Golden Rule (Kings of Cypress Pointe Golden Empire #1)

Chapter 30

Chapter Thirty

Blue

T here’s a clear divide in the diner tonight.

Well, two clear divides if you count the rift between me and West.

Tiffany seems to be cozying up to the Empress Circle more and more these days, and honestly, I don’t blame her. We continuously choose Lexi over her, but I won’t apologize for that. Tiffany isn’t a bad person, it’s just hard to bond with her when our hearts are already linked to Lexi’s.

It’s a shitty situation honestly, and on some level, I’m actually glad Tiffany’s finding her footing. It can’t be easy living here, facing constant reminders of Sterling’s past, so maybe this is for the best.

A guy says West’s name, singing his praises about today’s game, and my thoughts are on him again. I’m fighting myself, wanting to steal a glance at him, hoping he’s just as miserable as I am after our fight. I can’t take it anymore, losing the battle as I turn, leveling a glare at him from across the room. To my surprise, he’s completely ignoring the conversation with two of his teammates in favor of staring at me.

Frustration fills me, and I roll my eyes as I look away, remembering the hurtful words that flew from his mouth tonight. We finished getting ready in silence, then drove here in silence, and now, I’m seated in a corner booth with Jules, Joss, Dez, and Lexi while my husband keeps his distance.

Which I’m grateful for.

“I’ll refrain from asking what you and Joss did to West and Dane before the game—because I get that a lady must maintain her secrets—but whatever it was, keep doing it,” Jules teases. “They killed it today!”

“Jaxon was definitely into it,” Lexi chimes in. “Don’t get me wrong. Kid knows nothing about football, but he ran circles around my coffee table chanting Daddy. The only reason I didn’t stop him was because his head was protected by the Emperors helmet Sterling bought him.”

I laugh, imagining my nephew doing laps around the living room in an oversized helmet, and it’s the first hint of joy I’ve felt in a couple hours.

“Oh, God. How cute!” Joss gushes. “Please tell me you recorded it.”

“You already know,” Lex shoots back, pulling it up to show Joss.

In just that brief break in conversation, my eyes are on West again. This place holds so many memories for us. Even the ones some might consider to be bad memories aren’t really that. Because they led us to our truth, which ultimately led us… here.

To each other.

I lower my gaze when his eyes hold too much emotion for me to stand. It’s like I can feel his I’m sorry all the way from here, but it isn’t enough. Not this time. Implying that growing our family makes me a burden… is absolutely unacceptable.

Especially seeing how we decided this together .

Shit, tears.

Feeling the sting in the corner of my eyes, I grab my purse.

“Be back in a sec,” I announce, sliding out of the booth before the girls can see that I’m upset. The last thing I need is for them to notice something’s wrong, asking questions. The tears I’m fighting to hold back would break through like a flood in front of everyone, and there’d be no stopping it.

God knows Pandora would have a field day if pics like that were to get out.

My feet don’t stop moving until I’m safely inside the bathroom, bracing the edge of the sink with both hands.

Get it together, Blue.

You can’t fall apart here.

Deal with your shit when you get home.

A sharp breath leaves me when I force it out, pretending to be strong for the sake of saving face. Only half the people here are friends, the other half are either foe or undecided.

In other words, this isn’t a safe space to be vulnerable.

I put on a bit of lip gloss and give myself a onceover in the mirror before turning away, convincing myself that I’m ready to pretend everything’s fine. Even though it’s far from it. I take one step toward the door, but halt when it swings open.

Yes, partly because it nearly knocked me over, but mostly… because the one who’s just walked in shouldn’t be here.

“West, you can’t?—”

“I hurt you tonight,” he says, ignoring all the reasons he should leave. “There’s no excuse for what I said, for how I behaved.”

At his words, I fight the urge to tell him it’s okay, because that would just be a reflex. It’s not okay. He cut deep, and I won’t carry that on my own.

I stay silent as he steps closer.

“You mean everything to me.” He takes my hand as his jaw tenses. “Every-fucking-thing.”

