Chapter 21 – Theo
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
THEO
My phone won’t shut the fuck up.
Seth
Do you need to go to the ER? I don’t think it’s healthy to have a stick lodged up your ass this long.
When I check it again, I read only one of the litany of messages he’s sent, between the pack group chat and his private stream of consciousness that my phone is unwillingly subjected to.
He’s already sent a barrage of photos from nesting stores, of items and various fabrics — all with input about how he’s spent the morning shopping for the omega currently taking up all the real estate in my mind. She’s living rent-free in two places now.
After being reamed out by Arin and the events of the movie night, I’m just fucking confused.
I don’t want to want her — that’s the entire problem.
I’ve spent my entire life actively avoiding finding an omega that calls to the alpha part of me. My fathers, at every opportunity, have told me repeatedly it’s what’s expected — to find an omega to serve me. I’ve tried for a decade to get my mother to talk to one of the omega rights groups that I support, to walk away from the men I’m embarrassed to share DNA with.
But she won’t do it.
I spent a good portion of time last night in the laundry room, folding clothes because it at least got my mind off the woman above my head. But then I’d had the misfortune of walking up the stairs at the wrong moment.
She’d been standing in the hallway, partially inside Bennett and Seth’s open doorway, her hand down her shorts as she gasped and played with herself.
And I’d bolted.
I, at least, made it to my room and my shower before I wrapped a hand around my own cock and stroked myself to release, painting the walls with it. It didn’t do a damn thing to help take the dripping honey and sex smell out of my brain. Fucking alpha senses . There’s no reason for them to be heightened other than to make my life a living hell.
I’m not going to survive this. And all it’s doing to me right now is leaving me confused, horny, and a little angry.
I’ve been hiding in my room like a coward all morning, trying to convince myself to venture downstairs. I’m trying not to pass their floor again. If I have to smell her scent mixed with Bennett and Seth’s, I might actually lose my tenuous grip on reality.
Some packs don’t intermingle with each other. My fathers certainly don’t touch each other with anything resembling love or kindness — though I’m not entirely sure they’re capable of it to start. My intent when I packed up with Arin was that we would continue our childhood friendship, but somewhere between Arin seeing me at my worst and me recognizing he prioritizes everyone else over himself — it shifted.
I don’t know how. I wouldn’t want to fuck myself , I’m a goddamn wreck.
One day Arin came home after touring homes with a new pack, driving all over upstate New York for them — and he’d been distraught. After spending an entire day with a brand new pack, in a true honeymoon phase, where all the alphas couldn’t keep their hands off their male omega — it’d wrecked him. He came in distraught, feeling utterly unwanted.
And I’d felt this deep-seated urge to show him just how wanted he really was.
I’d dropped to my knees in the living room and made Arin come with my mouth before fumbling partially onto the couch with him, where he’d fisted us both in one hand and jerked himself off a second time while my dick was pressed against his.
It’s never been as frantic as that first time, but we do take the edge off for each other.
But I’ve seen how Arin looks at June when she’s in the room. It’s the same haunted look — the same bone-deep need. It isn’t the man looking at her, it’s the alpha, with the primal urge to care, protect, love .
I blow out a breath and run my hands over my hair, dressed for the gym. I can’t stay in my room all day like a sulking teenager. Going to run off excess energy like I have been for the past week is a far better use of my time. And then when I feel exhausted, I’ll push myself even further with some weight training. It’s better to be totally spent than pathetically waiting in my room for someone to give me an ounce of attention I don’t deserve.
“Mom —”
I slow to a stop on the stairs when I hear her voice carrying up from the foyer.
“No.” The woman on the other end of the line is so shrill it makes me wince. “You need to stop ignoring my calls, Juniper. I’ve said what I’ve said, and I mean it. You’re a disappointment, I never should have let you out of my sight for one second because it’s clear you can’t be trusted to make your own decisions. If you intend to stay with this pack, you are no daughter of mine, you’re just a brainless omega whore. I’m disgusted you’re even considering it, let alone what you’ve probably already let these alphas do to you. You deserve whatever repercussions you get.”
I see red .
I’m moving before I can think it through, stomping down the stairs to see June — sweet, honey-scented June — leaning back against a wall, shrinking into herself, thick, fat tears dripping down her face. She looks up at me, and I don’t think — I snatch her phone from her hand and slam my finger down on the end call button, hanging up on her harpy of a mother before throwing the offending device onto a table.
