Friends With All the Benefits

40 Ellie

T he last few weeks were utterly miserable, and I was finally asking myself whether it was worth it. I had originally moved out of Ethan’s cottage because I needed space from him. After that, I stayed moved out to make a point that Ethan’s so-called sudden feelings for me were based on lust and it wasn’t enough for us to be together for real. Then there was the other reason where I wanted to set a good example for Nat, but Ethan had pointed out that I didn’t have to, and Nat was still in Bendigo anyway.

Now, Ethan and I were as good as dating. Ethan had been surprisingly good and respectful about us not taking things physical, and he still looked at me like I meant everything in the world to him. We had gone out twice with our mutual friend group, and everyone hadn’t batted an eyelid when Ethan made it a point to sit with me. It wasn’t as if it was the first time anyway. There were little smiles and knowing looks when Ethan put his arm around me, or reached towards me for a quick kiss, but no one said a word, and eventually, everything almost felt natural.

The familiarity was comforting, but everything else was terrifying.

I hadn’t made a real effort to move on. I didn’t apply for a new rental after all. I didn’t even bother putting in an offer to the apartments that I could afford. I just wanted to go home—to the cottage next to the sea, near good coffee, good food, and most of all, a good man. I wanted to go home to Ethan, and the only person stopping me from doing so was myself.

Nat was due back tomorrow. When we last spoke, she told me she had decided to move back to Bendigo for good and that the apartment was as good as mine if I wanted it. She would rent it to me for a good rate—cheaper than I had paid in the past—for the next year. This was part of her trying to make amends, and both her and her parents’ way of expressing their thanks for everything. It was a no brainer to accept her offer, but I hadn’t done so. Instead, I told her I needed time to think about it.

My lease was officially up in four days, but Ethan’s invitation to move back in still stood. What if Ethan changed his mind after all? What if I had made him work too hard for me, and he finally realised I wasn’t worth the trouble? What if he realised he didn’t want me enough after all? What if I wasn’t enough in the end?

The apartment’s ringing doorbell jolted me out of my thoughts. I was spending a quiet Saturday morning in, doing a bit of light cleaning before Nat got back, and I wasn’t expecting anyone over.

Two men in work boots and comfortable clothes stood outside, a gigantic cardboard box wider than the both of them put together sat behind them on top of a trolley.

“Are you Ellie Munro? We’ve got a delivery for you.”

One of the men held out a pad for me to sign.

“Wait, I haven’t ordered anything, much less anything this big. What’s this?” I stared at the box in confusion. The only signage on it read, “bulky item” and “this side up.”

“We’ve been told to tell you it’s a gift. The stuff’s from Dunholme Lane Furniture. Supposed to be an armchair inside. There’s an ottoman too.” He gestured behind the massive box. Sure enough, there was a smaller one behind it that looked about footstool sized.

It was an armchair. I had a sneaking suspicion it was the leather wingback armchair I had always wanted, and I knew exactly who had bought it for me.

“Can you tell me who purchased it?” I had to be sure.

The main guy talking to me handed me the paperwork for the furniture. Sure enough, Ethan’s contact details were on it.

Oh, Ethan.

“You all right, miss?” The second guy asked me, probably because my face was doing things like trying really hard not to leak.

I nodded, a bit too overcome to speak.

Ethan had bought me the armchair of my dreams, with the matching footstool thrown in too. No one had ever got me a gift this thoughtful or this expensive in my life, and it was too much. It would also take up half of Nat’s living room and stick out like a sore thumb. This apartment was never designed for grand furniture like this.

“I can’t accept this delivery,” I finally managed to croak.

The faces of both delivery men contorted in distress.

“We can’t do that,” one of them pleaded.

“In that case, could you deliver it to a different location?” I ventured. A thought was forming in my mind, and I wanted to see it through.

“Uh…”

“I’ll pay you a hundred dollars for the delivery. To South Freo.”

Relief washed across both men’s faces. “We can do that. Our next delivery is in that direction anyway, and we’ll take fifty.”

“Great. I’ll follow behind your truck. Give me two secs to grab my keys.”

