Reckoning
Reckoning
E bby doesn’t know what this thing is between Robert and her, only that life feels good when she’s with him and she wants to keep it that way. But her growing feelings for Robert have been pushing her toward a reckoning. Who is it, exactly, that she wants Robert to care for?
For some time now, Ebby has told herself that therapists can do nothing more for her. But she can’t keep leaning on Hannah when things weigh her down. Or waking up in the middle of the night, the bedclothes damp with her perspiration. And she doesn’t want this to ruin things with Robert. Ebby is getting tired of being this way. Something has to change.
Ebby opens the Web browser and writes France and expat services in the search window.
We are beginning our third year as a happy expat family! shouts one blog. There are photos of wine and cheese and bicycle trips against flowery, sun-dappled backdrops. There’s an article about why people become expats. For work. For love. To study. Another feature profiles someone who came to France to visit their ancestral village and stayed. That sort of thing. Nothing about people like Ebby. No one she’s read about admits to wanting to hide out. No one talks about the challenges of finding an English-speaking therapist.
Articles about being an expat always had a cheery, glossy kind of feel to them, even when talking about the downsides of moving far away from home. Being an expat felt like a high-end or privileged thing, even when it wasn’t. Being an expat had nothing to do with being a migrant or refugee. Being an expat had nothing to do with the reasons that landed Ebby’s ancestors in New England. Being an expat had nothing to do with what Ebby needed in her life.
Or did it?
Ebby types in France English-speaking psychotherapist and watches as a number of responses to her search terms pop up on the screen.
Bingo. Simpler than she’d thought.
She picks up the phone and makes an appointment. Now that Ebby has a plan, she feels ready to call her mom. She’s ready to tell her parents about Henry.
“Hi, Mom.”
“Hello, Ebony. I was just about to call you.”
Uh-oh. Her mom only calls her Ebony when she’s in trouble.
“Oh, yes?” she says slowly.
“Is there something that you forgot to tell us?” her mother says. “Something about Henry Pepper?”
Oh, shit.
“Oh, Mom. Oh, no,” Ebby says. How did her mother find out? “I’m sorry, Mom. I was going to tell you.”
“Well, there’s no need to tell us anything now, Ebony, because Henry Pepper was here.”
“Henry? Henry went to see you? I didn’t know he was going to do that.” Why did he do that?
“But you did know that he was in France, and you didn’t tell us.”
“Mom, really, I’m sorry.”
“We’ve already established that.”
Ebby hates it when her mom uses her attorney voice.
“It’s like, I didn’t want to believe it. It was so strange. That he was here, at all. And with another woman. Though she was nice enough.” Ebby stops for a moment. What a strange thing to say. But it’s true. Avery was a nice person. “It just seemed like some kind of a bad dream. I didn’t want to talk about it, I just wanted it to be over.”
“Well, Henry has told us everything.”
“Everything?” Ebby has a moment of panic. Did Henry tell her parents they went to bed together? No, that couldn’t be.
“Henry has told us about the jar. About Harris.”
“Harris?”
“Your father’s old college buddy. The insurance exec. He’s also a childhood friend of Henry’s father’s, and he’s the one Henry overheard talking about the jar. He’s the reason Henry was so upset.”
Her father knows that man?
“If Henry had come to your dad ten months ago,” her mother says, “he could have cleared up everything and saved us all a lot of trouble.” Ebby’s mother proceeds to explain. “I didn’t know this, but way back when, your dad asked Harris for his opinion on our home insurance.”
“This is very confusing, Mom.”
“I know, Ebby. All you need to know is that Harris knew about the jar being broken because your father had told him. But Henry did not know any of this. When Henry finally talked to Harris, he sent Henry over to our place. Well, you can imagine how that conversation went.”
“Oh, Mom!”
“Actually, I felt kind of sorry for Henry after that.” Ebby’s mother laughs and Ebby joins in, but she can’t shake the current of nervousness that has been running through her body since her mother first mentioned Henry.
“Seriously, though, what a mess. Are you okay, Mom?” she says. “Do you need me to come home? I was already looking into earlier flights. Is Dad there?”
“That’s another thing. Your dad is gone.”
“Gone? Where?”
“He said he needed to get away. He needed time to think.” Ebby hears her mother’s voice crack. “Things have been a little rough between your dad and me, lately.”
“Oh, Mommy.”
“He’s been brooding for a while.”
“Dad? Brooding?”
“Yes, your dad broods sometimes. He doesn’t let you see it, but he does. He’s always blamed himself for your brother’s death.”
“Dad? But why?”
“He doesn’t talk about it much, but soon after Baz was killed, your father said that maybe it was his fault for insisting that we move to Connecticut, all those years ago. That maybe we wouldn’t have stood out so much in a different community, with more black folks around. That maybe no one would have thought to break into the house. Then Henry showed up and it just dredged up all sorts of stuff. Your dad and I had words after Henry left. Then, when I was in the shower the next morning, he just drove off.”
“Oh, Mom.”
“Well, Granny Freeman called to say he was up there with her and Gramps.”
Ebby can’t help but smile. She can just imagine Granny giving Dad a piece of her mind and insisting on calling Ebby’s mom.
“Okay, Mom, I can come home early,” Ebby says, though she’s just not sure she’s ready for that. She wants to see that therapist she’s found, at least a few times. And she’ll need to talk to Robert.
“Well, at this point,” her mother says, “you might as well take your time getting back. You went all that way for a reason.” Ebby is surprised at her mother’s reaction. She pumps a fist in the air and mouths the word Yes!