Chapter 5
FIVE
Bax couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so exhausted, and that was before they’d left the store. It wasn’t just that the kids were squirmy, although he’d had no idea that two small humans under the age of four could squirm, wiggle, wail, and run as much as Jordan and Macy did. It gave him an entirely new respect and sympathy for the beleaguered mums whose kids acted up in public places.
The kids were only half the reason Bax was almost panting with exhaustion by the time they paid for their groceries and loaded everything into Nick’s car to head home.
“Your mum is…charming,” he said once he was secure in the passenger’s seat and Nick was backing out of the parking place.
Nick only laughed humorlessly, then concentrated on getting them out of the parking lot.
Bax wasn’t certain he should bring up the subject again. Nick’s tension was glaringly obvious, but offering help and advice where someone else’s family was concerned wasn’t exactly a way to endear oneself to them.
And Bax desperately wanted to endear himself to Nick.
Nick was stressed, that much was clear to him. It was hard to tell why. There were so many things that could have been getting Nick down, from Raina’s passing to the upcoming sculpture competition that Bax knew he wasn’t ready for. If there was one thing that the time the two of them had spent together over the last week had taught him, though, it was that Nick was doing an astounding job of holding it together under trying circumstances.
He deserved a break. He deserved to be treated with kindness and comfort. He didn’t deserve to have his mum try to set him up in the middle of a grocery store while side-eyeing his company.
Mrs. Turner had definitely been side-eyeing him. It matched the disapproval he’d felt from the woman on their first meeting. Bax couldn’t figure out what she disapproved of, though. Nick was surrounded by people who loved him and supported him. The Hawthornes had taken Nick in as one of their own.
“Mum is incredibly traditional,” Nick said almost out of the blue once they were on the main road heading out to Hawthorne House. “She likes things a certain way. She always has. She’s a good person and an excellent granny, though.”
“I don’t doubt that she is,” Bax said, glancing over his shoulder to where both kids were quickly falling asleep in their car seats. What he did doubt was what Nick’s mum’s definition of being a good person was.
“She’s been so worried about me since Raina died,” Nick went on with a shrug before making a turn, eyes pinned to the road. “When I was younger, she’d tell me she was giving up all hope of having grandchildren. She said I was too shy and awkward to ever attract a wife.”
Bax frowned, mostly at the way Nick didn’t seem to find anything wrong with that statement. He stopped himself just short of saying that maybe Nick would have found himself a husband, though. He didn’t want to end up fishing for information about someone’s sexuality the same way Mrs. Turner had fished with him.
“Don’t you have a sister?” he asked instead.
Nick smiled. “Two, actually. Joann still lives at home with Mum. She’s a primary school teacher, actually. I also have an older sister, Candice, who married a Canadian and moved to Halifax a few years ago.”
“Oh. That’s nice.” It was a silly thing to say, but the vibe in the car was suddenly awkward, and Bax didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
He could practically feel Nick thinking as they drove on. Judging by the frown he wore, those thoughts weren’t great. Bax wanted to reach out and rest his hand on Nick’s massive thigh, squeezing it to let him know everything would be alright. He wanted to reassure Nick that he had a friend and that he would do whatever Nick needed him to do to help him deal with, well, life.
Granted, the fantasy of a hot and sweaty Nick covered in soot from the forge definitely hadn’t gone away, but if all Nick needed was a friend right now, Bax wanted to be that friend.
Being Nick’s friend included doing things he never in a million years would have imagined himself doing.
“Undo the fastenings carefully,” Nick whispered as the two of them stood in the open doors on either side of the car, leaning into the back seat where the kids were sleeping. “He’ll be out for a while after the morning he’s had.” He gestured to the straps holding Jordan into his seat.
“He’s not going to kick up a fuss if he wakes up and we’re not in the car anymore?” Bax asked, following Nick’s lead and freeing Jordan from his seat.
Nick shook his head. “Kids go to sleep in one place and wake up in another all the time.”
“I can’t decide if that would be exciting or unnerving,” Bax said, grinning across the cramped and messy back seat of the car at Nick.
Nick glanced up at him and smiled when their eyes met. The car suddenly felt warm to Bax, and he was afraid that his excitement in that moment of connection between the two of them would wake Jordan up.
Jordan stirred but didn’t wake as Bax pulled him up and settled him in his arms. He wasn’t sure he was holding the boy right. Sleeping toddlers were entirely different beasts than awake and running ones. Everything Bax knew about kids could be written on a single sticky-note, but if it meant he could spend more time with Nick, then he’d learn.
“There you are,” Aunt Janice greeted the two of them as they brought the kids into the house. “Had a bit of an outing, did we?” she asked as she fell into step with the two of them as they carried the kids upstairs.
“Just to Sainsbury’s,” Nick said quietly as their footsteps echoed in the stairwell.
“A date with the kids to Sainsbury’s, eh?” Janice asked, peeking sideways at Bax.
