Fundamentals in Flirting

Chapter 1

Chapter One

A s a first kiss it was pretty devastating, actually.

I mean, it wasn’t my first kiss ever, just the first time I’d been kissed without wanting to throw up in the other person’s mouth. Usually, I was put off by too much tongue, or saliva, or lips that suctioned on in a wholly uncomfortable fashion, like a toilet plunger to the face. In fact, in my fairly limited teenage experience of kissing, it had felt more like my mouth had been subjected to the turbulent effects of snogging a washing machine drum, rather than the seductive and emotionally satisfying experience I had hoped kissing might be. Who wants to have to wipe spit off their whole face when you pull apart? Gross.

But kissing Teddy Fraser at his eighteenth birthday party, on a bench at the edge of the rugby club field, was an enlightening occasion. The evening was surprisingly warm, bright stars blanketing the sky above, the steady thrum of the bass from the disco a distant noise reverberating through the club building behind us, the heady smell of Lynx Africa filling my nostrils. But it was Teddy’s languid technique, unhurried yet thorough, large hands featherlight on my face, threading into my hair, that made me feel like I was the only person in the whole world who he wanted to kiss.

We were alone and a bit tipsy, and I thought for a few brief moments that I might truly be in love.

Until he pulled away and huskily uttered the following words, “Shit, Hannah Havens, I never thought someone like you would kiss like that.”

It took me a minute to register what he had said. Someone like me? What did that mean? We were still quite close together, noses almost touching, the orangey hue of the lamppost casting a shadow over Teddy’s face, but even in this light I could see that his pupils were blown, his ragged breathing fanning over my lips.

“What?” I asked, confused, my mind still a little slow after the three generous rum and Cokes that I had consumed. And the mind-altering kiss that I was still reeling from.

“You kiss like a porn star,” Teddy laughed, stroking a finger lazily down my cheek, leaning back in for round two if I wasn’t mistaken.

“ A porn star? ” I replied incredulously.

In that moment, I think it dawned on him what he’d just said, and he lurched away sharply. “Er, well, that’s not quite what I meant. It’s just that you’re a surprisingly good kisser.”

“Surprisingly good?”

“Shit. What I meant to say was unexpected . That was unexpected.” He was flustered. I could see that, but I wasn’t about to let him off the hook. Not Teddy Fraser, one half of the infamous Fraser twins, and cocky, confident, arrogant heartthrob of the upper sixth form.

“Unexpected? What were you expecting when you followed me out here and kissed me then, Ted?” Because he had most definitely instigated this kiss, not me.

I’d come out to get some air, my head pounding with the incessant drone of cheesy pop music. All my friends were either getting off with, or attempting to get off with, someone on the dance floor. Even my best friend, Betsy Okoro, who I knew wasn’t really into guys at all (although, I was the only one she’d tearfully admitted this to over our biology homework one evening), was snogging geeky Rob Parsons rather passionately by the girls’ loo. I’d been blissfully alone, and enjoying the peace, when Teddy had taken me by surprise, casually sitting next to me, even though there were at least half a dozen other benches he could have chosen. We’d spoken briefly – irrelevant chit-chat about his birthday and whether we were enjoying the party, then he’d leant in, close, tucking away a stray piece of hair that had blown across my face, his fingertips brushing my skin before slowly moving even nearer, lips hovering over mine.

With a soft exhale, he had said, “I’m going to kiss you now, if you want me to?”

I’d nodded. And in that second, I definitely had wanted him to, wondering if this would be the moment that finally lit up my eighteen-year-old brain with passion and longing for another person. Or if I was just in line for another wet-faced disappointment and would have to employ awkward avoidance techniques in the sixth form common room from now on.

But no, the kiss had been spectacular, and I was feeling wholly awkward for an entirely different reason now. And pretty bloody annoyed, actually.

In a practised move, Teddy ran his fingers through his floppy hair and gave me a wry grin. “If I’m honest, Hannah, I wasn’t expecting you to let me kiss you at all.”

“So why did you even try?”

“Because I really wanted to kiss you. Didn’t you want to kiss me too? It certainly seemed like you did,” he replied smugly, knocking his knee against mine.

He was infuriating. And gorgeous. But mostly infuriating.

I was in maths with both Teddy and his twin brother, Henry, and they were insanely good at it. Henry was pleasant and charming, kind to a fault really, and a few times he’d helped me get to grips with some particularly tricky homework. But Teddy spent more time chatting up the bevy of girls that followed the twins around than actually working, seemingly able to pull out eighty or ninety per cent on all the tests we’d had, without even having to try, like some sort of super genius. How was that even fair?

Yes, being around Teddy Fraser annoyed me greatly, and I should have remembered that before snogging his face off.

I shifted a little on the bench to give myself some more space. “It was an ok kiss, I suppose.”

“Just ok? Are you sure? Because you made this seductive little moaning noise, which made me think that you were enjoying it, Hannah,” Teddy murmured, glancing sideways at me.

