Chapter Fourteen
Cayden
“ G rayson?” I call out as I knock on his bedroom door. It has been four days, and as we prepare to attack the ball and find Harley and Rage, everyone is on edge. I would love nothing more than to destroy everything in sight, shut down, become emotionless, and allow my demons to run the show, but my brothers need me. Harley needs us. I always knew Ryker’s instant obsession with Harley would be his greatest strength and his greatest weakness.
He loves her, and now Grayson, differently than he will ever love anyone else. They are his heart. He doesn’t know how to cope without them. After our last meeting this morning where we all discussed how tomorrow night would go one last time, Ryker disappeared downstairs to the gym. Grayson went after him a while later, but I just saw him come back upstairs, looking more upset than before as he booked it to his room.
“Grayson, open the door,” I say, a little more sternly.
A few seconds pass before the door opens, and Grayson’s red rimmed eyes meet mine. He walks back into the room, so I follow him, shutting the door and leaning against it. “What’s going on?”
Taking a seat on the edge of his bed, he rubs his eyes before saying, “This is all so much, Cade. What if she isn’t there? How will we–how will Ryker handle it?”
“I’m not worried about Ryker right now, just you. So, I’ll ask again: what’s going on?”
He raises his watery eyes to meet mine, “I miss her. I miss her so much, and I am so worried about her, it hurts deep in my chest. Yet… Cade, I think I’m… Oh God.” He scrubs his hands down his face aggressively before letting out a humorless laugh. “You aren’t going to leave until I spill, are you?”
I raise a brow at him, and he huffs. After a moment of silence, he finally spits out, “I don’t think I am enough for Ryker. I know he loves me, but I am in love with him. Insanely. The way I feel for Harley? That’s the same way I feel for Ryker. I can’t breathe without them. Knowing Harley is probably scared or hurt, it breaks something in me. Knowing Ryker is in pain and I can’t fix it, it hurts me. But where I want comfort from him now, he doesn’t. I know that part is just him hurting and being scared for Harley, but I can’t help but wonder if that it’s also because his love for her is different than his love for me. I don’t think I am enough for him, or…I don’t know. Is it even possible to be in love with two people? Am I just kidding myself thinking this could’ve worked out?”
“If it’s not possible and can’t work out, then what are the four of us doing? It’s not just you loving two people. It’s Harley loving all three of us, being okay with you and Ryker, us all being okay loving the same person. I thought Ryker was absolutely batshit crazy, and he is, but he was right about all of us. I don’t think we could even have relationships on our own. I think things were meant to turn out this way.”
“That doesn’t mean Ryker and I were meant to be, not if he can’t or doesn’t love me in the way he does Harley. I couldn’t–I can’t be in the back seat and watch him only love me sometimes, Cade.” He sniffles and wipes under his eyes.
“Did he say something when you went downstairs? Why are you feeling this way now? Harley being missing obviously brings out the worst in us, but it shouldn’t make you feel this way.” I tilt my head at him.
Scoffing, he says, “It doesn’t seem to bring out the worst in you.”
A small smirk forms on my lips. “Because of Harley. She calmed my demons in a way no one has ever been able to. I can keep myself in check because I have her within me. But when we find her and the people who took something that didn’t belong to them, all bets are off—if Rage hasn’t already destroyed them all.”
Glancing down at his feet, he takes a moment before he speaks. “I went down to check in with Ry, since I know every time we talk about tomorrow, he kind of checks out and needs to work out to distract himself. I touched his shoulder, and he shrugged me off before shooting me a glare. I tried to get him to talk to me, but he just said nothing I could say or do would make it better, and I needed to just leave him be.”
“He doesn’t mean it, Gray.” I sigh and push away from the door. “He’s hurting, which doesn’t make it okay, and you will get to make him beg or grovel after all of this shit is over with, but he loves you. Don’t let what’s going on right now make you think otherwise. You obviously need to have a conversation with him eventually to settle these feelings, but don’t let it rip you apart right now.”
With nothing left to be said, I leave after Grayson nods. Heading down to the basement, I find Ryker in the gym still. I may have told Grayson not to let it get to him, that Ryker didn’t mean it, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay with the fact that he made him upset enough to cry.
Heading to the far wall, I grab some boxing gloves for me and Ryker. When I approach his treadmill, he slows it down to a walk. “What?” he grumbles.
“Put these on.” I thrust the gloves at him.
“Scared to spar without gloves, brother?” he taunts as he puts them on and walks to the ring with me.
“No, but the gloves will stop me from beating the shit out of you,” I tell him and then take a swing at him, not giving him a chance to say anything else. His face darkens in anger as he dodges my hit, landing one instead on my side.
