Friends with Benefits (Club Risqué Book 5)

Chapter 18

Later, Trinity would wonder if it was the fact he had used her given name that had stopped her from following through with her promise to have him assigned to a different submissive.

Right now, though, she was still reeling from the fact that Christian Knightley was standing in front of her, after all these years, and that he was none other than her contracted client, Master Night.

It was all the more disquieting after the distressing memories that had been conjured over the past week, which were liable to make her all the more susceptible to him.

Or were they? Maybe recalling all that pain was a good thing.

Rubbing her hands over her face, she wondered if karma had come to bite her in the ass, or whether this was an opportunity to finally put some of those ghosts to rest.

When Micah had introduced him, her mind had gone completely blank. As if it was just too much to compute that Christian was right there, standing in her office, looking just as delicious as he had five years before.

Maybe even better, if she was being entirely truthful.

His chest and shoulders had filled out, and even wearing a black silk shirt and leather trousers, she could tell he was at the peak of physical fitness.

The boy Trinity had known had turned into a man.

He stood next to her, patiently waiting for her decision. Close enough, but giving her a modicum of space, for which she was grateful.

Had he pushed, she would have found it very much easier to deny him, but since he simply stood there, quietly, those soulful hazel eyes serious, with a tiny hint of puppy dog, but not enough to make her think he was hamming it up, she found herself all the more torn.

”I”m not sure this is going to work, Christian,” she sighed honestly.

”Just give it a chance, Taryn, please? Give it until the weekend. Three days. After that, if you still think it”s not going to work, we’ll ask Micah to alter things next week. In the interim, we can take everything just as slowly as you like.”

Trinity felt unbelievably awkward. She’d known this man better than anybody else who’d ever entered her life, but the man—or the Dom—he had become was an unknown quantity.

Things were the same and yet completely different, and that unsettled her. She couldn”t quite work out where she stood. It was like being in the room with a stranger and yet one she knew intimately.

Trinity didn”t automatically recognise how to interact with him, and that made her nervous because she couldn”t identify what to do for the best.

If she refused his request, would she end up regretting it for the rest of her life? Because this surely would be the last time either of them made any kind of effort. Or would agreeing to the few days he asked for just dredge up the past in the worst possible way?

Then there was the million-dollar question—could she trust herself?

Was it possible for her to have any realistic kind of interaction with Christian without falling right back under his spell?

She had never really gotten over him; that was the real issue here.

Whether she still loved him or not, Trinity wasn”t quite sure, but she feared that if she spent any kind of quality time with him, there was a significant danger that she might find herself right back where she started. And she really didn”t want to go through all that heartbreak again.

That was when reality struck her square between the eyes with the force of a physical blow.

Bianca!

When she turned to look at him, her expression was deliberately blank once again. ”I”m sorry, Christian, but I do have certain standards. While I realise a lot of couples within the lifestyle swing and share, I”m afraid I refuse to scene with a married man without the express approval of his spouse… And maybe not even then,” she said stiffly, reaching for the intercom once more.

This time, Christian”s hand covered hers gently, stilling it before she could hit the button.

He sucked in an audible breath before he hit her with the bombshell. ”I”m not married anymore,” he grated out through a clenched jaw. ”I haven”t been for over four years.”

Trinity stood stock still, taking in everything he’d just said, her head spinning in confusion. A multitude of emotions coursed through her mind, one after another, but tripping over themselves for prominence.

She tried to sift through them.

If he had been divorced that long, then he couldn”t have been married even a full year. Things must have fallen apart within months of her return to the south coast.

Did that even matter? It didn”t change anything that happened before; it just meant he had no ties for her to worry about right now.

In fact, maybe it was worse; it meant he”d thrown away years of friendship over a flash-in-the-pan relationship which had lasted a matter of months.

Pulling her hand away from the intercom and using it to pull her around to face him, Christian used his other hand to tip her chin, so she was forced to look him straight in the eye.

This time, he did touch her, his fingertips and his palm chasing across the sensitive skin of her face until his fingers sifted through the short strands of her hair and his palm cupped her cheek.

Right then and there, Trinity knew she was in danger.

Her skin started to tingle at his barest touch, and she couldn”t stop the shudder that skittered down her spine.

It had always been this way. One touch was all it had ever taken.

Closing her eyes, she screwed them up tight, not wanting to look at him as her breaths began to come in short, sharp pants. He dropped her hand then, but only so he could pull her closer until there was no space between them at all, and the heat of his body fairly scorched her.

”Look at me,” Christian demanded, his voice deepening in command and his breath hot against her cheek.

Trinity found her eyes flying open with the innate, inbred desire to obey. As soon as she did, she found herself falling into those dark, unique eyes she’d always adored.

Christian rubbed his thumb across her lower lip and instinctively she opened to him, drowning in bittersweet desire, even while she felt torn in two opposing directions.

”Just give it a chance,” he breathed, as if he knew she was wavering.

She wanted this. She didn”t want this.

Tears pricked behind her eyes at the frustration of her indecision, but Christian made the choice for her when his head drew closer and his mouth replaced his thumb on her lips.

He held her head immobile while he brushed his lips ever so lightly against hers then sipped a little before groaning out loud and pressing more firmly against her. Licking at the seam and requesting an entry she was helpless to deny, before plundering her mouth in a kiss that stole her breath as well as another little part of her soul.

Trinity grasped at his silk shirt, crumpling the fabric in her fierce grip as she held on for dear life and let him lead her wherever he wanted to go.

The kiss was, at once, heaven and hell combined.

It was everything she ever wanted, and everything that she was terrified of tasting, only to have it ripped away once again.

She wasn”t that na?ve, idealistic young girl anymore. She knew just where unrealistic dreams and foolish hope took you, and she didn”t want to go there again.

Trust! Trust was the real issue here.

Logically, Trinity knew Christian had never made her any promises. She acknowledged that he’d been careful to ensure she understood why he couldn”t devote himself to a committed, romantic relationship.

She had accepted all of that even while she had hoped for more.

That was on her, not on him.

But of course, it had all been a lie.

When it came right down to it, all those noble excuses had meant nothing once Bianca had appeared.

Trinity might even have accepted that. She knew it was impossible to make someone love you, no matter how hard you willed it.

She also knew, from first-hand experience, that when love struck, sometimes you were powerless against the emotions that seized you up and swept you along, like a tidal wave, forging its own path, regardless of what direction you might want to take.

She could accept that Christian had fallen head over heels for somebody else, and while it still broke her heart, more than anything, she”d wanted him to be happy.

Even if that happiness didn”t include her.

What she couldn”t get over, right this minute, was the fact that he’d tossed aside the one and only thing he did promise her.

He’d told her that he would always be her friend… and then he’d thrown away their friendship like it was worthless.

Trust. When it came right down to it, she might still love him; the jury was still out on that, but she simply didn”t trust him anymore. For all she knew, he might have done exactly the same thing to his wife, and that was why he was no longer married.

She didn”t really believe that, of course. Christian had never been so impulsive that he would have married, just to change his mind a few months later, but it helped her resolve to keep up a sense of righteous indignation.

When he finally lifted his head, tasting her tears on his tongue, he stroked them away with his thumbs and asked, ”Why are you crying, Trinity?”

”Damn you, Christian!” she choked out on a whisper. ”I gave you more than just a chance, all those years ago. I gave you everything that I had, and you just threw it back in my face. Why the hell do you think you deserve another one?”