4. Kavanaugh
4
KAVANAUGH
I couldn’t stop pacing until she walked through the door. Sure, I did other things, but my feet never stopped moving. I was a nervous wreck. Even Bowie was irritated with me.
I shoved my fingers through my hair as I glanced at the clock again. “How long does it take to go out for the day?”
He looked up from the TV with a weird look on his face. “I think the day implies that it will be most of the day.”
I scoffed at that. “Well, she shouldn’t be. She just got out of the hospital.”
“I gotta tell ya, if I could operate a vehicle right now, I’d be out of here most days. It sucks sitting around all the time. That was a hint, by the way.”
I started walking again, wondering where the hell she was. The flea market couldn’t possibly take this long. I doubted she went grocery shopping. So, where the hell else— “She wouldn’t go to him, would she?”
Bowie popped a candy in his mouth, still staring at the TV. “What?”
“IKE. Would she go to him?”
“Why would she go to him?”
“That’s what I’m asking,” I said, frustrated that he wasn’t listening to me.
“Maybe she stopped by to see IKE.”
I stormed over to him and grabbed the remote, turning off the TV.
“Hey! I was watching that.”
“And you weren’t listening to me.”
He groaned, flopping his head on the back of the couch. “Why do I have to listen? This doesn’t affect me in any way.”
“Because you’re a guy and this is what we do for each other.”
“I don’t do this for anyone,” he retorted. “Maybe Duke, but that’s different. I served with him.”
“You live with me,” I argued.
“For the time being. I was tricked into coming here. It wasn’t like I could turn Riley down. She practically begged me to come home with her. She’s desperate to repay my heroic act by taking care of me. And between you and me, I think she needs me here to protect her. She’s still a little freaked out.”
“Riley doesn’t need anyone.”
“Neither does your girl,” he pointed out. When I didn’t say anything, he sighed. “Alright, tell me what you were saying earlier.”
I sat down on the couch, leaning forward. “What if she went to him?”
“IKE? What’s the big deal?”
“The big deal? That she would go to a man she spent four days with alone in the dark? That she thought she was going to die with? You wonder why that would bother me?”
“Yeah,” he retorted. “That’s why I said, What’s the big deal? ”
“The big deal is that he saved her when the bomb went off in her fridge. He kept her safe when I couldn’t. And he was there in New York.”
“Wait, didn’t you ask him to be there?”
“Not to interfere with her,” I growled.
“You should have expected that when you asked for help.”
I pushed to my feet, pacing once again. “I had no choice. Cash fucking fired me. I had no one to help me.”
“So, you sent in the blue-eyed devil,” he grinned. “And now you’re worried that she’s falling for him.”
I spun and glared at him. “I’m worried that she’s been manipulated by him.”
He burst out laughing. “Yeah, while in the dark, freezing in a shipping container, he manipulated her just in case they survived. Whew! I bet he’s glad he put in the effort since you saved their lives!”
“Really fucking funny,” I snarled.
“I thought so. Dude, I’m telling you, she’s not with him.”
“She might be.”
“If she’s with him, it’s because they went through something together. And if you bring it up, you’re an ass.”
“Because I want to know if she’s sleeping with him?”
He cringed at the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head. “Wow. So, she went from spending time to sleeping with him. Yeah, I can see this is gonna go over really well.”
“What the fuck would you do?” I asked. “If you were me and IKE was out there after Riley?”
“Well, first, I’m not worried about another man. And do you know why?”
“Why?”
“Because I’m fucking living with her,” he snapped. “I give it to her every night and she likes it.”
I hadn’t slept with Isla since she’d been found, but it wasn’t like I could do anything about that.
“Yeah, that’s the problem. You haven’t made up with her yet since New York.”
“It’s not like I can.”
“Sure you can.”
“Yeah, I’ll just tell her, Hey, Isla, I know this is hard on you, but I need you to get you back on my good side, so I’m gonna need you to spread your legs. ”
“Well, I wouldn’t put it exactly like that.”
“I can’t put it like that at all,” I snapped.
“Alright, alright. Don’t get your panties in a twist.”
I sank down on the couch again, then popped right back up and started pacing. There was no calming down. Not until she walked through that door and I knew she was alright.
“You know she’s fine,” Bowie finally said. “She’s not with him, and even if she is?—”
“See, why the fuck do you have to say that? She’s not with him, but maybe she is. How is that helpful?”
