Forced Plus-Size Mate (Silver Meadows Wolves #6)

Chapter 21 - Amanda

I follow along behind the group of play-fighting wolves, happy to see Body enjoying himself. He keeps telling me he’s okay, but I can sense a deep conflict in him that he’s not ready to share.

I can relate.

“Amanda,” Lucy comes running over to me, wrapping her arms around my waist and squeezing me hard. “I’m so glad you’re alright.”

“Good to see you, too,” I say, hugging her back. “I didn’t see you at the fight?”

“I was hunkered down with Caleb,” she answers. “But Peter was out fighting. Luckily, he wasn’t injured.”

“I can’t stand to think about the families who lost people,” I shake my head, my voice cracking. “I’m trying not to think about it, but it’s like I can feel their grief. This never should have happened.”

“Hey, don’t,” Lucy cautions. “It sounds like you’re about to blame yourself there.”

“Shouldn’t I?”

Lucy grabs my hand and leads me over to the hall. There’s a few chairs set out, and a table covered with food and pitchers of punch and iced tea. We both grab some snacks and sit down under a tall tree.

“You’re not fully healed,” Lucy remarks, narrowing her eyes as she looks at me. “I can detect quite a few blood vessels in your skull still knitting back together. Do you have a headache?”

“Yes, but it’s getting better.”

“Liar.”

I scowl at her. “You were never this good at monitoring before.”

Lucy shrugs. “Power just keeps coming to me. Especially since I had Isla.”

“Where is the little cutie?”

“Carla has all the kids, and there’s a unit of wolves stationed around the house,” Lucy says, looking off into the distance. “I don’t like being away from my baby, but it’s the safest place for them.”

I focus on my piece of cake, trying to block out the chattering thoughts rising in my mind.

“What is it, Amanda?” Lucy asks.

I raise my eyebrow. “Oh, you read thoughts now?”

“No,” she chuckles. “I’ve never met a witch who could do that as well as Nell, but your body language and your aura are flickering around like sirens.”

“I don’t think I should have come back,” I whisper after a moment. I don’t want to make these words real, as if disturbing their air with them would curse me, my love, and my magic.

“What?” Lucy asks, her voice hushed.

“I don’t think I should have come back!” I say firmly. “Fuck it, fuck it all. I’m saying it, I don’t care what anyone thinks… this is the truth.”

Lucy looks over my shoulder to see that the wolves are all still playing, not paying any attention to us. “Don’t let the others hear that, especially Body,” she says. “You’re talking crazy.”

“Why is it crazy?” I snap. “We’ve caused nothing but trouble here. We did this, me and the other witches. There would be no fighting if we had stayed away.”

“Not true,” Lucy says simply. “They were already getting upset about my marriage to Peter. The only reason they let it slide was because he was a rogue—he had no allegiance to any particular pack when he came to town. After we got married, he was accepted into Silver Meadows, but as far as Decker was concerned, he was still an outsider, not bound by the rules of the treaty.”

“I didn’t know all of that,” I acknowledge. “But really, you’re making my point for me that the trouble didn’t start until we got back.”

“Your magic was failing. All of you would have died out in the canyon if you hadn’t returned.”

“We could have gone to another town, or brought in better supplies so we could live as ordinary people. That wouldn’t have been so hard.”

Lucy glares at me. “Really? Can you imagine living without your powers, even for a day?”

I look down at my hands, shaking my head. “Don’t. At the moment, I feel like I’d do anything to bring back peace to the packs.”

“So what are you going to do? Leave?”

“I don’t know.”

“Amanda!” Lucy cries, then quickly quiets down so the wolves don’t hear. “How could you even consider this? Don’t you know what you mean to Body?”

I sigh, looking back up at her. “I am beginning to understand, yes. But he’s best friends with Bae, always by his side. The training with the young wolves is practically his lifeblood. I’m the thing that threatens it.”

“I don’t like this,” Lucy groans. “You’re making excuses.”

“No, I’m not.”

“You are! You’re still afraid to let yourself love him, and you’re grasping at straws to find a good excuse to leave.”

“People are dead!” I shout. “Bonds between packs have been broken! I’m not making shit up—this is real!”

“And do you really think if you go, Decker and Kelta will just make nice and come back to us as full-on besties?”

“They would at least have a chance for peace if we weren’t here,” I say miserably. I finish my cake and wash it down with strong iced tea. My headache seems to have gotten worse, with pressure throbbing behind my eyes.

“You need to hold on, Amanda,” Lucy says, grabbing my hand. “Do you remember how desperate I was to get away from Peter? Look at us now. We can’t live without each other. You’ve loved Body your whole life. Don’t let him down now.”

My eyes burn as tears threaten to fall, but I wipe them away. “I don’t want to hurt him. And that’s exactly why I can’t decide what to do.”