I hope it fucking shatters.
She stares up at me, her big hazel eyes watery.
Fuck, where’s Bennett or Arin when you need them?
I can tell from her body language I’m her last pick in this damn house, but I don’t care. I step forward and then wrap my arms around her, pulling her to my chest tightly and tucking her into my arms.
She’s so soft, every inch of her yielding as I stand there, letting her sniffle and hiccup as I stare up at the ceiling. I don’t purr — I’m not even sure I’m capable of it, I’ve never had a reason to try — but I cling to her tightly, hoping my scent does something to fix this.
Seth once said that my perfume is better than drugs, inherently calming. I’ve always liked that it’s fresh; the smell of the world after a nice, long rain, washing away anything else. It’s not overwhelming, or overpowering, it just is . And it’s biological luck that I got a dice roll that made me smell like rainwater over sweaty gym socks.
Slowly, her hiccuping sobs quieten.
As I stand there, stock-still with my arms around her, I wait. The moment she starts to pull back, I let go immediately, looking around the foyer, my voice sharp. “Where’s Bennett?”
“U-uh.” She sniffles, her nose bright pink as she stares up at me, tear tracks on her cheeks. “The grocery store?”
Fuck . And Seth’s gone too.
“Arin?”
She glances at the hallway. “He said he had work.”
No pulling him away from that then — he’s a fucking dog with a bone. He’d work twenty-four hours without eating, sleeping, or going to the bathroom if he could.
“I’m okay.” Her voice is so soft, so sweet, that it breaks a part of me, leaving jagged edges in my chest — tearing at my cold, dead heart. I tip my head down, staring at her as she blinks her glassy eyes at me, determined to be okay. Strong little omega .
“I’m just going to…” She pauses, her lip trembling as she frowns. “Rest today?”
I nod at her. “Yeah.” That sounds… right. Omegas need lots of sleep, right? And probably blankets and soft things and alphas who aren’t so hot and cold they give you whiplash. Clearing my throat, I take a step back, nodding toward the stairs. “You should do that. Go on.”
She gives me a confused look, then cautiously reaches out, picking up her phone. Easing past me, June glances back one last time before she starts up the stairs.
I grunt, “Don’t answer any more calls from her.”
She freezes on the stairs, looking over her shoulder with wide eyes.
Clenching my hands into fists, I breathe out slowly, realizing what a colossal fucking idiot I’ve been. But I can’t say that, so instead I stare at her, hoping it looks genuine. “Please do not answer any more calls from your mother. They just upset you and nothing she said is true. You’re allowed to make your own decisions.”
Her cheeks flush and I watch as she reaches a hand up, scrubbing at her eyes like she’s trying to stop a fresh wave of tears. Already fucking this up, awesome .
She takes a moment, then bites her lip, her shoulders tight. “Thank you, Theo.”
And that’s it.
Those are the words that shatter my heart to fucking pieces, so tiny, so fractured, that there’s no amount of glue that could put me back together.
I would pay to have a bond with her at this very moment, to know how she feels. It’s confusing enough for me, but I can’t imagine what it feels like for her — and as quick as the thought comes, so does the realization that I need to fix my shit now because I’m about to watch my future be destroyed by my own ham-fisted inability to confront my own baggage.
I don’t even bother going down the hall to tell Arin that I’m leaving. I just turn on my heel and stalk out the front door, my mind clouded as I shut and lock the townhouse behind me. If anyone asked me, I wouldn’t be able to articulate the why , but I need to leave, and I need to do it for her .
Climbing into my car, I choose not to unpack that as I back out of the drive, having to navigate around an unfamiliar car parked directly across from the townhouse in an awkward spot. I growl at it in the rearview, pushing it out of my mind as I focus on my task at hand.
Seth might be out shopping for her — but none of them will be right . I need to be the one who gets her shit too.
I jerk my car into a parking spot and find myself outside a row of stores, staring down at my phone in my hand as I search “ what do omegas like ” and “ omega nest essentials .” There are lists of options, most of them boiling down to the same non- answer, “ A good alpha will know what their omega prefers for nesting materials, but be sure to let omegas make their own decisions in organization and nest arrangement because all omegas are different. ”
All good in theory, but realistically, I know this heat is going to come on far faster than any of us are prepared for. If nothing happens — if I have to leave the townhouse and go to a hotel for a week — I’ll do it, just so I don’t lose my sanity or make her uncomfortable. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to keep ignoring the soul-burning need to provide and care for her.
