Foul Territory (Newhouse University #3)

PROLOGUE

SYDNEY

HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION NIGHT

(FOUR YEARS EARLIER)

Finally. I kick my shoes off and send them flying across the room. Diving face first into my bedspread, I inhale a deep breath of the fresh scent. The familiar smell mends a few of my frayed nerves.

After a long night of party hopping with my brother, Nash, and our best friend, Koa, I’m ready to slip into something more comfortable and escape reality for the rest of the night.

I need to occupy my mind with a good book instead of constantly thinking about him being a few feet away. I’ve been on edge ever since Nash asked Koa to stay the night on the way home. This isn’t anything new. He’s been staying over at our house almost every weekend since middle school. If he’s not here, then they are both at his house or with our friend, Hart, who lives a few streets over.

I’m not sure which I like better: having him within reach but not being able to touch him or far away and wondering what he’s doing. Neither choice feels right. Nothing has felt right with him lately.

“Are you okay?” Koa’s voice filters through the air from somewhere behind me.

“I’m good,” I mumble into my rose covered comforter. Flipping over on my back, I push up onto my elbows and find him leaning against the cream door frame, his arms casually crossed over his broad chest. A pair of deep brown eyes turn a shade darker as they rake over my body.

I stopped tracking the times Koa’s looked at me with this much intensity months ago. It became depressing. Too many opportunities for him to make a move or admit he feels the same current of electricity flowing between us. I’d hold my breath waiting for him but I’m afraid death would come before he’d ever make a move.

“Did you have fun tonight?” he asks, his eyes focused on the wall above my head. I guess he had his fill. Not sure what else I can do to get his attention if laying on my bed in a mini dress isn’t doing it for him.

“It was okay I guess. I didn’t know very many people,” I reply, sitting up on my bed and putting a pillow over my lap so I can cross my legs.

The parties we went to tonight were hosted by different guys on the baseball team. Not exactly my crowd. I have a small selection of friends. None of which would be caught at a house party.

The truth is friends have always been hard to come by for me. I can count on one hand the number of true friends I have and they are all guys. I would be approached by girls at school who would pretend to play nice but were only talking to me to get closer to my brother and his friends. They treated me like I was their meal ticket.

If only they knew the truth. Sure the guys included me in things when they could, but I mostly felt like I was tagging along. Like I’m there by default—or worse, pity.

It wasn’t always like this. I was Koa’s first friend in town. I’ll never forget the day we met. I’d just bought new roller skates with money I had saved up and was trying them out, skating up and down our long street.

At the very last house, he was there like a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. Koa jumped off the back of the moving truck and his eyes caught mine. My knees buckled, making me almost lose my balance.

I didn’t have the guts to stop and say something to him. I wanted to but I’d never talked to a boy as cute as him before. The next day he was outside playing catch with his brother. I skated by his house at least a dozen times. He never waved or anything but he would watch me. His eyes may have been hidden under his baseball cap but I've always been able to tell when I have his attention. My body lights up any time he looks in my direction.

On the third day, he was outside playing catch again. It seems to be the only thing he liked to do. His eyes followed me as I skated past his concrete driveway. He was so focused on me he missed the ball. I stopped it with my skate before it could roll into the street. I picked up the ball and handed it over to him. Our fingers touched and he shocked me. I felt his touch for days like a phantom limb.

One touch and a mumbled thanks was all it took for me to fall in love with the boy at the end of the street. That was a summer I'll never forget. We spent most days doing nothing but breathing the same air but it felt like so much more. I never wanted it to end. I wanted to be near him always.

I wish I was near him now. He’s here in my room but he still feels far away. We never had another summer like that one. When the season changed and baseball started, he met Nash. Our duo became a trio and that changed everything. I’m usually pretty good when it comes to sharing, but I didn’t like sharing him. I wanted Koa to stay mine.

I lean forward on the pillow, pressing my forearms into the soft cotton fabric and slouch my shoulders.

Koa shifts away from the door and curses under his breath as he scrubs a hand down his face. He’s changed out of the jeans and button down shirt he wore to the party and into an old shirt and gym shorts. His muscular, tan thighs are barely contained in the mesh material and his white shirt is molded to his chest.

“Is something wrong?” I ask, not understanding why he’s suddenly cursing to himself. He steps further into my room and closes the door behind him. He glances over at me before locking it. Sitting up straighter, I watch him as he paces the floor. “Koa?”

“Is that okay?” He tips his chin toward the locked door.

“Yes. I think so. What’s going on? Nash is going to wonder where you are.” I scoot back on my bed, stretching my legs.

I typically try to ignore my brother and his friends when they stay the night. During the day we hang out in the basement or in the living room. After dark, I know they don’t want me around. I can say with full confidence this is the first late night visit I have ever received.