“Well, even if you decide to do something stupid, don’t expect the other witches to follow you.”

I frown. “What do you mean by that?”

“They have spread out between the packs, all twelve of them. They are looking for mates. Everyone pretty much has their powers back, so it’s not a selfish urge for those reasons, but all of them fully believe they have a match.”

“Some of the girls were with Silverton wolves,” I say. “That’s not going to end well.”

Lucy shrugs. “I’ve seen worse relationships succeed in this town. The point is, I don’t think they’ll go with you, Amanda. If you want to leave, don’t expect them to follow.”

Tears streak down my cheeks now, and I can’t stop them. “I’ve never felt so lost,” I whisper. “But at the same time, I’ve never been happier. Waking up with Body today was absolute bliss, until I remembered what happened at the party. How can we be together when it’s causing so much violence?”

Lucy rubs my arm, trying to comfort me. “We will work it out, I promise you. The love you have is true, and you have to believe in that.”

I shake my head, wiping away my tears. Behind me, I hear big, bounding paws slamming the ground, and I turn around to see Body charging at me. I wrap my arms around him as he leaps at me, throwing his paws across my shoulders.

He shifts in my arms, fur giving way to soft skin and his eyes changing from pale amber to dark brown sepia. He stretches out across my lap, breathing hard after his run.

“Had fun, babe?” I ask.

He nods, grinning.

“Here,” Lucy says, tossing a coat at him. “At least put this over you. I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to the casual nudity.”

Body laughs. “You’d better. We try to keep ourselves covered, you know that, but it’s not always possible.”

“I seem to recall it was still somewhat of an issue back in high school?” I say, raising an eyebrow.

“That’s different,” Body says seriously. “We play around as wolves all our lives, but then, suddenly puberty hits and… well, our perception of each other’s bodies rapidly changes. I think it takes at least five years for us to grow out of it.”

“Well, I’m not complaining,” I say, running my hand across his bare chest.

“I’m going to leave you two to talk,” Lucy says, giving me a look. “Come up to the schoolhouse a bit later to help out, if you can.”

Body gives her a mock salute, and I just sit quietly, running my fingers through his short, dusky-gold hair. It’s so soft, the sensation of it sliding against my skin is almost mesmerizing.

“I love it when you do that,” he murmurs, closing his eyes and tilting his head back in my lap.

“Good, because I love doing it,” I answer, running a hand down his cheek, then back up to tease his scalp.

“I’m so happy, Amanda,” Body whispers. “I know these might be the darkest days the pack has ever seen, but with you by my side, I can face it. I can handle anything.”

Even if I’m the one who caused it?

“I’m glad I can give you strength,” I reply, not daring to share my true thoughts.

“Thank you for trusting me,” he says, opening his eyes and looking straight at me. It’s almost impossible to see his pupils against the dark brown irises, as if his eyes are an echo of the deep earth from where all things are born and grow.

And where we all return, in death.

Fuck, don’t be so morbid!

It’s no use. I can feel pain and grief echoing around the mountain, an endless litany of sorrow and regret. I realize that I’ve been getting in the way of my own healing, because as my mind and body have become more whole, my sensitivity has increased until I can hear the keening for the dead—and their restless spirits roaming around the wilderness.

And it’s not going to stop. They will keep coming. They hate us that much.

“Amanda?” Body asks, sounding worried.

“Yes, my love?” I say, blinking myself back to reality. I run my fingers through his hair again, letting the sensations ground me. “I’m still just feeling a bit off,” I tell him. “My magic is a bit haywire.”

“Don’t try to use it,” he says, looking concerned. “I can’t stand the idea of you getting hurt. I need you.”

“I need you, too,” I whisper, leaning down to kiss him.

Shivers run through me as I press my lips against his, teasing his tongue and indulging in the pleasure this simple gesture gives me. My whole body starts to sing, begging for his touch and the feel of him inside me as we become one.

But I need him to live. I need him to have all he deserves in his pack, and safety for himself and his youngsters. The only way to protect him is to leave him…

“I love you,” he whispers, breaking the kiss with his words. “I always have, and I always will. I can’t believe you gave me a second chance. I didn’t deserve it.”

“Hush, my love,” I murmur, stroking his cheek. “That’s in the past now. We were different people then. Just focus on today, on what we are right now. That’s enough for us both.”

“Yes!” he agrees. “What we are now, and what we’ll become.”

I ignore the last line and kiss him again. I don’t want to think about the past or the future. All I want to do is pretend the rest of the world doesn’t exist and enjoy what I have in this moment.

Because I know this can’t last. One way or another, we’ll be forced apart. The only way to save us both is to admit the truth of it… and sacrifice myself to save him.