In the seven years we’ve been together, my husband has never been one to show his feelings. Having been raised by a man as emotionally dead inside as his father, Vin Golden, it’s to be expected, but there’s a vulnerability to West in this moment I don’t often see.

There are no tears in his eyes, no signs of an oncoming breakdown, but he’s in his head, warring with whatever battle he has raging, things he keeps to himself because he’s been taught that’s what men are supposed to do.

My heart is always soft toward him, even when I’m pissed, so I ball both fists at my sides. It’s all I can do to keep from placing my hands on his face, all I can do to keep from letting him know through my touch that he can let it all out with me.

“I fucked up,” he admits.

Because I agree with him wholeheartedly, I nod.

“Trust me, I know. But I think what it all comes down to is… we need to talk. About everything,” he adds. “Even the things that are easier to avoid right now.”

I take a deep breath, because there’s definitely a lot I’d love to avoid saying, but that approach clearly isn’t doing us any favors.

“And I should have said this earlier, but you’re not a burden to me, Blue. I could never think that. You’re my whole fucking life. Every part of it that’s ever made sense, every part that’s ever mattered.”

Despite still being pissed, I almost lean into the warmth of his hand where it’s pressed to my cheek. But then I remember the words that wounded me during our argument, and I’m suddenly strong again.

“Can we talk when we get home?”

I breathe deep when his question hits the air, feeling at war with myself. I’ve tried talking to him. Several times. And every attempt has been met with hostility. So, now that he’s ready the timing is right?

My body tenses at the idea of it.

I back away from his touch, scoffing at the thought of how he expects me to just bend, fall in line with what he wants when he wants it. Confusion flickers in his eyes as he studies my face, maybe sensing that I’m not softening as easily as I normally would. Eventually, his hand that lingers in the air drops to his side.

“Blue, I just… I think that if we talk through our shit, get to the bottom of everything, we can?—”

“Oh, so now you want to talk? Where was all this understanding on the many occasions I’ve tried to communicate with you, West. Before things got to this point?” And what the hell am I supposed to do now that your real feelings are out on the table?”

I hear his words again, his complaint that so much of his time is spent— wasted— at my appointments. So much that he doesn’t even feel like he has the time or mental capacity to deal with his own health issues.

“Those weren’t…”

His sentence trails off as his head lowers and frustration sets in.

“Those weren’t my real feelings, Blue. I’ve already owned that I fucked up. Things just got out of hand.”

“No, you got out of hand,” I snap. “I never would’ve said anything even remotely close to what you said tonight.”

The heat of a tear races down my cheek, and I swipe it away, angry with myself for not being able to control my emotions.

“If you thought we should stop with the treatments, you should’ve just told me. Preferably before I put my body through hell.”

I’m breathless when I finish, thinking of the many ways this could’ve gone, thinking of all the heartache he could’ve saved me if he’d just… been fucking honest.

“I feel like I’m on an island by myself.” I have so much more to say, but my throat seizes, forcing me to take a breath before going on. “You let me think we were in this together, but all this time, you’ve just been going through the motions.”

“How the hell can you say that?” He steps closer, anger flashing in his eyes. “I’ve been with you every step of the way, Blue. Through the highs. The lows. Through every -fucking-thing.”

“Yeah, but was it out of obligation? Habit maybe? Because you made it pretty fucking clear you’ve wanted to stop for a while now.”

He blows out a breath, pushing both hands through his hair as he steps back. I’m breathing wildly, full of pain and regret. Sadness and guilt.

“Fuck!”

I shudder when he lashes out, his eyes searching the tile because he can’t look at me anymore.

What the hell was I thinking doing this again?

Maybe we just weren’t meant to be parents.

No matter how bad I want it…

“I’m sorry I couldn’t?—”

My voice breaks, but I swallow it all down before starting again.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t make you a father without help. I’m sorry that, even then, it couldn’t happen.”

My chest burns and I’m in this strange place of feeling too much and feeling numb all at the same time.

“I’ll call Dr. Tyler first thing in the morning to tell him we’re done.”

“Blue—”

I hear him call out to me as I rush to leave the small, confined space when it feels like I’ll fall apart. It’s for the best, though, because I’m certain that whatever he’d say would only be to make me feel better, and I don’t need to be coddled.

