28. Jade
Jade
I do not want to do this.
I would be more than happy to never see my mother again, but I’m pretty sure she will start withholding my tuition if I ignore her. It’s a double fucking standard; she can ignore me all she wants, call me any and all sorts of names, treat me like scum, but the moment I back off to protect myself, the narcissist in her can’t handle it.
And even though I hate it, I need her help with tuition.
At least until I decide with one hundred percent certainty what I want to do. I feel like it’s all or nothing. Like she helps me and I bend to her will, or she takes it all away and I don’t go to school. But at this point in time, do I even want to go?
Would it be the worst thing if I took a year off and figured it out?
Maybe it’d be a blessing in disguise. I’d have time to sort out my life. Heal. Work with Ty. Live with Roxie. Love Asher.
“Hello, Helen.”
Fuck. Me.
* * *
“I told you, Mother. I prefer if you call me Jade. You gave me that as a middle name and I much prefer it.” Rolling my eyes, I pull the key to my room from my back pocket and open the door, hoping beyond hope that Hannah is out.
I turn and hold the door open for them, my mom pushing through.
“ Helen? ” Asher mouths at me with a goofy look on his surprised face and I smack him.
“Shut up,” I grumble. “It’s my legal first name and I hate it.”
“Good to know.” His eyes sparkle with mischief and I can’t help but smile. He’s going to be a handful.
“Helen,” my mom calls from inside the room. I lightly groan before pulling Asher into the room with me. “And who are you?” she spits in his direction, her eyes narrowed in disgust.
“I’m Asher, ma’am. Jade’s boyfriend,” he replies proudly, like being my boyfriend is a privilege, not a burden. It makes me stand a little straighter.
I look from his smile to my mom’s disgusted face, and try not to let her opinion hurt me.
Asher holds out his hand to shake hers, but my mother just stands there. Judging.
Instead of taking his hand like a decent person, she rolls her eyes and looks right at me. “I’m here to talk to Jade, so Adam, you can go wait outside,” Mother says dismissively.
I clench my jaw and breathe deeply through my nose. She’s… unbelievable.
“Anything you have to say to me, you can say in front of Asher ,” I snap, crossing my arms over my chest and standing closer to him. Visually telling her I’m not budging on this.
“Are you sure?” She cocks an eyebrow, like this is a challenge she wants me to accept. I know right then she’s about to make it her mission to embarrass me. To get him to leave me.
But I know Asher.
“Very.”
“So be it.” Mother looks around the dorm room; it’s almost laughable at how bare my side is. I have a minimum amount of clothes, keeping the rest in a duffel bag I’ve been carrying from place to place along with my school stuff and toiletries. My bed is made and looks practically brand new. There aren’t any pictures or mementos on my side, while Hannah’s area is wrecked. Lived in.
“Either you’ve become a neat freak or you aren’t actually staying here,” she observes.
“Does it matter?” I ask bravely.
She rolls her eyes and sets her designer bag on the small desk that isn’t covered.
“I want to discuss some unsettling things I’ve heard about you recently.” Mother pulls the chair out and sits down, crossing her legs and sighing like she owns the place.
“And who have you been hearing things from?” I narrow my eyes, pushing my eyebrows forward in a questioning look.
“Does it matter?” She throws my words back at me in a snippy tone. I breathe in deeply through my nose, waiting for her to continue.
“I hear you’ve been skipping the business classes, riding around on motorcycles, and getting into fights. You’ve been spending all your time at some tattoo parlor with this heathen and his crew. Do you even care how that reflects on me?” She speaks as if she’s been personally affected by this. As if her stupid reputation is at stake.
I’m sure it is. And I couldn’t care less.
Asher stays silent behind me, not interjecting to defend himself.
“Watch how you speak about him. I can call security right now and have you taken from the premises. I won’t have you speaking about him, or my friends, like that,” I snap.
For a millisecond, there’s shock on her face. Shock that I dared to speak to her in such a way. And surprisingly, it makes me feel so fucking good to tell her off.
