Friends with Benefits (Club Risqué Book 5)

Chapter 10

Christian rubbed his hands over his face. He was clearly agitated, and Taryn wished she could ease his obvious anxiety, but she guessed it was a big step to ask someone to share your life, even if they had been together for years. Obviously, he still wanted to do things right.

”I didn”t realise this would be quite so difficult,” he sighed, turning more fully to look at her, only to wince when he did.

Taryn was a little nonplussed at the expression and the way he quickly looked away again, but she placed a comforting hand on his forearm and squeezed it in support. ”Just say what you need to say, Christian, I don”t need a lot of fanfare.”

He gave her a slightly confused look but nodded all the same. ”I want to get married,” he blurted out in a rush.

Okay, so it wasn”t the most romantic of proposals, but Taryn didn”t care. Her heart was full to bursting and she wanted to get up and scream and laugh and dance around the room, she was so deliriously happy, but Christian was still so quiet and serious that she kept the lid screwed tightly in place on her rioting emotions.

The fact that she did seemed to fill Christian with relief, and his shoulders drooped into a relaxed slump.

Taryn laughed despite herself. ”There, that wasn”t so bad, was it?” she teased.

Grabbing her hands in his own, Christian turned to stare at her, his face earnest. ”I guess I was stressing myself out over nothing.” Christian blew out a long, noisy breath. ”I really didn”t expect you to take it so well.”

Taryn raised her eyebrows in surprise. Wow! Maybe he really hadn”t been entirely sure about her feelings, after all, even though Taryn, herself, had always thought the way she felt about him was way beyond obvious. After all, why else would a woman put her life on hold for a man for years on end?

”You have no idea how much easier you”re making this than I expected, Tara.” Christian smiled, albeit a little wanly. ”I honestly thought you might freak out on me or something.”

Taryn laughed, glad she”d kept a lid on all those rioting emotions if that was all Christian was worried about. She even bit her tongue at correcting his use of her name, a mistake he still made far too often, since this was neither the time nor the place for that lecture.

”It all happened so suddenly,” Christian went on earnestly, and Taryn frowned. He thought this was sudden?

”I wasn”t looking for a relationship and I never planned to fall in love, it just happened…”

He sucked in another hefty breath and dragged his fingers through his hair, and Taryn had to wonder if he wasn”t altogether happy with his newfound revelation. He somehow didn”t seem to be quite as joyful as she expected him to be at such a time and that dimmed her own enthusiasm slightly.

Of course, she knew that he had always been reluctant to have a relationship, so this was a big change, and it was true that Krista was still rather clingy, but Taryn”s own special relationship with Christian”s mother would ease the way.

Privately, she was pretty sure that Krista would be overjoyed. After all, she often referred to Taryn as the daughter she”d never had.

”But when I met Bianca at the BDSM club I”ve been visiting, it just hit me between the eyes, and I knew I was lost. She understands me in a way that no one in my life ever has. When we scene together, it”s just so right! Everything with her allows me the kind of control that”s been missing from my life for so many years, while everything”s been so up in the air and my life has revolved around keeping everybody else happy. I can”t believe you”re being so understanding about this…”

Christian words droned on,but Taryn”s brain had stalled.

Scene? BDSM? Bianca?

The blood drained from her face and tears threatened to erupt behind her eyes as her subconscious caught on to the implications before her active mind was ready to admit it to herself.

There had never been any promises of exclusivity between them, such was the nature of their ‘no strings’ relationship. But she’d naively believed…

It was all too much. Taryn swallowed convulsively past a lump in her throat so large it threatened to suffocate her. Her face tingled and she couldn”t tell if she was hot or cold, pale, or red with mortification.

She grasped her hands tightly together to stop them from shaking while Christian kept on speaking.

None of his words penetrated any more. She couldn”t process them anyway. They almost didn”t make sense.

A blessed blanket of numbness settled around her and was almost peaceful.

Eyes unfocused, she stared ahead, wondering when the inevitable pain would come. Her hands were cold, she thought dully, wondering why that odd fact would be something she noticed at a time like this, when her entire life was falling apart all around her.

”Does Krista know?” she interrupted tonelessly.

Would she feel more or less betrayed if Christian”s mother was already aware of this development, she wondered detachedly.

Christian blinked in surprise and paused in what he was saying, not that she”d been taking any notice. It was like her brain had switched off to save it from any more pain.

”God, no!” he exclaimed. ”I”m looking forward to that conversation even less than this one.” He laughed humourlessly, then realised what he had said and caught himself, his expression sheepish as he looked away.

”You”d better not waste any more time before you tell her,” Taryn said carefully, but something in her tone must have prickled Christian”s conscience because he peered at her with a frown of worried concern on his beautiful face.

Taryn knew her own expression was blank. Her whole mind was swaddled in a cloak of blessed detachment, and she seemed to be functioning on some kind of self-preservation autopilot, but she was still keen to get rid of him. Despite the way her mind seemed to have shut down, she wasn”t entirely sure how long she could hold it together.

Realising that she was dismissing him, Christian”s features grew sad and uncertain. ”You”ll always be my best friend, Tara.”

Ah! There was that knife…nasty, long, rusty thing that it was, as it lodged, fatally, right in the centre of her heart.

”Taryn!” she corrected automatically. Like it was even important anymore.

For a brief moment, Christian”s heart seemed to be in his eyes, and they were filled with uncertainty. ”Taryn,” he agreed quietly.

Standing, Christian looked torn for the first time since he’d arrived. ”I”ll invite you to the wedding,” he said hesitantly and the knife that was still lodged in her chest raked its blunted edges as it twisted a little more.

”Well, you”d better go and tell your mother the news,” Taryn pressed, wanting him out of her home. ”You don”t want her to hear this from anyone else, now that the cat”s out of the bag.”

”Taryn...” Christian trailed off as if, for once in his life, he didn”t know what to say. What else was there to say, anyway? Taryn wondered forlornly.

He took a step toward her and looked almost uncomfortable as he tried to take her into his arms.

Taryn sidestepped the gesture. She didn”t want to feel his hands upon her right now. It would be more than she could bear.

Instead, she headed for the door and opened it for him. ”I hope you”ll be very happy,” she said stiffly, avoiding looking at him as he stepped across the threshold.

For all his protestations that they would remain the best of friends, Taryn had an icy premonition that this might be the last time she saw him.

Turned out, she was right.