Chapter 9
9
“You look like shit,” Marcus said, shooting a side-eyed glance Vinnie’s way.
Vinnie snorted. “Gee, thanks. It’s nice to see you, too.”
Marcus shook his head and grinned. “It’s always nice to see you. But you and I both know this is above and beyond. What’s going on with you and Lorelei?”
“Nothing. I promise. I kept my hands in safe zones. I didn’t do anything that?—”
Marcus stopped him with a hand on his shoulder.
Vinnie stopped talking and looked up at his mentor, the man who saved his life and made him the person he was.
Marcus set his other hand on Vinnie’s other shoulder, his full focus on Vinnie. “I would never, never, assume that of you. You’re one of the most upright and honest men I’ve ever known. I wasn’t asking about that. I assure you.”
“I just…” Vinnie paused to find the right words. “I never meant to upset her.”
“It sounds like you did the opposite of upsetting her. It sounds like you were the reason she got any sleep the first week. But you’ve pulled back. Why?”
“She didn’t know.” Vinnie exhaled, relieved to have someone he could be honest with. “God, when I found her…” Vinnie drew a breath. He could still see her. He pushed down the emotions he felt when he walked into her apartment, but they were right there, beneath the surface. He hadn’t had a chance to feel them until right now.
“I can’t imagine how painful it was for you,” Marcus said softly. “Are you okay?”
“She was the one hurt.”
Marcus chuckled. “And seeing her hurt can be painful. There’s nothing wrong with that. I’ve seen all those women hurt, and it’s been painful for me. Them and so many others.”
Vinnie nodded. Every month, he donated to Frannie’s shelter. It was a dream of hers and took her a long time to make it a reality. Vinnie was proud to have helped and to continue helping, even if it wasn’t much, and to know his money was going to a good cause.
“Lorelei is a strong woman. She’s not someone who ever let others see when she wasn’t strong. It sounds to me like she’s letting you see that version of her, and that’s a powerful thing.”
“Yeah,” Vinnie agreed. “It is. It’s… Damien called right when I walked into her apartment, right when I found her. I just acted, checking her and letting him know where I was so real help could arrive.”
“You’re not real help?” Marcus asked with a smile.
Vinnie chuckled. “Medics. People who could stabilize her and actually save her life.”
“You saved her life,” Marcus said without a trace of humor. “If you hadn’t arrived when you did, she would be dead and we’d all be trying to figure out what she knew that they killed her for.”
Vinnie shivered at the thought. Lorelei Sloane not on earth anymore would be a tragedy. It ached to even imagine it.
“You care about her.” Marcus wasn’t asking, he was seeing the truth Vinnie didn’t want to admit.
He nodded anyway. He’d never been able to keep anything from Marcus. “I know it’s ridiculous. And I’m not going to do anything. I would never.”
“Vinnie, I’ve already said I trust you. I know you’re not the kind of man who’s going to take advantage of a woman. But you are the kind of man who’s going to pull back when you should be leaning in.”
“What do you mean?”
“I think she needs you. She trusts you. She asked to be here. You have yourself convinced she should be with her cousin, but she doesn’t know Karli. She knows you.”
“No, she doesn’t. I’m the guy she saw when she woke up, so she thought she knew me.”
“No, Vinnie. That’s not it at all. You’re the guy who made her feel safe. The one who told her you’d make sure she was okay. Who protected her from her memories and her pain and who gave her back a piece of herself that she couldn’t get any other way.”
“What piece?”
“Her sanity. Her faith in her instincts. For a woman like Lorelei, who’s lived so long by her instincts, it’s the same as her sanity.”
Vinnie sucked in a breath. Marcus was right. Vinnie had been beating himself up for touching Lorelei, but the reality was he helped her.
“On top of that, you have the skills to keep her safe. You’re trained in this kind of thing.”
“But shouldn’t she be with someone who can devote all their time to her safety? Damien is already making noise about me needing to be back at work.”
“I’ll take care of Damien. I’ll assign an officer to the SWAT team for this week. Next week, too, if you want. As long as you want to be away. I know this case is important to you, too.”
Vinnie nodded, thinking through his options. “It is important. Maybe more now. I can’t see leaving her, but I also can’t walk away from my job forever.”
“Talk to her about it and see what makes the most sense. Maybe she’ll want to get out after a week and you can go back to work and let her stay with Karli or Frannie or someone.”
“How the hell did she know Frannie’s name?” Vinnie asked. He’d been wondering about that.
Marcus laughed. “My wife is a constant surprise. I guess I shouldn’t be shocked someone remembers her when they don’t even know themselves.”
Vinnie snorted. “True.”
They walked a little longer, the silence comfortable and safe for Vinnie. It had been since the day he met Marcus. The day the beat cop caught Vinnie shoplifting and gave him two choices. Go back and apologize to the store owner or go to juvie.
Vinnie knew the right answer, and because Marcus gave him time to think about it, Vinnie made the right choice. A choice that meant he took responsibility for his actions and apologized when he messed up.
“You know you’re not the same kid who stole that sweatshirt when you were a teenager.”