I can handle this.

The dream is over, and that’s something I’ll just have to accept. For better or worse, West is getting his wish.

We’re done with treatment.

All eyes are on me when I return to the table with the girls. I can guess my face and eyes are red, but no one says a word. Maybe knowing that, if they do, the dam holding it all in will crumble and I’ll fall apart in front of everyone. So, when Dez places her hand on my knee beneath the table, I take it as a sign that, although she doesn’t know the details, she feels for me.

A second later, heavy steps pass behind where I’m seated, and without turning, I know those steps belong to West. Instinct has me holding my breath, feeling completely undone because this is new territory for us. Yes, we’ve had disagreements, but never any that leave our marriage feeling fractured.

And it… scares me.

I still won’t look at him, but I can imagine his face is giving away just as much as mine. And as badly as I’d like to think this will all blow over soon, and we’ll snap back to being us, this feels different.

This rift feels permanent, like it’s changed the very fabric of who we are. Of our connection.

Tension at our table gets thicker, and I feel it coming. One of the girls is about to break the unspoken rule. One of them is about to ask what happened, and if they do, I’ll have to rush off to avoid causing a scene, which will also cause a scene. However, just as Lexi’s lips part to speak, her phone rings.

A faint smile curves her lips, and I breathe a sigh of relief, having literally been saved by the bell.

“Jaxon’s facetiming,” she says, swiping a finger across her phone to answer. “Hey, baby!”

I blink away the last of my tears, breathing deep in an attempt to clear away some of the negative energy. It doesn’t really work, but I’m willing to pretend it has.

“Hi, Mommy!” Jaxon says. “Papa Benny said I could call.”

“We were trying to get him into bed, but he wouldn’t go down without talking to you first,” Lexi’s dad chimes in from somewhere offscreen.

“You can call anytime, sweetheart. And look! I’m here with all your aunties! Say hi, girls!”

“Hi, Jax!” We all chime in, waving at the chubby-faced angel whose face is framed in curls.

“What are you and Papa doing tonight?” Lex asks.

“This,” he answers, then holds up a picture of the dog we all know to be Goose— Matt’s dog.

“Fun! Tell Papa to hang it on the fridge with the other twenty, okay? He loves that,” Lex says, and the next second, the phone screen flips toward Benny, giving her a stern look that only makes her laugh harder.

“On that note, I’m gonna step out and let you two talk,” Benny says, then when the screen flashes back to Jaxon, there’s no missing the sadness in his eyes.

“I wanna talk to Daddy, but he didn’t pick up.” That voice is so small and sweet, and as Jax rubs his sleepy eyes, my heart aches for Lexi now, instead of for myself. This can’t be easy for her, seeing her son constantly missing his father, finding balance.

“Daddy has a bad habit of leaving his phone in the car. Let me see what I can do,” she says, scanning the room until her eyes land on Sterling. “Found him. Hang on, kiddo. He doesn’t look too busy.”

Dez scoots out of the booth to let Lexi slip past, and I glance toward Sterling. He’s across the diner, chatting it up with Chase and Dane. Lexi heads that way, and I sip my water.

“That kid’s going to be a heartbreaker. Mark my words,” Dez says.

“He’s got it honest.” Joss’s smile that follows contains a multitude of secrets she holds for the Golden boys, having been their honorary sister for years before she and Dane finally stopped fighting fate.

“Someone’s gonna hunt you down to write a tell-all book about the triplets,” Jules says, but no sooner than those words leave her mouth…

“Are we just going to keep doing this?” a voice calls out, and a quick glance in Sterling’s direction reveals that the one who’s lost her cool is Tiffany. She’s not quite yelling, but her tone’s definitely elevated.

Lexi looks stunned, standing beside Sterling who’s still gripping her phone. While I have no clue what just transpired while we weren’t paying attention, it’s clear The Sterling trio just blew the fuck up.

Damn, is there something in the air tonight?

Instinct has me and the other girls out of our booth the second Tiffany shifts her gaze toward Lexi.