Bax flushed hot, which surprised him. He wasn’t at all the sort to shy away from innuendo. He was the one flinging innuendo all over the place most of the time. But the look in his Aunt Janice’s eyes as they reached the upstairs hallway made him feel like he’d been caught being naughty.
“We ran into Bax just as we were leaving,” Nick said calmly, like he hadn’t caught the hint at all. “He was on his way to the same place, so we went together.”
The thing about Nick that Bax was beginning to see was that he was smarter than anyone gave him credit for. He was cleverer than he gave himself credit for. There was a fair chance that he knew exactly what Aunt Janice was implying but had ignored it on purpose so he didn’t give himself or his feelings away.
“Well, if you’d like, I can keep an eye on these two while you carry the groceries up,” Aunt Janice said as they approached Nick’s door.
“That would be lovely, Aunt Janice,” Bax said, giving her cheek a kiss as they paused and waited for Nick to shuffle a sleeping Macy around so he could unlock his door.
It struck him as funny that he did the same thing with Aunt Janice that Nick had done with his mum in Sainsbury’s. But as soon as they were in Nick’s flat, Aunt Janice proved just how different she was from Mrs. Turner.
“Look at that sweet face,” she cooed as she took Jordan from Bax’s arms. “Isn’t he just a perfect angel?”
“He’s a hellion and a thorn in my side,” Nick said with a broad grin as he carried Macy straight into the flat’s second bedroom, which was set up as a nursery.
“Yes, but even angels can be naughty little boys sometimes,” Aunt Janice said.
She grinned at Nick as he spoke, though Nick was too busy with Macy, then glanced over her shoulder at Bax.
Bax leaned against the doorframe, shook his head, and rolled his eyes. His Aunt Janice was a troublemaker.
Unless she knew something about Nick that Bax didn’t.
That thought buzzed around Bax’s insides as he and Nick made another trip down to the car to fetch all the groceries. Unsurprisingly, Nick was able to bring everything up at once by looping a dozen heavy bags over his massive arms. On the one hand, it put Bax to shame as he carried up his measly two bags. On the other, it made him weak in the knees to see that sort of display of Nick’s strength.
They parted ways so that Bax could take his groceries to his own kitchen. He raced through putting everything away, and within five minutes was back at the door to Nick’s place. The door that had been left open, though whether by accident or because someone was playing Cupid, Bax didn’t know.
He had a pretty good idea which of those two things it was when Aunt Janice announced, “I have some free time this afternoon. Why don’t the two of you take these sandwiches I’ve just made down to the forge so you can work on your sculpture for a while, Nick? Bax can help you. Don’t worry about the kids. I can’t wait to play with them when they wake up.”
“Thanks, Janice,” Nick said with a grateful sigh, going to inspect the cool bag on the kitchen counter. “I should probably be here to play with the kids myself when they wake up, but I do need to work on the sculpture.”
“That’s why you should take Bax with you,” Aunt Janice said, feigning innocence. “I’m sure he’d be helpful with your tools.”
Bax crossed his arms and sent his aunt a pretend scolding stare, shaking his head as he did. She was as much of a troublemaker as…as the entire Hawthorne family. No wonder Uncle Robert had fallen for her all those years ago.
“Take a few of those beers in the fridge with you,” Aunt Janice told Nick as he finished putting away the last of his groceries. “They’re wedged way back in the bottom of the fridge, which tells me you haven’t had any for ages, which also tells me you haven’t loosened up in ages. Eat, drink, and be loose.”
Bax laughed out loud. If that wasn’t the motto of the Hawthorne family, he didn’t know what was.
Surprisingly, Nick followed Aunt Janice’s advice without too much fuss. He grabbed a few things he said he would need to work on the unicorn, then he and Bax took their lunch and headed out.
“Yep,” Bax said as they headed down the hill with the skies clouding over and spitting light rain down on them. “Your mum and Aunt Janice are complete and polar opposites.”
Nick laughed. “You can say that again.”
“I’m not certain they’re even the same species,” Bax said.
He swayed closer to Nick to avoid a small pit in the path. Their shoulders bumped. Bax could have sworn Nick sucked in a breath, but he didn’t want to make a big deal about it.
He also didn’t want to step away from Nick and walk with a respectable distance between the two of them, but he did.
“The entire Hawthorne family is full of free spirits,” he said as they approached the forge.
“Really. I hadn’t noticed,” Nick said in a voice so flat it was almost sarcasm. Bax hadn’t ever heard Nick say anything sarcastic before. It was exciting.
Bax laughed as they ducked under the canvas shielding the doorway and into the surprisingly warm forge. Nick put the cool bag down on one of the benches, then immediately set to work checking the fires and feeding them so they would be hot enough for working, or so Bax presumed.
It was just the two of them, and with the canvas walls of the forge rolled down, it felt like they were alone and sheltered from the world. Maybe that was what made Bax bold.
