CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Jesse awoke to the sound of crying. It took him a moment to figure out where the hell he was and what was going on before everything clicked.
“ Daddy !” The wail grew closer and Jesse shook Connor out of a deep sleep.
“Maura’s coming,” he whispered before he rolled over Connor’s body and onto the rug on the far side of the bed away from the door. He winced when his elbow clunked into the nightstand and he landed with a heavy thump.
Oww .
Connor flicked on the light, peering down with a frown, clearly not registering the urgency of the situation. Jesse flapped his hand and whispered, “Maura. Nightmare. DO something.”
Connor popped into an upright position and when the door handle rattled, Jesse was suddenly grateful they’d re-dressed in their pajamas before they fell asleep. When Connor stood, Jesse wiggled closer to the bedframe. There was no way he could fit under the bed but as long as no limbs were sticking out, they’d probably be okay.
“Hey, sweetheart,” Connor crooned as he opened the door. “C’mere. What’s going on?”
“Nightmare.” There was a soft, hiccupping sob and Jesse’s heart panged.
“Wanna tell me about it?” After a soft sound like Connor had settled on the mattress again, Jesse could see Connor’s bare feet resting on the rug in the sliver of space under the bed.
Jesse felt another funny little pang in his chest. This was such an intimate, personal moment between Connor and his daughter.
Maura sniffled. “Monster was gonna eat my toes.”
“Oh no.” Connor made a noise of outrage. “Well, I guess we better check to make sure they’re all okay. Wanna help me count them?”
Jesse smiled when Maura hesitantly counted off all ten of them before Connor moved onto her fingers for good measure.
“Everything is right where it should be. No monster chomps in sight.”
Maura managed a little giggle.
“Do you think we should go check your room and make sure it’s all clear?”
“I wanna sleep in here with you.”
Connor let out a soft sigh. “I know you do, sweet pea. But Daddy is exhausted. He’d really like you to be brave and sleep in your own room tonight. I’ll stay with you until you fall asleep but do you think you can at least try?”
“Yeah. I can try.”
“That’s my big girl. I’m so proud of you. Now, let’s get you tucked back into bed and I’ll come back in here shortly. Bed, don’t go anywhere.”
Jesse stifled a laugh, pretty sure the last part was for him. Connor was creative, he’d give him that.
The quiet sounds of Connor and Maura’s voices faded as they walked out the door, down the hall, and into Maura and Evie’s room. Jesse sprawled on his back and rubbed his still-smarting elbow as he wondered if he should go downstairs to his room.
Something weird was going on with Connor.
And Jesse was pretty damn sure it had nothing to do with what Nolan had confessed to him earlier. But what the hell could it be?
Jesse was still trying to work through everything when the sound of the door closing filled the air. A moment later, Connor appeared in front of him. He frowned.
“What are you still doing down there?” He held out a hand and Jesse took it, letting him pull him to his feet.
Jesse shrugged. “Wasn’t sure if it was safe to get back in bed. I can totally go downstairs, if you want.”
“Not unless you’re afraid of losing more sleep.”
“It’s fine. I’d rather sleep with you. Just don’t want to cause problems with the kids.”
“You’re good with them,” Connor said, which didn’t really answer anything.
But Jesse crawled into bed again anyway, and Connor turned out the light.
“I’m sorry,” Connor said a while later, when they were both lying there, tired but not quite able to fall asleep after abruptly being startled awake.
“For what?”
“I feel like I’m—like I’m asking you to be someone you’re not.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Jesse asked, totally confused.
“I—lately you’ve kinda been taking on a role you don’t want. The bedtime calls on the road, making suppers for us, making sure Nolan is doing his homework and the girls are entertained … that’s not your job.”
“What if I like it?” Jesse countered. Was this why Connor had been acting so fucking weird?
“C’mon, you’re a fun, exciting guy. You’re young. You should be out living it up.”
Jesse snorted. “Uhh, pretty sure that’s what got me in trouble in the first place.”
“I know, but?—”
“Connor.” Jesse settled a hand on his chest. “I’m exactly where I want to be right now, okay?”
“Okay.” Connor sighed and Jesse realized exactly how tense he’d been as the pent-up energy finally flowed out of him, softening his muscles and slowing his breathing.
“Now, let’s get some sleep,” Jesse said. He settled in close to Connor, who dragged an arm around him and kissed his hair.
