Fowl Play (Tuft Swallow)

4. Kodi

CHAPTER 4

“I’ll send in a prescription for some antibiotics, but you should honestly think about getting your tonsils removed. It’s not just for kids, you know!”

Dr. Cratchet chuckles as he leads Lily out of the exam room. I’m back in the office; I decided against greasy diner food when Dr. Gosling left to go distribute more of his business cards. I can feel the one he gave me poking against my hip in the pocket of my sundress as I follow them into the waiting room. The Doc announces he’s grabbing lunch at the bakery across the street, and I wait for the door to shut behind him before I take it out to show Lily.

“The way that man hands out prescriptions for antibiotics… he didn’t even make me do a swab. Isn’t that supposed to be bad or something?” She shakes her head and looks at me expectantly. “What’s that?”

“Guess who showed up to introduce himself while you were in the back?” I hand her the card, and she gasps enviously.

“No. Way. You met Dr. Hottie??”

“Don’t call him that.”

“It’s better than Dr. Homo,” she mumbles. I smack her.

“What is this, the 1960s? So he likes guys, Lily, get over it. Men do not exist only to be potential suitors for you.”

“Potential suitors? Now who’s stuck in the 1960s?” She studies the card in her hands. “Brian Gosling, DC. What does the DC stand for?”

“Doctor of Chiropractic. He’s introducing himself to the neighborhood, and he didn’t know about the Pecker. I feel so bad for him. I know they weren’t mean about it this time, but the paper basically outed him to the whole town. That’s really awful.”

She tilts her head at me, and hums pensively. “Is this about the people who called you a lesbian in high school?”

I snatch the card back. “No, Lily, it’s about how making assumptions about people’s private life in general is a shitty thing to do. Why does everyone around here have to be such…muckrakers?”

Lily blinks. “You know, it’s really a shame you lost your sports scholarship to UCLA. You totally would have fit in with all those west-coast smarty-pants with your fancy SAT words.” She flops onto the couch in the middle of the waiting room and leans her arms against the back of it, facing me with her chin in her hands. “So what did Dr. Hottie have to say?”

I feel my face heat, and I duck back behind the desk. Suddenly, I don’t want to tell her about Dr. Gosling coming to my rescue when I collapsed. The way his eyes changed color when he looked at me, or how his hands magically made it so I could walk again.

Luckily, I’m saved from answering when Dr. Cratchet returns, turkey sandwich and a bag of tasteless baked chips clutched in his gnarly hands. He glances between Lily and me, and sighs. “Fraternizing on your lunch break, Miss Gander?”

“Yes sir,” I answer cheerfully. He can’t get mad at me for talking to my friend when I’m literally off the clock.

“Don’t think you’re getting out of answering.” Lily rises from her backwards kneel on the stiff couch and comes around to stand in front of it instead. “What did he want?”

“What did who want?” Dr. Cratchet asks, setting his lunch down. “Did someone come in while I was gone?”

I shoot Lily a we’re-going-to-have-a-conversation-about-this-later look. I give myself half a second to try to put together a cover story to tell the man, but nothing comes to me in time. I brace myself.

“Dr. Gosling stopped by to introduce himself.”

The Doc’s mood sours palpably. Not that he’s ever really happy, but he goes from a four to a seven on the grumpy meter almost instantly. “Well? What did he want?”

“Just to–” I pause. What had he wanted? Now that I think about it, we never actually got around to discussing why he’d come into the doctor’s office, except to leave his business card. He and I both got distracted when he started touching me.

I mean, when I fell. And he helped me. You know, ‘cause he’s a doctor. And that’s what doctors do, Kodi: they help people when they fall while trying to do a perfectly simple thing like getting out of a chair.

The significantly less helpful doctor that I work for huffs impatiently. “Miss Gander, do you always have such a short attention span?”

“Sorry! Um–he left his business card.”

“That’s all?” Both my boss and my best friend stare at me.

“Yep.” I will my face to cool down. I have nothing to be embarrassed about here.

“Let me see it.” He holds his hand out expectantly. I hesitate for a second, because part of me doesn’t want to give Dr. Cratchet his card. Deep down, I know that my boss has no interest in fostering any kind of positive relationship with the chiropractor (even if their businesses really aren’t in direct competition). I wonder why exactly that bothers me.

Reluctantly, I hand it to him.

I hope the Doc doesn’t get too weird about there being a new chiropractor in town. After all, he didn’t do anything to deserve my boss’s hostility. He just moved here to set up his business.

“I like helping people feel better.”

Brian’s words echo through my head as my boss stares at me.

“How is that knee of yours doing, Miss Gander?”

Dr. Cratchet is tapping the business card against his fingers with a mischievous look on his face.

“Uh… fine right now, actually.” Technically, it’s the truth, even if I don’t mention why it’s fine.

“No it’s not. In fact, I think you may need to see a specialist about it. Perhaps even this Dr. Gosling.”

I feel the back of my neck prickle. There’s no way that he knows what actually happened, right? Is my boss actually psychic?

