Chapter Nineteen
Ezra ignored Roman in the days that followed. He didn’t say a single word inside their shared cell. He didn’t acknowledge Roman’s presence at all. Still, Roman tiptoed around the room, worried one misstep would offend Ezra, and he’d suffer his wrath. Wrath to a rage Roman had seen stirring in him for months.
Roman left the room and went to the library so he could hide and cry and process everything. He sat on the floor in the furthest aisle. It wasn’t his favorite place in the world, but it didn’t get many visitors. When Levi found him, he hid his face with as much shame as he had when Levi caught him with Jake.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine.” Roman wiped away the tears.
“Obvious lie.” Levi stepped closer, cautious and careful. He saw how frail Roman had become, but while he seemed concerned, Roman didn’t see any pity in Levi’s expression.
“Ezra’s mad at me,” Roman said, his throat sore. “I don’t know what I did. I have an idea, but it doesn’t add up.”
“You didn’t do anything. He’s a fucking piece of—”
“No,” Roman protested, so engrained to sweep in and defend Ezra’s nonexistent faults. “I did something, and I have to fix it.”
“No, you don’t.” Levi braced his back on the wall and slid down beside Roman.
“Yes, I do.” Roman swallowed the lump in his throat. It was too awful to say how Ezra was done with him, how he planned to pass him off, how Roman had somehow messed up their arrangement.
“No, you really don’t.”
“You don’t understand, Levi.” Roman thought maybe Levi heard enough of the argument last night, but he clearly hadn’t. “If I don’t fix this, I won’t be safe. You won’t be safe either.”
“I don’t need you to protect me,” Levi said, grabbing ahold of Roman’s hand. “I’m sorry it took me so long to find my strength. I’m sorry you had to surrender so much of yourself to give me that opportunity to get stronger. I’m sorry I distanced myself because it hurt to see you lose yourself piece by piece. I’m sorry for being a terrible friend.”
It’d been so long since Roman had heard genuine sincerity that it left him awestruck. He was baffled, confused, and consumed with guilt that he’d somehow made Levi feel this way.
“I’m the one who needs to apologize—”
“No,” Levi said, voice firm but not angry.
It made Roman shake, but he wasn’t frightened. It was the first time in a long time he’d heard the edge of anger without fearing what it’d result in.
“You will never have to apologize for anything ever again,” Levi said. “I’ll make sure of it.”
Oh, how Roman desperately wished those words were true. There was a certainty in Levi’s expression, in his grip on Roman’s hand, in the soft gaze of his blue eyes. Roman wondered, perhaps fantasized, if Ezra would consider giving Roman to Levi. He could find a way to make this friendship work. He’d learned how to be a good friend, a loyal friend, an obedient friend. He pushed the thought away. Ezra would never agree to something like that because he wanted Roman to suffer. And Levi would never want someone so damaged and worthless, someone who made an enemy out of the champion of the arena.
“I want you to know I’m making a move for power,” Levi said almost casually.
Roman blinked in response, perplexed and like he’d somehow missed an entire conversation.
“I’ve changed,” Levi continued. “I’ve finally learned to be strong, finally started to understand the way things are run here.”
“I’ve seen you fight,” Roman said softly, but he didn’t have the heart to say it wouldn’t be enough, that it wouldn’t change the field here.
“You’ve seen a few, and only what I want people to see.” Levi shot Roman a dark look and a curious smile. “Sometimes, you want people to see your successes; sometimes, you want people to predict your movements, your techniques, and that helps walk them right into a trap.”
Roman didn’t know what to say, didn’t understand the turn of this conversation.
“I will set you free from Ezra, from everyone who’s ever touched you,” Levi said. “You won’t have to serve anyone, you won’t have to make yourself smaller anymore, you won’t have to accept your fate. I will carve a path out of anyone who dims your smile.”
That actually made Roman smile, which resulted in Levi brushing his fingertips against Roman’s cheek, happy to see his happiness. But as much as Roman liked the daydream, he needed to explain to Levi how things really operated here. It was more than just taking the title of champion.
“I’ve been building alliances,” Levi said, almost like he’d read Roman’s mind. “Ezra’s not nearly as beloved or feared as he wants folks to think. Soon enough, I’m going to take him out. I’m gonna lift you back up, too.”
Roman shook his head, dismissing the impossibility of him ever becoming more than where he’d fallen.
“You’ll be my equal, and people around here will respect that.”
“You can’t make people forget what I’ve done, what I’ve allowed to be done to me,” Roman said shamefully.
“I don’t care if they remember, but they will show you respect; they will treat you how you deserve,” Levi said. “Or I’ll get rid of them, too.”
Roman snickered at that. “Gonna get rid of everyone who wrongs me? Might be a long list.”
“You’d be surprised how creative I can get.” Levi stared at Roman. “If I’d known about Jake sooner, about his intentions, or that Ezra would fucking allow that, I would’ve ended him sooner.”
Shock spiraled through Roman’s thoughts. Levi couldn’t have… Jake’s crew was over twenty men… Jake himself was a fierce fighter, ruthless, and psychotic… And how he died… Levi could never.
“Wait…did you?” Roman lost the will to speak as he found himself quite lightheaded.
“I would do anything for you, Roman.” Levi placed a hand on Roman’s shoulder, steadying him. “I would quite literally burn the world down to protect you. I’m only sorry it took me this long to get here.”
Roman looked at Levi in awe. There was something humbling and frightening about the man Levi had grown into since they were divided. While Roman shrank and crumbled, Levi had grown into someone ferocious.
He didn’t know if he could trust it, trust Levi. Every part of him desperately wanted to, but he trusted Ezra. He had willed himself to trust and love and accept Ezra in every way, and now he would be swept aside like the trash he was. How could someone like Levi ever care for Roman? How could someone who did something so brutally violent care about anyone?
“Did you really stab him forty-eight times?” Roman trembled, speaking in a low whisper.
“He laughed about what he’d done to you,” Levi said, his cold blue eyes staring off at nothing. “He laughed about what he had planned; he just couldn’t stop making jokes.”
Roman stared at Levi, wordless yet accepting. He didn’t know how to express it, if Levi understood the look, but he couldn’t fault his friend.
“Eventually, though, he stopped laughing.”
Roman didn’t know right from wrong anymore. He didn’t know what justified anything and where the line really fell. And truthfully, he didn’t care. There was a warmth that filled his chest over Levi’s protective actions. He worried Levi would tarnish his good soul, his kind heart, and over someone as expendable as Roman, but he wanted to believe in his friend. He wanted to believe in Levi’s plan. He wanted to believe he could really be happy again.
Roman leaned over, pressing his head on Levi’s shoulder, and the two sat in silence together. Levi’s calm breaths became rhythmic for Roman, and he relaxed in the gentle ebb and flow of Levi’s body. It’d been a long time since Roman felt comfortable with the quiet.