begin to dance across my palms. I feel like I could do anything right now—even move the mountain itself if I had to.

And it’s because of Body. I know it is.

“Hey, Amanda, are you awake?” Body calls from outside the tent.

“Yes, coming,” I answer.

“Cool. I’ll get the kids up.”

When I push through the tent flap, the sky is silvery and dull, not yet lit by the clear yellow light of the sun. It feels like being in an eternal twilight, a place of uncertainty, and I’m afraid I might get trapped in it forever.

As Body gets the kids ready, I collapse the tents and pack them with just a wave of my hand. I stack the supplies onto the snowmobile using a few gestures. As I do, Grace comes over to watch.

“Is that easy to do?” she asks, and I nod.

“Yes, at the moment. A couple of weeks ago, I wouldn’t have been able to do it at all.”

“Why?”

“Magic was failing. Our rituals told us the only solution was to marry wolves.”

“So you just married Body for your own selfish reasons!”

“Grace,” I say, sighing. “It’s not that simple, okay. You’ll understand more when you’re older. Where did you even hear that?”

“The others are saying stuff,” she says. “The Decker pack wolves, they are talking about witches as if they’re bad.”

I smile at her. “Well, I guess I’ll have to prove them wrong.”

Grace nods and returns the smile before hurrying over to the others. I notice Body watching me and quickly turn my back to jump on the snowmobile.

I don’t want to look at him, or talk to him. I got comfortable and made him think everything is okay… and I am totally not okay!

Even as my fury rises and the pain of hundreds of sleepless nights threatens my heart, I can’t stop the warm glow that rises in me when I remember our kiss. The feel of his hands on me… his hot lips… the eager way his body responded to mine.

So close. I was so close to just saying “fuck it” and tearing his clothes off.

Gunning the snowmobile, I follow the tracks of the wolves, letting my competing emotions flood through me. The winner is still pain. The scar on my heart still aches from the way he betrayed me.

Body was just a stupid, conflicted kid. Surely you can forgive him one mistake.

That mistake destroyed me. It shattered the beauty of everything we shared. How can I ever forgive him?

The two sides of my mind are at war, and I don’t know how to resolve the conflict.

I’m not strong enough to give in… but I can’t leave him, either.

After coming down the mountain, we stop briefly in the parking lot to unload our gear and wait for the kids to get picked up. As the last one leaves, Body turns to me and smiles, though I can’t quite smile back.

He looks puzzled but doesn’t say anything. When we get into the truck, he clears his throat awkwardly, and I almost flinch away from him.

“Is there anything you need, or should we just head home?” he asks.

“Home is fine,” I say tersely.

Is it even my home? I don’t feel like I have one. I never did, except for my little cottage in the canyon.

For a moment, I’m enveloped in the memory of my cozy little house, making bread with Nell and settling by the fire at night to work on our spells. It was so quiet and peaceful out there that my mind would clear completely, and I felt connected to the web of life in a way I never had before.

Except for those nights my body ached and burned. When I felt the pull of life within me, and all I wanted was to give myself to Body again, no matter what it cost my heart.

“Amanda?” Body says softly. “We’re here.”

“Oh,” I mutter, slowly coming out of my daze and getting out of the truck.

Body turns to me and holds out his hand. I shuffle back a few steps.

He frowns. “Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m fine,” I answer, shaking my head. “I just need a little space.”

“No worries,” he says, but I can hear the strain in his voice.

I’ve barely gotten my stuff inside when a car honks in the driveway. I hurry out to see Gina, Lena, Leslie, and Fiona packed into the tiny sedan.

“Hey, you!” Gina calls to me, laughing. “Come out with us and get some donuts. Lucy’s waiting in town.”

“I don’t know…” I say.

“Yeah, you do!” Leslie giggles. “Get in the car.”

I hear Body come up behind me, and suddenly anything is better than being stuck in the house with him, alone and trapped in awkward silence.

Bullshit. You’re just afraid to jump into his pants.

Before that thought can fully take root, I hurry over to the car and squeeze into the backseat, making Leslie slide over into the middle. I wave briefly to Body out the window.

“Bye, Body!” Lena calls. “We’ll take care of her. Are you coming to the party at Shelley’s later?”

“Should be,” he answers. “Bye, Amanda. Have fun.”

I just nod, watching him as we reverse down the driveway and turn onto the street.

I’m such a goddamn mess. I can’t wait to get away from him, but I look at him for as long as I possibly can on the way out.

“So, how’s everything?” Lena asks, turning around from the passenger seat. “Wedded bliss or what?”

“Or what,” I grumble.

“That’s perfectly normal,” Fiona says. “But rocky starts tend to work out extremely well around here. Don’t make me tell you about my wedding night.”

“For fuck’s sake, Fiona,” Gina groans. “How many times do you have to tell the story? It’s not kidnapping if you choose to stay.”

“And apparently, you kind of liked the chains,” Leslie puts in.

“Kidnapping?” I cry in alarm. “Chains?”

“Oh, calm down.” Fiona waves a hand at me. “It was just a tiny kidnapping. And the chains are still above the bed.”

The girls all break out in laughter. I try to play along, even though I have no clue what they are talking about.

We arrive at the bakery soon after, and Lucy has a table ready out front. She waves at us enthusiastically as we park and gestures for us to hurry.

“Come on, girls! I’ve got fresh donuts out for us, and a fudge layer cake.”

“Oh my lord,” Leslie mutters, sitting down and staring at the cake. “Lucy, you are the devil.”

“Well, it is my first name,” she says, winking. “Besides, you need to keep your strength up after having that baby!”

