19
Raina
I WAS A COWARD.
I have never been good at this—managing my feelings, emotions whatever you want to call it—especially when it came to romantic ones. My last try at a relationship was two years ago, and we’d started working at NexGen together. It lasted long enough for us to go out on a date before it became awkward, and I avoided him. My therapist had described my attachment style as… unique. I was self-aware yet still bound by my avoidance tendencies, and then I would wake up on a random Saturday, and I’d be ready to deal with them. It wasn’t a huge surprise why. The men in my life—my Granddad, Dad and my brothers—were always larger than life and the main focus of my family. They all were strong voices, each one louder than thunder and early on, I’d realised there was no outshining them. You just had to raise your own storm if you wanted them to listen.
For years, I was able to. But after one too many heartbreaks, I started yearning to be just there on the periphery. It kept my heart safe, and it kept me out of the spotlight. But in the end, I still wanted more for myself, and I did the work to help myself.
It was hard to admit the obvious, but Oliver saw me even when I tried to hide. And after he told me about his dad, I felt the thunder in me. The need to open up, the need to let someone in. We shared that moment, but once I was left to my own mind, I couldn’t help but wonder. What if it crashes and burns like it always did?
I stared at my reflection in the mirror, the tiredness evident in my eyes. I was in the office today—that’s how much I was avoiding these feelings. I’d rather be in the depths of discomfort in the office compared to the fleeting ease of home.
Fleeting because Rihaan was still around, and when he was, it was not for more than a minute. I paused as the realisation flooded me, and a low, sardonic huff escaped me.
Dear lord, I was turning into my brother.
I gave myself one final look before grabbing my stuff and walking out. There was nothing ordinary about the NexGen Campus. Coloured LED lighting hanging down from the tall ceiling in blue and green—our brand colours—huge screens displaying different campaigns with athletes from various sports, celebrities from some of the beloved TV shows and movies, and entertainers from across the country. As I made my way down to the media centre, I noticed everything in a different light, even though nothing had changed.
Except for me.
Brushing away the thought, I spotted Ophelia, who was walking away as if she was running a marathon. I’d worked with her before once—according to her—because I have no memory of it. A part of me told me that she didn’t either, and the salty behaviour was because I was replacing her friend, and not the fact that we didn’t hit it off when we worked before but I ignored it.
I was running on four hours of sleep, thanks to the hurricane circling my mind, and it was a Monday. I don’t think the latter needed an explanation. My mind was running through my to-do list when I was in the team meeting, making sure I did my handover in the most detailed way to help the team, but that also meant accidentally agreeing to overlook a random campaign for NexGen and ECB when Hazel asked.
Only it wasn’t a random thing. She’d ignored my suggestion of taking my lead on how I dealt with this transition and asked me to be a part of the Christmas shoot happening today.
And ECB stands for English Cricket Board.
The shoot was a campaign for our cricket channels.
To Hazel, somehow, the fact that I loved Christmas enough to start talking about it as soon autumn started felt like a good reason for me to be both an observer and moral support.
So here I was, making my way to the studio, and even before I had a chance to look at the list of players, I knew I’d be running into him. At this point, I expected this.
And as I rounded the corner, there he was.
Oliver leaned back against the wall, his eyes focused on the floor below him.
He wore a simple navy polo jumper over a white shirt and those smart trousers that I may or may not have thought about way too many times. His hands were tucked in his trousers, and annoyance ran through me.
Why couldn’t he just be like like the rest of the guys that surrounded him? All in different shades of the same lounge wear set. At least then, I’d find a way to reason with myself about being attracted to him.
He’s a cricketer.
A voice in my head reasoned, and I sighed. True. If that didn’t put me off, I really doubt anything else would.
By the time my eyes trailed back to his face, his eyes were already on me with an expression that told me that he wasn’t expecting me but instead hoping for me. A small smile on his lips, with concern in his eyes told me he’d noticed my disappearing act but still was happy to see me.
Ophelia didn’t bother greeting anyone, just small nods as she opened the door and walked into the studio.
I frowned at her retreating figure, which only deepened as the rest of them followed quietly, chatting in their own groups.
“Hey, stranger. Fancy seeing you here,” Oliver’s voice was low but soft, and a chill ran down my spine. “You left early today. I had a full plan on offering you a ride.”
Guilt gnawed at me as I met his eyes. “Sorry.”
He frowned. “You look tired.”
I shook my head, but a yawn escaped me, and amusement danced in his eyes.
“You were saying?”
“I came in to get a head start on the day,” I nudged him to walk, not wanting to be the only ones left outside. “And I’ve been in meetings pretty much since I got in, so blame them.”
Oliver opened the door for us but leaned down as I walked past him. “Good to know it wasn’t because you were avoiding me.”
I tried to keep my expression neutral, but his warm breath brushed my ear and made my brain short-circuit for half a second, almost tripping me.
