12. SYDNEY
12
SYDNEY
Guests for Nash’s party should start arriving in the next hour or so. Walking around the main floor of the townhouse, I do one last check to make sure everything is ready.
We spent most of the afternoon putting up decorations and hanging lights both inside and outside on the deck and fence line. It looks like a tropical paradise with palm trees and flowers in every direction.
Not that a bunch of college kids will care about our efforts.
I open the sliding glass door that leads to the back yard and step out onto their small deck. Wyatt and Eli are working on the fire pit with Wren directing them. Gage and Koa are on the other side of the yard setting up the beer pong table and the cornhole boards.
I check the list on my phone one more time. The food and drinks are good. Hart is waiting inside for the pizza delivery. Everything is right on schedule.
“Is there anything else you need us to do?” Gage asks, making his way up the deck stairs with Koa following behind him .
“No. I think we’ve done all we can until people start showing up. Thanks for all your help.” I give him a quick hug.
“Of course. I’m going to go to my place and shower,” he says. “Tell Nash I’ll be back later and text me if you need me to grab anything on my way over.”
Koa leans against the deck railing, glaring at Gage’s retreating back as he walks inside the house. If I didn’t know better, I would think Koa was jealous.
I don’t have time for another one of his little games. I still need to get myself ready for the party. Without sparing him another glance, I turn on my heel and head inside too. Lauren and I are getting ready together in Hart’s room.
“I helped too. Don’t I get a hug?” he asks, before my hand reaches the handle. “He only helped with the tables and the cornhole. I hung all the lights and helped Wyatt with the wood pile.”
“Are we bartering for hugs now?” I ask, turning back toward him. He pushes off the railing.
“Barter. Steal. Beg. What would it take?” The intensity of his eyes steals my breath. I could easily give him the same friendly hug I gave Gage. Standing toe to toe with Koa, my body craves more. One hug wouldn’t be enough.
“I would love to see you beg but I’d feel bad if you got a splinter in your knees.” Leaning into his chest, I wrap my arms around his shoulders. “Thank you for your help. Nash is going to love it.”
His arms go around my waist and up my back. He pulls me into a tight embrace. Instinct has me wanting to melt into him, but I stand my ground. “I did this for you. If I was just doing it for Nash, I would have bought him a gift card and called it a day,” he says, his fingers digging deeper into the cotton material of my shirt.
I drop my hands and step out of his arms. “I need to get dressed.” I don't know how to respond to his statement. While I’m sure what he’s saying is true, I feel like a fool for believing it. Everything is always for Nash. I think .
“Are you wearing the dress I picked out for you?” His eyes slowly peruse over the length of my body as if he’s picturing me wearing it.
“You’ll have to wait and see.” I smirk, backing away toward the sliding glass door. “I wouldn’t bet on it,” I say over my shoulder. Koa shakes his head, grinning, and follows me inside.
“Fifty pizzas Sydney?” Hart asks the second I step in the kitchen.
“We can order more if we run out,” I reply. Lauren winces. “What?” I ask her.
“How many people are coming?” Hart speaks before Lauren can answer me. She continues to stack and organize the pizza boxes by topping.
“That would be his department.” I toss a thumb in Koa’s direction. “I just ordered the food according to the headcount.”
Hart directs his attention to Koa relieving me from his icy stare .
“Why don’t we go upstairs and get ready while the two of you work this out,” Lauren says, giving Hart a kiss on the cheek. Koa looks at me and I shrug.
“She can’t help you,” Hart says. “How many people did you invite? I thought we were keeping it small.”
“Not sure if you know this but Nash is the starting quarterback at Newhouse. He’s one of the most popular students on campus. The fact that I’ve kept it to one hundred people is a miracle,” Koa replies.
“Oh no,” Lauren whispers to me. “This isn’t going to end well.”
“One hundred people!” Hart shouts.
“Go, go, go,” Lauren shouts, as she urges me toward the stairs.
“They’ll mainly be outside,” is the last thing I hear Koa say before I race after Lauren to Hart’s room.
She falls onto his bed in a fit of giggles. “Poor Koa,” she says in between her laughter.