~

I pulled up right outside the cottage behind the delivery truck. The flowers were all in bloom like Ethan had said, and it was beautiful. It was the same cottage, but the lush, colourful garden made it look like something right out of a picture book. Summer was almost here, and the garden was at its best. It was everything I had worked for and everything I had hoped it would be and more.

All that work in autumn and winter had paid off, and it was glorious to behold. The only thing out of place was a half-hacked rose bush at the end of a row, and I winced when I saw it. Ethan had told me about his pruning faux pas the other day, but it was still painful to see. No matter. The plant would recover eventually. Otherwise, there were no other garden disasters.

I hadn’t been back since I left the place, and seeing the cottage put a lump in my throat.

Home. If Ethan still wanted me here.

Something moved in the shrubbery up front, and then Ethan stood up and stared at the two men carting the gigantic box containing the armchair up the pathway to his front door. Ethan wore gardening gloves, and from the looks of things, he had been in the middle of weeding. My hand went to my heart. I knew Ethan didn’t have a green thumb, and I hoped he could tell which were weeds and which weren’t, because I’d seriously die if he pulled out plants that had taken months to grow.

“What’s going on?” He looked befuddled. “What’s this?”

Then he saw me and his face lit up. “Ellie.”

“Should we leave the stuff on the verandah, or do you want us to bring it inside?” One of the delivery men interrupted our reunion. “I suggest we carry it in for you where you want it. It’s not something you can move easily while it’s in the box, and you don’t want to damage the leather by opening it out here.”

The widening of Ethan’s eyes told me he realised what it was. “It’s the armchair. Ellie, I bought it for you. What are you doing sending it here?”

“I can’t have it at the apartment. It takes up half the living room space,” I blurted out, unsure of how to say what I really meant. Then I saw the hurt in Ethan’s eyes and quickly added, “I am grateful. More than you know. It’s not that I don’t want it, but it doesn’t belong there. And it’s too much. I know how much it costs, Ethan, and it’s way too expensive for me to accept. You have to return it.”

“It’s yours. I know how much you want it, and I want you to have it.”

“It fits this cottage so much better.”

Ethan sighed. “It does, but only with you in it.”

A cough sounded next to Ethan. “Sorry to interrupt, but we really do need to get going. Where can we put this?”

“In the house,” I instructed. “In the living room.”

Ethan’s head whipped to the two men who had started moving inside. “No, wait. I want it somewhere else. Ellie, don’t come in. Don’t go anywhere. We need to talk.” Then he ripped off his gardening gloves and led the delivery men inside.

My eyes widened. Ethan told me not to come in.

Emphasised it.

I was an idiot. I had come over with the armchair, intending to tell him that I was coming home. But I couldn’t get the words out, and now I had hurt Ethan. Logically, I knew that Ethan probably had a good reason for telling me to stay outside, but my emotions were a mess since the armchair arrived earlier. Horrible thoughts raced through my mind. I knew I had hurt Ethan by refusing his gift. What if I hurt him enough that he could no longer stand the sight of me, that I was no longer welcome in the house?

Even though my things were still inside, I was scheduled to get them moved out anyway.

I did as I was told. I loitered outside, busying myself with checking Ethan’s work in the garden. He did only remove weeds. Everything else was still in place. I had told him he didn’t have to worry about the garden, that he could get it replaced with something else if was too much work. He had told me he wouldn’t, but after putting in the work to maintain the garden, he might very well change his mind in a few months.

Things seemed to be taking a while, so I made myself busy picking up the weeding where Ethan left off. It helped me to calm down somewhat, but I was still worried sick. I needed to talk to Ethan, but that had to wait.

Finally, the delivery guys and Ethan exited the house, all bro-ey with each other.

“You sure you don’t want a beer to go?” Ethan was offering.

“Nah, mate. We’re not supposed to drink on the job, but thanks anyway,” The older bloke I mentally designated as Delivery Guy One replied.

“You’re a top bloke for buying your gal something so fancy. I’m scared to tell my girlfriend because she’ll ask me what I’m going to get for her, and something that pricey ain’t it,” Delivery Guy Two—the younger of the pair—added.

Delivery Guy One snorted. “You’re in your early days. Wait till you’re shacked up like this guy and me.” He gestured towards Ethan. “My missus wants a new outdoor patio, and I can tell you that costs way more than furniture. And I’m going to get it for her because.”