We go back and forth for a while, both of us dripping in sweat. We aren’t being overly aggressive, but we also aren’t pulling our punches. I’m pretty sure we will both be left with a bruise or two.
“What the hell is your problem?” Ryker hisses between hits.
“You are,” I growl, letting my anger get the best of me and swinging right at his stupid fucking face.
“Fuck,” he snaps as he steps back off the mats and flings his gloves down. Rubbing his cheek, he glares at me. “What the fuck, Cade?”
“What the fuck is wrong with you? I get you're angry and scared about Harley and Rage, but for the love of God, don’t destroy the relationships here so by the time we do have them back, you end up alone.”
“Why are you in here yelling at me for shit that doesn’t matter when our girlfriend is out there, possibly hurt or worse, with someone who is like a father to us? Nothing else matters! We’ve done nothing for days! For days!” he yells as his entire body seems to vibrate with fury.
Taking five steps forward so he is within reach, I clench my fist and punch him with all my strength, knocking him on his ass. “Glad to know your boyfriend, who is upstairs crying right now, doesn’t matter. I’m sure Harley would approve, right?”
Ryker
Cade tosses his gloves down and storms out of the room. I know I’ve been on edge, we all have been. Most everyone keeps to themselves unless we’re planning our attack, because what do you even say? The man who runs this club, who holds everyone together, who treats us all like brothers, or hell, even sons, is missing with his daughter, who also has left her mark on this club. She’s everywhere, even when she’s nowhere. This is her club as much as it is his.
But what the hell does he mean Grayson has been crying? Frustration burns through me as I head to the tech room and check for Grayson. When I don’t find him, I go up to his room but find his door locked. Knocking a few times, he doesn’t respond and my frustration grows. “Grayson, open the fucking door.” I snap.
A few seconds later, the door cracks open. “What’s up?” Grayson asks softly.
“What’s going on? Why is Cade freaking the fuck out about you being upset?”
He huffs before walking away, so I push it open and follow him. “He shouldn’t have said anything to you. I’m fine.”
“Right,” I retort with an eye roll.
Grayson spins around to face me, his eyes narrowed with anger. “Get out.”
“What? Why?”
“Get out, Ryker. Go do whatever the hell it is you need to do to be ready for tomorrow. Until then, just leave me the hell alone,” he growls at me, even as his voice cracks.
“Gray–” Not wanting to hear me anymore, Grayson storms past, leaving his room, heading towards the bathroom. When he goes to slam the door, I stop it and shove it open. Pushing him back into the bathroom, I follow and close it behind me.
“What’s going on?” I snap at him.
“What’s going on?” His voice rises as he throws his hands out and scoffs at me. “What’s going on is you are an ass. You’re not the only one terrified and hurting. You’re not the only one angry at everything and feeling like we should be doing more. But you are the only one shoving someone who loves you to death away.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask as my brows lower in confusion.
“Downstairs!” he yells, taking a breath as tears gather in his eyes. I take a step towards him, but he holds a hand up, stopping me. “You have been distant since they got taken. I understand it, and I understand how you cope with things, so I have let it be. But I came down to check on you, and you–you brushed me off like I mean nothing, and it hurts. I get Harley is the love of your life, but I have always had feelings for you. They just didn’t really come forward until Harley came around. I love you both, but you love her in a way you won’t love me. I see that–”
“Stop talking,” I snarl and slap his hand away, moving forward until he is pressed against the far wall in the bathroom. Cupping his face in my hands, I feel my heart skip a beat. He has been dealing with this longer than they have been gone. We never talked and we should have. This is my doing, and now, I have to fix it, and I will crawl on my hands and knees for the next year if that’s what it takes.
“I love Harley.” His eyes fall shut as tears track down his cheeks. “But I also love you. Maybe it’s not the same, maybe my love for her will always be different then my love for you, but what it isn’t is anything less than. We never had that talk. This is still new for us and it’s going to take time. I’m sorry I’m an asshole. I will probably always be an asshole, but that doesn’t mean I love you any less.”
Taking a breath, I lean my forehead against his. “I’m sorry I have been acting like a fool. You’re right, I’m terrified. Two people we love and care for are out there, and we can’t do anything to help them. But you needed me too, and I wasn’t there for you. I won’t let that happen again. No matter what kind of hell we go through, I will always be there for you because I am in love with you, Grayson Tanner. I love every piece of you. I think I loved you long before Harley ever came into our lives, but I didn’t know how to handle that part of myself.
