Free

Chapter 15

FIFTEEN

Charlie

Nick extends a hand to shake on our newfound—renewed?—friendship when a loud bang splits the air. My whole body jolts, heart racing.

Outside the truck, Mina screams, clutching a hand to her chest as Jeremiah starts wailing in Ivy’s arms. Nell freezes mid-step, wide-eyed and motionless, and Micah immediately crouches to comfort her. An older man in the car beside us rolls down his window, his face apologetic and wrinkled like a well-worn map.

“Sorry ‘bout that. Every time I think I’ve got this heap in workin’ order, she starts backfirin’ sumtin awful.” He tips his hat, oblivious to the ripple effect his car has caused.

The air in the truck feels tight, like a bubble that’s about to burst. I turn to Nick, my pulse slowing now that the shock has passed, expecting to see a wry grin or hear a sarcastic quip.

But Nick isn’t laughing.

His face is ghostly pale, his lips parted, trembling slightly as he murmurs something too quiet for me to hear. His chest rises and falls in sharp, uneven bursts. His hands grip the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles are white, his body rigid.

“Nick?” I say softly, alarm threading through my voice.

He doesn’t respond. His eyes are fixed somewhere in the distance, but they aren’t seeing the parking lot.

I reach out, cupping his cheek with one hand. His skin is clammy, damp with sweat, and his jaw quivers under my palm. “Hey. Hey now. It’s okay. That was just a car backfiring. Look at me.”

Nothing.

I try again, letting my voice drop into the soothing tone Angela uses with Elise. “You’re safe, Nick. We’re sitting in your truck, at the beach, about to get ice cream with your cousins. You’re safe. I’m here.”

His eyes flick toward me, a moment of recognition breaking through the haze. “Charlie?” His voice is raw, broken.

“Yeah, it’s me.” I keep my hand on his cheek, grounding him. “Focus on me, okay? You’re safe. Just breathe with me.”

Nick closes his eyes, his lashes fluttering against his cheeks as he drags in a shuddering breath, then another. I can see the effort it takes to pull himself out of wherever he was trapped. Slowly, his grip on the steering wheel loosens, and his shoulders sag.

“I thought…” He swallows hard, the muscles in his throat working against the lump there. “I thought something bad happened.”

I want to ask him what he thought, but the answer seems obvious enough. The explosion. The landmine. The memories he carries like shrapnel embedded in his soul.

“It didn’t,” I say firmly. “You’re here. We’re okay. It was just a car.”

Ivy notices us through the windshield, her brows drawing together in concern. I wave her off, mouthing, We’re fine, though I’m not entirely sure it’s true.

Nick leans back against the headrest, his eyes closed as he gulps in slow, measured breaths. His face is still pale, his lips pressed together in a thin line.

I unbuckle my seat belt and slide over the center console, tucking myself under his arm. His body is tense, vibrating with leftover adrenaline, but I hold him tightly, hoping the contact will anchor him.

“Seems like every time we get in this truck together, one of us ends up taking care of the other,” he says after a few minutes, his voice shaky but tinged with humor.

“Thank goodness for that,” I reply, pressing my cheek to his chest.

He huffs a weak laugh, and I can feel the tension gradually leaving his body.

“You okay?” I ask, tilting my head to look up at him.

“I’m fine.”

He’s not fine. I know he’s not fine. But I decide not to push, at least not right now.

“Still feel like getting ice cream?”

He nods slowly. “Just give me a minute.”

I wait, listening to the rhythm of his breathing steadying against my ear. “I can take you home if you want,” I offer gently.

“I don’t wanna go home.” His voice is firmer now. “Everything’s fine.”

He doesn’t look fine. He looks scared out of his mind. He looks haunted. He gulps breath deep into his lungs as he closes his eyes, like he’s willing himself back into the right time and place.

I know what Nick experienced over there was awful. I know he has scars on his body, heart, and mind.

This is the first time I’ve seen how deeply they still run.

Nick looks away, out the window, watching as the backfiring car trundles out of its spot, old man waving on his way, oblivious to the drama playing out beside him. “I, uh… I feel like you should know this. I don’t always know how I’ll respond during an, um, an episode. I don’t want to hurt you. Maybe don’t touch me? If it happens again?” He drops his head into his hand. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, Nick. Tell me what you need. Teach me to help the right way and I will.”

