Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Kennedy
Alden had been waiting on me hand and foot since I’d opened my eyes. Breakfast in his bed. A long relaxing bath. Carrying me to his couch and setting me up with blankets and snacks. True to his assessment, I was very sore today. The bruises on my legs and waist grew darker and my thigh muscles were taxed from keeping my position on Topaz. I made a mental note to go out and see my sweet horse today. He was likely stressed from his ordeal too.
“Kennedy?”
I raised my head as Alden strode into the living room. His jeans pulled on his muscular thighs as he walked. I failed to keep my gaze off them.
“See something you like?”
“You,” I said matter-of-factly. “What’s on your mind?”
Alden sat next to me on the couch, close enough that I could smell his aftershave, but put space in between us. “Let’s talk.”
Ice pitted my stomach. I knew what he wanted to talk about: the conversation we’d put off last night. We’d been avoiding it so far this morning, but we couldn’t keep doing that. “Is Wyatt your boyfriend?”
“He’s getting back to me but I’m ready to give our relationship a chance. All three of us. He’s been denying the possibility for almost as long as you have.”
I raised my eyebrows. He wasn’t wrong, but I wasn’t going to admit it. “You think we’ve been fawning over you in private?”
“Tell me you haven’t.”
“Still so cocky. Doesn’t it get annoying lugging your ego around?”
Alden rubbed a hand across his mouth. “Not cocky, darlin’. I’ve seen the writing on the wall, but I didn’t want to push you into something you weren’t ready for.”
“But in doing that we have been circling and not getting our needs met.”
“Yes, I realize that now. Last summer was–”
“Amazing?”
“Don’t interrupt me. As much as I wanted to spend time with you, watching you drink yourself stupid bothered me.”
Scowling, I crossed my arms across my chest. He was correct. I consumed more alcohol in the span of a few weeks last summer then I’d ever drank before. I’d been longing for connection, stability, and security. None of those things I’d been able to fashion for myself. No. I’d been walking around with a gaping hole, filling it with margaritas instead. Alden had spent a lot of time picking my drunk ass up from the bar. He’d been patient. Bringing me home and taking care of me. More than once I’d shown up at his ranch begging and settling for crumbs. No, that wasn’t entirely true because he had no idea that I wanted the whole cake. I’d never hinted at more since I hadn’t been able to voice my issues. Not to him. It was something Wyatt and I had in common. Strangely enough, I’d confided in Wyatt. We spent hours in random meadows on oversized picnic blankets laying on our backs, staring at the sky. Every shooting star became a wish we hoped would come true. My closeness with Wyatt was how I knew he had a lot of his own issues with intimacy and relationships. And though I loved him in many of the same ways I loved Alden, coming out of a bad marriage, I needed something different. I had enough of my own baggage. I couldn’t shoulder Wyatt’s as well, and I couldn’t put all of our issues on Alden. It wouldn’t be fair.
“If you’re with Wyatt you don’t have room for me in your life,” I said as if that would explain some of the crap in my head. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t.
“Don’t start throwing excuses and reasons for not being together before we’re official.”
I sighed. Alden was making it really hard not to give in to what we both wanted deep down, but I knew I had to be strong. The three of us were great as friends. In a relationship, though? I was too afraid of what might happen. “I’m prioritizing my happiness. I’ll never be placed on the back burner again for anyone.”
“I’m adept at balancing. No matter what the two of you toss at me. I can handle it. I’ll prioritize both of you.”
Staring at him for longer than appropriate, I shoved the blankets off and crawled into his lap. He allowed me the moment, settling me on his thighs.
“I want to believe you, Alden. Do you honestly think the three of us are compatible enough to be in a relationship?”
“Yes, babygirl. I do.”
Fuck.
My heart drummed heavily against my chest from the sweet pet name. He was serious about us. Well, what did I have to lose?
Your heart. Your independence. Your friendship with Alden and Wyatt in one swoop. Wyatt could throw our relationship away with one reckless decision. I wasn’t perfect but I typically thought through my actions most of the time.
Alden was looking at me like he could see right through me, past the words on my lips, into the desires of my heart. It made me feel like I couldn’t breathe, and like I needed to run, to deflect, to do what I always did when backed up against a wall. I changed the conversation back to what was comfortable. Being a brat.
