Golden Secrets (Silver Lies Trilogy #2)

1. Ash

Chapter 1

Ash

5 Years Later

Gabriel Etan,

Maximus sends his regards for your father’s passing. Based on the writings from your last letter, he updated you on the situation in which you find yourself before he passed. Miles was one of Maximus’s most trusted men. He expects that you are still the man the King trained—with obligations only to Novum. He was rather impressed with your duty to your country and to your assignment when you visited last year. Your training has served you well.

As your father told you, Maximus has run out of options for his next successor, and would like to honor the promise of his ancestor. Leon Broderick promised that one day, Titus Etan’s descendants would sit on the throne of Novum. Because you are of noble lineage and bear the Etan name, Maximus would like to give you a chance to serve as the next King of Novum. You will be given the title of Prince until he decides whether you are suitable for the position. With this honor comes many duties and obligations, which we will discuss further when you rejoin us in Hope.

Maximus has been fruitless in the search for his dishonorable son, Liam, over the last several years. It is apparent Liam does not know where his daughter lives as we do. Our attempts to lure him to her for Captain Etan and yourself to capture have proven disappointing.

Yes. She is blonde. Maximus did not feel that information was pertinent to your assignment. He instructed your father to withhold that information so you could grow closer to Ash without bias. He is aware of the hatred that runs through your blood for their kind. You were only to watch her to see if her father ever returned and listen in case Henry ever told her the truth. She poses a great threat to the kingdom, especially if she finds out her true identity and disappears. Her worth to the King has expired. Maximus would like you to dispose of his granddaughter discreetly as soon as possible. Please finish your mission in Cedar Hill and return to Hope by your twenty-fifth birthday to work under the King for a time before you take the throne as your own. If you cannot complete the assignment by your twenty-fifth birthday, we will send someone to do it for you. Barrett and Carter said you seemed rather close with Ash this spring when they came to bring news.

Regards,

First Captain Ian Peters

My eyes moved over the page, reading and re-reading the words.

Dispose of his granddaughter.

The oxygen left the very air I breathed. My chest heaved with effort to take a lungful. Dispose of… Kill me. Diesel was supposed to kill me.

The letter fell to the ground, the shuffling of paper the only noise in a soundless room.

Kill me.

Diesel worked on an assignment for the King. My stomach dropped. What a fool I had been for ever believing what I had with him was real. It was all a lie . Everything he had ever told me was a lie. I was his assignment and nothing more. Diesel was supposed to kill me. I felt like I would be sick. Why wasn’t I dead? Why was I now a Princess with a fiancé that I wasn’t sure if I loved anymore?

I pulled out another letter. This one was much older and addressed to Miles.

Captain Etan,

I trust you are well. Your last letter about Asha was very informative. The King requests that you keep sending updates on her current situation and if her father ever shows his cowardly face. The King also wishes for more information on the people that are raising his granddaughter. Please continue with your assignment and stay true to Novum.

Regards,

First Captain Ian Peters

I dropped that one down and picked up another. This one was different—Diesel’s handwriting covered the page. The paper was crinkled and flattened out again. Lines scratched out several of the words.

Peters,

SHE IS BLONDE! Did you know she is blonde?? This changes everything!

Princess Asha is BLONDE. Why was I not informed of this? Did you not know? I’m sure my father was aware of this… WHY did he not tell me?!

This letter had to have been right after the elk hunt this spring—the night we got back to the cabin and he left in a rush. He came back to write to the King’s commander. Tears threatened to spill out of my eyes. Had any of our friendship ever been real? I threw the letter by the others and pulled up another. Reading through them was like a drug—I knew it was bad for me, but I had to keep going. I had to know the truth.

Captain Etan,

Maximus thanks you for your diligence in this assignment. Your son has completed his training under the guidance of myself and the great King. He was top of his class in school and in combative training—showing great potential. He lives to serve the kingdom of Novum, earning the rank of a captain. He oversees his own unit of soldiers. As promised, he will be returning to live with you in Cedar Hill and join you on your very important assignment.

Diesel will be returning in a month’s time with a unit of soldiers coming through Cedar Hill. He will enter separately, to not draw undue attention. His mission is the same as yours. Find Liam. We believe he may be getting close. He has been briefed on this and knows the importance of the task.