“Woah, Gorgeous. Don’t go falling for me just yet.”
I blinked, focusing on the way his hands gently held me.
What the hell was wrong with me today?
“Give me a minute,” I exhaled, and he immediately took his hands back, making me miss the contact. I closed my eyes before pulling my shoulders back and mentally preparing myself for what was already a long day, and it was barely mid-day.
“You okay?” He asked once I looked at him.
“I am, but I need to focus today,” I glanced at the door next to us as it opened, and a group of girls walked in, all in the same lounge wear as I spotted earlier. As they walked in further, I spotted the ECB emblem on their sleeves. “How come you aren’t wearing your official gear?”
He shrugged, his eyes still trailing my face as though he was trying to memorise it. “I’m special.”
You are.
His brows raised slightly, making me realise I’d said that out loud, and I looked away.
I give up with today.
I sighed, defeated and walked away from him. However, I felt his gaze on me the entire time. When I turned around, the door opened again, and this time it was Rihaan who walked in. He was also dressed in his casual clothes, a green half-zipper pullover sweater paired with the trousers that matched Oliver’s.
He glanced around the room enough to spot Oliver and walked towards him, his posture instantly relaxing around him.
“Alright, that’s everyone,” Ophelia stated from somewhere in the corner, and I took a step further back, taking the chance to hide behind everything and observe.
It was exactly what I needed.
Two hours later, we were halfway through the shoot before they called for a break, and I hate to admit it, but it wasn’t as useless as I thought. I’d realised that Ophelia and the production team had a system. They all responded well to the straightforward let’s just focus on the job attitude, but I couldn’t tell if that’s what they preferred. I saw the campaign and saw the sport, but to me, it felt like the human connection was missing.
So, I spent time making notes on each player, their personality or the persona they shared on the camera and who worked well with each other while also looking at them on socials to create their personas. It may seem like a small, tedious thing, but I knew that when it came to what my role would need to deliver, I would need these details right away to make sure I only worked with players who had the synergy for the content style.
However, the one person I was surprised with was Oliver. As soon as the spotlights went on him, confidence poured out of him as he plastered a cheeky grin and posed in front of the cameras, his charm evident in each shot. But even when he was without them, he got along with everyone, able to blend himself in big groups or make conversations with others easily. It wasn’t just his peers; the media and his fans all loved him equally. Knowing that he had looked me up made it much easier to look him up without any guilt, and the details made me grateful.
And more often than not, when my eyes searched for him, his were already on me though he never looked away first.
I dropped Hazel a note that I’d gotten what I could from the shoot before I started wrapping up my things to go back up.
“Hey,” I heard a voice next to me, making me jump. “Sorry.”
I turned around to Oliver standing so near, I felt the warmth of his presence hug me as his eyes searched mine with an amused expression.
“You going for lunch?” He asked, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“No, I had an early brunch just before the shoot. I’m gonna go back to work,” I replied, as I noticed a loose thread on his Christmas jumper and as though I’d done it before a hundred times, I reached out to pull it off. He stilled under my touch but stayed silent. “I’m sorry I’ve gone quiet on you.”
The guilt had stayed with me the whole time I watched him work effortlessly, so I couldn’t help but take the chance to voice it.
“It’s okay,” He replied softly, and a knot loosened a little in my chest. He shifted, his hand finding mine for a minute, like it was more for him rather than me, before he let go. “I’m not going anywhere just because you get in your head.”
His amber eyes held on so much sincerity and understanding, and the overwhelming feeling was back, flooding me. He had so much going on for him, yet somehow, he was still standing here, repeating the same words he had said only days before without so much of a question or without me having to ask. It made me feel like I could finally breathe while making me question everything all at the same time.
“You should go with them for lunch, it gets quite busy in the cafeteria,” I gestured to the door and saw Rihaan watching us with curious eyes. But as his eyes met mine, he looked away and followed everyone out.
“Is he the reason why you’re overthinking?” I looked at Oliver, his head over his shoulder as he watched Rihaan’s disappearing figure.
“Part of it,” I replied, honestly.
He gave me a look to continue, and I shook my head.
“Not here.”
He stared at me for a heartbeat, two, before nodding.
“Will you be done by the time we are?”
“I’m not too sure.”
“Here,” He pulled out his phone. “I’ll text you.”
A smile played on my lips as I programmed my number in his phone, before calling myself so I’d have his too.
“If I am here, can I take you home?”
“Yes.”
“Then, I’ll be here.”
Something told me that he’d be there even if it took me hours after he was done.
And when I walked downstairs three hours later, he was waiting for me in the reception, scrolling mindlessly on his phone. When he noticed me walking up to him, his eyes lit up as he told me he hadn’t been waiting long without realising Ophelia came back up the minute the shoot was over.
An hour ago.