“Fuck, I don’t know. Nothing I say is helpful. I’m not even sure why you turned off the TV to talk to me.”
“Because I hoped you would say something useful!”
“About relationships?” he snorted. “Kavanaugh, I took a girl to Vegas and ended up married. I fucked a cougar and ended up married. I saved a woman’s life and now I’m living with her. What part of my record with women would give you the impression that I should be handing out advice?”
He had a point. “Okay, maybe you weren’t the best person to ask.”
He grunted and turned the TV back on, but it didn’t last long. The car pulled up not ten minutes later. “Shit. They’re back.”
“Shit!” Bowie said, jumping out of the chair and nearly falling over. “I was supposed to clean the kitchen.”
I strode to him and shoved him over. He hit the floor hard, cursing as he rolled, holding his leg.
“What the fuck did you do that for?”
“So you could get out of doing dishes. Give me your hand.”
He glared at me, but held out his hand. “You may be a fucking genius.”
“Yeah? That’s what you’re supposed to do for your friends. Now get in the fucking chair.”
He hobbled into it, groaning as he propped his leg up. I turned off the TV and spun him so he wasn’t facing it, then shoved a pillow under his leg.
“Do your best to look like you’re in pain.”
“No problem there,” he answered, glaring at me.
“Hey, just remember what I did for you.”
“Yeah, and when I go to the doctor, I’ll make sure to tell them, too.”
The door opened and the girls walked in, chuckling as their heads popped up. I spun around and smiled at Isla, trying not to look like the pathetic, desperate chum I really was.
“Hey,” I breathed out. I glanced at my watch, frowning slightly. “Back so soon?”
“Yeah, I was getting tired.”
No shit. Of course she was tired. The doctor told her to take it easy. “Why don’t you sit down and I’ll make you some tea.”
“What happened to you?” Riley asked, her eyebrow quirked as she stared at Bowie.
“He tripped and fell,” I explained. “Lost his balance. It was pretty bad.”
Bowie shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah, it fucking hurt.”
Riley nodded, but she didn’t look like she believed him for even a second. Then she swung her gaze on me. “You pushed him over so he could get out of dishes, didn’t you?”
My jaw dropped and I flamed bright red. How the hell did she know?
“If you don’t want me to know what you’re doing, maybe you shouldn’t push him over in front of that giant window where everyone outside can see inside.” Shaking her head, she walked away.
I shrugged. “Sorry, man.”
“Great,” he huffed. “So, now I have an injured leg and a pissed girlfriend.”
“You want the remote?”
“Yeah.”
I tossed it at him and it hit him right on the leg. “What the fuck? Are you trying to kill me today?”
Chuckling, I turned back to Isla, but she was disappearing upstairs.
“Whatever you do,” Bowie whispered, “do not bring up IKE.”
I nodded and headed for the stairs.
“Fuck, he’s gonna bring up IKE.”
Bowie’s words rang through my head as I climbed the stairs and headed for the bedroom. I was sweating and it wasn’t because it was hot in here. The look on her face this morning said we needed to talk, and while I would normally avoid that conversation like my life depended on it, there was no getting out of this. I had to try and salvage what was left before it was too late, and the only way to do that was to talk to her.
“Did you have a good time out?” I asked, making sure I made plenty of noise as I approached her.
She glanced over her shoulder, shrugging slightly. “I guess.”
“What did you do?”
“Uh…went to the flea market and then just hung out.”
“Like at the coffee house?”
“No.”
When she didn’t say anything further, my heart rate kicked up a notch. “Where’d you go?”
“Just around. No place special.”
I knew she had been struggling since she came back, but why wouldn’t she at least turn around and face me? “Isla…can we talk?”
When she turned and continued to stare at the floor, something inside me twisted into an ugly version of myself.
“You can’t even look at me?”
Her eyes finally met mine, but what I saw there wasn’t love.
“I’ve been trying to get you to talk to me for days.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Why not?” Because of IKE? I didn’t dare ask that.
“Because…nothing really happened.”
“It was still traumatic.”
“It doesn’t feel like it should have been.” She slumped down on the bed. “I mean, honestly…we were in a cold container. We put up Christmas decorations. We talked. It was a very long, boring four days.”
Like I was supposed to believe that nothing happened for those four days. They were together in the dark. She had to be terrified. It was ridiculous to think nothing would happen.