“We were always the messed up teens with no home outside of a twenty-year-old biker who barely knew what he was doing. Then Harley happened. She altered everything, and yes, I fell for her hard and fast, but she made me realize she wasn’t the only person I loved. I didn’t know how to show you or how to have this kind of conversation, and that is on me. But I know I want you in my life as my partner, as my boyfriend, as my everything. You can’t get rid of me, Gray baby.”
His eyes slowly open and bounce between mine before he whispers, “What if you realize loving two people is too much? What if Harley can’t handle us being together while also being with her? What if the world can’t accept us?”
“Harley has the biggest heart I have ever seen. She doesn’t care about us being together, not as long as we both love her the same. That girl wants peace and happiness for all of us, and I will spend every day for the rest of my life silencing those doubts in your mind. I will never stop loving you. As for the world? I will scream every second of every day that I am madly obsessed with two people, and if anyone tries to say shit, I will rip out their vocal cords and gift them to you.”
He crinkles his nose. “Can we skip the last part?”
I let out a dramatic sigh, even as a grin stretches over my lips. “I guess.”
“I’m scared. Of everything,” he tells me.
“I know, baby. But you aren’t alone. I will be with you even on my darkest days.” Molding the front of my body to his, I gently press my lips against his, and he lets out a content sigh. “I love you.”
“I love you,” he says back. Giving in to my need, I press harder against him so he can feel my cock as it grows hard while I devour his mouth. Grayson lets out a small whimper, and when I move my hands to explore his delectable body, he pulls back slightly. “I–I want you, I do,” he stutters before taking a breath. “But I can’t–”
“It’s okay,” I interrupt. “One of these days, I will have you in my bed and spend hours worshiping you to show you how much I fucking love you, but that doesn’t have to be now.”
“There’s just so much, and I–”
I cut him off with a quick kiss. “I know. Relax, Grayson.” He breathes out and nods as we pull away from each other. “Also, next time I’m being an ass, want to come deal with it yourself? Don’t send your guard dog after me. He hits hard.”
“Cade did this?” he murmurs, running his fingers over my red cheek and split lip.
“Yes. He’s pissed at me for upsetting you. He was in his protective brother mode.”
Grayson smiles softly. “He said I should make you grovel and beg.”
Dropping my smile, I stare at him intently. “I will. Whatever you want, Grayson. I mean it.”
Nodding, he hesitantly reaches for my hand, so I take over and thread our fingers together as we leave the bathroom.
Heading downstairs, we find Cade in the kitchen with Presley, Carly, and Lex.
“Good?” Cade ignores me and looks right at Gray, who nods once.
“Are you doing okay, Lex?” Grayson asks her as we sit on the empty barstools.
“I guess. I’m worried about them. My dad is back tonight, so I’ll be heading home here soon. Will you guys keep me updated?” she asks softly, her eyes filling with tears. She has been staying with us since the BBQ, so she knows about Harley and Rage going missing. We’ve kept her out of it, but there’s no way to keep it all a secret.
“I will personally make sure you get any updates we get,” Presley tells her, wrapping her arms around her and hugging her tightly. “We just have to believe they will get through this and both of them will come home safely to us.” Her voice cracks, and she has to clear her throat to keep her composure.
As soon as she releases Lex, I stand and walk over to Presley, pulling her into my arms. She hugs me tightly and then pulls away with a watery smile. “Thank you, Ry.” It feels like there is a rock stuck in my throat, so instead of responding, I just nod and take my seat again.
Grayson squeezes my thigh, and I glance over to find him smiling softly at me.
We have the same clubs that helped us with the warehouse take down coming to help us again. They have started arriving throughout the day, and we will have one more big meeting with everyone before we head to the location Grayson got from the website a few days ago.
Before the meeting, I send out a text asking for all the ranking officers, the girls, Grayson, and Cayden to meet in Rage’s office—a room we have all been avoiding since he was taken.
I’m the first one in the room, so I stand behind Rage’s desk and imagine him sitting in it. What he would say to all of us if it was anyone else missing. How he keeps everything together. How we need to do him proud now so when we get them both back he can be proud of his family.
“What’s up, Ryker?” Axe asks as he comes in, holding Jayce with Presley next to him.
“Let’s wait for everyone,” I say.
“RyRy!” Jayce screeches and holds his little hands out.
“Hey, little man.” I take him from Axe and let his tiny carefree presence remind me of all the good things we do have.
Not long after Axe, the room fills. Grayson stands awkwardly by the door, and I gesture for him to come over to me. When he stops next to me, I take his hand with my free one while he says hi to Jayce and messes with him, his little giggles calming the whole room.