I’m so fucked.
As I walk into the first store, I’m painfully aware that the nest at the townhouse is practically fucking empty. I should know — it’s on the top floor with my room, on the opposite end of the house. We’ve never had any reason to use it, I’m not even sure we have sheets for the mattress.
And there’s no way I’m letting her sleep on a bare mattress on the floor.
She could refuse every single thing I buy today, but it doesn’t stop me as I walk toward a display of blankets, staring at the litany of options. There’s some kind of… book, hanging off the display, with the different fabrics available, and I reach for it, rubbing my hand over the samples of thickness, fabric quality, and colors. A sign next to the display says not to touch the packaged blankets so scents don’t transfer to them.
It’s all… mind-boggling — an entirely different world that I’m supposed to know about, but I’m oblivious. I tilt my head at the blankets, trying to puzzle out the best one for her, when one of the workers pops up out of nowhere.
“You can’t go wrong with these!” He shoots me a wide smile. “As long as you take it out of the package and rub your scent all over it, your omega will love it. These are our highest rated blankets, with varying levels of scent-retention and softness.”
I shoot him a look and he swallows, paling slightly.
“What is your price range for your visit today? I’m happy to show you options that —”
“Money doesn’t matter.” The words come out as a growl as I glance at the most expensive blanket and pick it up, shoving it at the worker. “Put that behind the counter, I have more to buy.” Expensive equals good. More money, better materials.
The man scurries off as I stalk around the store, grabbing things as I see them. There’s a pillow meant to support her head and neck in the big, round nest, a set of flickering flameless candles meant to cast soft, ambient lighting, a white noise machine — fuck knows why I pick that one up, but it feels right.
I act on pure instinct, piling it onto the counter before reaching the section of loungewear in all shapes, sizes, and types. There’s some pants and sweats, and then… night… dresses? I stare at the rack, squinting as I try to think of a single time I’ve seen her in anything but leggings and a sweatshirt, the same clothes that she’s worn all week.
Of course she isn’t wearing anything else. She doesn’t own anything else .
The thought chokes me. I know Seth and Bennett went out with her last week and shopped, but I don’t think they bought her anything soft or to wear at night. And from the state of her, I don’t think she has the energy to go back out and pick out items for herself. I suddenly want to buy her an entire separate wardrobe of only the softest things she can wear. No one wants fancy shit to sleep in — just something comfortable.
I stare at the clothing, my mind spinning at all the options. Just as I start to question if I should walk away and cut my losses, I see an older alpha — at least thirty years my senior — with an omega woman, her silver hair pulled back into a bun as she laughs up at him.
The older alpha is doting on her, telling her to pick whatever she wants, and she giggles, hanging on him like a lovestruck teenager.
My heart clenches as I force myself to look back at the clothing rack.
“Those are better.”
I flinch, looking up to see the omega smiling at me, her voice softly accented.
There’s a lilt to her words as she motions to one of the racks. “You looked lost. Is this your omega’s first heat…” Her eyes flicker over me, and I know what she’s seeing — a colossal idiot, way too old to be lingering near nighties and having an existential crisis.
Her alpha comes up behind her, resting a hand on her shoulder. His presence shakes my mind clear as he stares at me warily. I also know what he’s seeing — a grown ass alpha who should know better, and a potential threat to his omega.
I clear my throat, trying to soften the scowl that’s no doubt marring my features. “Yeah, it’s her first one.”
The omega brightens, careful not to touch the display, but motioning to a specific pair of silky looking shorts and a thin top. “Go with something like this, she’ll want to crawl out of her skin with the heat.” Her alpha rubs her shoulder as she smiles at me, lines near her eyes. “Whatever you get will be okay.”
I look at the set and then reach for a size that looks right. June’s all curves — not that I don’t want to see her in something skin tight — but that probably wouldn’t be the best option for when you want to claw your own skin off. The omega peels away from us, going to look at something else in the store as her alpha lingers.
He clears his throat, his voice gruff, but kind as he meets my eyes. “Trust your instincts, you have them for a reason.”
I nod at the other man, standing with the set in my hand as I suck in a deep breath. After a second, I turn, stalking over to the register and throwing the clothes onto the pile I already have, pulling my credit card out.
The total doesn’t even register as I pay and turn on my heel to go to the next store. Whatever the best is — I’m buying it for her.