“What don’t you understand?” Tiffany asks, the irritation in her voice climbing higher with each word. “He’s an engaged man, and having you hang around all the fucking time is… it’s just inappropriate! Aren’t you ready to move on?”

Lexi looks so confused, but her being pissed off is starting to overshadow everything else.

“Are you fucking serious right now?” she asks. “The man’s son asked for him, so I brought him my fucking phone, you psycho. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Tiffany runs her shaky hand through her hair, and April—along with a few other members of The Empress Circle—stand in solidarity with their new recruit.

“You can’t honestly be this stupid,” Tiffany says under her breath, but with how quiet the diner has grown, everyone hears every single word exchanged between them. “I’ll be his wife in less than a year, and yet, you’re at every gathering, every event. Doesn’t that embarrass you? Knowing everyone’s talking about how desperate you look?”

You could hear a pin drop, and that silence only grows when Sterling draws a clear line in the sand with the sharp look he shoots toward his fiancé. Defining it further when he speaks.

“Tiffany… What the fuck are you doing?”

It looks like she stops breathing when he scolds her with those words. With one hell of a wicked look plastered on his face to match. It only fades when he glances down at Lexi’s phone in his hand, realizing it’s still connected to the call, which means Jaxon heard everything.

“Shit.” Sterling mumbles that word under his breath, then composes himself when he speaks to his son again. “Daddy’s gonna call you back. Okay, Bud?”

“Okay, but are you sad, Daddy?”

“Call you right back,” Sterling rushes to say as he ends the call, but I think Jaxon hit the nail on the head.

Sterling takes a breath, and when his eyes dart from one side of the room to the other, there’s no missing that he’s embarrassed. As would any one of us be, having our dirty laundry aired out in the company of our professional peers.

What the hell is Tiffany thinking?

“You’ve gotta shut this down. Quickly, ” Dane warns under his breath, leaning into Sterling.

“Outside. Now ,” Sterling grinds out, attempting to take Dane’s advice and wrangle Tiffany in, but she isn’t done yet. For some reason, seeing Lexi walk up to Sterling tonight broke something in her. Or there’s always the possibility that her new best friends got in her ear, feeding into her sensitivity. But now’s not the time to analyze. Now’s the time to put out the fire.

“ Damn it, Sterling! Do you ever plan to put your foot down?” Tiffany shouts, pulling her hand free from Sterling’s when he attempts to exit with her in tow. “Honestly, you’re the reason she doesn’t know her place! It could’ve been as simple as telling her your family isn’t her family anymore. She lost all that when you dumped her ass.”

My heart sinks and it’s like the air gets sucked out of the diner.

Lexi purses her lips, trying to keep her cool, but I know that look. In fact, it prompts a flashback to high school. If any of us can be considered a loose cannon, it’s definitely her, and I’m pretty sure Tiffany just lit the fuse.

Time moves in slow motion as Lexi steps forward, and the only words she has a chance to get out as she shoves Tiffany in the center of her forehead are, “Bitch, if you…”

That’s as far as she gets before West’s arms are around her, preventing her from doing something she’ll definitely regret.

Even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

“Whoa, Lex, chill. She isn’t worth it,” West says, and Tiffany doesn’t miss it.

“Really?” she scoffs, staring West Down with disbelief in her eyes. “Is everyone just gonna take up for her?”

There’s a moment where she stands there, seemingly in disbelief as it dawns on her that Lexi isn’t just holding on to us ; we’re holding on to her, too.

Dez, Jules, and Joss form a wall in front of Lexi, staring Tiffany down, letting her know she’s crossed a line she can never uncross.

What’s done is done.

There’s this look on Sterling’s face, like he knows it, too, and my heart goes out to him. One way or another, this moment changes everything, and it’s on him to decide the shape his life will take moving forward.

“Outside,” he says again, and this time, following one last defiant scoff, Tiffany trails behind him.

We can hear them arguing even through the glass of the window, but I suppose there’s nothing else to be modest about at this point. The entire team—their wives, the staff at the diner—everyone now knows the truth.

