Chapter Eighteen
Cayden
A s Harley falls into a deep sleep, we all release a breath. She’s pretending to seem fine while also crumbling right in front of us—and she’s not the only one.
Glancing down at Ryker, who is laying with his chin resting on her stomach so he can stare at her, I say, “You need to talk to us.”
My brows drop as I think about how easy this has all become rage simmering under my skin, wanting revenge on Harley’s behalf and for Rage. There’s a tiny part of me that is jealous Ryker got to beat the shit out of the man who hurt her, but I don’t feel like I need to shut down anymore.
Talking sometimes still feels foreign to me, but at the same time, when it’s just the four of us, it feels natural and right. I thought I was going to completely fall into hell again, but I didn’t because of her.
If we lost her… I don’t even want to fucking imagine how bad it would’ve been for all of us.
“Did you see the brand on her chest?” Ryker growls quietly.
I frown. “Yes, but that’s not what I was talking about right now.”
“I’ll be fine as long as she gets better. We need to find the fucker who branded her and kill him. Slowly.”
“Ry–” Grayson starts.
“I’m fucking fine. We don’t need to talk about what happened. It was a moment of weakness,” Ryker hisses.
Grayson looks taken aback before he says, “Aren’t you the one who told me feeling our emotions, even if it’s crying, is okay? It doesn’t make us any less?”
Huffing, Ryker glances over at Grayson. “Yeah, I did. And it’s not wrong. I just–how can I struggle to deal with what I saw when Harley is the one who suffered? When she is the one who had to go through the pain and clearly isn’t in any state of mind to talk about it yet? How is it just okay for me to be the one who is hurt?”
“Why can’t you both be affected?” Grayson asks him but doesn’t give him a chance to respond as he continues. “I think we all know by now that it isn’t as easy as just shoving it aside. It never works. We’ve been fighting battles for years, and we have all learned now that the only way to make it out on the other side is by depending on each other in all ways. So just tell us.”
Ryker stares into Grayson’s pleading eyes before nodding. “He was on top of her. When I yanked him off and saw his dick out, I lost control. I needed to see him suffer. At some point it registered in my head that the man I just ripped off of her was the man I looked up to, someone I thought was a mentor, who helped me through some rough patches. It doesn’t make any sense to me how he could just–just buy someone and then fucking rape them. Why? Why would he teach us, mentor us, help kids every day, just to do this?”
“I’m not sure if we'll ever get those answers, Ryker. I don’t even think it’s worth trying to find out. He was a fucked up bastard, but he can’t hurt her or anyone else ever again now, and that is thanks to you,” I tell him, attempting to keep my own temper at bay. The thought of seeing someone taking something that wasn’t theirs from our girl… It threatens to send me spiraling down a hole I don’t want to find myself in. But– “I know how we can get past this.”
“How?” Grayson asks softly.
“We find this Tank person on the run with Killer. We give Killer to Harley and the guys here at the club, and the three of us handle Tank. We take our own revenge for our girl.” As much as I would love to seek out revenge for Rage too, the others need that win more than we do.
Not that Rage’s death doesn’t hurt. It stings more than I am willing to admit right now. So keeping my mind focused elsewhere is the best thing for me.
“Do you really think Harley would let us take revenge for her?” Ryker asks with furrowed brows, but I can see the dark gleam in his eyes. He wants this.
“Yes. I think she has had enough to deal with, and between Killer and when she finds out what Tammy did, she will want to be taking them on full force.”
“I think it’s a good idea,” Grayson says so quietly, I almost think I misheard him, but by the way Ryker’s head snaps up, I know I didn’t.
“You do?” Ryker questions.
Grayson nods, his cheeks tinting pink. “I think it would be good for all of us.”
I was most worried Grayson would be against the idea, but I think our shy tech boy has more things to say about all of this than he is letting on.
Now to just find the fuckers, because waiting is not something any of us are going to want.
Harley
“I’ve been waiting years for you. You are even more gorgeous than I remember.”
I can’t speak as the injection he gave me causes my body to turn to stone. I can’t move as he lays me out on the bed and strips me of the dress. I think I feel tears gather in my eyes as I blink and fight to move, but I can’t.
I can’t move. This is worse than death– “Redheads have always been my favorite. I heard about you through the grapevine a while after your mother died. It really was heartbreaking to hear about the fire that killed her, but I was so grateful you ended up with your aunt and she decided to spread the word in our community about you.”
He presses his cheek against mine and breathes me in before meeting my eyes. “I knew I had to have you, and when I learned you weren’t in school–well, I needed to change that.”
Whatever he gave me seems to be only half working, my fingers twitching, but I try to keep them still so he doesn’t notice. My legs still feel solid, but I can feel his hands as they run up and down my skin, making me feel like I am being set on fire.
“You see, because of my family, I can only keep one of you at a time. I couldn’t take you in right away, and I needed you to be educated for my plans. And now that you are, well, we can begin. But after waiting so long for you, I knew I needed to have you first. Usually, I love a little fight, but I just want something calm right now.”
His hands cup my breasts as he grins down at me and licks a stray tear from my cheek. “My God, you have never looked more beautiful. This is the first time I have used this new injection, and I think I may keep more on hand.”
I can hear him stripping his clothing off, and I scream inside. I scream and fight to move. Just move. Why can’t I just move my body? I need to fight. I can do this– Just. Move.
“Now we will have some fun, and then once I take you to your new home, we will discuss your duties, my beautiful little whore.”
Please don’t, I beg internally. I just need to move. I can do this. Just move.
He climbs on top of me and smiles softly down at me. Please, don’t, I beg with my eyes.