They passed me on the way out and Delivery Guy One nodded, “Don’t worry about the fifty. Just cut this guy some slack.”

What?

The delivery truck rolled away, leaving me standing awkwardly in Ethan’s front yard. Ethan stood there watching me, all manly and sweaty from gardening. My heart could barely hold itself together in my chest.

The first thing out of my mouth was my greatest fear. “I understand if you don’t want me at the cottage anymore. I’m sorry, Ethan, for sending your gift back here.”

Ethan shook his head. “It’s not what you think, Ellie. There’s just something I don’t want you to see just yet.”

I backed away. “I get it. It’s okay. I should go now.”

I had come back to tell Ethan that I wanted to come home, and I still hadn’t said a thing. Instead, I was being a coward, running away at the first sign of rejection. I was running away to my safe, lonely life, one where I didn’t bother putting myself out there again because I was always afraid of not being enough. But if I didn’t put myself out there, would my actions tell Ethan that he wasn’t enough instead?

I stopped. I opened my mouth to say the words, but Ethan beat me to it.

“No, Ellie, don’t. Stay, please. I just…there’s just something I’ve been doing that I didn’t want you to see until it was ready. It’s a surprise for you. I’m sorry it came out wrong.”

Oh, Ethan.

“I came back with the armchair because the armchair belongs here. I belong here,” I blurted out. “With you. If you’ll have me.”

Ethan froze. Then like rays of the rising sun gently skimming across sand and sea at dawn, his face slowly lit up. “Ellie, do you mean you’re coming home?”

“Can I? I want to come home. To you.”

Ethan let out a muffled choke, then before I knew it, he had swept me off my feet, into his arms.

“Ethan!” I squealed.

“I’m going to do this right. I’m going to carry you over the threshold, into our home,” he beamed down at me.

“That’s for weddings and new homes. Maybe both,” I yelped, but Ethan didn’t stop.

“Doesn’t matter. We can always do it again when the time comes.”

Something warm bloomed in my chest. We never talked about it, but I couldn’t see myself with anyone else for the rest of my life.

The door had been wedged open for the delivery men, so Ethan didn’t have to drop me to open the door. He stepped into the house with me in his arms, then gently set me on my feet in the hallway.

“I thought about carrying you to bed, but I didn’t want to overstep,” Ethan smiled at me, then reached to close the door. “Don’t want to give the neighbours a show now, do we?”

As the door shut, Mrs Ramon from across the street gave us a smirk and a wave.

“That wasn’t a show?” I demanded.

Ethan’s thumb brushed across my lips, then gently, he lifted my face to his and murmured, “No, this is the show,” before lowering his to mine.

His kiss was slow and gentle, exploring me, tasting me. He had kissed me many different times before in many different ways, but this one was surer and deeper. This kiss confirmed everything he had been telling me—that he wanted me, he desired me, and most of all, that he loved me. Right then, I knew that no one else would ever kiss me like Ethan would.

Then when he let me go, he murmured with a smile, “Welcome home, Ellie.”

I was really home, and not just because it was a place I loved, but also because it was a house Ethan and I had made lovely together. But most of all, it was home because Ethan was here.

And then I started crying.

“Ellie?” A look of panic crossed Ethan’s face, but he didn’t let me go. “Oh my God, Ellie, is everything okay? Are you okay?”

I nodded vigorously, then leaned into his shoulder to ugly cry. “I’m okay. I’m more than okay. Thank you for the armchair, Ethan. It’s the most expensive, most thoughtful gift anyone has ever gotten me.”

I felt Ethan sag in relief. He let me cry it out, his strong arms holding me and stroking me the entire time.

“Now this is the reaction I was hoping for,” he whispered into my ear.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t keep it in the apartment, but can I have it here? I’m not giving it back,” I babbled into his shirt. He smelled sweaty and earthy and a tad salty, and I was just adding to it with my blubbering.

“It’s yours to enjoy, Ellie, hopefully for a long time to come,” Ethan assured me.

He held me like that until I stopped. Then he gently held me at arm’s length so he could look at me.

“Ellie, I want to show you something.” There was a tentativeness to his expression. “I didn’t want to at first, but I think…I think I should.”