“You couldn’t have found Sarah and made nice with her? Apologized for that whoring accident this summer, and followed her around campus?” Mother sneers.
I clench my teeth at her mention of this summer. “I am not, nor will I ever, be friends with someone like Sarah. She’s a cunt and it’s no surprise to me that you believe her over me.”
“You watch your mouth with me, you brat,” Mother starts to say.
I cut her off, stepping forward and putting my finger in her face. “No, you don’t get to speak to people, especially not to the man I love, like that.” Standing my ground, we stare off at each other. Immediately, I know right then that this is going to get messy. Very, very messy.
“The man you love?” Mother scoffs, rising up to stand a few inches taller than me. “Don’t make me laugh. Go on, have your fun. But when the time is right, you’ll be given to someone I deem worthy.”
“Do you even hear yourself?” I snap. “You’re not a fucking Bond villain. You’re an over-inflated, pompous, self-absorbed, megalomaniac narcissist who only cares about keeping up with the Joneses and pushing me down to keep yourself afloat.” Every single word is pointed and angry. Am I out of bounds by saying this? Probably. But I don’t care. This is decades in the making.
With every word my anger grows, and with every word her anger breaks through her mask.
“You’re going to regret that, you little bitch,” she says through gritted teeth.
“Maybe, but it’s high time you fucking hear it.” I’m not backing down from this. She can hit me again, she can do whatever she wants, but she’s going to hear my words.
And I’m going to be free of her expectations.
I’m ready to live my life on my terms. Come what fucking may.
Asher is quiet, but I can feel his body heat behind me. It fills me with empowerment to know he’s right here, but he’s letting me take care of my first and most controlling bully.
Fuck losing her money for tuition.
Fuck worrying about school. I’ll figure it out.
And I will figure it out.
My mom takes a step back and purses her lips. The way her face shifts from rage-filled to calm has me swallowing my ingrained fear.
“I can see the first month of school has been enlightening. But I think that’s enough. You’ll be coming home with me.” She steps over and picks up her bag, clearing her throat. “Pack your bag and I’ll come back for the rest.”
It doesn’t escape me that she said she’ll come back for the rest. If I go with her, I’ll never come back here.
“No.” I stand strong, lifting my head and squaring my shoulders. Asher growls slightly behind me. I know it’s probably killing him not to step in and save me, like he always does, but this has to come from me. “I won’t be doing that.”
“Helen Jade Henderson,” my mother says pointedly. I’ve always known her extremely-put-together outer shell was just that: a shell. I can see the cracks now. I can see how her eyes strain when she’s mad. How her nostrils flare just a little too much when she’s trying not to smack me. How her skin has more age spots but she’s taken time to cover them with concealer. Her brown hair, so different from my own, is overly volumized and dry-looking when I know she spends an absorbent amount of time trying to get it just right.
Growing up, my mom was always distant but there when I needed her. Then my dad died, and everything changed. I became something to control. To manipulate. To guilt into things.
That changes today.
No more.
Never. Again.
“No. I’m telling you right now,” I retort, “your days of controlling me are done.”
She just smiles maliciously, her eyes filled with a depraved joy as her skin crinkles more around the edges than I ever remember.
“You’ll do what I say, or you’re on your own. Forget calling me when this fucker decides he doesn’t want naive little play thing anymore. Forget calling me when you need tuition money. Forget asking for any of the things you left at the house. Forget that I’m your mother. ” She drops that last one, thinking she’s sealed the deal. That I’ll cave easily. Honestly, before I met Asher, Roxie and Ty, I would have. I would’ve folded right then and there and packed a bag. Because I didn’t want to disappoint her.
But now…
Fuck that.
“Fine with me,” I reply, smiling without a bit of warmth.
Her nostrils flare, and in the space of a breath, her hand raises to me. I see it, I know what’s about to happen, but all I can do is turn my cheek and brace myself.
I’m waiting for the sting; for the pain to bloom on my cheek where her hand was aimed.
But there’s nothing.
My eyes open—when did I close them?—and I find Asher, gripping her forearm with reserved strength.