“He’s a big boy. He can handle himself. You’re going to have to keep Hart calm. Work your magic on him.” I close the door and then go over to my bag stuffed full of everything I need to get ready for tonight.
“He’ll be fine. He’s not a fan of crowds as you know. If it becomes too much for him, he’ll come up here.”
“I’ll try to keep most of the guests outside if I can.” I lay my dress out over Hart’s bed. Then pull my makeup and hair stuff out of my bag and take a seat in the chair at Hart’s desk .
“He’s going to flip when he sees you in this dress.” She runs a hand over the silky floral fabric.
“He probably won’t care.”
“Which he are you talking about?” she asks.
“Which one are you?” I counter.
“So there is more than one guy you want to see you wearing this dress. Not that I needed you to admit it considering I saw it with my own eyes. I figured something was going on when Joe and Koa both showed up the other morning.”
“There really isn’t anything going on with either of them,” I admit. “Joe and I went out to lunch the other day and there was nothing there. It felt like I was having lunch with my brother.” I turn sideways in the chair. “He leaned in for a kiss and I gave him my cheek.”
Lauren cringes. “Oh no. I’m sorry. Does this mean you’re done talking to him online too?”
“I’m fairly confident they’re not the same guy. ”
“How do you know for sure?”
“I don’t. I’m going to ask him tonight. The questions Online Joe asks and the way he responds to my questions are different than Campus Joe. It feels like I’ve known him for years. Not weeks. I look forward to talking to him every night. I don't get that giddy feeling about Campus Joe.”
Lauren pulls her dress out of Hart’s closet and starts to change clothes. She’s also wearing a floral dress like mine except where my dress has cutouts on the sides and ties in the front, hers is backless and ties around her neck .
Both dresses show off enough cleavage and skin making them rank somewhere between sexy and indecent. It’s not usually how I like to dress but I would be lying if I wasn’t trying to get a reaction out of Koa.
In chemistry, there are several types of chemical reactions. Typically our interactions result in decomposition. Me breaking down. Tonight I’m hoping for something more along the lines of combustion.
I want to see him burn.
“What happens next? Are you going to ask this mystery guy who he really is or stop talking to him because he isn’t Joe Clark like you thought he was?” she asks, giving me her back so I can tie the tiny strings holding the top of her dress in place.
“I’m going to keep talking to him. I like him. Don’t laugh, but I think I’m falling for him.” I pull the left side of my hair back and secure a comb clip in it. I found a plain one and glued on a few flowers that matched my dress. I thought it would be a nice touch and keep some of my curls back so I can show off my earrings.
“You act like people don’t fall in love online all the time these days. Would it be nice to have some sort of confirmation that you aren’t being taken advantage of and this person isn’t lying? Absolutely. But if your heart is telling you something is there, I think you need to go with it. You’ve always had good intuition. ”
“Not always,” I grumble. If I did, I wouldn’t have fallen in love with Koa. I stand and start taking off my clothes while Lauren takes my place at Hart’s desk.
“I’m going to confirm that Joe is one hundred percent not the Joe online.” I step into my dress and adjust the straps on my shoulders. “Then I’m going to figure out who this other Joe really is and where he lives in Alabama,” I say, tying the front of my dress. I do a little test shake to make sure my boobs are secure.
“I might know someone who could trace their account and find out their IP address. We would know exactly where they are located and who’s hiding behind a computer screen.”
“Do I want to know who this hacker is?”
“Probably not.” She smirks. “Have you messaged him at all today?”
I shake my head. “We haven’t talked since last night.” I doubt he sent me a private message today but I pick up my phone to check anyway. “Oh my God,” I say, looking at my notifications.
“What?” Lauren asks and comes to stand beside me. “Did he write you?”
“No. I have an email from that company I was telling you about in North Carolina.” I scan over the email. My excitement level is rising as the enormity of this moment begins to sink in. “Not only did they answer all my questions but they want me to come out there after graduation.”
“They offered you a job? ”
“Yes. A paid internship. I can learn everything I need to start my own beauty line from one of the best brands in the business.”
“That’s good, right?”
“I think so. They want to have a meeting next week.”
“Can we jump on the bed and scream in excitement now?” she asks.
