7 Ellie
I vowed to keep my organising urges to myself so as not to encroach on Ethan’s space. After all, he was the long-term tenant in this house, and I was still getting settled in. That vow went out the window when I discovered that over half the items in the pantry had expired and were probably inedible.
It turned out that Ethan’s mother had stocked his pantry for him when he first moved into the place. Three whole years ago.
Ethan could cook, but he didn’t do it as often as his mum had hoped, and when he did, he was a creature of habit. His cooking that feast for me the other day had been a pleasant fluke, and he had bought most of the ingredients fresh anyway.
The next Saturday morning, I rolled up my sleeves, fortified myself with coffee and pastries from the bakery, and declared to Ethan that I was going to reorganise the pantry.
“And I’m not going to let you say no. I just found dried tarragon that’s been expired for two years. Two years. It doesn’t even smell like anything anymore. And that’s not the only thing that’s expired. I thought it was awesome you had such a well-stocked pantry when I moved in, but too many things in here have gone off. When’s the last time you even touched anything here?”
“Er…You know I cook, but I stick to my usuals when it’s just me,” he admitted. “Before you came along, I ate the same few dishes rotated every other day.”
“Let me guess. Chicken and veggies.” I shot him a sardonic smile. Ethan had already repeated variations of the same dish this week on the days he insisted on cooking. His awesome welcome feast had truly been a one-off, not that I expected him to keep doing it. That one time was already special enough.
“Got it in one. Sometimes I even swap chicken out for salmon,” he grinned, and the edges of his mouth dimpled. The cheeky bugger. It was unfair how he was so terribly good-looking and charming, even when he just crawled out of bed.
I tackled the pantry with a vengeance. I thought Ethan would clear out and let me do my thing, but he ended up staying and helping me lug out what turned out to be bags and bags of stale and expired food items.
A trip to Kmart, one filled-out clipboard and writing pad later, the pantry now had containers and baskets and pull-out shelves. Everything had its place. Everything was easy to see. Everything was easy to reach.
Ethan stared at my handiwork when I was done and whistled.
“How’d you learn how to do all this, Ellie?”
I shrugged, but deep down, I was very pleased with my handiwork, and even more pleased that Ethan seemed impressed by it.
“I like organising things,” was my answer.
“I know you do. But how do you do it so well?”
“Practice.”
“You must have lots of practice,” Ethan observed.
Hah, he didn’t know how much he hit the nail on the head.
“My parents left me alone a lot as a kid,” I found myself sharing. “They had me, and I turned out okay, and they seemed to feel like their job was done. They lived their own life, and as long as I didn’t cause trouble, all was well. I had to learn a lot of these things for myself.”
Being organised was one way I could be in control, even as a child. I found that I excelled at it, so I did it some more.
Ethan looked horrified. “Do you mean you got left alone a lot as a child? That’s awful!”
“Not really. It was good for me. It’s made me quite independent, and I learnt a lot of things I wouldn’t have learnt on my own.”
“Still, it must have been lonely.” Ethan stared right at me. Right through me, like he always did.
He was right. I learnt early on to be self-sufficient, but it would have been nice to lean on someone else for a change. To have someone be there just because. Maybe that was why I had crushed so hard on Ethan when I first got to know him. He was easy to be around, and I never felt like I had to always be switched on with him. But I knew it was a shallow reason to crush on someone. Ethan couldn’t be my rock to lean on. It would be unfair to expect that from him. It didn’t stop me from wanting more all these years, but good sense kept me from ever pursuing it, and I was glad I never did because I would never have been able to rent this place on such short notice if I had made things awkward between us.
Ethan looked so distressed at how casually I talked about being so independent as a kid that I felt like I had to assure him that things weren’t all bad. “It was all right. My parents weren’t abusive.” Just neglectful, and they did support me financially until I turned eighteen. “And I had friends.”
Friends like Nat. Who in the end, didn’t choose me after all, whom I couldn’t lean on after all. I would never be number one in anyone else’s life. That much I had figured out long ago. That much I had come to terms with long ago. It still hurt when Nat cut the cord, but maybe it was for the best in the end.
~
S unday morning was spent buying plants at the nearby garden centre. I had made a trip to the nursery selling discounted plants to the neighbourhood yesterday and found everything sold out. I had missed the boat for this year, so now I had to get my plants elsewhere at full price. Ethan offered to come with me and carry stuff, even though I told him it wasn’t necessary, but the moment I realised how many bags of soil and mulch I needed, I was glad he did.
“Don’t forget to keep the receipts,” he reminded me as we loaded bags of soil improver into my car. “The landlord did say he would pay for half of everything, so you’d better let him. After all, you’re paying his mortgage.”
I laughed. “How do you know the landlord’s a man? The landlord could be a rich old lady who’s just happy to see the garden being taken care of.”
“Maybe.” There was a caginess to his voice.
“You know something I don’t. Have you met the landlord before?”
Ethan shook his head. “Nope. I’ve always gone through the property agent, just like you.”
“Ah hah. Then you don’t know the gender of the landlord for sure.”
Ethan’s silence spoke volumes.
We spent the rest of the morning mixing the soil improver into the cleared front. Perth soils were sandy, and if anything other than native coastal scrub was to survive here, we needed to build up the soil’s ability to hold water and nutrients. That’s where the clay and compost in the soil improver came in. After much back-breaking work raking it all into the ground, the plants were finally ready to go in.