My face heated a little as my mind flew back to a few moments ago, a time when I’d been lost in the feel of his lips and tongue, in the soft and insistent way they’d caressed me, the gentle nips and the feeling of his hands in my hair, warm breath over my skin as he teased his mouth down my neck.

“I’ve had better kisses, Teddy,” I lied, noticing with some satisfaction the slight slump to his shoulders. “But things definitely took a nosedive when you compared me to a porn star.”

I got up from the bench and smoothed down my slightly wrinkled top. This was the last party I’d be attending before knuckling down to revise for my A levels followed by a summer packed with the hours and hours of placements that I’d committed to since being offered a conditional place at vet school. There was no other option, no plan B for me. I’d wanted this for as long as I could remember and was on the cusp of realising my dreams. Boys were not on the agenda and I fully intended to get away from this particular one as soon as I could.

“I’m sorry I said that. It was meant to be a compliment. A fucking shit one, granted, but please don’t go yet.” Teddy reached out to take hold of my hand.

But I pulled it away. “Why? You’ll be missed inside and there are plenty of other girls who’d welcome some attention from you.”

“I don’t want to kiss anyone in there,” he said, angling his head towards the rugby club main building. “I want to kiss you. Again. Please stay.”

“Why me?”

Why me, indeed. I was a million miles away from anything special. In fact, my bell-bottom jeans and baggy T-shirt were a far cry from everyone else’s fancy dresses and figure-hugging outfits. Looking away, I let the curtain of my long strawberry-blonde hair fall across my cheek, hiding me from view. It was a shield against the world, a distraction from my flawed and imperfect face. A face I struggled even to look at in the mirror most days. A face that had left me wide open to ridicule from my classmates. A face that I despised. Perfection – that’s what everyone strived for. Symmetrical features, clear skin, tanned and gorgeous. Just like Teddy Fraser.

“Because as infuriating as you are, I like you, Hannah,” Teddy said. Then, turning his face away, he whispered so softly that I could barely hear him, “And you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”

It was so quiet, in fact, that I was left wondering if I’d made it up, merely manifesting my subconscious yearning for someone to say those things to me. But really knowing that no one ever would. Well, not say it and really mean it. I was cursed with the looks that I had, and surely it was better to focus on my brains and ability, to get by without being the pretty one. God knows I was reminded of this fact every day by the popular girls in my year. I knew I should embrace my geekiness because I was on much safer ground there.

The doors of the clubhouse opened and Teddy’s brother, Henry, appeared, stopping short from walking over to us.

“Ted, are you coming back in?” he called over, hands in his pockets, looking away to give us some privacy, I supposed.

“Yeah, yeah, in a minute,” Teddy shouted back before glancing at me again and smiling. “Goddamn geek hates being the centre of attention. He just wants me to take the flack for him.”

My heart hurt at the insult. Being a geek was what I was good at, and here he was, ridiculing it. Balling my fists, I went to follow Henry back inside.

“Right, us geeks should just hide away in the corner, shouldn’t we?” I replied, purposefully allowing a sharpness to creep into my voice.

“Wait, Hannah, please,” Teddy muttered, taking hold of my hand and not letting me pull away this time.

“What is it?”

“About tonight … I just wondered, well, if maybe you’d … or if we could…” His voice drifted off as a gaggle of girls appeared around the corner of the building, lit cigarettes in their hands. Mandy Shaw – gymnast, beautiful elite, sociology student, my tormentor and least favourite person at school – was heading up the group and making a beeline for us.

“What, Ted? What do you want me to do? Keep quiet about what just happened?” I whispered acerbically.

“What? Well, er…” he stuttered, getting more and more uncomfortable as the gang of girls approached, the curious slant of their heads indicating that they had seen us and were wholly intent on finding out what was going on.

“Listen, don’t worry. I’m not going to tell anyone. It’s not like I’m proud of myself either.” I hissed, “I know what this was – a drunken snog, a mistake. I’m not expecting you to announce that we’re boyfriend and girlfriend. I know better than to expect anything chivalrous from you, Teddy Fraser. It’s not like you’re Henry, is it?”

The air around us turned frigid in an instant, Teddy’s demeanour shifting, defensive and something else … hurt, perhaps?

“No. I’m definitely not Henry,” he practically growled at me, dropping my hand as if my touch was burning his skin, and stepping away.

“No, you’re not,” I said, equally tersely.

In the soft glow of lamplight, we glared at each other, just as Mandy neared.

“Teddy,” she whined, “what are you doing here with her?”

“Nothing,” we both said at once, and Mandy looked sceptically between us.

“Chatting about the extra maths revision sessions he needs,” I added sourly and Teddy snorted in disbelief.

“You’re such a weird fucking loser, Hannah. Why on earth would Teddy want to talk maths revision at his eighteenth birthday party?” Mandy laughed unkindly. In my mind I had a dartboard with her face on it, and I took great pleasure in mentally lobbing pointy implements at it, with alarming regularity. And now was no exception.

I shrugged. “He needs some help with the fundamentals,” I answered evenly, stalking away from this group of teenage arseholes that I was most definitely going to leave behind in a few months’ time. And never think of ever again.