I swallow. “Y-you do?”

“Yes. And you’re going to report back to me exactly how much of a quack this guy really is. You, with your so-called chronic knee injury, are going to be my man on the inside.”

“Don’t you mean woman?” Lily asks unhelpfully.

“That’s what I said. My woman on the inside.”

I stare at him in disbelief. “You know my injury is chronic, right? You’re the one who diagnosed me.”

“Yes, yes, of course.” He waves away my comment, returning the business card and retrieving his lunch from the coffee table. “More importantly, it’s an excuse to make an appointment. Collect intel. Reconnaissance! The rotten spine fondler will never know what hit him.”

I don’t volunteer the fact that I was already planning to make an appointment after that magic he worked on my leg earlier. Instead, I find myself flummoxed by the depth of my boss’s insecurity. “I’m sorry, are you saying you want me to spy on Dr. Gosling?”

“Of course!” A grin splits his face, and instead of making him seem more approachable, it has the opposite effect. He looks half-crazed, his yellowed teeth and graying eyebrows appearing crooked as his face adjusts to the unfamiliar stretch. “How else are we going to run him out of town?”

“Oh my God, Kodi, I think you’re being given a mission right now,” Lily whispers loudly, as if the man assigning it isn’t standing well within earshot.

“A mission of utmost importance,” he agrees solemnly, and I don’t know what is more ridiculous. That my boss is asking me to literally spy on the new chiropractor in town, or the fact that my best friend seems excited by the idea.

“Uh, how is it so important?”

“Your very job is on the line!” Dr. Cratchet shouts, jumping at the volume of his own voice before leaning forward and cupping a hand against his mouth. He continues, more conspiratorially, “If you want this clinic to stay in business, it’s imperative that we know our competition inside and out! You like this job, don’t you Kodi? Like the comfortable lifestyle it affords you? Like helping the good people of Tuft Swallow when they are sick?”

“Yes, of course, sir, but–”

“Then it’s settled! You are to book an appointment before the end of the week!”

“It’s already Thursday, sir.”

His eyes twinkle behind his glasses, and he winks creepily at me before swinging open the door to the back. “Then I suggest you make haste, Miss Gander. Time is of the essence.”

Mom

Hi, honey. It’s been a while since you’ve checked in. How are you? The ladies at Church were asking about you.

“Your boss is kinda nuts, you know that?”

I close out of my mom’s text message without responding, instead turning back to Lily and our late lunch at the Crowbar and Grill. One of the nice things about Dr. Cratchet’s ridiculous scheme was that he let me out early to ensure I had enough time to call and schedule my appointment with Dr. Gosling. One of the not-so-nice things (other than the questionable legality of spying on a rival business to force his only competition out of town) was the fact that it had only been two hours since Dr. Gosling had given me his card.

Now, I’m not one to play games or waffle about social etiquette when it comes to the customs between men and women (or, you know, any two people who might be sexually inclined). But like… aren’t you supposed to wait at least a day before you call someone after they give you their number? That’s not just a silly rule, that’s like, an institution.

So little time has passed since the hot chiropractor gave me his card. I haven’t even gotten my chicken club yet. Surely an hour and change is too short a time to wait before I call the most beautiful man I’ve literally ever seen.

Not that it matters that he’s beautiful. He just broke up with someone.

“Hellooo? Earth to Kodi!”

“What?” I look up from the letters and numbers I’ve been staring at. Lily is raising an eyebrow at me.

“Well? What are you waiting for?”

“I’m not going to call him from a bar,” I scoff, dropping the card on the table. “That’s a terrible first impression.”

“Second impression, technically. Which reminds me…” She leans forward, and I lean back at the suddenly accusatory gleam in her eyes. “You’ve yet to spill the beans on how that first impression really went.”

Shit! She’s onto me. I fight the nervous pressure building in my chest and let out a little cough. “I told you. He came in, dropped off his business card, and…”

“And?” She taps her fingers on the table impatiently. “Oh, honey—there was no ‘and’ when you told the story earlier in Crotchetty’s waiting room. I know something is up. I haven’t seen you this red since you forgot to bring sunscreen to basketball camp junior year.”

That had been a wicked sunburn. Three days of aloe and cold baths and I’d still had to go to the clinic for medicated lotion. I’ve got freckles I keep tabs on after recovering from that one.

But Lily’s not interested in rehashing my medical history. “Kodi! You’re stalling!”

“Alright, alright. He’s hot, okay? You were right.” I cross my arms, and the waitress arrives with my drink. Not a moment too soon. I down half of it in one long slurp through the teensy cocktail straw.

Is it warm in here?

Lily eyes me knowingly. “Uh-huh. What else?”

“Else?” I squeak.

Suddenly, she slams her hands on the table, sending the ice in my glass tinkling and the beads of condensation rushing into a puddle at the base of the glass. I flinch. “Spill it, Gander.”

My shoulders drop. I should have known better than to come to a BFF Happy Hour half-cocked. Lily can sniff out sexual tension like a pervy bloodhound.

