Chapter 14 #3
“Oh, Grace!” she said, and her mouth opened wide as she stared. “My goodness, you look different from the last time you came here. So different!”
Well, there were the glasses. There was also my hair, which was doing great because I always followed Pinar’s expert advice.
I’d also borrowed some of Nicola’s clothes—a skirt, which was only a little too short, and a shirt which I loved and she’d said I could keep.
I didn’t remember too well what I’d worn here before but I did remember cold legs, and that was also around the time when I’d been holding on to Theo’s basketball shorts. Even back then, I’d liked him so much.
“I meant it as a compliment,” she assured me, and I said thank you.
“Is my dad here?” I asked. I rested my purse on her desk, one that was the same shape as Regina’s. “Do you know if he’s busy?”
“Let me call his assistant, Rachel,” she said, and her lips turned down slightly. So, people here knew about my dad and his new relationship, I guessed. This woman didn’t seem to like it much.
“He can see you,” she told me when she put down the phone. Then she lowered her voice. “I hope…I hope all of you are doing ok. Your mother and everyone.”
“We are,” I said, although that wasn’t entirely true. Dion had reported a lot of issues in the group chat. “Thank you.”
I walked past the cubicles full of people, toward the work station outside of my father’s office.
Rachel, the assistant, was seated at the place that had been empty before.
She looked slightly nervous but she smiled at me, and when she tucked her hair behind her ear, I did see a ring that I bet was the one that had belonged to my grandma.
“Hello,” I said.
“Hello, Grace. You look so pretty today. No, I mean that you’re pretty every day…” She trailed off. “You look more…you look different from the last time that I saw you. In a good way.” She was blushing a lot. “Sorry, I’m nervous. I’m aware that your mom found out about me and that—”
My dad opened his office door. “Grace? What’s the matter?”
He sounded genuinely concerned and I realized that I probably should have called first and begun by saying, “Grace isn’t in the hospital or in jail,” like my school used to do when they’d had to reach out to my emergency contact.
“Nothing is wrong,” I told him. “Nothing’s wrong, but I wanted to talk to you. Do you have time for me?”
“Yes,” he answered immediately. “Should we take a walk?”
It was beautiful outside, the kind of Michigan spring day that had a little chill in the wind but with the sun shining brightly, and he still seemed to be on his health kick. “Sure,” I agreed, and I didn’t hear him say goodbye to his fiancée/assistant before we left. I waved.
“There’s nothing wrong?” he reiterated as we left his building. I waved to the receptionist, too.
“No,” I repeated, but then changed my mind. “Yes. I need to tell you something.”
“You’re pregnant.” He put his hand over his face briefly. “It’s all right. We can—”
“No, I’m not.” And if I were, he wouldn’t have been the person to turn to, but I didn’t say that out loud. “I came to say that I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? Why? For what?”
It was a little complicated. “I’ve been making lists of all the things I have to fix about myself in order to have a good life.
One of those things is that I should give you another chance, despite the bad choices that you’ve made.
Because I’ve gotten a lot of those. I’ve gotten a lot of chances, as well as choices,” I explained.
“So I need to extend them to others. Chances, in that case.”
“I see. I think.”
“You were never present and you were never interested in me, but Sophie and Addie say that you’re a good grandfather.
Even Nicola and Patrick agree,” I told him.
That had been in the group chat, too. “I can tell that you’re making an effort and I think that we all should get the opportunity to make up for things.
I got one from Theo, for example, after I ran away from him and then didn’t talk to him for a few weeks.
He may not trust me anymore, but at least he seems to like me even if he’s not interested in—no, I don’t feel comfortable talking to you about my sex life. ”
He coughed and shook his head. “I don’t feel comfortable with that, either,” he answered.
“I don’t think I’ve ever told you that I’m also sorry, Grace.
I’m sorry that I wasn’t more of a presence and that I…
I won’t say that I wasn’t interested, because I was.
I didn’t know how to involve myself and I always felt a huge amount of pressure to provide for you all.
It was also easier for me to go into my office, put my head down, and keep working.
That way I could avoid all the chaos of our lives.
I’m not good at handling that,” he admitted.
“You shouldn’t have been a dad of seven,” I pointed out.