I nodded, and let him lead me down the hallway, through to the back of the house and to the closed door of my room.

“It’s not ready yet, but I think you’ll forgive me. This is why I didn’t want you to come in earlier.”

He opened the door.

My jaw dropped.

“ Ethan ,” I gasped. “What is this?”

My room—if it could be called that any longer—was completely transformed. Floor-to-ceiling bookshelves lined the walls. From the looks of things, they were custom-made—built-in—and not the standard Ikea Billy bookcases I would already have been ecstatic to see. The large window had a window seat built into it. The armchair and footstool had been unpacked and set in place on top of a rug in the corner of the room, right in front of the bookshelves. A low coffee table flanked it on one side, a vintage-looking floor lamp on the other.

The room had been transformed into the cosiest library of my dreams, and I could hardly believe my eyes.

My books—the ones that lived in precariously stacked piles on the floor—were in the process of being shelved. The piles were still there, but it was clear that Ethan had been working his way through shelving them.

He seemed to notice me assessing the books and said, “I’m not sure if you had a system of your own, but I tried to go with the piles they were already in. I figured they were stacked by genre, so I did the same thing, and tried to do them alphabetically too.”

“Um…that’s exactly right. I started with the same idea for my stacks, but it sort of got away from me after a while.”

“I kinda figured that one out,” Ethan gave me a wry grin. “Hence why it gave me a hell of a time. But now that you’re back, would I be correct in guessing that you’d like nothing more than to take over the organisation of the bookshelves yourself? I’ve got my own collection to add to it too, although it’s not as extensive as yours.”

My eyes lit up. “Oh. My. God. You have no idea how much I want to.”

The thought of working through the categorisation, creating my own library index, and just getting all the books Ethan and I owned in order , on these brand-new bookshelves , made me shiver with anticipation. Already, my mind was working the shelving system out, and the pleasure centres of my brain were lit up like a Christmas tree.

But all that could wait. There were much bigger things to deal with right now. It dawned on me that by converting this room to a library—for me, but still—I had effectively lost myself a bedroom. I could see some of my belongings stacked neatly on the unfinished side of the room. My chest of drawers where I put my clothes was missing. So were a few key things.

“I don’t mean for this to come out the wrong way, but where’s my bed? Where’s the rest of my stuff?”

“Joyce is moving out. I promised her she could have the bed. We won’t be needing it any longer. It’s currently packed up in the shed at my parents’ house, waiting for her move-in day.” Joyce had recently invested in an actual photography studio with a tiny apartment on top of it, and I was lined up to help her move in next week.

Where was I going to sleep? Somehow, I think I knew the answer.

“What about my clothes?” I asked about the other stuff.

“Eh…” Ethan grew hesitant. “I may have overstepped here. This reading room was meant to be my big romantic gesture to convince you to come back here, along with the armchair, and I knew that if you agreed, you were moving into my room anyway. The rest of your stuff is there. I know I was presuming things, but I had hoped…”

He had hoped that I would come back anyway.

“Did you plan to get me here using the armchair?” I wanted to know. Was Ethan secretly a diabolical mastermind who used my dream furniture that didn’t fit into a tiny apartment to lure me back here after I had spent too long avoiding the place?

“The truth is I actually didn’t think that one through,” Ethan confessed sheepishly. “I didn’t realise…well, I didn’t even think about how well it fit the apartment. Just that…when you told me Nat was moving back to Bendigo and offering you the apartment, it killed me thinking that you weren’t coming back after all. But if you weren’t coming back, I still wanted to give you the armchair because I knew just how much you wanted it. I didn’t expect you to get it sent right back here, but it seems to have worked out.”

I laughed, then threw my arms around Ethan.

“ Thank you. All this—” I nodded at the room, “—is amazing. And I hope you don’t regret me moving into your bedroom.”

“I don’t care, as long as you’re with me,” Ethan’s grip tightened around my waist.

“Don’t speak too soon. All my clothes you seem to like ravaging too much—”

“Your prim and proper yet very sexy clothes…”

“—I have a lot of them. You’ve no idea how much wardrobe space I need.”

“I have some idea, and I cleared out space for you.”