“He’s distracted by his game. You know how Nash can get. He won’t know if I’m gone for five minutes or five hours,” he says, walking around to the other side of my bed and making himself comfortable.

Koa is laying on my bed. My palms are sweating and my pulse starts to race at a very unhealthy level. My heartbeat thuds louder, and I’m convinced he can hear it in my silent bedroom.

Play it cool. Be casual. I fluff the pillow behind my head and lay down beside him. “We graduated. It’s hard to believe we’re going to be at college in a few months. I’m scared,” I admit, breaking the silence that’s been building between us.

“You don’t need to be scared. I’ll be there with you,” he says, taking my hand in his and lacing our fingers together. I stare dumbfounded at our hands as the hair on my arm begins to stand on end.

After the ceremony when we were taking photos, Nash asked him and Hart to keep an eye on me next year while we’re at Newhouse. I acted annoyed but I’m grateful I’ll have an excuse to keep Koa close to me. I was afraid I would lose him to baseball and other girls. But he’s holding your hand now.

“You’re not nervous?” I ask, my eyes dart from him and back to our hands. His thumb is making slow swipes back and forth over my skin like a metronome.

“No. I’m not nervous about going off to school.” He squeezes my hand breaking the trance I was under watching his thumb move over my skin.

“What are you nervous about?” I ask.

He readjusts his position, bringing himself closer to the middle of the bed. Closer to me . “You looked really beautiful today. I like this dress. A lot .” He lets go of my hand and allows his fingers to skim the top of my thigh just under the hem of my dress.

Instinctively my eyes close as I savor the feel of his hand against my skin as it breakouts in tiny goosebumps. “You’re not answering my question,” I say, finding it hard to speak as he continues to toy with the hem of my dress.

His eyes travel up my body and latch onto mine. “I’m nervous about what you’d do if you knew how much I wanted to kiss you right now.”

My eyes widen and I think I stop breathing for a moment. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to hear those words, or something similar, leave his mouth.

He’s always been the boy that I wanted but could never have. I think he knew I liked him because by the end of seventh grade I was firmly put in the friend zone. He told me once that keeping everything platonic would be for the best. I wanted to ask for who? It didn’t feel like what would be the best for me. But I already knew the answer. It’s what was best for his friendship with Nash.

He didn’t want anything to change, except it already had for me.

I was in love with him. I knew the moment he said “we should stay friends” I would be spending the rest of my life figuring out how to stop loving him. Is it too soon to start believing maybe now I won’t have to know what it feels like to live a life loving him without him loving me back?

Hearing him say he wants to kiss me makes breathing difficult and my skin flush. It makes butterflies dance in my belly and my heart soar.

He places a hand on my back, encouraging me to move toward him. I drape an arm over his and clutch the top of his shoulder.

“I guess my reaction would depend on how much your much is,” I say, grinning. “If your much is only this much.” I raise my hand and hold out my thumb and pointer finger with an inch of distance between them. “I wouldn’t be very interested. How much do you want to kiss me? ”

“There isn’t a unit of measurement large enough to adequately explain how much I want to kiss you at the moment.” He palms the back of my head, pulling me until I’m a breath away.

“Then you better do it,” I whisper against his lips. He closes the distance between us and fireworks erupt behind my eyes. Having his body pressed against mine lights up every nerve ending in my body.

The kiss is clumsy as if it’s the first time he’s kissed a girl before. But I know that can’t be true. I’ve seen him hanging around other girls at school. I’m not the only person who’s been crushing on Koa Mahina.

I wrap a hand around the side of his neck and slow the movement of my lips as they brush against his. I’m not ready for the kiss to end. If anything, I want to encourage him to do more. He dips his tongue into my mouth and swirls it around mine.

He shifts his weight and pushes me flat against the mattress. We both moan when he settles between my legs. The skirt of my dress shifts up and all that separates him from my body is a tiny thong.

His lips float down my neck and across my chest. “You are trouble,” he says in between kisses. “Have been since the day I met you.”

I grab his face and pull him back to my lips. I don’t want to stop kissing the boy who makes me smile and laugh. The boy who’s been one of my closest friends. Keeping our relationship platonic wasn’t what I wanted but it was fine because he was still with me.

And now he’s here holding me in his arms and kissing me like he needs them for survival.

I will never forget the way his lips feel against mine or the way his hand caresses up the side of my thigh and between my legs.

I will never forget the tender way he’s looking at me or how shyly he asks if I’m sure I want him to be my first.

I will never forget the way he took care of me after and how he held me until I fell asleep. I will never forget the way it feels to make love to Koa Mahina.

I will never forget waking up knowing he was my forever.

But had I known the feeling wouldn’t have lasted until lunch, I would have held him tighter and never let him leave my room before the sun came up.

Because now all I have is the memory of me standing in the hallway completely helpless while he broke my heart with one word.