Giddy Up, Daddy (Dirty Daddies 2024 Anthology #5)

Chapter 16

Chapter Sixteen

Elle

I don’t leave the house for nearly a week after the perfect yet disastrous date with Bo and Nate. I don’t answer any of Sadie’s calls or texts, and I skip my job interview, because what’s the point? I wasn’t cut out to be a working girl.

Will I lose my apartment and stipend because of it? It’s possible. I don’t really know. But I don’t think it matters. Everything considered, I still like it here and still don’t want to go back to New York, but I also don’t think I can stay.

I remember what Bo said about most of the beefcakes being together, and Blue River turning into a community for throuples, at least in part. That pretty much cinches that my future is not here, because if I could be with two men, I wouldn’t be in bed crying with a week's worth of junk food wrappers around me.

There’s nothing on the few cable channels I get that I haven’t already seen three thousand times by this point, so I shut off the television and throw myself back against the pillows. I grab the one from beside me, throw it over my face and scream into it.

I’ve barely finished when the doorbell rings. Sitting up, I freeze, listening for the sound. Was it even my doorbell? Aside from whoever assigns apartments, and Sadie, Bo and Nate are the only ones who would know where I live. Could it be them? I check the clock. It’s the middle of the afternoon. Sadie would still be at work. Shit.

Quickly, I gather up all the wrappers and run to throw them in the bathroom garbage. In the bathroom, I catch a glimpse of myself and shrink back. I look like hell. When was the last time I even showered. Or washed my face? Fuck.

The doorbell rings again, and I let out a frazzled scream in response. I grab my hairbrush, and run it through my snarled locks, then wet a washcloth and scrub my face before patting it dry. I’m not sure it's an improvement at all, but I quickly brush my teeth, pinch my cheeks to bring color back into them, and douse myself with expensive perfume—far more than I usually wear. Hopefully it will hide the stink.

Is it really them? Could it be? I don’t see any other options and the reality both thrills and terrifies me. Ripping off the old t-shirt I’ve been living in, I throw on a cashmere sweater and a pair of jeans, but add slippers instead of shoes to hopefully help give the idea that I’ve just been chilling in my apartment in my fancy casual. When I’m assured I’ve done all I can with the current time crunch, I huff out a breath.

“Coming!” I call out. My stomach is in knots as I tiptoe toward my front door. I’m about to look out the peephole when the pounding starts.

“Elle, dammit, I know you’re in there! Open the door, the neighbors are starting to stare!”

Sadie. It’s Sadie. Ignoring the heavy disappointment weighing me down, I smile and pull the door open.

“Geesh girly, impatient much?”

She ignores me, pushing past me and bulldozing her way into my apartment. “Well maybe if you’d bothered answering your phone, I wouldn’t have had to consider calling out a search party,” she huffs, slamming the door and plopping onto my oversized thrift- store couch.

“My phone’s dead.” It’s not a lie. It died last night and I didn't bother to plug it in. “But as you can see, I’m fine. So no search party needed. And you can go.” I sink down on the couch beside her and try to appear normal. But suddenly I can smell myself and I really need a shower.

“Bullshit.” Sadie scoffs, then leans over and lifts a string of my hair. “No offense sweetie, but I’ve never seen you looking this bad. Your hair is greeeeasy. You’re not wearing makeup, not even mascara, which is unheard of…”

Dammit. She’s right. I should have at least put on mascara and lip gloss. Ugh. How had I let myself get this bad? And over a man?

No, not a man, I correct silently. Two men. As if somehow that makes it better.

Sadie continues. “I’m pretty sure your teeth probably have stuff growing on them. I know you pulled those clothes on like five minutes ago while I was laying on your doorbell, and Elle, I love you dearly, but you kind of stink.”

How. Rude. “What? Ugh! That’s so mean!”

“And true.” Sadie jumps to her feet and grabs my hand. I don’t even have it in me to fight with her, so I let her pull me to the bathroom, and sit on the toilet lid while she fills my garden tub with water and adds some of my fancy bubble bath from back home. I eye it suspiciously, but the truth is, I long for a nice relaxing soak. I’ve been craving one for days, but there was a part of me, a big part, that told myself I didn’t deserve it. The other parts didn’t have the energy to argue.

“I can draw my own bath, Sadie,” I say, even though I’m secretly pleased she’s come to save me from myself.

“Yeah, current evidence suggests otherwise.” She rolls her eyes and shuts off the water, then points at the tub, which is now covered with bubbles and has steam rising up from it. “In. Soak for at least an hour and clean yourself up. And then we’ll talk.”

“I’m good. I appreciate you, and this, really, but you can go home.” I stand, but make no move to undress.

Sadie glares at me. “Shut up.” And before I can think of a comeback, she closes the door and leaves me alone.

The bath is really nice, and the sweet gesture combined with my already turbulent emotions means I sit in there and have a good cry, but when I finally come out, dressed in fresh pajamas over an hour later, Sadie is in my kitchen, pulling takeout containers out of a plastic bag.

The table is set for two, and there's a bottle of my favorite wine in the center of the table. I grab for it and examine the label. It's the real thing. “Wow,” I marvel, “I didn’t even think you could get this here.”

Elle grins. “You can’t. I special-ordered it two days ago.”

She’s already opened it to let it breathe and I grab it and pour it into a waiting wineglass, until it's nearly full to the top. The scent tickles my nostrils and brings back memories and feelings of home. And somehow, just the scent of the wine and the sight of Sadie in my kitchen makes me feel loads better.

“Thank you. I really needed that.” I pull her into an impromptu hug.

“You’re welcome.” She pulls back, holds me by the shoulders and smiles. “I know you would have done the same for me. Now sit, and eat. And tell me everything.”