Vinnie breathed a laugh. “I was just thinking about that. I don’t know where I’d be if another cop picked me up that day.”
“It doesn’t matter because it didn’t happen that way.”
Vinnie stopped and looked out at the parking lot of his apartment complex. Beat-up cars and rusted junkers filled most of the spots. Vinnie hadn’t leveled up very well, but he knew what he was doing with his life mattered.
“If you weren’t here, she wouldn’t be either.”
Marcus’s quiet words were a punch to the gut. One that knocked the breath out of Vinnie. “That’s…” He drew a breath and let it out slowly, internalizing the truth of it. “Thank you for always being here for me.”
Marcus chuckled. “I should be the one thanking you right now. A lot of people have you to thank for bringing her back.”
“Do you think she’ll get her memory back?” Vinnie blurted. He wasn’t sure which answer would make him feel better, but he wanted to know.
Marcus shook his head. “I don’t know. I hope so. Do you hope so?”
Vinnie laughed. “You’re not supposed to be able to read my mind.”
Marcus grinned. “Then maybe you shouldn’t make it so easy to read your mind.”
“She’s going to leave as soon as she remembers who she is.”
“Maybe. Maybe not. She seems pretty comfortable with you. She’s not the same person she was. She’s… softer. Lighter.”
“It’s the amnesia. Lorelei Sloane is a badass. She’s not going to be broken down by this.”
“Maybe not, but that doesn’t mean it won’t change her or that she won’t come back wanting to be different. Karli told Frannie that Lorelei isn’t the same. She’s friendlier and kinder. She’s more like the version Karli remembers from when they were kids.”
“You think losing her memory has given her back a part of her she lost?”
Marcus shrugged. “I’m not a psychologist, so I can’t say, but don’t we all become a little jaded after a while? A little less optimistic and happy?”
“I don’t think I was ever optimistic or happy.”
Marcus snorted. “Then maybe you need some joy in your life.”
Vinnie looked up at his building without thinking.
“Or maybe you’ve found someone who brings you joy and you need to accept that you’re allowed to have her in your life.”
Vinnie shook his head. “She doesn’t want me. Not really. I’m safe, but how many women have you heard say ‘I fell in love with him because he was safe’?”
Marcus laughed. “Well, maybe they don’t say it like that, but I promise you, the ones who’ve left Shelter in the Storm definitely felt that way when they found someone new.”
Vinnie ran a hand over his jaw, feeling the stubble from not shaving that morning. “I don’t want her to be with me because she’s afraid of not being with me.”
“Then maybe you should let her be safe with you and not worry about what happens after she gets her memory back.”
Vinnie nodded, but he still hated the idea. But she wasn’t his. She wasn’t his before she lost her memory, and she wasn’t his after. His place in her world was temporary. And he had to be okay with that.
Shortly after Frannie and Marcus left, someone showed up with a package for Lorelei. She was anxious about it until Vinnie realized he had a text from Adam saying the FBI was going to send Lorelei a new phone and computer so she could get back into her files.
She wasn’t ready. She didn’t want to go back to everything. But she knew if the others had the answers, they would have already found whoever took her. She had to do it.
Vinnie went to take a shower while Lorelei used the temporary password Adam texted so she could get into the phone and computer.
As both loaded all her files, Lorelei wondered about the things Frannie said. About Vinnie and not being alone.
Lorelei got the feeling she was used to doing things alone. That she didn’t let others in very often. She couldn’t figure out that feeling. Vinnie was there. Karli was there. Adam was there. It was obvious she wasn’t alone, but they all seemed almost surprised by the way she acted around them.
The shower turned off and Lorelei realized she’d been staring at the bathroom door the entire time Vinnie was in the shower. Her body flushed hot. Desire spiraled in her belly. It didn’t matter that she was injured and not allowed to engage in any strenuous activities, she wanted to do all of them with Vinnie.
The bathroom door opened with a billow of steam obstructing her view of him for a second before he walked out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist.
She gasped, but thank God he didn’t hear her. Or if he did, he didn’t react.
A second later, the bedroom door closed, and she breathed again.
“Damn,” she whispered. He was gorgeous. Defined muscles and dark hair all over his chest. Even his feet were sexy.
Could she have an orgasm without it getting too strenuous?
Lorelei shook her head at herself. She could not be thinking about that. She needed to focus on who tried to kill her.
Vinnie came back to the living room and busied himself in the kitchen while Lorelei stared at her new phone. She assumed it would be easier for her, but it was confusing for her battered brain. There were apps that she didn’t know how to use and phone numbers for people she’d never heard of. She needed someone to tell her what everything meant. What was important.
A glance toward Vinnie said he wouldn’t be of any help. He was on his phone and not paying her any attention.
Lorelei thought about calling Adam, but he was still on his honeymoon, and interrupting that was a bad idea.
She was just getting the courage to ask Vinnie to help when he announced he had to run out.
“You’re leaving?” she blurted. She didn’t like the idea of being alone.
