26. Matt
26
MATT
W e’ve made progress.
I can hardly believe it, but we made actual progress.
She let me in. She was in pain, and probably drugged out, but she let me in for a day. She even asked me to stay longer, in a way. And there was no sex involved.
Managing my expectations is a feat since I want to scream ‘I’m the king of the world’ off the top of my lungs. Cheesy, I know. But it’s who I am.
It’s familiar, unlike this new, sexually devious part of me. I considered myself vanilla, and I was happy with it, but now I have these new needs and ideas I don’t know what to do with.
They make my heart beat faster, but also make me uncomfortable, in a way. They are so far removed from the notions I previously held.
I quickly decide to shoot a text to Connor.
Me:
Any chance you’re free for a beer?
Connor:
When?
Now?
Me:
Yup.
Don’t worry if you can’t, but if you’re free let me know.
Connor:
See you in 15.
He sends me location to the bar close to their house. I grab my wallet and keys and head out.
I arrive first, and he joins me in the brown leather booth a few minutes later.
“Hey, man. Thanks for coming out. Sorry for the late notice.”
“No problem. We were just hanging out around the house.” We each order a beer. “What’s up?”
“Uhm. Things with Natalie . . . progressed.”
“In which way?”
“Well...” I keep the emotional headway to myself, the notion too fragile to let out into the harsh universe. “Our sex has gotten...more adventurous.” Heat creeps up my neck.
“Yeah, you mentioned the breath play. How was that, by the way?” His eyes are supportive, so I take a sip of my beer and put on my big boy pants.
“It was fucking incredible. She went crazy for it, and the trust she gave me made me that much hotter.” He nods in understanding.
“If you both liked it, what’s the problem?”
“It’s not just that.” Once again, my cheeks burn so I clear my throat before continuing. “This week, she was driving me insane. Teasing me with nudes and dropping her panties into my pocket.” I swipe a hand over my face. “She pushed me so far. I wanted to punish her. Needed to punish her.”
“So, what did you do?”
“Uhm...I tied her up,” I look around the bar, “and made her come four times without touching her with anything other than a vibrator.” He lets out a chuckle. “It’s not funny,” I whisper-yell.
“I’m not laughing. This,” he points a finger at his face, “is my proud face.”
I throw a crumpled napkin at his face.
“I’m serious,” he says. “Come on.” He suddenly gets up, drops a twenty onto the table and heads to the door. I follow behind as he gets into his car and motions for me to do the same. Seems like following people in their cars is a thing for me these last couple of weeks.
Not even five minutes later, we park in front of his house.
“Why are we here?” I ask as I close my car door.
“It’s not me who you need talk to about this with. You wouldn’t believe me, anyway.” I stare at his back before heading inside. No idea why I wouldn’t believe him.
“Hi, baby,” he says to Rina and lays a passionate kiss on her lips. She’s left flushed and flustered as she notices me and pulls me into a hug.
“Matt, you’re here!” Eric throws me a high five.
“Just for a little while,” Connor tells him before leading him into the living room, promising he can watch his favorite show if he lets the grown-ups talk for ten minutes.
“What’s up Matt? How are you?” Rina asks.
“Not sure. Your husband tricked me into coming here, so I might be a bit scared?” She laughs, and Connor punches my shoulder. I sit on a stool next to their kitchen island while Rina works on dinner.
“He needs to talk to you,” Connor says. “Mattie here has discovered some new things about himself.” I look between them as a silent conversation transpires. “And he’s dealing with some shame in the process.” Rina’s mouth parts on a silent ‘oh’ like she knows exactly what he’s talking about from these awfully ambiguous sentences.
She looks at me, eyes full of understanding. “I had a hard time myself. You have these needs, these desires, and society tells you it’s wrong to have them.” She gets back to peeling potatoes while Connor steps beside her and joins the prep. “You feel like you shouldn’t have them, like they should remain hidden, while the truth is, they’re nothing to be ashamed about.” Her eyes connect to mine.
“It’s not just shame,” I almost whisper. “It’s also fear. Fear my silly wishes are hurting someone else.”
“Well, are they? Have you, Matt Anderson, ever knowingly done something to another person that the person hasn’t consented to?”
“No.”
“Look, these kinds of things are about trust. Do you trust the other person to make decisions about their body, to tell you what they want and when it gets too much?”
“Yes.”
“Do you trust yourself to respect that?”
“Of course, I do.” I wince. When she puts it that way, it sounds simple.
“Then that’s all there is. I know you, Matt. I know the gentleman you are and strive to be. But can you respect a woman if you don’t respect her desires? If you don’t respect her decisions? If you’re into it, of course. Are you?”
“Yeah, I think I am.” My gaze trails down to the floor.
“I don’t see a problem, then. How is my best friend, by the way?” I huff out a laugh.
“Feeling better.” She gives me a knowing nod and gets back to making dinner.
“I’m going to get out your hair,” I say, standing up.
“You’re free to stay for dinner,” Rina responds.
“Thanks, but I need some time to think this through.” I give her a hug and thank Connor on my way out.
He was right. This conversation with Rina is exactly what I needed.
I know this won’t be the last time the same thoughts bother me, but her words planted themselves inside of me, making me question my previous notions.
My whole life, I’ve been terrified of becoming my dad. As a child, I vowed to myself to treat women in my life with total respect and these new developments rocked that.
Still, Rina’s words made perfect sense. Respecting someone also means respecting their wishes and decisions.
If Connor told me the same thing, I would hear it, but wouldn’t believe it wholeheartedly. After all, how can two men talk about a woman’s experience? But hearing it from her—it meant the world. I don’t know everything about their sex life, but I know Connor is a Dominant, and she is a submissive. I also know she feels loved and respected, even when their sexual scenarios are the total opposite.
