Gabriel's Salvation: small town, misunderstood MMC, overcoming trauma, first love romance

20. Chapter Twenty

Iwatch her walk away, and with each step she takes it feels like the weight on my cold dead heart gets heavier.

“You gotta let her go man,” Nate tells me as he attempts to pat my shoulder, but I twist my body away to avert his touch.

“I don”t know how,” I admit. Shit, did I say that out loud?

“You gotta try,” Nate replies.

“Whose fucking side are you on?” I snarl, barging past him.

“I”m not on anyone”s side,” I hear Nate state as he follows me. “You really fucked up, though.”

“And you don”t think I fucking know that?” I spin around to face him, frustrated with myself, the situation, and at Nate.

“You really hurt her Gabe,” Nate continues, now using that stupid, pathetic, soft, condescending, goddamn tone of his. I hate when he talks to me like I”m some stupid kid who spilled a drink and now needs to be scolded.

“How would you fucking know? Have you been talking about me behind my fucking back?”

“No, of course not, but we are friends, plus Bella said…”

“Bella said...” I mimic. “Fuck Isabella. Fuck her opinions and fuck you!”

“Don”t be like that! I was just saying…”

“Well fuck, don’t! What I do or don”t do has nothing to do with you or your perfect little Princess Isabella, so keep my fucking name out of both of your mouths.” I growl as I feel the rage building up, and without thinking, swing my fist, connecting with a concrete wall. “Fuck!” I yell as I feel the pain in my hand radiate all the way up my arm.

“For fuck”s sake, Gabe,” Nate huffs as he grabs my wrist and pulls me back into the bathroom to wrap my now bleeding hand in a towel.

“This is exactly what you need to fix before you can get into a relationship,” Nate says pointedly while letting out a deep breath. “I don”t think it”s broken,” he finally declares with a sigh as he releases my hand.

“Look, me and a few of the guys are meeting for a poker night. Why don”t you join us?” Nate offers.

“Nah.”

“Come on, at least consider it,” Nate coaxes.

“What’s the point? They don”t want me there anyway. I don”t even fucking know them,” I growl at him, even though part of me is a little intrigued.

“You already know Tucker, he will be there. And Davis is also joining us, I think. Also, my friend Danny - you”ve probably seen him a few times, too,” Nate explains.

“Where”s it at?” I grumble, half considering it. After all, maybe it wouldn”t be so bad. Plus, I bet none of these chumps have a clue how to play properly, so I could make some money if nothing else.

“That pub just down the road. Davis said a lot of the guys here go to it.”

“Saints? On the corner?” I ask. If I was a dog my ears would be sticking up right now.

“Yeah, that”s it, I think.”

“Fine, I”ll come,” I reply, feigning indifference. Free alcohol, check. Easy money, check. My local bar where I can probably score drugs and sex on tap, double check.

“Really?” Nate asks, sounding surprised.

“Don”t make me change my mind.”

Walking away from Gabe was one of the hardest things I”ve done. My whole body is screaming at me to turn around and kiss him, put the whole Kelly thing behind us and move on. But my head won’t let me. He hurt me. I allowed myself to be vulnerable with him, gave him something special and he betrayed me.

“There you are,” Harper says as she appears in front of me. “What happened?” she asks, sounding concerned.

“I”m fine.” I lie.

“Tell that to your eyes.”

I reach up and feel the wetness on my cheeks; I hadn”t even realized I”d started to cry. Rubbing away my tears with the sleeve of my jacket, I try to compose myself. Hating the idea of anyone, even my best friends, seeing me so vulnerable.

“Can you tell?” I ask, looking at her and wiping my eyes again, and praying I don”t look like a goddamn panda.

“A little,” Harper answers softly. “Here,” she says as she rubs her thumb under my eyes, removing the mascara I”ve clearly missed.

We walk out to the car where both Izzy and Ava are waiting. As soon as Ava sees my face she knows something”s up.

“Whose ass do I gotta kick?” Ava demands.

When I don”t answer she repeats the question, “Someone made you cry, so whose ass do I gotta kick?”

“Erm, no one, I”m fine, it”s just…” I begin.

“It”s just that her clumsy ass wasn”t looking where she was going and she hit her head on some scaffolding.” Harper quickly jumps in.

“Oh my god!! Are you okay? That”s so dangerous. You could have been really hurt,” Izzy gasps, sounding concerned.

“You know Riley, always on her phone, never looking where she”s going,” Harper adds.

“Well, I can”t exactly fight metal poles for you, can I?” Ava laughs. “As long as you”re okay though.”