“I’m only going downstairs to get groceries. I don’t have anything here since I was gone for a week. I put in an order and the driver will be here soon.”
“They don’t bring it upstairs?”
He shook his head and stuffed his feet into sneakers. “I said I would meet them downstairs. I’ll take my keys so you don’t have to worry about the door being unlocked. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
“Okay,” she breathed, not feeling okay in the slightest.
Vinnie let himself out without a glance in her direction.
If that didn’t sting…
Lorelei stared at the door, listening to the lock engage, then to Vinnie’s steps carrying him away from her. She tried to breathe normally, but she was panicking. The same as she did when she woke up from her nightmares and he wasn’t there.
Fear was a fucked up thing. She didn’t remember so much of what happened to her, but her body knew she was alone. She had no help, no one to protect her or help her or save her.
“There’s no one coming,” the man said in the nightmare that morning. Taunting her. Reminding her she had no one.
And there she was again, no one around to help. Broken ankle that would stop her from running away.
Her ribs hurt like they hadn’t been healing for a week. Her lungs screamed for air. Her brain felt like the blows to her head were fresh.
Footsteps echoed in the hall, and a few seconds later, the key engaged in the lock. Vinnie or a stranger? Did someone pretend to be the driver and take Vinnie? Come to finish the job they started with Lorelei?
The door swung open, and Vinnie appeared. He glanced her direction, then turned away. He locked the door and carried the grocery bags to the kitchen, ignoring her and the panic she was sinking into.
Lorelei forced herself to breathe, drawing in deep breaths to slow her racing heart. She picked up the spirometer and breathed into it, using her panic attack as a motivator to get better.
Vinnie put the groceries away, then retreated to the bathroom. Again.
Without a word. Again.
That was not going to work for her.
As soon as he came out, she pushed herself off the couch and blocked his path to the kitchen. His apartment was small, and there were only so many places he could hide.
He stopped when he saw her in his way. He looked around her, like he was going to move past her, but she put out a crutch to block him.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” Lorelei demanded.
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you avoiding me. Keeping your distance from me. Not touching me or talking to me or being in the same room as me. Where’s the guy from the hospital? The one who held me when I had a panic attack? The guy who held my hand so I didn’t freak out? Where’s that guy?”
“I’m right here, Lorelei.” He sighed, still not meeting her gaze.
She shook her head. “No. No, you’re not. You’re some other guy. Some guy who’s a stranger. Some guy who wants to be a stranger.”
“You have no idea what I want. And I am a stranger. You don’t know me.”
Lorelei laughed, the sound foreign and rusty. “You really think I don’t know you? Hell, I don’t know myself, but I know you. You’re the one who’s acting like you can’t wait for me to be anywhere but here. Maybe I should grant you that wish and get the hell out of here.”
“You’re not going anywhere,” he growled.
She moved past him to his bedroom, the one that had all her things in it. She picked up a shirt and threw it in her bag.
“What do you think you’re doing?” He was at the door to his room.
“I’m leaving. I can call Karli to come get me.”
“You’re not leaving.”
“Why not?” She spun to face him, ignoring the pain in her head with the quick movement. “The guy I chose to stay with isn’t the same one who’s standing in front of me. That guy made me feel safe. Like nothing would happen to me.”
“I took advantage of you.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“Yes, I did! When you had those panic attacks, you didn’t know I held you. I violated your privacy, your personal space. I never should have touched you.”
She shook her head. “We talked about this. I haven’t slept since I left the hospital because I keep having panic attacks. I wake up every night, wishing you were with me. Wishing you were holding me and telling me I was safe. I’m tired and wound up and so damn—” She rolled her lips in to stop the next words from leaving her mouth.
“So damn what, Lorelei?”
She glared at him. The challenge in his gaze pushed her to answer him. “So damn horny I’m about to lose my mind. Which is pretty tough to do since my mind has already taken a hike.”
“Lorelei.”
“Just let me leave, Vinnie. Let me pack my stuff and get out of your life. You don’t have to take care of me anymore.”
He moved into the room, stopping right next to her. He grabbed her wrist and plucked the shorts from her hand. “You’re not going anywhere, Lorelei.”
“You’ve made it clear you don’t want me here. You offered because you felt some sense of obligation or something, but now you regret it and want me to leave. I’m not going to force myself on you.”
“I want you here. More than I should.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m a selfish asshole who offered to let you stay because not being in the same room as you made me feel like I was missing a piece of myself.”
She sucked in a breath. Part desire, part relief. “What?”
He cupped her jaw and tilted her face up to meet his gaze. Desire burned in his brown eyes. “Tell me not to kiss you, Lorelei.”
“What if I want you to kiss me?”
He didn’t give her a chance to say anything else. His lips came down on hers hard, stealing the breath from her.
She lifted her arms to wrap them around his waist, pulling him close. She nearly cried with relief, with desire.
He pulsed against her stomach, and she moved closer, needing to feel the proof that he wasn’t just telling her what she wanted to hear.
She whimpered, and he pulled back.
“Did I hurt you?”
She shook her head. “No. More. Please, more.”