I’m trapped—
Gasping, I fling the arms and body touching me off and fly out of the bed. My name is called, but I ignore them as I run to the bathroom and proceed to dry heave into the toilet. I have barely eaten anything, so there is nothing to come up, but my body wants to expel this feeling–I was trapped again. I couldn’t move.
“Breathe, Harley. You have to breathe,” I hear someone say as hands rub up and down my back.
“I–Can’t—” I gasp as someone else cups my face and turns me towards them.
“Open your eyes, beautiful.” My eyes snap open to meet his green ones. “Breathe with me. In.” He inhales. “And out.” Exhale. Come on, beautiful, you can do this,” he tells me as he keeps going. Another body plasters itself to my back, and I feel them breathing with Grayson. I try to inhale and exhale, but they are shaky and short until they finally even out.
I never look away from Grayson’s forest eyes as I finally calm enough to breathe fully. Knowing what comes next, I slump forward against Grayson and tell them everything.
From the nightmare and more—how I am tainted now. Ruined. Broken. I don’t know if I will ever be able to do anything again. How does someone move past that? How does someone not view it as being cheated on when it’s the person you are with? How–
“That’s enough,” Ryker growls. I tense, waiting for the words to come: you're disgusting, we don’t want you, this is your fault.
But as I am pulled away from Grayson’s chest, I am met with three sets of eyes all burning with rage, sadness, concern, and–and pride?
“None of this is your fault, do you hear me?” Ryker starts. “We let you get it all out so now you can listen to us. You aren’t alone, and you won’t ever be. Good luck getting any of us to leave your side anytime soon. You are not broken. You are a survivor. You lived through it, and here you are, fighting another day. You lived through hell for a month prior to what that fucker did to you and you have lived through hell years prior to this.”
“You are the strongest person I know, and I don’t mean that lightly. I couldn’t survive what you have, and I doubt most people around here could. They would break. But you haven’t, and now you won’t, because you already know you can recover from hell all alone. This time, you don’t have to do it alone. We will do it with you,” Grayson says softly.
“If you need to drown in your pain for a while before you are ready to recover, we will do it with you. You're not alone anymore, and nothing is going to change that. You are stuck with us forever, no matter what,” Cade grunts.
After wiping my tears, we all pile back into my bed. The guys must be exhausted, as they all pass out within minutes while I lay awake, not sure if I will be able to fall back asleep after that dream and my breakdown.
It takes some effort, but after some very slow careful movements, I am able to sneak out of bed and get dressed without waking anyone up. Since it’s only four in the morning, I head downstairs and out back, where I find Bear, Cade’s Great Dane, on the porch.
“Hi, Bear.” I smile at him as he comes up and nudges me with his nose. “Want to come with me?” His large, dark eyes glance up at me, so I unhook his lead, and he easily walks with me over to my dad’s house. I don’t know why I feel the need to come here right now, but I do.
Walking in through the back door with Bear, I find a lamp shining from the living room. When I round the corner, I immediately find Colton sitting on the couch, staring straight ahead at nothing.
“Colton? Are you okay?” I ask him quietly as I wander over and take a seat next to him.
He blinks, seeming to shake himself out of wherever his mind was before answering me. “Not really, darlin’.” He sighs.
Bear jumps up on the couch and lays on my other side, his head in my lap. “You are most definitely not supposed to be up here.” Colton chuckles.
“I think my dad would approve right now,” I say as I run my hand along Bear’s head.
“Dad, huh?” Colton questions sadly.
I lean my head against his shoulder and respond, “Yeah. I’ve spent too much time living in fear and being concerned about things that just shouldn’t matter. He showed me who he truly was from day one, and I was just too scared to let down that final wall. I realize now we don’t know how much time we get with someone. I should have realized that with my mom, but I was scared after everything Tammy did. But he’s my dad, and he may not get to hear me say it now, but I will still say it over and over again and hope he knows I loved him.”
Tears fall down my cheeks as I add, “I love you too, Colton.”
“I love you more than you will ever know, darlin’. I am thankful you are still here, I just wish you didn’t have to go through hell all over again.” He sighs and wraps his arm around me. “It’s not fair, and I’m sure I don’t even know half of what you went through. But you are one strong woman, and I know your parents would be so fuckin’ proud. I am. I may not be your dad or mama, but I am your uncle, and I'm here for you. Always.”
“I know you are, which is why I was able to make it through this time. I knew I wasn’t alone. I knew people would be looking for me. I saw and went through horrible things, but nothing compares to being alone in a basement and knowing there is probably no one out there trying to save you or who cares about you.”
“I’m proud of how far you have come. We may not have been able to see you grow up, from when you were little but Rage and I did get to watch you turn into a beautiful and brilliant woman.” He tells me.
Wiping under my eyes, I focus on Bear as I say, “Thank you. That means a lot.”
“You know I will be the club's president now,” he tells me regretfully. “Your dad left big shoes to fill.”
“And you’ll fill them, because there isn’t anyone better to do it. You were his other half in many ways. I feel like I rarely saw you guys apart.”
“And now I have to go forever without my brother.” His voice cracks, and it breaks something in me. I start crying, turning myself into Colton and wrapping my arms around him.
“I’m so sorry you had to lose him. I’m so sorry you have to do all this without him now,” I sob.
A few tears fall down his cheeks, and he doesn’t bother wiping them away as he stares at me. “It’ll be alright, darlin’. We have each other, right?”
I nod and curl up next to him, taking comfort in my uncle and reminding myself to hold onto this pain, to keep it close so I always have a reminder to hold those I love close to me and never ever take them for granted.