“I’m glad that I am,” he said. “I didn’t appreciate it when all of you were younger and I missed so much. I would like to make it up to everyone, at least somewhat. If I can. Do you need anything from me?”
I thought of many, many things. I had needed him to come to my high school graduation, but he and my mom had gone to see my sister swimming in an important meet.
They had always been very proud of Juliet’s accomplishments in sports.
I had needed him to teach me to drive, but Sophie had done it, telling me the whole time that I was going to kill us both.
I had needed him to buy a ticket and come see me acting in the musical in my freshman year of high school, and I’d needed him to show up for the martial arts demo for parents.
Addie had come to watch instead. There were a lot of things that I’d needed, like help with homework—I’d needed to learn how to do it, instead of ignoring it and falling farther and farther behind in school.
I’d needed him to catch that I couldn’t see or talk very well.
I’d needed him to be aware of the neighbor who had paid me too much attention and I’d really needed him to notice how I had hidden in the basement and cried after I’d been in that house.
But as I’d said, I also wanted people to forgive me and meet me where I was now, today. I wasn’t going to submit his name for a parenting award and I wasn’t going to forget our past, but we could move forward.
“Are you off in Grace-land?”
“No,” I answered. “And I don’t like that.”
“Oh, ok. It was meant to be a joke, but I won’t say it anymore.”
I nodded. “What I want now are some fries,” I said. Just a few, because I did have dinner plans. “Are you eating those again?”
“Rachel doesn’t like me to.” He glanced toward his office. “I would be happy to have fries with you, Grace. My treat.”
That was lucky, because I thought that I might have left my purse at the reception desk in his building. We spilt an order, so I would still be hungry later and so he wouldn’t feel too guilty when he went back to work and saw Rachel.
“Are you really going to marry her?” I asked. “Isn’t it a little rushed?”
“I believe that you were the one who was set to marry a man who was several years older than I am,” he answered, which was a poor answer but also true. “Brenna had to convene the siblings to get you out of it, and she even called me for support.”
“That was a little different. I wouldn’t have married him because I loved him, since I didn’t love him.
” He had offered me things that I’d wanted at the time, like stability and security.
In turn, he had also wanted me for things besides the love and comfort that could come from marriage.
I hadn’t required the whole chorus to talk me out of it, though, because I had been done when he’d raised a hand to me.
“You didn’t love him?” my dad asked, and I shook my head.
“Well, I do love Rachel.” He told me the reasons why.
I listened and thought of another thing to add to my list. This wouldn’t actually be a fix, but a point that I wanted to remember: I would love people for themselves, for their characters and wonderful qualities, rather than for how they made me feel or what they did for me.
That was what my dad was describing about his fiancée and if I had been in her position and heard the things he said, I would have resented every word.
Theo got home exactly when he’d said he would arrive. “I brought the basil,” he called as he joined me in the kitchen. “Hi.”
“Hi,” I answered. He was smiling so broadly that even if his presence alone hadn’t made me happy, I probably still would have done it back. His smile was infectious, but in a good way and not like Pontiac fever.
“How was the rest of your day?” As he asked, he walked to me, put down the basil, and folded me up in a hug.
I wrapped my arms around him, too, and buried my face against his chest. I wasn’t smiling anymore.
“Hey,” he said in surprise. “Hey! Are you crying? What happened on your tour?”
“It was emotional,” I explained. “I’m filled with a lot of feelings right now.”
“Sadness?”
“Yes, but also a lot of happiness. I’m very happy that Nicola is my sister and I’m very happy that Sophie isn’t as much like my dad as I had thought she was.
I’m very, very happy that you’re here with me for dinner and I’m also happy that you brought basil because it will make the pasta alla Norma taste so much better.
I’m glad that I didn’t eat too many fries, even though they were delicious. ”
Theo gently patted my back but I was soothed just by being near him. “I’m glad to be here with you for dinner, too,” he told me, “and I was very happy to get your message today, the one you left after you talked to Nicola.”
“Oh, right.”
“Right. I think you made my year.”
“There’s a lot of year left,” I pointed out. “Other good things could happen.”
“I’m sure that’s true. But what you said will still be the best.”
We could have let go and gotten on with cooking the pasta, but we didn’t. Pasta wasn’t as important as Theo, and for me, nothing else was either.