For the understorey plants, I put in Swan River daisies, purple scaevolas that would bloom fan-shaped flowers come late winter, and the good ol’ red and green kangaroo paws that were native to these parts. All the seedlings were tiny right now, but I knew how misleading their baby sizes looked and gave them plenty of space to spread out.
Then there was a bare strip where I scattered everlasting flower seeds. These would start coming up after watering and explode into a riot of pink and white native paper daisies when spring arrived. For the non-natives, I put in lavender because it was hardy and would attract bees to the garden. Finally, it was time to put in the roses.
I was halfway through digging the enormous first hole required to plant the rose when my smartwatch buzzed, telling me I had an incoming call. I looked at my screen and froze.
“Do you need to take the call?” Ethan asked. He was digging a second hole next to me for another rose bush.
“It’s Nat.”
I stopped what I was doing, pulled off my gardening gloves, and fished my phone out of my vest pocket. The ringing stopped, right along with my heart. After all this time waiting for Nat to relent and talk to me, I had just missed her.
I was about to call her back when Nat rang again. This time, I picked up right away.
“Nat, how are you?” I answered, anxious to hear her voice. Had she cooled down? Had she forgiven me? Did Andy do something to her?
Her reply was curt. “Took you a while to pick up.”
Nat was still pissed off at me.
“It’s good to hear from you.”
“I need the details of my bridesmaid dresses from you.” She ignored me. “Or better still, I want your dress. It goes without saying that you’re no longer my maid of honour.”
When Andy had proposed, Nat and I had celebrated. I tearfully agreed to be her maid of honour despite my reservations about her relationship. I had searched all over for the perfect dress that matched what Nat wanted, then purchased them all for her bridesmaids. Our old school friends were flying over from Victoria for the wedding, and I had been in charge of organising the wedding party.
Nat hadn’t paid me for the dresses because I had told her it would be a gift to her. Now, I was unceremoniously fired as maid of honour and told to hand over said dress.
“I’m guessing you’ve found my replacement,” I kept my voice light. Nat would get defensive if I let the hurt in my voice slip out. “Is it Lori? Lori will do a great job. I can send her everything I’ve done so far.”
Lori was a mutual friend of ours who currently lived in Melbourne and was one of Nat’s bridesmaids. It would be a slight challenge organising things long distance, but Lori could do it. I wondered if Lori had been told about our falling out yet. I hadn’t said anything to any of our mutual friends; I didn’t want anyone to choose sides.
“No, it’s not Lori. It’s someone from here.” Nat’s voice was testy.
“Oh? Do I know her?” As far as I knew, I was the only one from Nat’s wedding party who lived in Perth. Her colleagues aside, Andy and I were the only other people she saw with any regularity. Maybe it was a colleague.
“No, you don’t, Ellie. I have other friends here besides you, okay? And just so it’s clear, you’re uninvited from the wedding.”
A million little knives stabbed and scraped me from the inside out.
“Okay.” My voice came out hollow, disembodied.
“It’s better this way, given how you feel about my relationship.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I want you to drop the dress off at the apartment today at 11:30 a.m. I won’t be home, but Andy will be. You can hand it to him.”
A twinge of annoyance shot through me. Nat didn’t bother to ask if I had plans at 11:30 a.m. She just assumed I would drop everything and do it.
I should have demanded payment for the dress. I had every right to. But I still wanted to salvage my friendship with Nat. It would have been petty to talk about money now. Ninety dollars wasn’t worth pouring more fuel onto the fire.
“What about my notes for the wedding?” I kept a list of caterers, vendors, locations and even ideas for her bachelorette party.
Nat hesitated. I wondered if she was going to tell me to shove it, that the new maid of honour would do everything from scratch.
Finally, she spoke up. “Just email them to me.”
“Okay.”
The conversation ended there. There was nothing else to talk about.
I put the phone down, only to find Ethan staring at me with a concerned look on his face.
“That didn’t sound pleasant.”
“It was as pleasant as it could be,” I sighed.
“Are you okay?”
I shrugged. “I have to go back to the apartment at half past eleven and drop some stuff off.”
Ethan’s eyes drew into a frown. “Did she call you just to tell you to do that? Did she even check that you’re free? Because it’s ten o’clock right now and you’re in the middle of doing up the garden. Did she just expect you to just drop everything and bring whatever it is over?”
I looked at the two half dug holes for the roses, and the eight rose bushes sitting in the yard, waiting to be put in. There was no way I was going to finish planting them and still get to my old place in time.
“Let’s stop for the morning. You don’t have to do any more. It’s not fair to you if I’m not here pulling my weight.”
Ethan just shook his head. “I’m not annoyed at you. I’m annoyed at how Nat’s treating you. And I’m happy to finish planting the roses. Just tell me exactly what I need to do.”
I didn’t deserve Ethan as a housemate and friend, but right now, I really needed him.
“Thank you, but I need a huge favour from you instead. Will you come with me to my old place? Nat won’t be home, but Andy will be.”
The frown on Ethan’s face deepened. “Then why the hell did she tell you to…never mind. Of course I’ll come with you. From what you’ve told me, there’s no way I’ll let you see him alone.”
Something warm bloomed in my chest. “Thank you.”