“Sleep is good,” Connor agreed.
With a soft laugh, Jesse closed his eyes and let himself drift off.
In the morning, Jesse had to sneak out of Connor’s bedroom before the girls were up, but thankfully, Connor seemed a lot more relaxed. Maura seemed better too and when the girls were finally off with their grandmother—Nolan having left earlier for practice—Connor collapsed on the couch and dragged Jesse onto his lap.
“We should head to HCI,” he said with a yawn, but he only pulled Jesse closer with one arm while he reached for his phone with the other.
“We should,” Jesse agreed, but he was equally reluctant to get up. Connor’s body was warm, his thighs so solid under Jesse’s weight.
Jesse let his head tip to the side and he settled it on Connor’s shoulder, feeling content. Connor absently turned to kiss his forehead, then returned his attention to his phone. Jesse let himself drift, still a little tired from the interrupted sleep the night before.
“Oh shit,” Connor muttered after a while and Jesse cracked one eye open.
“What is it?”
“I forgot to tell you about my meeting with Gavin.”
“Shit.” Jesse sat upright. “Did something happen?”
“Not during our talk. That went fine. But after … Did you know Gavin has a twin brother named Thad?”
“No,” Jesse said, confused. “I had no idea. How’d you find out?”
“Well, he was waiting for Gavin outside his office when we were done.”
Jesse listened intently while Connor went on to describe the interaction between the brothers. “Wild,” he said when Connor had finished.
“Right? Very strange.”
“I’m so curious to know more,” Jesse admitted.
“I knew you would be.”
“I had no idea you were a gossip though.”
“I’m not a gossip!” Connor protested, looking completely put out by the idea.
Jesse threw his head back and laughed. “Yeah, right.”
“I’m—I’m …” Connor’s shoulders slumped. “Fine, I’m kind of a gossip. But just with you! I wasn’t gonna go tell anyone else.”
“Aww, that makes me feel so special,” Jesse cooed.
Connor shot him a disgruntled look. “You’re special alright.”
“Hey, c’mon, google Thad’s name,” Jesse urged, poking him in the side. “There must be something .”
“Already done.” Connor flashed the phone screen. “Why do you act like I don’t know how to use my phone?”
“Because you’re old,” Jesse teased.
“I am not!” Connor protested. “I don’t even have any gray hair yet!”
“Suuure. I saw that Just for Men dye in your vanity cabinet.” He poked at Connor’s hairline which was neither graying, nor receding.
“That’s a lie!” Connor said, laughing. He reached out and tickled Jesse’s ribs.
He squealed, not expecting it, and Connor’s eyes gleamed. He went in for the attack again and Jesse shrieked, twisting to try to get away. Unfortunately, it only succeeded in giving Connor better access to the especially ticklish spot under his arms and Jesse howled.
Desperately trying to get the upper hand, Jesse wound a leg around his thigh, trying to get some leverage to keep Connor pinned down.
Connor had some bulk on him though, and despite Jesse’s flexibility and strength, it wasn’t long until Connor had him pressed against the cushions, tickling him mercilessly.
“Ref, ref, help! This is goaltender interference!” Jesse shouted. “Make it stop.”
Connor snorted, burying his face in the crook of Jesse’s neck, the assault on his ticklish spots over. “You’re ridiculous.”
Jesse smiled up at the ceiling, liking the solid weight of Connor over him, the warmth of his body. He liked all of the new sides of Connor he’d been seeing lately. The sweetness of his interactions with the girls, silly moments like this, and maybe biggest of all, his trust in Jesse to handle what was going on with Nolan.
“You like that about me,” Jesse said confidently.
Connor lifted his head, looking down at him. “Yeah, I do.”
Jesse took a moment to really study Connor’s face. He had a little cowlick at the front of his hair that always made it lie more to one side than the other. His beard was as dark auburn as his hair but right around his lips it was a little lighter, strands of almost strawberry blond mingling with the darker red. And his eyes … they really were the most beautiful color Jesse had ever seen. Such a deep blue with that little ring of amber around the pupil.
Connor tilted his head, giving Jesse a quizzical look, and Jesse shrugged because he didn’t really know how to explain how he felt when he looked at Connor. At how right everything in Jesse’s life felt at the moment.
He’d loved his life in Toronto, loved the fun he’d had there. But something about being in Boston felt right . This team wasn’t as tight as Toronto had been but he could see how they might get there.