That just made me squeal and pull him into a tight hug as I kissed him stupid. Ethan let out a throaty groan as I let my hands roam down his back, up through his shirt and all over his body. Feeling his skin under my palm was everything to me, and I was just so happy to have him.

“You are too good to me, you know? You always have been,” I murmured as I ran my lips over his jaw and stubble, my hands over the ridges of his abs, down past his belly button until they gently skimmed the trail of hair going into his pants.

“ Ellie, ” Ethan’s voice came out in a desperate protest. “You’re killing me.”

He pressed himself against me, and I could feel just how much.

“I promised you I wouldn’t sleep with you until you want it,” he pleaded, whether it be for me to stop turning him on so much or for me to tell him I wanted to.

“I want it,” I whispered into his ear, then let my palm slip into the waistband of his pants. “I want it so much. I want you.”

My hand closed around his hard shaft, and he cried out. “ Ellie! I’ve been working in the garden. I’m sweaty.”

“So am I,” I moved my wrist and started stroking, enjoying his stuttered breathing as he struggled to get a hold of himself.

“No, you smell amazing, Ellie. You always do,” Ethan rasped even as he buried his face in my hair.

He held me for a good long while, as if he was afraid I’d leave again. When he finally let go, I barely had time to breathe when he swept me into his arms again and carried me into his room.

As he gently lay me on the bed, he told me, “I need you to know that as much as I love fucking you, it’s not the only thing I love about you. I love everything about you, Ellie. I love you.”

I reached my hand up to touch his face. “I know.”

Finally, I really did.

His eyes closed as he let himself savour my touch. When they opened, they were dark, hungry pools.

He dropped a kiss on my forehead, then quickly went to his bedside table where he kept the condoms. A whole box came out.

“Ambitious, aren’t you?” I teased.

“You have no idea,” he growled, then started undressing me.

“Good,” I tugged his shirt over his head. “Because we have a lot to make up for.”

A condom went on swiftly, then his naked body was on mine, his face nuzzled into the crook of my neck as he traced kisses down from my jaw, down the rest of my body.

He was worshipping every inch of me, and usually, I enjoyed all his attentions, but right now, it felt like we needed something more.

“Ethan, I need you in me,” I whispered to him.

He obeyed, a knee pushing my legs apart as he positioned himself above me. When I looked up at him, there was pure joy on his face. “You’re so precious to me, Ellie.”

I grinned back just as giddily. We were both just so happy to be here, and right then, I knew it would always be like this between us.

Then with a gentle thrust, Ethan slid himself into me, and joy became ecstasy. This was right where we both belonged.

We moved together, our bodies wholly attuned to each other’s. Every stroke, every thrust, every deliberate movement made each other moan and cry out. We had slept together so many times before, but not like this.

“You take me so well.” Ethan’s voice was coarse as he dragged my hips towards his, allowing me to take him deeper, harder. “You’re the only one I will ever want, and I won’t ever let you go again. You’re mine.”

Pressure had built up inside me that I could no longer speak coherently, so all I could do was moan my pleasure back at him. That was enough for Ethan, and his movements turned urgent, feral.

“All mine,” he rasped as he took me, then he too was lost for words.

We came apart in a sea of spinning stars, in a sky that had no horizon. This was everything as it should be and everything as it ever would be.

“I’m yours,” I managed to whisper as we frayed together, “And I’m home.”

~

A fter we both came to, Ethan rolled off me but didn’t get off the bed. Instead, he propped himself up so he could look down at my sated face.

“We are together now, aren’t we?” He demanded.

That made me laugh out loud.

“I’m serious, Ellie. I mean, I think we are, but after everything, I just want things to be absolutely clear.”

“I guess we are,” I lifted a hand to caress his face. All this felt so right, and yet, I was still amazed that we were here.

“Good.” He lay back down on the bed and an arm wrapped itself around me. “For a moment, I was terrified you’d tell me we were just good friends.”

“But we are,” I breathed. “That’s why I’m so in love with you. I could never fall this hard for someone I wasn’t friends with.”

Ethan closed his eyes. “Say that again. That you’re in love with me. I want to hear it again.”

“I love you, Ethan.”

“I love you too, Ellie.”