“Yeah, I”ll be fine, just a little bump. Maybe it”ll knock some sense into me,” I add, grateful for Harper”s quick thinking.

We head to the mall and I go through the motions -“ooo” and “ahhing” in all the right places as Ava tries on dress after dress, though my head and my heart just aren”t in it.

“Are you listening?” Ava asks suddenly. I stare at her blankly, as I have absolutely no idea what she was saying. “Sorry, what did you say?” shaking my head, trying to pay attention.

“I said, do you wanna grab some lunch? Then maybe head back to my place for a movie night?” Ava sighs, clearly annoyed.

“Rain check? I just don”t feel good.” I admit.

“Maybe you”ve given yourself a concussion,” Izzy pipes up, sounding even more concerned than before.

“I”m sure I”ll be fine. I think I just need to head home, turn off the lights, and maybe sleep it off.”

“What about you, Harper?” Ava asks

“I think I”m gonna head back and take care of Riley,” Harper tells her, and as much as I know she’s trying to be nice, I just wanna be alone.

“You can go, honestly, I”m just gonna take a bath and go to sleep.” I lie.

Harper gives me that twin look. The one that conveys a whole conversation without barely saying a word, “ You sure?”

“Yeah go. Have fun. I”ll join you ladies next time.” I silently beg that she agrees.

“I”m gonna go grab an uber. See you at school on Monday.”

“Don”t be silly, I”ll drop you home first. I just gotta pay then we”ll leave” Ava offers.

Knowing what Ava”s like when she”s made up her mind, I make no attempt to argue.

I stay quiet and smile politely as I wait for Ava to pay, and I don”t say much the whole drive home either. Finally, we pull up outside my house.

“You sure you don”t want me to stay?” Harper asks again.

“No, go… please” I whisper.

I wave politely as the girls drive away, unlock the door, and run straight to my bedroom. I throw myself onto my bed and begin to sob. I don”t even know why I”m so upset. Gabe hurt me, but so what? I”ve been hurt so many times before. This isn”t me though. I”m not the girl who sits at home crying over some stupid boy. I”m the one who moves on to someone else. Heck, when all that shit with Justin happened, it took me barely any time to get over his betrayal and we were actually a couple. Me and Gabe, we were more of a situationship than anything else. Even so, it doesn”t hurt any less.

I change into my favorite fluffy pajamas hoping that the comfy material will somehow offer mental comfort, but when that doesn”t help, I attempt to distract myself with TV. I spot Sons of Anarchy, but decide against it since it just reminds me of Gabe. Then I turn to The Vampire Diaries, but again the tortured bad guy just reminds me of Gabe, too. This is impossible! I eventually settle on a rerun of Friends hoping that it will make me smile at least. But my mind is too distracted to really appreciate it.

Climbing out of bed, I head to the kitchen to make myself a hot drink. I open the fridge to grab the milk and spot a half empty bottle of white wine. I assume it”s what”s left from the book club mom holds on Friday nights.

“Mom?… Dad?” I call out. Once I”m sure they”re not home and likely to catch me, I swipe a glass from the cupboard, grab the wine, and head back to my room.

One glass turns into two and before I know it, my mind convinces me to text him. I unblock his number and as soon as I do my phone begins pinging with notifications.

I head to the bathroom, and when I come back I have 6 missed calls, 4 voice messages, and 3 texts from today alone.

Dark Horse

Look Riley, I fucked up. I know. Please come back and talk.

Answer the phone, please.

Come on, it”s been hours! I”m a dickhead, okay. Call me back.

I know I shouldn”t but some part of me, the part that seems hell bent on torturing myself, wants to hear his voice so I listen to his voicemails.

1:30pm- Riley it”s me, come back and talk to me. Let me explain. I”m sorry.

3:15pm- Riley it”s me, erm, Gabe. I know you probably still have me blocked so you might not get this but if you do, call me back.

7pm- Okay I”m a dick. I know that but I”ve apologized, stop being a bitch and call me back.

7:06pm- I didn”t mean to call you a bitch, you”re not a bitch, well maybe you”re a bitch, who knows. Call me back PLEASE. I”m at Saints thinking about you. How about you come over and I make it up to you.

What sort of asshole thinks I”m going to go back to Saints Bar? The bar he took me to the last time we were together. Does he think that I”m stupidly gonna take him up on his offer? I”m about to block his number again when it begins ringing in my hands. Shit shit shit. The ringing finally stops but as soon as it does, it begins to ring again. This time I”m quicker turning my phone off. I open the drawer and throw my phone inside. I pour myself the last little bit of wine and snuggle into bed.