“I won’t bow down and kiss your boots, Alden.”
“You will if I tell you to polish them first,” he said softly. There was a sadness in his voice and on his face, like he knew exactly what I was doing. He let me do it anyway, then gently brought the conversation back around. “But I’m not really into ordering my partners about without reason. You could use a Daddy. I’d be honored if you let me step into that role for you.”
I brushed his hair back from his face, gazing into the perfect blue irises. Dominance oozed from his pores but I’d never delved deeply into the topic of dynamics. And if I was going to entertain the idea of a throuple with him and Wyatt, even for a second, I should at least make sure I had all the information. At least that’s what I was telling myself.
“I’m open to the idea of having a Daddy. Is there discipline involved?”
“Yes, I believe you’d benefit from my brand of it.”
“You mean spanking.” It wasn’t a question.
Alden nodded. “Yes, but that’s only part of it. I don’t always respond with physical correction. Unless it’s something serious like leaving the latch unlocked.”
I squirmed against the cushions remembering our exchange yesterday. Alden hadn’t brought up physical punishment. I’d almost challenged him to correct me that way. So, why had I asked him about his strap? It was not something I wanted to experience. Or was it? “So, you’re going to punish me for not double-checking?”
“I won’t punish you for something that happened prior to you following my rules. However, we will talk about it the next time you practice. Now, tell me something. When’s the last time you were spanked?”
“I don’t remember,” I lied. In our group of friends it was something that was discussed as easily as music and movie choices. I didn’t want to share what happened because I was embarrassed. Alden wasn’t born yesterday though, he saw through my feigned attempt to dodge the question.
“Who spanked you?”
“Logan.”
“Oh! There’s a story there. Come on, darlin’. Tell me.”
“We were all hanging out at Jesse’s. Logan had crafted a new style of paddle recently that he was showing off. It started as fun and games.”
“And then what happened?” Alden asked, chuckling.
“After a few good smacks, I confessed the shit I’d gotten into last summer. He took the information seriously. Then the entire story came out. My friends weren’t happy.” I shrugged as if it were no big deal.
He rubbed a hand across the scruff on his chin. “Logan’s hands are bigger than your pretty little head. His paddles are no laughing matter either. Bet you didn’t sit comfortably for a few days.”
“Not my brightest moment.” Who was I kidding? I felt very sore and very loved. My friends wouldn’t allow me to act reckless if they knew about it. I should have been able to stop my own spiral, but hindsight was twenty-twenty.
“Please be honest with me, darlin’. I’m not going to judge, but I expect the truth.”
“I was embarrassed about the whole thing. I’d rather not discuss my transgressions or any more past bullshit.”
“I own several of Logan’s crafted implements. But I’d much rather use them for fun instead of as a correction tool.”
“Duly noted. I’ve never had a Daddy,” I reiterated. “The level of structure our friends have mentioned to me seems like overkill.”
“Structure should improve all areas of your life. We can talk about it more if you want.”
“So, you’d expect me to call you Daddy and jump when you snap your fingers?”
Alden kissed the corner of my mouth.
“I won’t order you to stand up and sit down three times in a row, touch your toes, and do a jig.”
“I am a very good dancer,” I said matter-of-factly.
He grinned. “We’ll establish rules. You’ll have consequences for not following them. Our boundaries will be taken into consideration. Communication is vital.”
“For me, do you mean something like not going out to the bar without you? Having a sleep schedule? Less drinking?”
“Those are excellent suggestions, but it’s simpler than that.”
Groaning, I rubbed my hands along his pecs. They felt so good underneath my hands, I wanted to touch them without clothing in the way. Everything he did turned me on but I also wanted to be done with this conversation. “Can I distract you from making rules?”
“No, but I’ll let you try.”
“Carry me to your bed. Toss me around and fuck me senseless.”
“You can barely move, babygirl.”
“Since I’m already sore you can practically beat me up and I wouldn’t notice.”
“Rest a little longer, Kennedy. We have plenty of time for naughty things.”
“Fine.”
Alden laid down, pulling me gently on top of him so we could cuddle on the couch. His rough exterior softened as he stroked my hair. He smelled masculine some mixture of Old Spice and his unique scent along with the faint smells of his ranch as if they were baked into his skin. I loved the subtle musk that made me relax deeper. Being in his arms felt like being home.