Regards,

First Captain Ian Peters

The paper slid out of my hands and dropped onto the wood floor. I stared at my hands in shock and horror at the words on the page. My mind slid through all the conversations with Diesel and Miles. The hours I had poured my soul out to him, wondering who I was and where I came from. He knew, and he never let it show. He knew .

It explained why Miles was so happy to see me every time I went home with Diesel and why he asked me so many personal questions about my life. It wasn’t because he cared or liked me. It was because he fed the information to Maximus. The realization hit me like a bullet to the heart. Everything that I believed about these men was founded upon a lie.

Memories came crashing back to me of the day we met. The day that he first came to Cedar Hill. He came with the soldiers that passed through that day—I was sure of it. It explained why no one had ever seen him around before and the shock on Miles’s face when he saw his son for the first time in years.

My mind swirled with the black pits of hatred. Everything that he had ever told me was a lie. He was only friends with me per the demands of my grandfather.

My father. Liam. He was still alive. Peters mentioned him in the letters. What did he do to earn the title of disgraced and dishonored? Why had he abandoned me? Where was my mother?

I wanted to scream and rage at the injustice of it all, but I was a prisoner with no power to resist. My life was full of secrets, and I only knew a small part of them. My heart ached for the man that I loved, the man that I had yearned for all these years. The man that didn’t love me back. If he did, he would’ve told me the truth.

I ripped the rest of the letters out of the small space, my eyes racing over the hand-scrawled words. Questions. There were so many questions about my life and the people in it. My well-being, living situation, and relationship with Nan and Pop. All questions that I was sure Miles and then Diesel had replied to with answers.

The nights I awoke, and he wrote at the table now made sense. The unanswered questions about what he was doing. He probably filled them in on every minor detail of what we did together. Disgust burrowed its way into my stomach, making bile rise in my throat again .

He is only with you out of some sort of obligation that I haven’t figured out yet. Lily’s words echoed in my head. She was right all along. Did she know? Did he tell her?

The door creaked open behind where I sat on the floor. I held the letters still in my hands as I turned to look at Diesel with hatred in my eyes. Pure panic flashed across his face.

“ It was all a lie .“ The ice in my voice could rival the coldest of winter days. “ You were supposed to kill me .”

Diesel stumbled over his words. “Ash…please, no…it’s…it’s not what you think. Please let me explain.” His voice was low and full of emotion as he glanced at the door behind him.

I stood and hurled the papers at him.

“You told him everything about me. You fed him every little detail he wanted! But you couldn’t bother to even tell me who I was!” I shouted.

“I…couldn’t. You don’t understand. Please.”

“You couldn’t? or you wouldn’t? Was everything a lie? Our whole friendship? Was anything you said to me in the last month real?” My vulnerability gutted me. I wanted him to tell me I was wrong, to tell me this was all a stupid mistake. I gave him everything—my heart, my body. I had never felt more foolish in my life. The pain of regret made me want to melt into the shadows and disappear.

“Ash…” His whispered words told me all I needed to know.

“ Get out .“ My voice was deathly quiet.

He stepped toward me, his green eyes imploring mine. He reached for me, but my only response was to yell at him.

“Get out!” I screamed again. I couldn’t stand to look at him any longer. I would rather deal with Peters at this point. He crushed some papers he had caught in his hand and left me alone in my misery.

As soon as the door shut, the first tear escaped my eyes. I lashed out, swiping at it furiously. Diesel had managed to rip out my heart in one fell swoop.

Sometime later, the door opened again as I rifled through a chest of shiny trinkets. My useless brain searched for answers to all my questions. A gray-haired woman that I loved with all my heart was pushed through the open doorway. Her face filled with fear. Diesel appeared behind her. Had he brought her to tell me one last goodbye as a show of good faith?

“Nan,” I said, rushing to her side. I glared at Diesel, waiting for an explanation.

“Maximus requested she come with us.” His voice sounded a bit broken, but I couldn’t care less. Making Nan come with us on the trek to Hope would surely be a death sentence.

“Diesel, please… She can’t.”

“I’m sorry. There’s nothing else I can do.” He looked genuinely remorseful.