I grab her hand and haul her up onto Hart’s bed. It’s been months since we’ve had a reason to do our celebration ritual of jumping on the bed and screaming.
Not since we had our first thousand dollar night at Ray’s and then again a few months later when Lauren lost her virginity. That was mainly me because I was so excited for Lauren and Hart to finally be together.
Suddenly, in the middle of our shouting, the door flies open, slamming against the wall. Nash, Hart, and a shirtless Koa come barreling into the room. I know this is his house but clothing should be a requirement not a suggestion.
“Is everything okay in here? We heard you screaming,” Nash says, concern etching his brow.
“Why are you jumping on the bed?” Koa asks, through a clenched jaw. His stare is so severe I almost fall over. I have to lean on Lauren to keep my balance.
Lauren and I keep hopping around but save them from our screaming. “Celebrating,” Lauren answers.
“The party is downstairs,” Hart says.
“We aren’t celebrating Nash.” I stop jumping and hop off the bed. Lauren follows behind me.
“Hey,” Nash exclaims, mocking offense.
“I heard back from Blooming Beauty Co.,” I tell Nash.
“And…” he says, encouraging me to spill my news.
“They want me to come work for them. They said they loved all my ideas and can’t wait to hear more. We’re meeting next week. Well, we will be once I write them back, which I’ll do before I go downstairs.”
Nash pulls me into his arms. “I’m really proud of you. I’m going to miss you next year,” he says, releasing me. “It’s not going to be the same here without you.”
“Nothing is official yet,” I remind him.
“I don’t know, that email looked pretty official to me,” Lauren claims.
“Don’t sell yourself short, Syd. You’ve worked your ass off for this. We’ll have to celebrate both of us tonight. I’m going to go downstairs but I’m saving my first shot for you,” Nash says, giving me one last hug. “You coming?” he asks Koa as he passes him.
“In a minute. I need to grab a shirt.”
“We’re going too. See you down there.” Lauren grabs Hart’s hand and leads him toward the door.
“Why don’t we make them leave and we stay? It’s my room,” Hart says, as he walks into the hallway.
Koa hasn’t said much since he stormed through the door. I’m not entirely sure why he’s still here. I let out a sigh when he turns toward the door to leave. Except he doesn’t walk out. He closes it instead .
“Where are you going?” he asks with his head resting against the wood door.
“What do you mean?”
He turns in my direction and laughs mockingly. “This job. Where is it?”
“North Carolina,” I answer with direct eye contact. I won’t be distracted by his tattooed chest. Every summer he adds more and more to the design. What started out as one word— Trouble —is now surrounded by several lines of an intricate, woven design. I’ve never stared at it long enough to figure out what it is but from a distance it makes him look hotter than I care to admit.
“You were going to move to another state without telling me? I’m trying not to be offended here, but it seems everyone knows about your life except for me. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“That isn’t the type of relationship we have anymore.”
“Bullshit. I know things aren’t what they used to be but we still tell each other things like this,” he says.
“Like you told me about the teams that want to draft you? I only heard about that because I was in the same room when you told Nash,” I snap back at him.
He sighs. “I fucking hate that you’re right.”
“Even if we did, I still wouldn’t have said anything.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to hear you tell me it’s a bad idea to move away from home by myself.”
“I wouldn’t have done that,” he says, taking a cautious step toward me.
“But that’s what you do. You can’t help yourself. You always have something negative to say about my life choices and it isn’t your place. You want to keep an eye out for me—protect me—when we go out in a group? Fine. But I have to draw the line somewhere.”
“What if I want to erase the line completely? What if I want to go back to what we were before?” he asks, moving closer.
Before we slept together. Before he said we were a mistake.
“I can’t do that,” I say, shaking my head. He makes it sound so easy like turning on a light.
“And I can’t keep living like this with you. Everyone was in here celebrating something important to you and I didn’t know anything about it. I don’t want to keep being iced out of your life.”
“That isn’t your decision to make. I decide who gets to be involved in my life.” I push my fingers into my chest. “The moment you said I was a mistake…” I take a moment to calm my nerves. “That we were a mistake, you made that decision a lot easier for me. Isn’t this what you wanted? Nash’s sister to leave you alone—to stop bothering you with her books and fantasies?” I ask. “Well, you got it. You should be more grateful.”