This is just the first time I’ve been on the receiving end of it.

“Okay. He came in to introduce himself to Dr. Cratchet. Apparently, he’s going around to all the businesses in town to do that. It’s really smart, actually.” I take a breath, and Lily twirls her pointer finger in a go on gesture. “Well, I mean, you know what a rampage the Doc has been on since hearing about him coming to town. I had to get him out of there before you and he got out of the exam room.”

“Ugh. Of course, I miss all the good stuff because I had to cover for you. Why can’t I just get a job at the clinic? So we don’t have to pretend I’m some kind of chronically coughing hypochondriac?”

I shrug. “Weren’t you gonna finish your associates in bookkeeping? That could have gotten you in the door.”

Lily sticks out her tongue. “Ew. I hate spreadsheets.”

“Oh come on,” I laugh. “They’re not so bad. In fact–”

“Don’t change the subject!” She points a finger at me and I put my hands up in defense. “You and I both know that if you get on the topic of spreadsheets or sports we’re never getting the truth out of you about Dr. Hottie. Now focus.”

So much for that. “Well, I jumped up from my chair to get him out of there before you and the doc wrapped up, but then…” I gesture to my leg. Lily gasps.

“You collapsed?” I nod, my throat too tight to admit it out loud. I still hate that I can’t trust my body to just work when I need it to. Lily knows that, probably better than anybody, as she’d been on the team with me in high school when I’d gotten hurt. “Oh, Kodi. I’m so sorry.”

She reaches out a hand to grasp mine, and I’m reminded just how good a friend Lily actually is. Sure, she’s a little bit of a scatterbrain and her hormones get the better of her sometimes, but she’s been there through some of the hardest moments of my life. She was the one that signed up to go to TSCC with me when I lost my scholarship to UCLA, despite never wanting to actually go to college herself. She was the one who brought DVD boxsets of Supernatural and Gilmore Girls to my house to keep me entertained while I was on bedrest after my surgery (she had an incurable crush on Jared Padalecki at the time).

I squeeze her fingers, and it gives me the strength to go on with the rest of the story. Even if it does embarrass the hell out of me.

“One second, I’m jumping out of the chair. The next, I’m on the ground. And then, I swear, I blink and this guy is right there at my side. He was kneeling beside me, and asked me if he could look at my knee, and then he dug his fingers into a spot on my thigh–” Lily inhales sharply. I roll my eyes. “Not like that, Lily, it was…hard to describe. Like, it hurt. God, it was some of the worst pain I’ve ever felt, but then he’s looking at me and his eyes are this blue gray green color that I couldn’t pin down and then he helps me up, and…”

“And he kissed you?” Lily breathes.

“What?? No!” I snort. “No, I could actually stand and walk!”

Confusion blankets her face for a moment, and then her eyebrows shoot up to her hairline. “Wait, what? He cured you? With his hands??” Her last words echo a little throughout the mostly empty bar, and the bartender looks over at us curiously. She waves him an apology, and the waitress, Ginger this time, appears with our sandwiches.

“I mean, I don’t think he cured me.” I take a hearty chomp out of my pickle spear. “But, let’s just say I was definitely already planning on calling him. Just not, like… this afternoon.”

Lily nods sagely. “It reeks of desperation.”

“Right?”

She goes to take a bite of her sandwich, but pauses with it an inch from her lips. “Wait a minute. You talked about his eyes.” She looks at me more seriously, and I wish I hadn’t just finished my gin and tonic. Three drinks is too many to have this early in the day, even if I am working up the courage to call the sexiest man alive. “Does Kodi Gander, ice queen extraordinaire, have a crush on the hot new doctor?”

I swallow the bite I was chewing, narrowly avoiding choking as it slides down the wrong hole. I cough for a minute, tears forming in my eyes. Ginger comes over with a glass of water, and I gulp it down gratefully.

The whole time, Lily stares at me archly. I narrow my eyes at her.

“I just met the guy, Lily.”

“And he’s gay.”

“We don’t know that,” I lie. Is the Nosy Pecker a gossipy asshole? Yes. Are they ever wrong about anything? Not that I can remember.

I think about how Dr. Gosling’s hands felt on my legs. Completely devoid of sexuality or attraction. Purely clinical.

But he also had the most reassuring presence, and the way he looked at me, helped me up… I guess I could chalk it up to bedside manner, but does anyone have that good of a bedside manner?

My mind turns to Dr. Cratchet, and I snort. Yeah, no. I’ve never met a doctor who’s ‘professionalism’ gave me butterflies like Dr. Hottie’s did. There’s something more there. I can feel it.

“Leave it to you to finally fall for someone, and it’s literally the least available, least straight guy in town. And also your boss’s nemesis. What are you going to do?”

I sigh, and pick up the business card once more. “I’m gonna see if this guy can actually fix my knee.” I move to take out my cell and dial the number, when Lily slaps my arm. “What the hell was that for?”

But I don’t need her to answer. The second I look up, I see the reason for her alarm.

Dr. Hottie just walked in the bar.