I sigh, take a sip of wine, and plop into a wooden chair that still needs a pad when I get around to it. There are so many thoughts swirling around in my brain, and though I love her, there’s a tiny part of me that’s still mad at her.

“Why didn’t you tell me about the throuples? That it’s like a thing here.”

She glares at me. “I tried to tell you about Bo, but you didn’t want to hear it. And I don’t see why it’s a big deal, enough for you to hide out in your house like a freaking hermit and not take care of yourself.”

I ignore the implied question and continue pouting. “Are there any single men here that aren’t part of a throuple? Or did you get the only one?”

Sadie narrows her eyes suspiciously, then shrugs. “I don’t know. It’s not like I was around surveying men.” She mimics holding a microphone and speaking into it. “Excuse me, Sir. Can I ask: Are you bisexual? Do you have a boyfriend and are you looking to be part of a throuple?” She rolls her eyes. “Get real.”

I dig into the salmon she’s set in front of me. It’s as good as the first time I had it, but even it’s tainted by the memories of what I can’t have. Tears well in my eyes and I laugh pathetically at myself. “I can’t believe I’m crying about salmon,” I scoff, picking it apart with my fork.

Sadie grabs my arm. “You’re crying about salmon?” she repeats incredulously. “Okay, Elle, what is going on? And tell me everything .”

It feels good to not be the only one having to hear my crazy thoughts and memories, so I do. I tell her the whole damn story, starting with my dad’s threat and ending with them talking about forever and me leaving. Every goddamned detail.

“Whoa,” she says when I finally finish. “Elle, I had no idea. I thought you were mad because you hadn’t realized there were two of them, and that I hadn’t told you. I had no idea you were dealing with—” She waves her arm around. “All this.”

“Yeah.” I sniffle, and take a bite of salmon. With the saltiness of my tears on my lips and the lump in my throat, it now tastes a bit like sawdust. “So… I think I need to leave Blue River, but I don't know where to go. I can't go back to New York. Not yet. Not like this.”

“So why go anywhere? You’ve got a pretty good setup here. I get that it's no upper-east-side penthouse, but they are paying you to live here.”

“If they don’t revoke the offer because I skipped my job interview.”

Sadie sighs. “Oh, Elle. Why would you do that?”

I shrug, but the tears are already flowing again. “Because, Sadie, I’m going to suck at it. I’m not cut out for anything. I wasn’t raised to have a job, or even a career. I was raised to host parties, lunch with socialites, and keep a husband happy. Whatever job they give me, I’m gonna suck at, and I just don’t think I can take that right now.”

Sadie growls. She actually growls, and jumps up from her chair, pacing in front of the table. “That’s bullshit,” she cries. “I’m sorry, Elle. I’m so sorry that you were raised to think so little of yourself, but you are not useless, and you will not fuck everything up. And as far as this whole trust thing goes, just… fuck your dad. Seriously, fuck him.” She stops pacing and crosses her arms over her chest. “Don’t you just… don’t you want to show him you don’t need his fucking money or his stupid expectations?”

“I can’t,” I say, and although her words give me a glimmer of hope, I really don’t have any. “I am who I am. It’s too late to be anyone else. I like nice things and I don’t know who I am aside from who I was told to be.”

“That’s bullshit.” She grabs my arms and hauls me out of my chair, into the living room and over to a huge framed mirror I’ve hung on the wall. It’s my favorite item in the whole apartment. She stands me in front of it, and goes behind me. Gripping my shoulders, she gives me a little shake. “You don’t know who you are?” she yells. “Well then, listen the fuck up, because I do. You are Elle Cordelia freaking Winston. You are beautiful inside and out. You are smart, and funny, and compassionate, and you can do or be any damn thing you set your mind to. And fuck anyone who tries to tell you otherwise.”

Her speech makes me smile, and I chuckle lightly. At least I’ve got her. But I don’t really believe it.

“Say it. Say it loud.”

She gives me another shake and I pull away, annoyed.

“Say what?”

“Say ‘fuck them’.”

“Geez, okay, fuck them,” I mutter.

“Say it like you mean it.” I’ve never seen Sadie like this. She’s really on fire, so much so that I’m afraid not to do what she says. “Fuck them,” I say, a little louder this time.

“Fuck ‘em!” she screams behind me.

Her enthusiasm and passion are contagious and this time I scream it too, then dissolve into laughter.

“Good.” Sadie smiles. “Now tell them who you are.”

“I’m Elle freaking Winston.” I still feel silly, but saying the words out loud does help.

“That’s right. You’re Elle freaking Winston and you can be whoever and whatever you want to be,” Elle announces.

I scoff. I don’t even know what that means, really. Not for me. I’m fast approaching thirty and it feels too late to change who I am now.

Elle doesn’t notice my cynicism and keeps going. “You’re Elle Freaking Winston and you can be whoever and whatever you want!”

She looks at me expectantly and I get that she wants me to repeat it, so I do.

“I’m Elle Freaking Winston and I can be whoever and whatever I want!” It almost sounds like I mean it and as I look at myself in the mirror, I realize I kind of do.

“Good girl.” Elle grins. There’s a twinkle in her eyes that tells me that while yes, she’s being sarcastic, she knows exactly what those words will do to me. “So what do you want to do? Who do you want to be?”

“I don’t know.”

I’m lying. As I look at my reflection, I feel hope for the first time in longer than I can truly remember and I know the answer. I just don’t know if I’m actually good enough or ready to be that person yet. But I will be. I know I can be. And I have Sadie to thank for that.

Turning away from the mirror, I look at my friend and sigh. “Can you help me get my job interview rescheduled?”