“Everything else was fine. Soothing tones. Help me reorient. Just please, I’ll never forgive myself if I hurt you…”

I nod and he swallows hard before offering a smile that looks more like his. “If we wait too much longer, they’re gonna send Ivy out here, and she’ll drive my ass straight to the ER. She doesn’t mess around when it comes to this trauma shit.”

“Maybe you should listen to her?”

“I’m good, Charlie. Really I am. But the longer we sit out here, the less good I am. I’ve got my heart set on a banana split.”

By the time we join the others in the brightly lit ice cream parlor, Nick’s color has returned, though the shadows in his eyes linger. The atmosphere inside is jubilant, the place a riot of white tile and neon pink accents. It smells of waffle cones and sugar, and Nell’s high-pitched laughter rings out as she makes goofy faces at Jeremiah, who is busy smearing caramel across his chubby cheeks.

Ivy gives us a once-over when we walk in, her head tilting in a silent question. I wave her off, offering a small smile, though I’m still not sure it’s the right call.

“When I kicked that goal, I did exactly what you said I should do, Uncle Nick!” Nell exclaims, bouncing on her chair. “I just imagined the line from my foot to the net, and then boom! It went right in!”

Nick smiles, and it’s the first real one I’ve seen since the bang. “You nailed it, kiddo. I’m proud of you.”

Micah turns to Nell, pointing at Nick. “You should’ve seen him play, back in the day. He was something else.”

“I didn’t know you played soccer,” I say, tilting my head toward Nick.

He shrugs, dragging his spoon through his ice cream. “It was just a high school thing. No big deal.”

“Don’t let him fool you,” Nathan interjects. “He was the youngest player on varsity. Played through college, too.”

Nick rolls his eyes, the faintest hint of pink coloring his cheeks. “It’s not a big deal.”

“I tried to get him to coach Nell’s team,” Micah adds, “but he wasn’t having it.”

Nell’s eyes light up. “You should coach, Uncle Nick! You told me exactly what to do, and it worked. That would be so fun! Ever since Coach Gupta got sick, we just keep having subs anyway.”

Nick scoffs, though there’s warmth in his voice. “What those girls need is someone with patience, not a grumpy old Marine yelling at them.”

Nell shrugs and stuffs another spoonful of ice cream into her mouth. “I wouldn’t mind if we won more.”

The image of Nick standing on the sidelines, surrounded by little girls in brightly colored jerseys, makes me smile. I glance at him, and he catches my eye, grinning back.

“Charlie gets it,” he says, bumping my shoulder with his. “Just look at her.”

“I didn’t say anything!”

“You didn’t have to. Your face says it all.”

I laugh, the sound bubbling up unexpectedly.

The conversation moves on, and we finish our ice cream, laughing and joking and listening to Nell daydream about having Uncle Nick as her coach. When it’s time to leave, I buy two pints of ice cream for Angela and Garrett, draping the plastic bag over my wrist. Nick walks me to his truck, and for a moment, the earlier tension feels like a distant memory.

As he drives me home, the truck is quiet, save for the hum of the engine and the occasional creak of the leather seat as I shift. I almost let myself forget the last year and the distance that’s grown between us. I want Nick to take my hand, or I want to take his. I want him to press his lips to mine before I get impatient and kiss him first. I want to tell him I had a lovely time, that I adore hanging out with him. That he’s been everything I needed since the day I almost married Davis. Instead, I sit quietly as he pulls into the driveway, trying to decide if he’ll disappear on me again.

“Thanks for the ride,”I say with a bright smile, cracking open the truck door and swiping the bag of ice cream off the floor at my feet. The plastic rattles as the pints bounce inside.

“My pleasure,” he replies, his tone warm but guarded. The statement is as ambiguous as his constant assertion that he’s fine. There’s an ocean of something underneath his words. I just don’t know what it is.

“Hey.”

I hesitate, one hand on the door handle. “Yeah?”

“Thank you. For staying. For calming me down. Thank you for being exactly what I needed today.”

“My pleasure.” Without another word, I close the door. The hood of the truck is warm under my palm as I pat it lightly on my way to the house, a soft wave to Garrett as he jogs out to meet Nick.

For the first time in a long time, I feel like I’m standing on steady ground.