“Don’t you ever raise your hand to her again. Do you understand me?” he says in a hoarse, deep, scary-as-fuck tone. It’s dark and dangerous, and I’m so glad he’s on my side.
“How dare you touch me?” Mother gasps, her eyes are locked in on his tattooed fingers wrapped around her arm.
“How fucking dare you try to touch her?” Asher snarls. “I promised Jade I’d let her handle you and your ugliness, but I won’t stand for you laying a hand on her. I’ve sent men to the hospital over her; what makes you think I won’t protect her from you?” He pulls her arm up toward his face and throws it back so hard she stumbles back a bit. “You heard her choice, so grab your knock-off bag and get your sad, fucked-up, evil ass out of here.”
My jaw drops, but I stay silent. I’ve never had anyone, anyone , stand up for me like this.
It’s kind of turning me on.
Daddy said he’d take care of me in every way and here he is, proving it again.
“Last chance, Helen,” Mother threatens, but I don’t feel anxious anymore.
“You heard him. Get out,” I say calmly.
Samantha scoffs and goes to walk out of the room, but stops right before passing me.
“Your father would be so disappointed with the person you’ve become,” she hisses. She’s saying it to intentionally pull me down; one last debilitating barb before she leaves. One last attempt to make me turn to her rather than stand on my own.
I won’t fall for it. Nor will I let her tarnish Dad’s memory.
“I think he’d be proud of me for finally standing up to you after all these years of being your punching bag. You’re the one he’d be disappointed in. You’d probably be someone he’d despise,” I say simply, but meaning every single word.
Samantha glares at me with so much hate, so much anger, that it nearly takes my breath away. She checks my shoulder hard and leaves.
She leaves my life.
Forever.
And it’s like I can breathe .
* * *
“Jade, I’m so—”
I cut Asher off by jumping into his big arms and kissing him senselessly. He catches me easily, one arm wrapping around my waist to hold me and the other holding my ass while my thighs grip his hips.
The position is very reminiscent of the other day in the bathroom and it turns me on. He’s just the best. The fucking best.
Pulling back, we’re both breathless as I lean my forehead against his and cup his cheek.
“I can’t believe you did that for me,” I whisper, tears pricking at my eyes. “I love you so much.”
“I’ve never wanted to fight a lady, but she is definitely not a lady. It took everything in me not to punch her for speaking to you that way. For threatening to marry you off. No one’s taking you away from me, least of all your bitch of a mom.”
“As much as I wanted her to hurt, I’m glad you didn’t. There’s no way she wouldn’t have retaliated somehow. You’re much too important to be caught up in her shit.” I give a watery chuckle as a tear falls down my cheek. Asher gives me a tight-lipped smile with compassion swimming in his blue eyes.
Compassion, not pity.
“Well,” he says, clearing his throat quietly. I quirk an eyebrow at him as he starts walking us toward the bed. He sets me down but doesn’t make any move to take this further. Asher puts his hand on my face gently, and his thumb swipes my tears away. I don’t mean to, but my eyes close as I lean into his embrace.
“You won’t have to worry about her again. I promise,” he says softly, leaning in and kissing my forehead. “I know what just happened was hard,” he whispers, holding me tightly to him so my face is nestled into his chest. “And it’s okay to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. It’s okay. I’m here.”
He’s giving me the chance to fall apart. The chance to literally cry on his shoulder again —although, on his chest this time. I don’t want to cry; I know it’s not worth my tears, but I can’t help it. I’ve spent so long under her thumb, worrying about what she thought of me, trying my best to be the person—the daughter—she wanted me to be. I constantly tried doing things to make her proud, but it was never enough.
After a little while, I just…gave up. Went through the motions. Tried to do what I thought I should.
Then I met Asher. I felt alive again. Like my life was mine again.
Now that it’s over, the threat of everything is done, I feel my body shudder as the tension I’ve felt for years leaves my body through sobs.
Asher doesn’t say anything as I cry. He just holds me as I break apart.
But only through breaking apart can I finally begin to truly heal and grow.