“How on earth did you end up with someone like Raina when you come from the family that you do?” he asked as he helped himself to one of the beers and took a seat where he could feast on the sight of Nick working.
Nick huffed a laugh. “She found me,” he said. “After that first time she invited me out to the pub, she refused to let me go. That’s really the whole story of how we ended up together.”
“And you didn’t date anyone before her?”
“Not really.” Nick shrugged. “I mean, I fancied a few people, but I couldn’t stomach the thought of bringing them home so my mum and dad could scrutinize the hell out of them.”
Bax nearly swallowed his beer wrong and fell off his stool. Fancied a few people , not a few girls . It could have been a slip of the tongue or it could have been deliberate. He needed more information.
“So that’s the only thing that stopped you from bringing someone home to meet the parents? The fear that they’d be scrutinized?” he asked, getting up and moving closer to the newer forge, where Nick was shifting parts around and doing things that were way above his technical know-how.
“I saw the way they were with Candice’s boyfriends,” Nick said, glancing quickly at him before finishing with the forge. “I didn’t want to wish that on anyone.”
“But you wished it on Raina,” Bax pointed out.
“Raina was a force of nature. She wished it on herself,” Nick said with a fond smile.
“That she was,” Bax agreed.
He still didn’t have the information he really wanted, though. Was Nick bi? And if so, was the heat growing between them more than friendship?
They moved to the side of the forge where their lunch waited. Bax made a point to sit closer to Nick than he would have if he didn’t particularly care about someone. He tried to make it look casual, but as they munched on their sandwiches, he rested his knee against the side of Nick’s beefy leg.
“I don’t think your mum likes me much,” Bax said with his mouth half-full.
Nick laughed out loud. “Mum doesn’t like anyone.”
“She likes Kate Danbury,” Bax said, taking a risk and imitating the way Mrs. Turner had said the woman’s name.
Nick flushed the cutest shade of pink. “Maybe I should say that Mum doesn’t like any of the Hawthornes,” he said.
That got a reaction out of Bax more than Nick saying he actually wanted to go on a date with Kate Danbury would have.
“I’ve noticed,” he said. “It’s inconceivable. The Hawthorne family is the best. We’re eclectic and creative and we take risks. And we’re all pretty cute, if I do say so myself.”
“I’m pretty sure that’s the reason she doesn’t really like any of you,” Nick laughed. “That and the fact that the entire family is queer as a unicorn in heat.” He nodded to his half-finished sculpture.
Bax laughed at the metaphor, but his laughter stopped abruptly. “She’s not homophobic, is she?” That would explain a hell of a lot.
Nick shrugged. “I don’t think it’s that specifically. She loves that one guy on Antiques Roadshow.” Nick rolled his eyes. “What she really doesn’t like is people who don’t fit into her box of how she thinks people are supposed to be.”
That made all the sense in the world, too.
“How does she think you should be?” he asked, even though it felt like a huge risk.
Nick tensed almost imperceptibly, then blew out a breath and sagged. “I should be predictable and stable. I should be rushing to find a new wife to take care of my babies for me so that I can go off and be, I don’t know, an accountant?” He grinned at Bax.
Was the man trying to make him fall head over heels in love? Bax was already well on his way to being lost where Nick was concerned. To have the man tease him and be so open with him was a better aphrodisiac than any magic he’d ever been involved with in the past.
“What do you want?” he asked, taking the biggest risk of all and reaching out to rest his hand on top of Nick’s hand where it rested on his thigh. “Who do you want to be?”
Nick slowly raised his eyes to meet Bax’s. There was something there other than casual friendship or family closeness. It was raw and vulnerable, like Nick trusted him with the fragility of his emotions.
Better still, Nick twisted his hand so that he could hold Bax’s as he said, “I just want to be a good father and a good man. I want to be true to myself and my art, too, but instead, since Raina’s death, I feel so distant from it. For more than a year, I feel like I’ve just been going through the motions, trying to figure out who I am now, without her.”
“It takes time to move on when you’ve had a big life change,” Bax said.
No sooner were the words past his lips than they circled back to hit him in the heart. He knew what he was talking about a little too well. He’d just ended not only a relationship, but a fellowship with some of the few people he’d ever met who understood him on a deeper level.
Nick wasn’t the only one flailing around like a tired kid in a supermarket, just wanting to go home. Bax was right there with him.
“Yeah, time,” Nick said with a sad smile. “At least we’ve got each other while that time passes.”
It was such a simple thing to say, but the words nearly knocked the wind out of Bax. The words and the genuine affection in Nick’s eyes. They had something. They absolutely had something. Bax just needed to figure out what it was and how far it could go.
“Come on,” he said, pulling his hand out of Nick’s and slapping his thigh. “Let’s do some art. I don’t know anything about forging or metalwork, but if you tell me to hold something, I can hold it.”
It was a sure sign of how much he was genuinely falling for Nick that he didn’t even turn those words into an innuendo.