Free

Chapter 49

FORTY-NINE

Nick

The room is the same as it’s always been—softly lit, calming shades of blue and beige, and that oversized armchair that’s somehow both uncomfortable and grounding. I’ve spent countless hours here, spilling the ugliest parts of myself, dredging up memories I would’ve rather left buried. The weight of those sessions felt suffocating at times, like carrying a pack that grew heavier the more I fought against it. But today, for the first time, I don’t feel like I’m bracing for battle when I step inside.

Dr. Eddington sits across from me, his notepad balanced on one knee. His gaze is steady, calm, as always. But there’s a hint of something else today—anticipation, maybe? Like he knows this session is going to be different.

“Well, Nick,” he begins, leaning back slightly, “it’s been a few weeks since our last session. How’ve you been feeling?”

I run a hand through my hair, a small smile tugging at the corner of my mouth. “Good,” I admit, surprising myself with how easy the word comes. “Really good, actually.”

Dr. Eddington tilts his head, his lips twitching in what might be the beginning of a smile. “It’s been a year of really good for you.”

I lean back in the chair, and grin. “Charlie’s been a big part of that. Living together, building a life with her, it’s more than I thought I’d ever have. It’s more than I thought I deserved.”

“And how does it feel to let yourself have that?”

“Terrifying at first,” I admit with a chuckle. “But now? It feels… right. Like I’m finally free.”

I sit with the admission, surprised to find myself swallowing around a lump in my throat. The statement feels profound, so drenched in meaning that I’m at a loss of words as the last remnants of heaviness slip from my soul.

Dr. Eddington nods, scribbling something on his notepad. “And the nightmares? Have they returned?”

I shake my head. “Not for a while now. I mean, I still think about the accident sometimes, about Mark and the others, but it’s not the same. It’s not this crushing guilt or this constant replay of what happened. It’s more… reflective, I guess. Like I can think about them without being completely consumed by it.”

“That’s progress,” he says, his voice warm with approval. “You’ve done a lot of hard work to get here, Nick. You should be proud of that.”

I nod, my chest tightening with gratitude. “I am. And I’m grateful to you, too. You pushed me in ways I didn’t think I could handle. I wouldn’t be here without that.”

Dr. Eddington waves the compliment away with a small smile. “You did the work, Nick. I just walked alongside you.” He sets his notepad aside, leaning forward slightly. “Tell me, what’s next for you? Where do you see yourself going from here?”

The question hangs in the air, and for the first time, I don’t feel a surge of panic or uncertainty. I know the answer.

“I’m going to propose to Charlie,” I say, the words firm and steady.

Dr. Eddington’s brows lift, but his smile widens. “That’s a big step.”

“It is,” I agree, my own smile growing. “But it’s the right one. She’s the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’ve known it for a long time, but I think I needed to be in the right place to really act on it. I needed to believe I could give her the kind of life she deserves.”

“And do you believe that now?”

“Yeah,” I say without hesitation. “I do.”

Dr. Eddington leans back, studying me with a thoughtful expression. “It sounds like you’ve found a sense of closure. Not just with the accident, but with the way you’ve been defining yourself since then. Do you feel like you’ve been able to let go of some of the guilt?”

I nod slowly, the weight of the past few years settling in my chest, but in a way that feels manageable. “I think so. It’s not that I don’t still feel it sometimes. I don’t think that’ll ever completely go away. But it’s, I don’t know, softer now. I’ve stopped letting it control me. I’ve stopped letting it dictate what I think I deserve or what kind of life I can have.”

Dr. Eddington’s smile is small but genuine. “That’s the kind of growth I like to see, Nick. You’ve come a long way.”

“Thanks,” I say, my voice quiet but steady.

The session wraps up not long after, and as I step out into the sunlight, the warm air feels like a promise. A fresh start.

I pull out my phone and glance at the message from the jeweler confirming the pick-up time for the ring I’d ordered weeks ago. My heart thuds in my chest, a mix of nerves and excitement.

I think of Charlie waiting for me at home, the way she smiles when I walk through the door, and I know.

This is it.

This is my life.

And it’s everything I’ve ever wanted.