Natalie deserves the same. If I want her to open up and trust me, I need to do the same. To let go of the fear and give into what we both want.
On Monday, I come into work with a plan to show her I trust her. Unfortunately, fate has other plans, Natalie is nowhere to be seen.
“Hey, you seen Natalie?” I ask Rina, while she’s working at her desk.
“Oh, she’s at home today. She’s not feeling good.”
“Fuck, is she still in pain?”
“I think she’s better but decided to work from home.” She gives me an apologetic smile.
“Thanks.” I tap her desk and get back to mine.
After work, I grab some Thai food and head to her place. I call her up when I’m in front of her building.
“Let me in. I’m bringing presents again.” She groans into the phone, but the door buzzes and I head inside.
She opens the door, wrapped in a fluffy towel, her hair wet. I stand there dumbfounded by her. No makeup, her hair a wild mess—she’s the most beautiful thing ever.
“You good?” She smirks, noticing my gulp.
“Are you?” I motion to her belly.
“Yup, I’m better, but every once in a while, a cramp hits me, so it was more comfortable to work from home today.”
“Yeah, it makes sense.”
“Are you going to come in?” I realize I’m still standing in the doorway while she’s practically naked. The thought of someone passing by and seeing her like this makes spots appear in my vision. I unclench my jaw and enter her apartment.
“I just got out of the shower,” she says, walking towards her bedroom.
“I can see that.” I clear my throat.
“You like what you see?” She looks back at me, smirking, and I feel relieved she’s feeling better. This is the Natalie I know. Teasing, playful Natalie.
“What do you think?” I play along.
She presses a finger to her chin, pretending to think. “Hmm...I think you were willing to help me with my cramps yesterday.”
I run a hand through my hair. My dick’s already painfully hard, just from the hint of something happening.
“You sure you’re feeling better?” I check again.
She walks toward me, stopping an inch away. Our lips are practically touching when she looks directly into my eyes and says: “I’m sure.”
Our lips connect almost aggressively, my hunger taking over. The towel suddenly becomes redundant. I grab it firmly and pull it off. Her gorgeous nipples are already hard, so I take one into my mouth.
She grabs me by the hair, and the painful burn spurs me on. I lick, nip, and tug at the hardened peaks as her moans fill the room. Pretty much holding her up, I drag her into the bedroom and lay the towel on the bed. I hope she’s not attached to it.
I throw her back onto the mattress and spread her legs wider apart. Suddenly, I feel her resisting, so I look up into her eyes, noticing her wide-open eyes apprehensive.
“M-maybe you can use the toy again? So, you don’t get blood on you?” Her voice is low and insecure, and it pierces into my chest. Natalie doesn’t get shy.
“Is that a question or a request? Because, if you’d let me, I would want nothing more than to eat this pretty pussy.” Her breath hitches as her cheeks redden.
“I think I just want you inside of me.” Thank God. If she wanted me to use the toy, I’d respect it, but my cock is leaking with need, desperate to be inside of her.
“Then that’s what you’ll get, baby.” I press another punishing kiss to her lips, before taking all my clothes off in a rush.
Getting on top of her, I play with her nipples and slide a hand lower to her pussy. Playing with her clit, I make sure she’s wet for me. She’s soaked, so I waste no time before grabbing my dick and slowly thrusting into her.
A breath escapes me as her wet heat grips my cock; she lets out a quiet whimper.
“Does it hurt, baby? You’ll tell me if it hurts?”
“N-no...It’s,” another whimper, “perfect.” I bury myself down to the balls, as I start pumping into her in a slow tempo.
We both moan out as my pace gets faster, and before I know it, we’re sweaty, heaving, and lying on her bed in the aftermath of our orgasms.
I press my lips to hers, this time gentle, playful. She smiles into my mouth, making my skin prickle with goosebumps.
This. Us. It’s more than sex. So much more. It’s everything. If only she’d see it, too.
“Great, now I have to shower again.” I laugh out loud at her joke.
“You don’t have to shower right away; I like you like this.”
“Is that a thing for you, me and your cum?” She smirks, teasing me again. “A breeding kink I don’t know about?”
“Could be. Apparently, there are a lot of kinks I didn’t know I had.”
“So, I showed you the world?” Her eyes are playful and bright. “What a temptress I am, bringing you to the dark side.” She’s joking, but she has no idea how right she is.
If this is the dark side, I don’t ever want to see the light of day again.
Taking the food from the living room, I grab two forks and get back to the bedroom. The water’s turned on in the shower, so I give her some privacy.
“Feeling better?” I ask, as she enters the room wrapped in another towel just as I’m spreading out the food containers.
“Much better.” Her lips turn up, her expression relaxed, and my insides settle.
“Eat.”
“You have a thing for feeding me, too?”
“Oh, I have a thing for doing a lot of things to you. But mainly, I want you happy and sated.” I shrug.
“Well, you’re certainly doing a good job of it.” She chuckles.
We eat in silence, sharing the Pad Thai and the fried rice. It’s devastatingly familiar, like we’ve been doing it for years.
When we’re done, I help her clean up and get dressed, not wanting to overstay my welcome.
I’m at the door when I decide to take a chance.
“This Friday, we’ll take my car after work and head to my place. We’ll eat takeout and have sex all night. There are a lot more things I want to try now that I’ve crossed over to the dark side.”
“Fine,” she responds before shutting the door in my face.
It’s a date, I want to say. But she doesn’t do dates, so I don’t. Still, excitement swirls through me like I’m a kid having his first sleepover.
Friday can’t come fast enough.