“I know we are all preparing for tonight,” I begin, “but I felt there was something missing before we can go. Since Rage and Harley were taken, we all have been a mess. But one thing we haven’t done is come together and remember we have a room full of people who matter. We can’t go guns blazing and risk anymore. Neither Harley nor Rage would want that. Like Rage always tells us, our safety comes first. We are going to get them both back, but we also need to depend on each other and not keep going like we are, where we only talk when we are planning.”
“Never thought I would say this, but Ryker is right. We have all just isolated because Rage has kept us together all these years. We need to lean on each other,” Raven says as Stone holds her close.
“We are a family and need to be one in order to bring our people home,” Sugar says before looking at me. “Thank you, kid. I knew this conversation needed to happen, but I couldn’t do it. I’ve never been without my brother, Rage, it’s hard to remember there is more. It shoulda been on me.”
“It’s on all of us,” Axe says with a nod towards Sugar, “not just you. We do this together and stay safe no matter what.”
After everyone talks for a few more minutes, the room clears out until it’s just the guys and Nerds left. “Is Oakley ready?” Grayson asks him.
“Yeah, I think so. She’s terrified, but she is being incredibly brave. She’s taking a bath and relaxing before it’s time to go,” Nerds says, but based on the deep frown on his face, he isn’t happy about not going with us since he has to stay here in the tech room.
“She’ll be safe,” I say. We have a few guys from other clubs who are our buyers and a trader and have been prepared for what to expect from Oakley.
“Let’s get this meeting over with so we can get going. I’m done waiting,” I say, a new determination settling in my bones.
After a long meeting with all the clubs, we are finally ready. As Cade, Grayson, and I vest up and grab the guns from the safe room in the basement, Raven and Stone walk in.
Stone grabs two bulletproof vests and then starts strapping one to Raven. “Hey, if you tighten that any farther, I won’t be able to breathe.”
“Wait–you’re coming?” I stutter, my eyes widening.
She smirks at us. “Of course. I’ll be out far with Stone with the other rifle.” Raven takes in our shocked faces before she laughs. “Stone taught me a few years ago. I’m better with a bow and arrow, but I promise to do my best not to shoot you.” She winks.
Stone slaps her ass, hard . “Knock it off,” he grumbles. “This is serious. I should’ve said fucking no.”
“You can’t say no to me when I have your cock out,” she responds sassily.
“Alright, that’s our cue. See you upstairs,” I say as Cade chuckles under his breath and Grayson’s face turns beat red.
Once we are back upstairs, Sugar takes over, making sure everyone is rounded up and reminding them of their positions. The ball is happening at an old factory out of town, but we still have to move carefully and stay back until our inside guys are actually in and can tell us the next moves.
As Grayson, Noah, Cade, and I head out to the truck, someone grabs my wrist, and I spin around to find Carly, her eyes red and puffy. “Bring them home,” she whispers.
“We will do everything in our power. We got this.” I say.
Grayson
My leg bounces as I stare at the GPS from the passenger seat of the truck, watching as we get closer and closer to our destination. I have my laptop out and ready, already communicating with Nerds. Everyone else has ear pieces in, and once I send out a text to make sure they have them in I do an audio check to make sure everyone can hear and be heard.
No one speaks as we all get lost in our heads and prepare for the worst. Or at least, I prepare for the worst. We park in our position and wait as the others get into their spots and those going in first head up to the factory with Oakley.
Everything is silent until someone finally speaks into our ears. “Are you sure this was the location?”
“Yes,” I respond, even as I bring up the site and check again. It is the correct place.
“What’s goin’ on?” Sugar asks through the ear pieces.
“There’s nothing here,” Oakley says.
Ryker sucks in a breath from the back seat, and then we are all flying out of the truck, running straight to the factory. After about five minutes, we make it to where Oakley and the other guys stand.
Rock, one of the enforcers from the other North Carolina club, pinches his lips together. “There’s nothing here.”
Ryker runs up to the building, and as he goes to break the door down, he pauses, his entire body going rigid. “Ryker?” I call as we all move closer.
He spins around and hands me a piece of paper previously taped to the door.
You were warned.
Ryker lets out a roaring scream that I have never heard from him before as he slams his fist into the wall of the building over and over again. When Cade finally pulls him back, his eyes are impossibly dark as they lock on me.
Storming up to me, he grips my face between his hands. “This isn’t the end. We will find the fuckers and destroy them. We are not giving up.”
I can hear voices behind me as people talk, discussing what we do next, but I keep my eyes focused on Ryker’s impossibly dark irises. They are terrifying and intimidating, but I feel safe in them. And right now, I feel so…helpless. Lost. Confused. Broken. I need him to ground me, just like I think he needs me to ground his demons.
Because now, we are starting at square one all over again.
This will either bring us even closer together or break us until there is nothing left.