29. Isla
29
ISLA
Sighing, I tilted my head back into the warmth of the shower. Okay, I would admit it. IKE had helped me relax, and yes, I needed it. I didn’t want to acknowledge how badly I needed the escape, not when he was always so put together. Nothing was hard for him. He seemed to bounce back from everything.
We were locked in a shipping container for days on end, and when we were released from the hospital, he was back on the street, watching me from his car. As uncomfortable as that was, he didn’t let it stop him from doing anything. And I envied that. So, yeah, I wanted to prove that I didn’t need the break, that I didn’t need to forget about my shitty problems for a few days and just let him take over.
Why was I so willing to let IKE take over when I couldn’t with Kavanaugh? I bit my lip as I tried to figure that one out. I didn’t really have an answer. Maybe it was how each of them went about it to begin with. Did it really matter at this point? I wasn’t with Kavanaugh anymore. I was with IKE, and he was the one who brought me out of the slump I was sure to fall into if I had rushed into finding Shawn the moment we left the hospital.
I shut the water off when my skin began to prune. I couldn’t stand under the spray for another minute, not just because the water was starting to cool, but because my legs hurt from all the ways IKE bent me over last night.
I heard my phone going off in the other room and almost ignored it, but Riley was the only one who would be calling and she hadn’t heard from me since I went on this crazy hunt for Shawn. I wrapped the towel around my body and rushed out to grab it.
“Before you yell at me?—”
“You were drugged? And I had to hear about it from Bowie after three days?” she yelled.
“I was incapacitated.”
“You better have been. Why didn’t your boy toy call me?”
“Um—”
“That better not be your answer. Seriously, I could have kept you safer.”
“In what way?”
I heard her huff on the other end. “I don’t know. I would have sniffed your drink or something.”
“The guy put a patch on the back of my neck.”
“Well, then I would have run my tongue over your skin.”
“That’s a little weird.” I walked over to the bed and plopped down on it. We were leaving soon and I still had to pack. If IKE came in and I was still sitting around, he would give me that look.
“Are you even listening to me?”
“What?”
“What?” she repeated in that deadly tone that Mom always used.
“Uh-oh. It must be really serious. You’re starting to sound like?—”
“Don’t you even say it,” she snapped. “You know, if I had been drugged, I would have had the common courtesy to send a greeting card.”
“It’s not really greeting card worthy.”
“You don’t think? I would say so. At the very least, you should have sent a postcard.”
“Well, as interesting as this argument is, I really have to pack so I can come home. Then you can yell at me in person.”
“You can’t even spare me the time while you pack?”
I looked down at myself, still in a towel. “I just got out of the shower. I’m dripping wet.”
“Hey, I didn’t tell you to track down the man who tried to blow you up.”
Sighing, I put her on speakerphone and tossed it on the bed. “Fine, but you’re going to have to deal with me moving around the room. So, what’s going on there?”
“It’s horrible. I’m being forced to live in this really creepy house. It’s huge.”
“How huge?”
“Mansion-sized.”
I snorted, grabbing my clothes out of the drawers. “Yeah, I can see why you would hate that.”
“Did you know that at one point, all of them lived here? Isn’t that weird?”
“You’re weird.”
“Ooh, good comeback. Anyway, it’s strange. They all hang out here and use it as a frat house.”
“Then you should be having fun.”
“I would be if I was on vacation or something. They’re all so suffocating. They won’t let me leave the house. I tried to go to the store the other day and I was told I couldn’t because I was on lockdown.”
“Well, there is a notorious criminal organization after Shawn.”
“Okay, and what does that have to do with me?”
“Well, if they can’t get to Shawn, they’ll get to me. And if they can’t get to me?—”
“Yeah, yeah. They’ll come after me. Let them come. I’ll take them down. I’m not afraid of a few wannabe posers.”
I couldn’t help but chuckle at her description of the Irish. Her takedown of Big Susie in the third grade could hardly count as a fight. I finished folding my clothes and started dressing in the warmest thing I had. As I hoisted up my jeans, I noted how loose they felt. And while that normally would be welcomed, the reasoning behind the weight loss was not a recommended method of treatment.
“Did you hear me? Geez, it’s like you’re not even listening,” Riley complained.
“Yeah, I heard you,” I said, still distracted as I pulled on my bra and then my shirt, trying to ignore the way my ribs protruded just a little more than they usually did. Crap, I really needed to fix this, but how did you change a loss of appetite?
“Just get back here and solve this thing so I can get back to my life, ‘kay?”
“Yeah.”
“Isles?”
I shook my head, distracted and a little worried. My hands shook as I felt flutters in my chest. My head started to pound and the room started to sway.
I fumbled for the phone, wanting to get off before she suspected anything. “Riley, I—have to go.”
My fingers slid over the screen, desperately trying to end the call. I sucked in a breath as I closed my eyes and tried to focus on what I needed to do. Just end the call. Opening my eyes, I tapped the red button over and over until it finally ended the call. Then I stood and shook out my hands.
“You’re fine. You’re fine,” I repeated, walking across the room. I took a deep breath and then another. “It’s nothing. There’s nothing wrong.”
But the problem was, the more I told myself that, the worse the pounding got. My chest burned with each breath and the room swayed harder. Tears pricked my eyes. What the hell was happening to me? Fear worked its way up my spine inch by inch as an image flashed in my mind. I was walking, trying to reach IKE. I knew I needed to get to him, but everything was spiraling out of control.
I stumbled into the corner, bracing myself against the wall as I curled up, pressing my forehead to my knees. I could see the stairs in front of me, the way they tilted in front and seemed to split in two. I didn’t know which set to take.