That everything isn’t perfect under Sterling and Tiffany’s roof.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me, Tiff. What the hell was that?” Sterling shouts. “Like it or not, I can’t pretend Lexi doesn’t exist. We’ve got a kid together for fuck’s sake! Is that what this is? Are you trying to make it so I can’t see my son?”

Tiffany shouts back, but her voice is shrill and distorted with sobs. Then, there’s a pause. The next sound is of a car door slamming shut, and I think everyone believes it’s over. But then, out of nowhere, Sterling storms back inside the diner. I follow him as he crosses the room because I’m not sure of his intentions, but I won’t have him getting in Lexi’s face—yelling, making her feel worse than she already does. As it stands, she’s already taken enough from Tiffany.

It isn’t lost on me that Sterling currently looks like a man with nothing to lose. So, when he approaches Lexi, I brace myself, preparing to step in if he thinks now’s the time to prove a point. However, when he gets to her, it’s like he’s suddenly frozen, unsure how to proceed, unsure how to smooth things over.

If that’s even possible at this point.

“I’m… I’m sorry. So fucking sorry. She had no right to say that shit. I don’t know what’s gotten into her tonight,” he says, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more pained look on his face. “I’ll call Jax later to smooth things over. He shouldn’t have had to hear that.”

Lexi nods, but it isn’t lost on me that she can’t look Sterling in his eyes right now. Maybe he notices it too, because when he steps forward, he seems desperate to fix this rift between them, because… he embraces her.

When his eyes fall closed, I get the feeling he’s wanted to do this for so long. Likely under different circumstances, but the relief on his face is like he’s just taken a breath for the first time in years.

It takes Lex a few seconds to catch up to what’s happening, but when she does, her arms go around his neck. The two don’t linger long, maybe being mindful of all the eyes aimed their way, including April and her brood. Without a doubt, whether this moment makes it onto Pandora’s app or not, Tiffany will be hearing about it.

“Don’t worry about Jaxon. I’ll deal with him,” Lexi says, but then she gestures in the general direction of where Tiffany waits outside in Sterling’s car. “You’ve already got enough on your plate. And I suggest you deal with her before I deal with her.”

There’s an unspoken promise in her eyes. It says that if Tiffany steps out of line again, Lexi can’t promise things will end as civilly—if we can seriously call it that—as they did tonight.

Embarrassment flashes across Sterling’s face, and he nods. “I’ll take care of it.”

As he makes his way toward the exit, there’s no doubt the argument will be the talk of the town for several days to come. But when everyone’s notifications sound off with an alert from Pandora, I don’t think anyone expected her to be so quick on the draw.

One by one, the phones come out, and the faces of everyone in the building brighten with the pale blue glow as their screens light up. Only, instead of gossip firing up about what just went down with Sterling, Lexi, and Tiffany… their gazes shift toward West and I.

My brow quirks, and I’m not sure what’s going on, but the second I reach for my phone, I’m aware of my sister rushing over in my peripheral vision, abandoning her post behind the counter. But before she even gets close, my phone’s in hand, and I understand what all the staring is about. Right there, in black and white, is a nightmare playing out in real time.

The ultimate betrayal.

Chatter picks up all around me, and my girls circle closer, but I can hardly hear anything they say—their words of comfort, their pity. None of it means anything at the moment, because it doesn’t fix anything.

My vision is laser-focused on West. And despite the animosity flaring between us, his eyes fill with remorse.

The room spins, and I wish I could melt into the floor and disappear. Here I was, naively believing the evening couldn’t possibly get any worse, but… this?

This shit isn’t just devastating; it’s totally earth shattering.

“Blue…”

I shake my head when West calls out to me, but I can’t possibly talk to him or anyone else right now.

“Don’t, I… Just… don’t.”

Those are the only words I can get out, because of all people, he’s the least qualified to comfort me right now. I stagger back, mapping out an exit strategy, because I can’t be here. Can’t be surrounded by all these people. All these eyes as my world falls apart.

As the weight of Pandora’s latest reveal settles on my heart… she may have just done what I foolishly thought was impossible.

She may have just broken me…