“Grateful? I lost you. That word cost me you. Why would I be happy about that?” he asks. “I’ve been living in hell and hating every minute of it. The words didn’t come out right. This was never what I wanted.” He says the last part almost to himself. I’m not sure what to think of this whole conversation .
What did he mean to say? I’m afraid to ask.
“You can’t say things like that. You can’t snap your fingers and reverse everything that’s happened over the years. This is who we are now. Don’t come any closer,” I say, holding up a hand when he takes a step in my direction.
“Why not?” he asks, smirking.
“Because I need space.” I’m already feeling the Koa Affect . Simply being in the same room with the guy has my pulse racing and my limbs weak. I don’t need him touching me and breaking through my defenses. It’s best to keep a shirtless Koa at least a foot or two away.
“I’m tired of having space between us. That’s what we’ve been doing for years. I want you close,” he says, moving toward me.
“Where is this coming from? Did you just wake up this morning and decide you wanted me?” I cross my arms over my chest as if it will give me an extra layer of protection over my heart.
“I’ve woken up every morning for the past decade wanting you in one way or another. This isn’t a new revelation. It’s something I’ve known since the first summer we met.” He moves closer and grazes his fingers down the length of my arm.
“When we were kids I wanted to read books, ride bikes, and climb trees with you. In high school, I wanted you to wear my jersey and be my girl, and in college I’ve wanted you in every way imaginable.”
“This doesn’t make any sense,” I whisper.
“Maybe not to you but it doesn’t make it any less true. I want to give us a second chance.” The sincerity in his eyes is almost too much to take. I have to look away.
“It’s too late,” I state, tossing him a quick glance. I expect to see a hint of disappointment in his eyes but instead they’re filled with humor. “I don’t want to be with you. We had our chance, if you can call it that. We’ve moved on.”
He chuckles darkly. “Moved on? Is that what we’re both doing?”
“No. That’s what I’ve done. Now if you’ll excuse me.” I attempt to slip past him but he stops me with a hand on my waist.
“Why are you lying to me? To yourself?”
“I’m not. I’ve moved on. There’s someone else.”
“You can’t be serious. Why him?”
I’m not sure how he knows about the guy I’m talking to online. Maybe Lauren said something to Hart and he mentioned it to Koa? It doesn’t really matter how he found out. I’m telling him now anyway.
“Because he is nice. He listens to me. He doesn’t tell me what to do and boss me around all the time. For example, when he sees me in this dress, he won’t ask me to change.” I make a mental note to snap a picture before I go downstairs and send it to Online Joe. Maybe I need to take the first step in revealing more about myself to get him to do the same.
“Do you want to know what I think about the way you look in this dress?” he asks. I shake my head. I’m scared. I feel confident and I don’t want him to ruin it.
“It doesn’t matter.” I try to leave again but his grip only tightens. “Koa, let me go.” He drops his hand and I miss his touch already. Stupid hormones.
“It does to me. Everything about you matters to me,” he says, leaning so close his face is a breath away. “You look beautiful. You always do. But this…” his finger slips underneath the thin strap on my shoulder. He drags his finger down my chest and stops just below the bow holding my boobs in place. “This is going to plague me. I won’t be able to stop thinking about how sexy you look right now.”
“Why are you telling me this now when everything in my life is going good? Don’t you want me to be happy?”
“That’s how we got here. I wanted everyone to be happy, but you’re not. I’m not either.” He tips my chin to get my full attention. I swat his hand away when he doesn’t let go. “I’ve seen you happy and this isn’t it. Let me make you happy again.”
“You don’t have the ability to do that anymore. All you do is make me feel like crap for the decisions I make. I want to be with someone who makes me feel good about myself. That isn’t you.”
“Let me prove it to you. Let me be that man for you.”
I step out of his reach even though my body aches to move closer. “I already told you. It’s too late. You had your chance to be that man and you tried to break me instead.”
Walking away from Koa should make me feel good. I’m leaving on my terms. It’s my choice but why does it feel like the wrong one?