Chapter 26
The tap on her door made her jump, even though she was expecting it.
Damn, she needed to pull herself together and get her head out of the clouds. She”d been so busy daydreaming, she hadn”t even done any work. It was unlike her to be so tardy.
Christian walked into her office, the epitome of calm self-assurance and control, and lounged on the corner of her desk, looking utterly edible.
The plan, remember! Trinity scolded herself.
”So, are you ready to play properly this evening?” Christian asked, appearing nothing if not casual.
”Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that,” Trinity asserted, before she lost her nerve…or rather her will.
Damn it, the man smelled delicious. She could detect his unique male scent drifting over to where she sat, and she wanted nothing more than to lick him all over. Lordy, this was all so out of character for her.
She shook herself mentally and cleared her throat. ”I have a couple of conditions I want to set out, so everything is on the table before we start,” she told him, hoping her voice sounded more resolved than she really felt.
Christian nodded and gestured toward the seating area in the corner. ”Let”s sit and discuss everything,” he agreed, and Trinity was pleased that he was taking her wishes seriously and not just fobbing her off as others had done in the past. That kind of attitude was guaranteed to have her heading in the other direction at a fast clip.
She couldn”t bear Doms who believed that they knew best, simply because they were a Dom. And those arrogant suckers existed, despite her best efforts to avoid them at all costs. A good Dom always listened to his submissive.
She gave a satisfied sigh that Christian had jumped that first hurdle with ease and followed him over to the couch.
”So, what do you want to discuss?” he asked.
The voice of reason and impeccable intentions had her heart melting all the more.
Jeez! Between her out of control libido and her reaction over his obvious attentiveness to her wishes, she”d be melting into a puddle of goo at his feet soon, throwing caution to the wind and giving him carte blanche to do as he liked with her.
She steeled herself against it and launched into her speech before she lost the will.
”I’d like to ask that the first few times we scene, we do not participate in intercourse,” she told him, putting her cards on the table and cringing inwardly at just how prim she sounded.
Christian, on the other hand, was all serious acknowledgement. ”I am well aware that penetrative sex is on your soft limits, Trinity, and I will always respect that. Did you think I wouldn”t?” he asked with a concerned frown.
”No!” She hurried to reassure him. The last impression she wanted to give him was that she doubted his integrity. ”No, not at all.”
She sucked in a deep breath and blew it out audibly. Choosing the right words was much more difficult than she had imagined it would be. ”And I certainly never meant to imply any such thing. I just think it”s important, given our history, to establish trust and confidence in one another, and also in these roles that are new to us and not part of what we are used to fulfilling with each other… Oh God! This isn”t coming out the way I wanted it to!” she bemoaned, dropping her head into her hands.
”Let me start again. Perhaps bluntness is the best option after all.” No matter how embarrassing she might find the admittance.
”I want to have sex with you, Christian. There is no doubt about that in my mind whatsoever,” she said, hoping that her face wasn”t the colour of her poppy red hair.
”But I want us to establish the beginning of this D/s relationship without sex muddying the water.”
”I think that is a very sound and sensible idea.” Christian nodded agreeably. ”But forgive me, I”m still a little confused as to why you think there might be some kind of problem with any of this?”
Trinity scrunched her eyes tightly closed. There was no getting around it. She was just going to have to come right out and say it and simply bear the subsequent mortification of her admittance.
Opening her eyes, she raised her head and looked Christian square in the eyes. ”What I need you to ensure,” she told him in a voice that was far steadier than she felt inside. ”Is that you will stick to what we have agreed, here and now, regardless of how much I beg and plead for anything different during the course of our scene, when I might not have such a clear head.”
She saw the very instant that realisation dawned in his sparkling hazel eyes and averted her eyes, unable to hold his knowing gaze any longer and not wanting to see the inevitable smug smirk on his face.
Christian wasn”t going to let her get away with that, of course.
He scooted closer to her on the sofa and lifted her chin so that she was looking at him again. His expression was serious and sincere, and he spoke with utter conviction. ”I know you don”t know what kind of a Dom I am, Trinity, but I want to reassure you, absolutely, that I will never take advantage of you while we are in the throes of an intense scene, and I will never deviate from any agreement we make prior to any scene we embark on. You have my word on that. I understand that my word, and whether or not I keep it, are the only guarantee you have, but I truly hope you will come to realise that my word is gold and it is something you can trust in.”
Trinity melted a little more. ”Oh, Christian. I do trust in your word,” she told him earnestly, cupping his cheek with its scratchy five o clock shadow in the palm of her hand and looking deeply into his beautiful eyes. ”Your word is the one thing I have absolute faith in. In all of the years I have known you, no matter what has prevailed between us, you never once lied to me about anything,” she assured him of her belief. ”That”s why I”m asking this of you, because I know you”ll keep your word, no matter how I try to coerce you during a scene.”
She touched her lips boldly to his generous mouth and struggled to content herself with just that single contact.
”I want you, Christian,” she told him, letting him see her sincerity. ”I”ve always wanted you, and maybe I always will. But I also think it”s important for us to explore the dynamic of this new relationship before we take that next step. I”m trusting you to hold me to my own words, not because I don”t trust you, but because I don”t trust myself,” she breathed against his lips.