I stepped in front of Nan. “If you make her come, you are sentencing her to death,” I growled. “If she doesn’t make it, I will never forgive you. ”

Diesel shoved his hand through his dark locks. “I’ll see what I can do.” Our eyes met for a charged moment. I missed his strong arms around me already. The bit of safety he provided when he was near. The remorse in his eyes spoke to my soul, but if he caused Nan’s death, I would rip his heart out myself.

He exited the room quickly with one last longing look. My hand grasped Nan’s as we sat on the single bed. I let out a shaky breath.

“I’m so sorry Nan. I should have figured it out sooner… I should have…”

“Hush up, my girl. This is not your fault.”

“Nan.” My voice broke. “You can’t walk that far. You can’t go.”

She squeezed my hand. “Ash, my girl. I have something I need to tell you.” I searched her face for what she was about to divulge. She didn’t know who I really was, did she?

“Is this about what you didn’t want to tell me earlier?” Her face was a riddle of sadness.

“Yes, I found something this morning in one of Pop’s old books that Diesel brought to Anne’s from the cabin a few weeks back.”

My eyebrows furrowed, waiting for her to continue. She produced a yellowed piece of paper out of her pocket. I hated all the letters that I had read today and didn’t want more secrets from another. She handed it over to me and my eyes landed on the words.

My Dearest Joanne,

If you are reading this letter, then I have probably gone to the other side. I have felt the pangs in my chest recently making me think my time with you is short. I am a coward, and I’m writing to tell you things that I should be man enough to say to your face, but can’t.

I am so sorry for the way I treated you when we were younger. I never deserved you. You were always more grounded than me and an altogether better person. I love you with all my heart and regret the choices of my past, besides the fact that they brought Ash into our lives.

I’m sorry for leaving you for such long stretches of time. I told you I was hunting, but it was a lie. I think that you knew, but you never questioned me. Cedar Hill was never enough for me, and I craved more. I love you so much, but I felt my parents forced me into marriage much younger than I wanted.

The times I left to go hunting… I was actually exploring the world. Wandering from town to town, meeting new people. I left you at home in the cabin alone, far away from civilization, and there is nothing that I regret more than that.

I met someone on my travels. His name was Liam, and he had the same sense of exploration as me. We talked for hours about the world we live in and new discoveries. We mapped out a plan for a new government that didn’t include a single man in power. Liam was convinced he could see the plan through. We met several times after the first, planning to meet in different cities. He was a strange man, always seeming to be hiding something and never divulging much about himself. I didn’t divulge anything about you or where I was from either to protect us.

I had planned to meet him one time in Brocket, a little village just outside of Hope. I waited for a time but he was late. When I went to leave, he ran up out of nowhere with a large cloak covering his figure. He carried a young girl wrapped in blankets in his arms. He was terrified and told me I was the only person he could trust. He placed the bundle in my arms and our little girl stared up at me with her large blue eyes. That’s when he told me he was the Prince of Novum, sworn to serve the crown. He told me his daughter was blonde and must be protected from his father. Maximus was hunting him for treason, and he couldn’ t let him have his daughter. I looked into those beautiful eyes and knew I had to protect her, Jo. He said her name was Ash.

I swore I would protect her and keep her hidden. Just then, soldiers appeared in the village after him. He gave Ash one last kiss with tears streaming down his face before he disappeared. I had to help, Jo. I had to. He ran away before I ever told him where I was from. I have never seen him again since that day. It was my one chance to give you what you always wanted: a child. I could never give that to you, and this was my chance.

I am so sorry that I have lied for all these years. I was afraid you would turn her away if you knew the truth. We must protect her. Liam will return for her one day; he will find his daughter and we need to keep her safe until that time comes. She is the best thing that ever happened to me besides you, my love. I love you more than anything in the world. I hope my confessions don’t destroy you or our daughter. She can change the world simply because of who she is. Please tell her when she is old enough and the time is right. Give her the book that I tucked this letter inside. She can change the world with its contents.

With all my love,

Your beloved Henry

A tear streamed down my face and splashed on the paper, smearing the ink. The salty taste of too many tears and betrayal lingered in my mouth. My real name was Ash. I hoped to one day know the truth and now that I did, it felt like someone had stuck a knife in my heart. I looked at Nan’s tortured face. Pop lied to me all those years, too. Was he any better than Diesel? Was there anybody in my life that wasn’t there because of a lie?