He liked being here with Connor and the girls. He liked making them breakfast and he liked sleeping in Connor’s bed. He thought about what Connor had said last night about him taking on a role he didn’t want.
But Jesse did want it.
What it all meant, Jesse wasn’t really sure, but he knew it felt right. It felt like something blossoming inside him, big and warm and real. And all he wanted to do was to hold on to that and let it grow. Let it take over every little inch of him until it was rooted so deep it would never go away.
Still smiling, Jesse reached out and brushed his thumb against Connor’s lip. “We should get to practice,” he reminded Connor, because time was ticking away and if they lingered any longer, they’d be late.
“Yeah, we should,” Connor agreed, but he dipped his head and pressed their lips together for a moment instead.
“Okay,” Jesse said when they got in the SUV to head to HCI. “You totally distracted me earlier but I’m gonna google Thad now.”
“ I distracted you ?” Connor asked, disbelieving. “Pretty sure it was the other way around.”
Connor wasn’t sure exactly what had happened this morning with Jesse but it felt like something had settled for them both.
Jesse seemed happy and Connor felt happy—despite the ever-present thread of worry about his children—so he decided maybe that was enough right now. He’d focus on his hockey, being there for the kids, and enjoying his time with Jesse.
“Whatever. That part isn’t important. What is important is that I found a bunch of old articles talking about what promising young hockey players Thad and Gavin Racine both were.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, okay, so it sounds like they both played hockey in Pennsylvania growing up, were doing extremely well, and were drafted in the middle of the first round to separate teams.”
“Who drafted them?”
“Gavin was going to Montreal, Thad to LA.”
“Interesting. That’s quite a distance. I can’t imagine being so far from my brothers.”
“Okay, but like, not everyone gets the O’Shea Family perks. Most brothers don’t get to stay together for their whole careers.”
“Yeah, fair,” Connor admitted.
“Was it weird when Kelly went to Evanston?”
“Ugh.” Connor rubbed a hand over his mouth. “Yeah. Honestly, I think that’s the most we’ve ever fought as a family.”
“Because he didn’t want to stay in Boston?”
“Yeah. Kelly flat-out told Boston’s GM he wouldn’t sign with them.”
“Ouch. That had to hurt the rest of you.”
Connor sighed. “It did. I get it now though, I guess. Kelly needed to go off and be his own person. And I think being gay was a big part of it, even if he wasn’t ready to come out yet.”
“Sure, that makes sense. Still …”
“Tore our dad up, that’s for sure,” Connor said. “I’m not sure Kelly even realizes how much. Dad’s not mad now. He gets it too, but he was really hurt at the time. And Finn and Pat took it hard .”
“And you?” Jesse rested a hand on Connor’s thigh.
Connor liked the warm weight of it. It made the sharp feeling at the back of his throat fade. “Yeah, hurt me too,” he admitted quietly. “It felt like he was rejecting us, not just the team.”
“Rejecting you ,” Jesse said.
Connor nodded because he wasn’t quite sure he could say it aloud without getting a little too emotional.
“So, the Racine brothers were heading to different teams but before Thad could step onto NHL—or even AHL—ice for LA, he was arrested for burglary. It sounds like there was a plea deal or something and he was convicted and put in jail for a couple of years.”
Connor whistled lowly. “Wow.”
“Yeah, wild, huh?”
“So what happened after?” Connor asked.
“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” Jesse said slowly. “It looks like Gavin played for a couple of seasons—mostly at the AHL level for Montreal, but he got his cup of coffee in the NHL—yet never really never lived up to his potential.”
“Yeah, I kinda knew that part,” Connor admitted.
“Seems like after a couple of failed PTOs and a short stint at the ECHL level, Gavin stopped playing altogether. Sounds like he got hired as a scout, then worked his way up through the head offices in minor leagues but there really isn’t much on him until he was hired as assistant general manager for the Concord Night Hawks. And from there, eventually getting hired as GM for the Harriers.”
“Right, that all tracks with what I knew about him,” Connor said.
“Do you think maybe he kinda fizzled out because of the stuff with his brother? They don’t mention any major injuries or anything and the timing seems kinda … suspicious.”
“Yeah, maybe,” Connor said. “I guess a lot depends on how close they were.”
“True.” Jesse hummed quietly. “But like, they’re twins, right? They must’ve been close growing up.”
