17. Camilla
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
CAMILLA
T he door to my dad’s office looms over me, but no matter how long I stand here, I can’t seem to force myself to walk inside.
None of the staff seems to be working today, but I assume the room has been cleaned and I’m not about to walk into a bloody murder scene.
Except, I’m not sure that’s what has me lurking in the doorway like a kid nervous to ask her mom if she can go to her first party. No, I think it’s the fact that I learned so many of my hardest lessons in this room.
This is the place I saw my first murder and where I was given the order for my first kill. It’s where my dad tested me relentlessly and where I transformed from a little girl into a cold Mafia princess in just a few short years.
And now it’s mine.
There are no more lessons. There are no more orders. It’s just me, and that’s more terrifying than any of the demons I ever faced in here.
“Camilla?” a familiar voice says from behind me, and I spin on my heel, a smile tugging at my lips despite how much my heart hurts.
Chloe.
Before I can think better of it, I rush toward her, and without missing a beat, she wraps me up in her arms. Her auburn hair brushes against my cheek, and the familiarity of the hug and her scent allow me to drop the mask I find myself wearing all too often.
“It’s so good to see you,” she whispers. “I was worried when I checked in with the airline and they said you didn’t get on the plane. I thought you were—” She chokes on the word, but I know exactly what it would have been.
She thought I was dead.
“I’m sorry. I should have found a way to let you know I was okay.” Tears fall against my cheeks of their own accord, but I realize I need this. I need to let it all out so I can figure out my next steps.
That’s where I differ from my father and his father before him. I’m never going to be able to turn my emotions off. I’m never not going to be affected by the things we do and how it impacts the people around me. But I can channel that emotion to make myself the best version of the Mafia queen I was born to be.
“Don’t be silly.” She sniffles. “I’m just so glad you’re okay.” She pulls me back, her gaze moving over my body before pausing on the two bandages, one on each arm. “You are okay, right?”
I half laugh. “As okay as I can be.”
Chloe wraps her arm around me and guides me toward the kitchen and away from the office I’m not quite ready to step foot in. Maybe tomorrow.
She sits me at the counter while she moves toward the fridge and starts pulling the ingredients for our joint comfort drink, hot cocoa.
It started when I was a little girl and one of us was upset. We would sit together and drink the chocolaty goodness, and sometimes it helped, and others it didn’t. But it always distracted us for long enough to make things not feel so huge.
“Do you want to talk about why you’ve decided to come home after two months of being gone? Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to have someone else in this big house with me, and even happier to see you, but you know you can tell me anything.”
She slides the mug toward me, and I quickly bring it to my lips, taking a tentative sip to make sure it’s not going to burn me. But I’m not sure what to say. Not because I feel the need to hide anything from Chloe, but because she’s the only person in the world I don’t think will judge me for all that’s happened in the last few months.
“Dean called up from the guard house a little while ago to let us know that four men picked up the car you abandoned in the driveway, each one of them looking like they were ready to storm the gates.” She fishes, and I can’t help but smile at the not-so-subtle attempt to get me to talk.
“I’m not surprised.” I half laugh, but the smile drops from my face a second after it appears.
I let out a steadying breath, my eyes locking with her emerald ones. And then I launch into the entire sordid tale. From Davenport’s men leaving me for dead in the alley to the way the brutal men of the Legion nursed me back to health. I include Kaos handing me over to Davenport and how he made a deal with Knox to save me. Every single detail I can think of, I allow it to pour from my chest as tears fall against my cheeks, right to this morning when I was sent that video.
Chloe listens to every word, never interrupting me as I pour my heart out, and when I’m done, I feel both lighter and completely empty.
I fucking hate that I’m craving their comfort already. I hate that I want nothing more than to be enveloped in Crew’s arms or have Bishop wipe my tears away. I hate that I’d give almost anything for Kaos to tell me I’m going to be okay or for Kovu to threaten to maim anyone who causes me pain. I don’t even doubt that he’d hurt himself if it meant I was happy.
I swipe my tears from my cheeks, my heart aching, and wait for Chloe to say something. To take my side or tell me I’m better off without them. To say that I’ll be able to run the family business better without their influence, or even that I deserve someone who won’t lie to me.
She blows out a breath and takes a sip of her own cocoa as she mulls over all I’ve told her. “There’s a lot to unpack there,” she admits.
“Yep.” I sigh.
“You know I’ve always been straight with you, and I’m not about to change that. Every time you came home from one of your dad’s training sessions covered in cuts and bruises, I reminded you that that’s what you wanted. You wanted to be queen one day. You wanted people to take you seriously.”
I nod, because it’s true. The first time I wanted to give up and tell my dad to train Scott because I couldn’t hack it, I was fourteen and had been held underwater for so long I passed out several times and spent a week in bed with the worst case of the flu I’ve ever had. Chloe sat with me and reminded me that I could throw in the towel, but that’s not what I wanted. She was always there reminding me of why I was doing the things I was doing instead of shopping with my friends and living a normal Mafia princess life.
“There’s a lot I’ve never told you about my life before I came here, Cami. When I was your age, I made the decision to run from my demons, and in the process, I ran from the person that could have given me everything. Much like the men of the Legion, he was well connected, and I knew if I was going to hide from him, it was best to hide in plain sight. Which is how I came to be your nanny and why I never left when you were able to take care of yourself. But the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve regretted those decisions, but by the time I came to that realization, it was too late. There was no going back.”
She moves her finger around the rim of her mug absentmindedly, her eyes downcast and dejected. This is the most candid she’s ever been with me about her past, and I can see why she’s avoided talking about it because it hurts her. The memories, the decision she made, it all hurts for her to talk about. Her eyes flick up to mine, and tears shine back at me.
“The reason I’m telling you this is because I don’t want you to make the same decisions I did when I was young. I don’t want you to run from something that could be perfect because of decisions that were made before they met you. Of course they could have told you so you didn’t have to find out this way, but would the outcome have changed? Or would you have made the same decision to come home?”
I sigh. Why does she have to be right? “I would have made the same choice,” I admit.
“So perhaps they chose not to tell you because they knew you would run and it’s not safe for you to be out on your own right now?”
I half laugh, but there’s no humor in the sound.
Chloe reaches across the bench and grasps my hand in hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Just think about it, okay?”
“I will,” I whisper.