I pressed my hands to the sides of my head as the pounding intensified. What the hell was going on? I was so hot, so freaking hot. I gasped for air, but got nothing. I vaguely heard my name being called, but couldn’t concentrate on anything other than the desperate need for just a small hint of oxygen.
And then he was there, kneeling in front of me with those intense blue eyes, staring at me the same way he had the night he rescued me from the explosion. He was saying something, but all I saw was his lips moving.
Breathe.
Breathe.
Breathe.
He gripped both of my arms in his, hauling me to my feet. The room spun around me, colors swirled, and the band around my chest tightened painfully. My whole left side felt like it was going numb. Oh God, was I having a heart attack? My eyes fluttered as my body started to give out. My weak legs could no longer hold me up, and not even the strong arms gripping me could keep me from flopping like a spaghetti noodle.
The darkness started to claim me, and as it did, peace settled inside me, clearing out the chaos of the swirling lights. I welcomed it, even if only for a little while, just to feel like I could escape to a new reality where no one was trying to kill me.
Stretching, I rolled over in the dark room and stared out the window. It was pitch black outside. Rubbing my eyes, I sat up, kicking the covers off as I searched for the clock on the nightstand. It was gone. What the hell? I flipped on the light, wincing at the brightness.
“You’re awake.”
I jumped at the sound of his voice. “Jesus,” I whispered, pressing a hand to my racing heart. “You scared the crap out of me.”
“Clearly.” His voice was rough like he’d swallowed sandpaper.
I turned to him and stared at him sitting in the corner chair, sipping a drink. “Why are you sitting in the dark?”
He didn’t say anything. He just sat there, swirling the drink in his glass.
“IKE, what’s going on?”
He huffed slightly, his lips curling at the corners. “You fucking passed out on me. That’s what’s going on.”
Okay…Well, that wasn’t a reason to be mad. “It was just a panic attack or something. Weren’t we supposed to leave?” I asked, getting up from the bed. I grabbed my suitcase and tossed it back on top of the covers, ready to get on the road.
“I told the guys we’d wait until morning.”
“Why?”
His gaze snapped up to meet mine. “Because you were passed out,” he said slowly. He set down the drink and rose to his full height. “As in not conscious. As in, fucking dead to the world.”
I rolled my eyes at his dramatics. “I wasn’t dead to the world. I was?—”
He grabbed me by the arms suddenly, shaking me. “Don’t fucking joke around with me. You didn’t see the terror on your face. You didn’t have to watch helplessly as someone you love just slipped away. Do you have any fucking idea what that felt like?”
Before I could answer, he pulled me flush against his chest, squeezing the life out of me. I closed my eyes, trying my hardest not to cry or let any emotions get in. If I did, what would happen? Would that bring up things better left behind? I couldn’t handle the emotional upheaval right now. I needed stability.
“IKE, I’m fine. I’m…I’m good.”
“You’re not fucking fine,” he hissed, his voice cracking. “I thought—” He pushed away from me, shoving his hand through his hair as he stormed across the room. When he ran out of space, he turned suddenly and faced me. “You should have fucking told me.”
I stared at him, unsure of what to say. “Told you what?”
“Told me that you weren’t okay. This doesn’t work if you’re not honest with me.”
“I was being honest with you,” I snapped. “I was okay. Nothing happened until yesterday. I was packing and—” I cut myself off, not wanting to think about the very thing that sent me into a tailspin.
“You what?”
I frowned, shaking my head.
“Isla, tell me.”
He wouldn’t stop asking. I knew he would pester me until he knew everything. “I was getting dressed and…my pants didn’t fit. They were too baggy. And my ribs are sticking out,” I admitted, ducking my head. “And I realized that I’m losing weight because…because of a lot of things. And I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t have an appetite—probably from the overdose—and I can’t just stop having nightmares. It doesn’t work that way. So, there’s a lot of shit going on right now. And obviously, it’s affecting me, but I didn’t realize how much until I saw it with my own eyes. And I just flipped out.”
Sighing heavily, he strode over to me and wrapped me in his arms. There was nothing better than being right here, but it wasn’t like I could just stay cocooned in his body for the rest of my life. I had to actually live it.
“We’ll work on that.”
“How?”
“First, we’ll fix the problem with Shawn. Then we’ll get you out.”
I brushed my nose against his chest, inhaling deeply. I loved the scent of his shirts. I wasn’t sure if he used cologne or not, but he always had this certain smell to him that I just wanted to wrap around me. It made me feel safe and warm.
“Are you smelling me?”
“Maybe.”
“Why?”
“Because I like the way you smell,” I mumbled, digging in deeper.
He chuckled, digging his fingers into my hair to massage my scalp. “You’re so weird.”
“But you love me.”
He sighed heavily. “Yeah, I do. Come on. Let’s get to bed. We have an early day tomorrow.”
“You’re not going to have sex with me, are you?”
He scoffed. “Just what every guy wants to hear.”
“Well, you sort of bent me in too many ways.”
“Not tonight. I just want to hold you.”
“Just so you know, that’s exactly the type of thing every girl wants to hear.”
“Yeah?”
I bit my lip, nodding as I smiled. “I mean, in real life. In books, we want to hear about the man telling her he’s going to rip her clothes off and make her come with just his tongue.”
“Why is there a difference?”
“Because books aren’t real.”
He grunted, sliding his arm behind my head to pull me close. “And why is it okay in real life to have a man hold you?”
“Because in real life, a woman doesn’t want sex every night.”
He choked out a gasp. “That is something no man ever wants to hear.”
“I think you need to tell your friends. They should really know.”
“That might kill them all.”
I swiveled my head and looked up at him. “Well, you said you didn’t want that many friends.”