“True.”
“Anyway, after that, everything I find about Gavin is related to the Harriers, other than some gossipy articles about his marriage and divorce.”
“And Thad?” Connor asked.
“Honestly, there’s nothing,” Jesse said. “Not after he went to prison. A couple of articles on Gavin vaguely mention Thad but that’s about it.”
“Huh. I’m totally curious about how everything went down,” Connor admitted.
“Me too.” Jesse thwacked Connor’s chest. “Hey, you’re buddies with Gavin. You should ask him.”
“I’m not asking my GM about his brother’s robbery charges,” Connor sputtered. “No way.”
“Why not? You two seem tight.”
Connor scoffed. “Maybe compared to most GMs and players but there’s no way in hell I’d feel comfortable asking him about any of that. He’s a private guy and honestly, it’s kinda inappropriate.”
“Ugh, I guess.”
“Now who’s gossipy?” Connor shot back as he pulled into the HCI parking lot, waving at the guard who let them into the player lot.
“Definitely both of us,” Jesse said.
Connor laughed because yeah, okay that was fair.
After they parked, Jesse reached for the door handle.
Connor stopped him before he could get out of the vehicle. “Hey, you won’t say anything to anyone else about this, right? I mean, all of the stuff online is fair game, I guess, but the stuff I told you last night about Thad wanting a job and them arguing, I don’t know. I probably shouldn’t have even told you. I don’t want that getting out to the rest of the team.”
“Yeah, of course,” Jesse said. “I get that. I won’t say anything to anyone.”
“Thanks.”
Connor was still mulling over the situation when he stepped onto the ice for practice a short while later. He glanced up to see Gavin standing on the balcony overlooking the rink, his expression thoughtful as he surveyed his players.
His brother Thad stood beside him, wearing Harriers gear. Interesting . Apparently, he’d gotten a job after all. Connor wondered what position it was.
Family, even the best of them—which Connor firmly believed he had—was complicated. There were egos and secrets and old hurts and all sorts of things that made navigating tricky subjects difficult. Whatever the reason Thad had gotten up to some shady shit in his youth, Connor respected Gavin for giving him a second chance.
“O’Shea!” Hoyt called out. “Do you feel like joining us for practice?”
With a jolt, Connor realized most of the guys had already knelt in a semi-circle around Hoyt so he could explain the drill they were doing this morning.
“Yeah. Sorry, Coach,” Connor muttered as he took his spot on the ice.
Hoyt nodded, looking more amused than upset. Connor wasn’t known for being distracted on the ice. He liked to give it his all, and he couldn’t stand it when guys treated it like it wasn’t important.
But he supposed they all had their off days.
Connor would have to be sharp in the game later this week though. Evanston was coming to town and he’d be up against his brother Kelly.
“Weak!” Jesse called out ten minutes later when Crawford fired a shot his way and Jesse easily batted it away. “C’mon, hit me!”
Guys were practicing their shots—trying to improve their stickhandling speed, strength, and accuracy. The team had been divided into two groups, one at either end of the ice. A stick was set up halfway between the circles in the attacking zone. The coach fired the puck from the wall, and guys had to grab it, maneuver it around the stick, then shoot it at the goalie. Jesse had the group who were working with Hoyt, while Rasmussen took the other half, who were shooting at Arkady.
Half the fucking shots went wide though and the other half weren’t nearly as strong as the coach—or Jesse for that matter—would like, so Jesse kept taunting them, hoping they’d get pissed off enough to really fire it in and give him something good to work with.
This was practice for him too, after all.
Besides, it was fun.
Each guy got half a dozen shots before rotating to the next one, and Connor and Anker Henriksen were the only two who had really given him a run for his money so far.
Crawford, clearly annoyed, fired a ripper that Jesse caught it in his glove. “Better!” he called out. “Still not good enough.”
Danny Foley, who stood nearby observing his positioning, snorted. “You’re a menace,” he said.
Jesse grinned. “You know it.”
He deflected a shot from Tanner. “Pathetic, Clay,” he called out.
By the time they made it to the second rotation, more pucks were going in the net and they were coming harder and faster. Jesse loved it, felt the bright spark of competition light him up and he swore when Connor snuck one in on him.
“I’ll make you regret that,” Jesse threatened.
Connor laughed, a big, loud, booming laugh, and the warm sensation inside Jesse’s chest grew.