“He was never around before you came along. He would leave for long stretches of time, claiming to be hunting, but rarely did he come back with any game. I knew something was off, but I never questioned him. In our world, to be married means to be taken care of. I’m not like you, Ash—I was afraid if I confronted him, he would leave me. I always had food and warmth and I couldn’t lose that.

“The day that he came back with you was the day everything changed. He never left for more than a few days and always came back with game. He turned into the husband that I had always wanted and the father that you needed. I never wanted to tell you any of this because he was your hero, and I didn’t want to destroy your memories of him.”

I hated letters—they ruined everything. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, Nan. I had no idea.” My arms wrapped around the woman who grew more tired and thin every day.

“I wish we could have found it sooner. We would have been more careful. We could have left and never trusted another soul.”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything. Diesel would have found me. I was his and Miles’s assignment from the first day they stepped foot in Cedar Hill.”

Shock filtered through her features. “What?”

“They knew who I was. Miles was Maximus’s captain. They followed me here. I’m not sure how they found me after Pop took me, but it was me. They were using me to try to find my father. Diesel was supposed to kill me, per my grandfather’s request, when their plan didn’t work.“ I spat out his name like a curse.

I stood and picked through the letters on the floor, handing her the more detailed ones. She read and closed her eyes when she finished .

“I thought he loved you…” She looked more heartbroken than me. “Maybe he still does. He was supposed to kill you and you’re still here.”

“All I ever was to him was a job. A job that brought him a crown.” Pain sliced through my chest at the callousness of my own words. “I don’t know why I’m not dead, but it’s not because of love.” I wasn’t even sure what the word meant anymore, but I knew the unconditional affection that Nan had shown me all these years was surely what it had to mean.

“I love you, Nan. You don’t deserve this. I’m afraid if they make you come your heart won’t make it,” I whispered.

“Don’t worry about me; I’ll be okay,” she said sadly. “Whatever happens, I’ll be with the people I love the most. You or Pop.”

“You’re all that I have left, Nan.” My voice broke into tortured sobs. I couldn’t lose her. She gathered me close, stroking my hair. What did it mean to be truly alone in the world? This was the first time I’d ever felt it. This was why I was so afraid of losing Nan, because if she was gone, that meant I was utterly alone. No one would be there to worry about my safety every time I did something stupid or to try to cheer me up on down days. No one knew me inside and out quite like Nan did—not even Diesel. My mother, my mentor, my best friend. Her death would disintegrate the remaining pieces of my broken heart, and if Diesel was the reason she died, I would know no bounds in seeking revenge.

“Shh, shh. I’ll be there always, even if I’m on the other side. I will be with you. Now, put on your brave face, my girl. You won’t get anywhere with your pain. Put your strength first. You can be your own strength. Use it. ”

Tears ran down my cheeks and I wasn’t sure how long we sobbed together before the door flew open again. Diesel gazed at me with a troubled face.

“Nan can stay with Anne, but we’ll leave five soldiers to stay with her. The King needs eyes on her.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know…” I couldn’t tell if he lied or not, but I guess that was my downfall from the very beginning.

My chest hurt from the pain of my broken heart. Nan was my strength and would have to stay. My relief from her not having to walk all that way morphed into heartache. Would I ever see her again?

“Thank you,” I whispered.

“We leave for Hope in the morning.” I hated how defeated his voice was, and I hated that I still cared.

“No, I won’t let Ash go alone,” Nan spoke from my side with wrath in her voice directed at Diesel.

“It’s already been decided.” Two soldiers stepped into the room behind Diesel. “It’s time for you to go.”

Diesel held up his hand to halt them while I said goodbye to the only mother I had ever known, for maybe the last time. Tears streamed down my face as I clutched her tight.

“I love you, Nan. Thank you for everything you did for me.”

“You have a world of secrets that you have yet to face, and when you do, you must stay true to who you are. Be strong, my girl. I love you more than anything.” She slipped a small book into my pocket. The book Pop must have told her to give me. The same pocket that still held Will’s picture and map.

The soldiers took Nan away, and I let them go without a fight. It was better for her to stay here than come with me, no matter how much I wanted her to. Everyone departed the room, leaving me alone with my tears and suffering. I let them flow, knowing that they had to be dry tomorrow to face my future.