”You can rely on me, Trinity. I will never let you down,” Christian replied confidently, threading his fingers into the short tufts of her hair, and sealing his words with a tender but surprisingly light kiss that she battled not to deepen.
”Is there anything else you want to discuss, before we start?”
Was there? Trinity”s brain seemed to have drawn a blank and she had to forcibly draw herself away from the almost magnetic pull she felt toward him, in order to think straight. There had been something…
Shaking her head to clear her lust fogged brain, Trinity took a deep, clarifying breath. ”Yes,” she replied, still struggling to collect her thoughts. ”There is one more thing I insist on for the duration of our contract.”
She took a deep breath and turned to face him once more. Christian stared back at her, his expression serious and receptive.
”Once we become lovers again, I wish to keep our relationship exclusive until our contract is finished,” she told him on a gusty exhale. ”It”s just a little foible of mine,” she explained. ”If I enter into a contract that includes full sexual intercourse, then I expect all parties involved in that contract to give their undivided attention to each other without any outside interference. Without that kind of assurance, I will not enter into a fully intimate relationship.”
”You have it; you know you do,” Christian protested, looking a little miffed.
”No, I don”t know,” Trinity disagreed gently. ”A lot of people within the lifestyle do not want, and neither do they expect, a contract to be exclusive and immutable and I accept that as their own choice. I simply do not choose to accept it as my own. I did that with you in the past to my own detriment, and it moulded who I am today. If I take the time to provide service, in whatever form it may take, for a Dominant, then my expectation is that his whole attention is on me and not whatever sub he might be fucking next.”
Christian kissed her forehead and then her lips. ”You have my word,” he replied sincerely. ”I would never have done any different, but I accept that you need to have it formally acknowledged, given our history.”
Trinity nodded once, accepting his word as truth, and then a beautiful smile transformed her entire face. ”So, let”s get this thing started then,” she returned cheekily, bounding up from the chair and breaking the sombre spell.
Christian laughed and jumped up after her, reaching forward to slap her butt with a swift backhander before he followed her brisk pace out of the room.
”So, where are we headed?” he asked as he caught up and took her hand in his.
Trinity pressed her lips together and looked at him from beneath her eyelashes. ”Umm…I don”t know, what did you have in mind, Sir?” she asked demurely.
Christian broke out into a happy peal of laughter, then taking her by surprise, he scooped her up in a fireman”s lift and tossed her over his shoulder, placing a sharp slap on her ass and making her squeal out loud as she grabbed hold of his belt to keep her balance.
”Feeling sassy, are we?” He chuckled good naturedly as he strode off though the dungeon area toward a free St. Andrew”s cross. ”Well, it just so happens, I know some very ingenious ways to put a sassy submissive in her place.”
”Front or back to the cross?” he asked seductively as he allowed her to slide down the rigid length of his torso. It wasn”t the only thing that was rigid, Trinity noted, her mouth suddenly dry. In her mind, she was already imagining him naked and sweaty and pulsing against her.
She shuddered at the potency of her errant thoughts; she just couldn”t help it. Thank God she”d elicited that promise from him, because she could already feel her willpower slipping away where Christian was concerned.
”Front,” she groaned, closing her eyes against his knowing stare as he turned her around and whispered, ”Strip!” in her ear.
Trinity”s fingers shook and she fumbled as she undid the clasps on her shiny bronze coloured corset. So much for appearing the epitome of poise and grace. She was stumbling along like a complete neophyte on her first outing.
Making a concerted effort to steady herself, Trinity peeled out of the miniscule brown suede skirt she was wearing and folded everything neatly, placing it all in the tray of the toy trolley next to the station they were using. Then she dutifully stepped toward the cross until her belly met the cool wood and waited patiently for Christian”s next instruction.
She felt the heat of his body against her back as he stepped close, and trembled at his nearness, at the intimacy.
It had been a long time since she had felt this invested in a scene. In fact, she wondered if there had ever been a scene in which the outcome had meant so very much to her.
That was a lie. She didn’t need to wonder; Trinity knew the answer was no.
As he lifted her arms and secured each wrist to the cuffs set in the smooth wood, she accepted that this scene was one that had the potential to define every scene she took part in for the rest of her life. Like some kind of yardstick.
The thought sent another shiver through her. This time of apprehension.
Because it occurred to her that scening with Christian had the ability to ruin her for everything to come.
Whether she liked it or not, whether she wanted to admit it or not, her emotions were heavily engaged in this scene, whereas any that had gone before had merely been an act of play.
This was so much more than any of those had ever been, and Trinity couldn”t help but wonder exactly where that would leave her when Christian was gone.
Don”t think like that! the little voice inside her head scolded. He”s gone before, so it won”t be the first time. It won”t even be the worst time. You managed then, and you”ll manage now. At least, this time, you have a specific end date to work with.
Trinity accepted the advice of the voice of reason inside her head as Christian moved to secure her feet. She just wasn”t quite convinced about whether things would be better or worse when he moved on again.
True, there was a contract and it would come to a natural end, but Christian was about to invade one of the most sacred parts of her life. The last bastion she held that defied his influence.
After this, there would be no part of her life that he hadn”t touched, and therefore, no sanctuary.