“Look, it’s perfectly normal to not feel right. But you can talk to me.”
“Can I?” she asked, her eyes raising to meet mine. “Kavanaugh, I think we need to talk.”
“Good,” I nodded. “We should talk. A lot has happened and?—”
“I don’t need to talk about that. I mean, we need to talk about us. This isn’t working.”
I swallowed hard and said the first thing that popped into my mind. “Is this because of IKE?”
Her eyes widened and she surged to her feet. “Excuse me?”
“Okay,” I backed off. “Definitely not about IKE.”
“I tell you that this isn’t working between us and you think it’s because of another man?”
“Well, you did spend four days in a container with him. Am I really supposed to believe nothing happened?”
“So, now I’m a liar and a cheater?” she snapped.
Was that what I said? Fuck. “No, what I meant is that you don’t have to keep it from me. I would understand.”
“Really,” she nodded, taking a step forward. “You would understand if I was so desperate for warmth that I stripped and asked IKE to warm me up?”
“You really weren’t wearing that much to begin with,” I choked out, knowing I was only digging myself a deeper hole.
“I wasn’t wearing much because I was in my pajamas when I was taken!”
“I know,” I sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. That’s not?—”
“You know, I thought we could have a serious conversation about this, but all you’re doing is being an ass.”
“I—”
She kept coming at me, the look in her eyes downright lethal. “I can’t believe that I was kidnapped and held hostage, and all you can worry about is whether or not I went to see IKE today.”
“Did you?” I asked, needing to know.
“I’m not answering that.”
“Because you were with him?”
“Because I shouldn’t have to. You should trust me. But I forgot. That’s something you don’t know how to do.”
“I do trust you. What I kept from you was never about trust!”
“Then tell me about your brother,” she snapped.
I stopped instantly, feeling like my back was up against the wall. “No.”
“Because you don’t trust me.”
“Because it’s not something I want to share.”
“You shared it with her.”
“Only because she was intertwined with the senator,” I argued.
“You already talked to the press about it.”
“And I said all I was willing to say,” I argued, hating that she was trying to dig deeper into things that I would rather leave in the past. Couldn’t she see that this was an old wound that I didn’t want to pick at?
“So, open up to me. Talk to me about that.”
“I—I can’t.”
“You want to know about what I went through just days ago, yet you’re not willing to tell me about something that happened years ago?”
“It’s—Fuck! Why do you need to know?”
Tears filled her eyes as she slowly shook her head. “If you don’t know that, then this will never work.”
“You’re right,” I said, knowing this was the end of the line. “This won’t work.”
I knew it wasn’t just about my brother. I would be defending myself until the end of time. I’d messed up too much in the beginning, and it would haunt me for the rest of my life if I stayed with her. I loved her, but I didn’t want her constantly questioning me for the mistakes I made in the beginning of our relationship.
“Kavanaugh, I wanted it to work.”
“It’s not your fault,” I told her honestly. I stared up at the ceiling, wishing I had the words to make it right. “I wish I had done so much differently.”
“Me too,” she snorted out a laugh.
I pulled her into my arms, my heart breaking as I held her. Fuck, I was going to miss her. Her smiles and those bright green eyes. Everything about her was so magnetic. She had once been my best friend, but maybe that was the point. Maybe sometimes you couldn’t go back.
“I’m gonna miss you,” I whispered.
Her arms wrapped around my back and held on tight. “Me too.”
Pressing a kiss to her head, I asked, “Are you going to be alright?”
“I’ll be fine,” she sniffed, pulling back from me.
“I mean with the dreams.”
She shrugged, which told me she wouldn’t, but she would push through. “What about you? Are you going to be okay?”
“Well, you’ll probably still receive texts from me every hour. Make sure you answer them.”
“I will.”
“And if you need me, call me.”
Her head jerked as tears spilled down her cheeks. “Where will you go?”
“Don’t worry about me. I have plenty of places to go.”
As she swiped at her cheeks, I took one last moment to memorize the delicate features of her face. God, I was going to fucking miss her.
“I’ll still see you.”
I nodded, but knew she would stay as far away as possible. “Take care of yourself.”
“You too.” I turned on my heel and headed down the stairs.
Bowie was sitting in his chair, shaking his head at me. “I told you not to mention IKE.”