Chapter 15
Finn
My knuckles are bleached white from squeezing the granite counter. I’m trying to rein in whatever is happening right now,
but it’s like a waterfall of jealousy washing over me, pelting my shoulders, and I can’t get out from under it.
I made it all the way to Millie’s kitchen before I realized I couldn’t make myself the drink I was craving. A couple of shots
sound good right now, but I settle for a swig of cranberry juice so I can drive the girls home safely.
Everyone at the table is back to talking and laughing, but all I can do is stand here, forcing my breath to return to normal
while my jaw aches from how hard I’m clenching it.
When Millie opened the door this evening with her dazzling smile, realization collided into my heart like a freight train.
I want to be around this woman every day. Her presence feels like the storm clouds are parting. Like the sun is finally shining
over me, brightening my day. And these sporadic moments together aren’t enough.
I’ve loved watching her laugh and talk trash with her friends this evening. They’re so welcoming that it almost feels like
they’re my friends.
But then she announced she has a date on Saturday, and everything in my brain froze like a computer glitch. I couldn’t even refocus on the conversation because my mind was stuck on an image of some lucky asshole watching her across a candlelit table while she smiles for him and teases him with her smart mouth.
I hate it.
Fuck this guy.
“Uncle Finn?” Ave appears next to me and yawns as she leans her head on my hip. “I’m weely sleepy.”
I lift her into my arms, and she drops her cheek onto my shoulder. “Sounds like I need to get you to bed, piccola .”
The term of endearment always reminds me of my sister. My grandparents called Clara “little one” in Italian even in the hospital
after she’d had her own little girls.
I walk into the living room and look toward the Legos, but Eloise isn’t there. Instead, I find her curled up in Millie’s lap,
sound asleep with her face pressed into Millie’s neck.
My breath catches for a moment because Eloise looks so right there. Comfortable enough to go to sleep without me, safe in Millie’s arms.
Millie must feel me watching her and meets my eyes, a soft smile on her lips. She pulls El closer and whispers, “She’s so
sweet, Finn. I can’t even take it.”
I can’t either.
Instead, I say, “I’m going to pack up and get these girls home to bed.”
Emil jumps up from the table. “I’ll get your stuff. You have precious cargo there.” He rubs Avery’s back as he passes and
walks into the kitchen.
I glance over the mess the girls left on the floor and move to set Ave on the couch to clean it up, but Millie’s voice stops
me.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll get it all later,” she assures me before she stands with a groan and carries Eloise to the front door. It’s almost comical watching someone a foot shorter than me carry a kid the same size as the one in my arms.
A quiet, clear night greets us as Millie, Emil, and I walk to my SUV in the driveway. Emil drops my bag in the front, and
Millie and I put the girls in their booster seats on opposite sides of the car before we shut the doors as quietly as possible.
Emil reaches his arms out for a hug. “Come back soon. Micah needs someone to take him down a notch.”
“Will do. We had a great time.”
Then Emil returns to the house, leaving Millie and me standing quietly at the back of my car.
Her gaze drops to the dented fender, and she bites her lip. “You should get that fixed.”
I visually trace the damage she left when she collided with me a few weeks ago. It felt like such a damning day, in more ways
than one, and I haven’t wanted to erase the evidence.
She left a similar indentation on my heart, and I haven’t been able to erase that evidence either.
“I’m glad we came, Cookie,” I say lightly, trying to make her smile. A burst of joy fills my heart when she does.
“Me too, Spock.” She beams up at me. “I’m bringing my A game next time, though. I need to bring down the king of Catan.”
Every muscle in my body screams for me to wrap my arms around her in a hug and never let her go. I could innocently press
our bodies together in a normal, friendly embrace. There would be barely any physical contact, and it might satisfy my need
to touch her.
But Millie backs away, and I’ve missed my chance.
“Have a good evening,” she says, taking backward steps to ward her house while her eyes stay on mine. Something tightens in my chest as the distance grows between us.
“Good night, Millie,” I tell her reluctantly.
On the way home, El’s and Ave’s deep breaths keep me company. I look in the rearview mirror at their sleepy faces, and Clara
floods my mind.
Sometimes Avery’s laugh sounds so much like Clara’s that my heart stops. And Eloise has her mama’s untamed, wavy hair that
I can’t find the motivation to brush. It reminds me too much of my view as a kid, when I followed my big sister around like
a shadow.
She was my best friend for thirty-three years of my life. We were a team, conspiring against our parents any chance we got.
She read me bedtime stories and tucked me in, like I’m doing for her girls now. All we had was each other.
When she got pregnant, her boyfriend at the time decided he didn’t want any part in it. He left her the day she told him about
the babies, and she immediately called me in tears.
Those little girls have been my favorite people ever since.
Would Clara be okay with the bond they’re forming with Millie? Would she be happy they have someone they trust and like spending
time with? Or would she feel replaced?
Millie’s company feels like warm embers settling into my soul. They’re glowing and radiant, and they give me the motivation
to keep digging out of the hole of grief that consumes me sometimes. And I know the girls feel it too. They get excited to
see her, with bright, enthusiastic smiles that have been hard to come by the last few months.
The girls will never stop missing their mama, but hopefully, Clara would be happy that Millie’s presence is soothing the sting
a little.