Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
L ila was already at Brian’s apartment when he arrived. She sat on the plush, white couch, working on a paper for her final exam.
The tension from a long day immediately left his body the moment Brian saw her. “Hey.” He dropped his work bag by the door and walked over to get a much-needed kiss.
“Hey, you.” Lila was only too happy to oblige. She always felt lighter when Brian was around.
He plopped down next to her. “You ate?”
“I did. I ordered take-out from Kim’s.”
“I love that place. They have the best food.”
“That’s why I ordered it. I know you love it. I wasn’t sure if you’d eaten so I ordered extra and left it on the stove.”
Brian got up to get it. “Thanks. I’m not gonna lie. I’m starving. I’ve been so busy I just didn’t have time to eat.”
Lila shook her head. “I understand things are stressful right now, but you and Colby have to do better.”
Brian agreed. “I know. We do, but thankfully, we have a Lila in our lives to keep us on track.”
It was an innocent statement but one that made Lila feel uneasy. She wasn’t perfect. Far from it, but Brian always talked about her in ways that made it seem like he was putting her on a pedestal. One where she did not belong.
Brian sat back down with his container of food. “Thanks again for dinner. Promise I’ll make it up to you. I should have some time after the race next weekend. Clear your calendar so I can take you out on a proper date. It’s been a while.”
Lila grinned. “You’re right. It has been a while! Lucky for you, I’ve been busy with school, although it would be nice to get dressed up and go out.”
He joked. “I don’t want you to think you’re just a booty call or a kept woman. You’re too good for that.”
Lila’s smile faltered, and her mind raced with a mix of anxiety and guilt. Hadn’t I been just that ? If the truth ever came out, she wondered if Brian might feel differently about her.
“You know,”—he spoke with a mouth full of food and a tone filled with reverence—“sometimes I feel like the luckiest guy in the world. I mean it. You’re damn near perfect. I mean, I know you’re not perfect . It’s still hard to believe that a fuck up like me could land a Rhodes Scholar.”
Lila forced herself to maintain a smile, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “C’mon, Brian. You were never a fuck up. Like most people, you were trying to find your way. And I’m lucky too. For the record, I didn’t go to Oxford.”
“I know, or else we never would have met, but you could have gone. People in my circle weren’t getting full scholarships to those kinds of colleges. We were getting full rides to Where’s the Party University and taking Turn that Drank Up 101 classes.”
“You got into Dartmouth, Brian. That’s not an easy college to get into.” The way he always looked at her, like she was something precious, something untouchable, made her uncomfortable because it was a lie. She couldn’t help but feel like a fraud.
“Daddy pulled strings. Now, Liam, he got into Harvard on his own, but without the help of my family, I wouldn’t have even gotten into community college.” Brian moved closer, his hand finding hers. “Nah. I’m the lucky one. The way you carry yourself, the way you’ve handled everything life’s thrown at you...It’s inspiring.”
Lila’s throat tightened as he spoke. She didn’t deserve these words. Not when she had been a kept woman, someone whose world revolved around wealth and success. Modeling hadn’t been able to pay the bills, and she’d crossed some lines. His pedestal was so high, and she couldn’t help but feel like he was describing someone else. “Brian...” She couldn’t stop herself from speaking the truth, at least some of it. “I love the way you see me, but I’m just...I don’t know. Remember, I came back home to get my life together.” Nervously, she laughed, “Clearly, I haven’t been able to handle everything life’s thrown at me.”
Brian gently cupped her face in his hands, his thumb tracing her cheek. “I know you think I don’t see the struggle behind your smile, and I know it’s hard sometimes, but you’re so much more than the doubts in your head. I knew that the first time I saw you. That’s why I don’t mind giving you everything, including my credit card, but for some reason, you won’t take it.”
Because I love you and don’t want to be kept by you! Lila looked away, catching a tear before it slid down her cheek. “I’m not this perfect woman you think I am, Brian. I feel...I feel like a failure sometimes.”
Brian’s expression softened. “You could never be a failure in my eyes. You’re more than enough. But you have to believe that for yourself too.”
Lila couldn’t love Brian any more than in that moment. So much that her heart wanted to explode, but she didn’t know how to reconcile the woman he adored with the woman she feared she had been. All she could do was look into his eyes, hoping and praying that, one day, she would become the person he believed her to be.