“Seriously?” Leslie bursts out laughing. “She’s over six months old now—and you don’t look like you put on an ounce of weight in your pregnancy!”

“I did just mention a deal with the devil,” she giggles, wiggling her eyebrows. “Come on, now. Who wants cake? Sarah is watching the shop, so we’re free for a few hours and can head straight to the party after.”

“Let’s get the party started early, then,” Lena says mischievously. She pulls two tall bottles out of her bag—premixed daiquiri. One chocolate, the other strawberry.

“Oh, no, you didn’t,” Fiona moans. “Last time you brought one of those, I lost hours of my life.”

“You shifted and ran halfway up the mountain,” Gina laughs. “Rider had to come and get you, and apparently you threw him down in a patch of spring flowers and... um…”

“Do NOT finish that sentence!” Fiona shouts, red spots appearing on her cheeks. “And pass me the chocolate daiquiri.”

Lucy hurries to get glasses, and once we’re all seated with drinks and a big plate of cake each, the talking settles down as we indulge ourselves.

Maybe I’ll get through this without revealing too much about what’s going on. I don’t even know how to talk about it.

“So, Amanda, how’s it going with Body?” Lucy asks.

Damn.

“Fine,” I mumble through a mouthful of cake.

“That’s not what was implied,” Lena says, giving me a sideways glance. “Come on, out with it. You’re part of the pack now.”

“I don’t know how much of the story is public knowledge,” I answer, “but Body and I kind of have a complicated past.”

“I’m aware,” Gina says softly. When I look up, I see a pain in her eyes that I recognize all too well.

“It’s okay,” she says. “Really. I understand, and I think you’ve been very brave. Trust me, I know.”

Suddenly, there’s a lump in my throat I can’t swallow. My eyes burn, and I drop my spoon.

“Fuck,” I mutter, covering my face.

“Hey,” Leslie says gently, rubbing my shoulder. “It’s going to be alright.”

“Nothing about this is alright!” I cry. “It sucks. It all just sucks. Why did he have to—and then I—”

Misery overwhelms me, and I let myself cry. I feel completely helpless as the sobs tear through me, and the girls all gather around, hugging me and comforting me.

“I know one thing for sure,” Gina says.

“What?” I ask, looking up at her with tear-filled eyes.

“You love him.”

The truth is too much, and I have to look away.

Gina puts her hand on my shoulder. “You never stopped loving him, and you hate yourself for it. Now you want him, and somewhere deep down, you’ve already forgiven him. But you can’t forgive yourself.”

“Gina, will you stop making so much sense?” I sniffle.

She hugs me, and I feel the arms of the other girls go around me, too. Having such a strong sense of family touches me deeply. Even being with the coven, I never felt this safe, or loved.

After a few minutes, my sobs settle down, and the girls pull back a little. Lena puts a glass of chocolate daiquiri in my hand as Leslie hands me a donut. I accept both gratefully.

“I heard from the others that they are getting their powers back,” Lucy says. “But so far, it’s unreliable. How have yours been?”

“Better than ever,” I admit. “I’ve been doing things I couldn’t do for years—and a few things I’ve never done.”

“Like what?” Lucy asks.

“Well, I kinda almost caused an earthquake.”

“That was you?” Gina exclaims. “The town went on avalanche alert.”

“Oh, I had full control of it,” I answer without thinking. “I wasn’t going to let the snow or rocks go anywhere. I was just shaking them around a bit.”

Lucy is smiling at me with some awe in her eyes, but when I cast my gaze around the circle, the wolves look a bit scared.

“It was nothing,” I say quickly, trying to cover it. “Like, it was the limit for me. I couldn’t have caused any real damage.”

This seems to comfort the wolves, but Lucy gives me an eyebrow raise that means she expects an explanation later.

“Well, that’s good news, then,” Gina says. “Getting your magic back was the point of the ritual, and it worked. You should be happy about that, at least?”

I shake my head, taking a big sip of the chocolate daiquiri. “It actually just makes it worse. On top of all the other confusion, I’m wondering if my urge to stay with him is because of my magic and he’s just obeying his alpha.”

“Oh my God,” Gina laughs. “Trust me, Amanda, that’s not what’s going on at all. Body couldn’t wait to marry you. Bae couldn’t hold him back.”

“Really?” I ask hopefully.

“Really,” Gina affirms. “I’m pretty sure your motivation isn’t wholly to do with your powers, either. If you asked yourself what was more important—Body, or your magic—I’m pretty sure it would be easy to answer.”

Too easy. That’s the problem.

“Well, we should get these daiquiris finished,” Lena says, filling up everyone’s glasses. “Then we can get to the party and really start drinking!”

“I’m not sure I can keep up,” I admit. “It’s been a long time since I partied this hard.”

“Trust me,” Lena says, eyeing me over the rim of her glass. “Once you have kids, you’ll throw down as hard as you possibly can, every chance you get.”

“Where are all the kids?” I ask.

“Left them with Bae, Jack, and Rider,” Fiona answers with a giggle. “Carla is taking them tonight so the boys can come, but we said we had an emergency and the boys had to step up.”

“I wonder how they’re going?” Gina muses. “All of them have gotten pretty good at managing their own kid, but the whole crowd?”

“Isla is displaying telekinesis, too,” Lucy says with a grin. “Nothing much yet, but she did make a bottle fly across the room the other day.”

“Oh, dear,” Lena laughs. “Those poor boys.”

Even though my heart is still heavy, I can feel my bad mood lifting. It’s good to be out having fun with the girls, and to know that their marriages didn’t start perfectly, either.

There seems to be a very consistent track record here. Maybe, if I can trust Body… trust myself… I can have everything I’ve ever wanted.