8. What I Can’t Have
Chapter Eight
WHAT I CAN’T HAVE
~~Inez~~
I heave a mirthless sigh and bury my head in my hands for a moment before locking eyes with Brian. “All three of them?”
“All three of them.” Brian’s grim. He knows as well as anyone what this means. We’re a new team. Our options are limited. We don’t have the stockpile of young talent other teams have, nor have we had time to develop the young players we do have.
“For how long?”
“We’ll know more after the league hearing tomorrow, but I’m guessing at least four games. The Barlowes will support the suspension. The public behavior of the team is of the utmost importance.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“We’ll be meeting with Jeffs this morning, going over possible replacements, and calling up players. Ten a.m. Don’t be late.”
“I won’t be.” I try not to be offended by his remark, as I am never late.
“Come with your suggestions and be prepared to defend them.”
“I will.”
He excuses me, and I rush to my office to cram every detail I can into my head about our current situation with our minor league players. This is another test, and I must pass it.
There’s a rap on my door, and Camden peeks his head in. I wave him into the room. I take a moment to appreciate how good he looks in his workout clothes. Like all hockey players, he has a great body, but I think his is exceptional, even without getting him naked. Okay, thinking about Camden minus his clothes is the worst thing I can do right now. Talk about a distraction. The real Camden in the flesh is distracting enough.
“Busy?” he asks as he takes a seat in front of my desk. His tone is casual and friendly.
“Always.” I laugh, grateful to see him, even though I shouldn’t be. I sober immediately and don my mask of absolute professionalism.
“I wanted to see how you were doing after the debacle last night.”
“You heard about it, too?” I’m not surprised, but I’m interested to hear the details. I really don’t have time for this, yet I can’t muster the discipline to ask him to leave.
“Drakos was there.”
“He was? Please don’t tell me he was involved.”
“He wasn’t. He missed most of it because he was—uh?—”
“I get the picture.” I most certainly do. Drakos most likely had a hookup in a back room.
“Yeah, by the time he returned to the table it was already out of control, and police had been called. He got out of there.”
“I’m relieved to hear that. We can’t afford to lose him too.” I wipe my forehead and lean my head back to stare at the ceiling, thanking fate that Drakos stayed out of this mess.
“I know.” Camden furrows his brow, and I know there’s more troubling him.
“Is everything else okay?”
“I was going to ask you the same question.” He studies me pointedly.
I glance at our prospects’ stats currently on my screen and back to him. “I have a meeting in an hour to go over who to call up. Brian asked me to provide my suggestions with justification for each.”
“Ahhh. I see.”
“Who would you bring up?” I ask, genuinely curious to hear his opinion. Camden is safe to bounce ideas off of. He won’t question my competence or view my need discuss the players as a sign of weakness. Maybe the Icehawk coaches won’t either, but I don’t want to take that chance. I need to build their confidence in my choices, not make them question my abilities.
Camden takes a moment to consider my question. “I’m not very familiar with the Icehawks AHL affiliate, but there is one guy.”
“Ryker Madden by chance?”
“Yeah, him. He’s been burning up the AHL. Everyone knows that.”
“I think he’s definitely being called up. I’d love to hear your opinions on the others if you have time. Maybe I can bounce some ideas off you?”
“I have plenty of time. We’re having a late practice, most likely because of the meeting.”
“Pull up a chair.” I smile, and he smiles back. What does it say about me when his smile melts away my troubles and makes me believe everything will work out?
Camden wrangles another chair into the tight space behind my desk and sits down. We’re crammed close together, and I’m hyperaware of his presence. This is another one of my bad ideas. Too late now.
His thigh touches mine, and there’s nowhere to move. All I can do is pretend his closeness doesn’t affect me when it does. It definitely does. I struggle to maintain my composure, but my body isn’t with the program. It’s heating up and ready to go where I don’t dare go.
I clear my throat and shift my chair slightly so that our thighs aren’t touching.
“These are the stats for our players in the minors. Let’s assume Ryker Madden is a lock.”
“I’m certain he is.”
I scribble Ryker’s name on a tablet along with a few notes about his league-leading stats. I won’t need to justify this pick. But the others…
“We need a backup goalie.” Camden states the obvious. He leans closer to point at the three goalies listed on the screen, and his shoulder grazes mine.
Oh, fuck .
I suppress a shudder of desire. His closeness tilts me off-balance again, and I fight to regain control. I may battle with my feelings regarding Camden, but, damn it, on the surface, my vibe must be strictly professional.
“I’m thinking of Igor Szetenick. He’s young and untried, but I think he could use the experience.” I watch his expression carefully as he studies the stats before us.
“I’m not overly familiar with Igor or the other guy, but I do know Cade Ferguson. I’ve played with him before at both levels. He’s a late bloomer who’s recently come into his own. Cade won’t get in trouble off the ice, either. The reason he’s not occupying a permanent roster spot in the league is mostly bad luck, such as getting called up and injuring himself in the first period, stuff like that. If the goal is to make the playoffs, then I think he’s your best choice. He’s solid in net, consistent, and a good teammate.”
“That’s a huge plus.”
We discuss the three goalie options for several more minutes. Camden is right. Purely from a stats viewpoint, Cade is the logical choice. I add notes to Cade’s name along with a few of the things mentioned by Camden.
“I really appreciate your input.”
“I’m here any time you need to bounce ideas off me.”
“Thank you. Now we need another winger.” I glance at the time. I have twenty minutes until the meeting.
“Who’re you considering?” Camden waits patiently for my answer.
“Elijah Akers is the obvious choice, but there’s something holding me back.”
“He’s the most obvious. I’ve played with him before. Second-highest scorer on the team. Not so good on defense. Has a confidence issue. I’d be concerned he’d make a mistake, lose confidence, and not be able to recover.”
“Especially if Aria went after him.”
“That’d destroy him. He’s only nineteen, and I think leaving him down in the minors until he’s more sure of himself is safer for long-term gains. Who’s your second choice?”
My eyes scan the list and keep coming back to Hudson Chessom. “Hudson,” I say before I change my mind.
Camden chuckles. “He’d be my choice, too. I’m familiar with his game. He’s got a great hockey IQ. He makes smart decisions, above average on defense, not afraid to sacrifice his body when necessary. He’s not flashy, and he won’t be a big scorer, but he’ll get the job done.”
I don’t state the obvious. Hudson’s a grinder like Camden, a dependable guy who’s also expendable when someone younger comes along.
Camden and I spend the next few minutes going over strengths and weaknesses of our chosen three. I make more notes. I’m feeling confident as the clock ticks closer to meeting time. I’m also proud of myself that I rose above my physical attraction to him and kept everything strictly business.
“I don’t know how to thank you, Camden. You’ve been a huge help.”
“Hey, it was my pleasure. Anything I can do to help the team.”
“I guess I’d better be going.”
“Me, too.”
We stand at the same time. In the close quarters behind my desk, I end up pressed against him. I leap backward and trip over my chair. Just as I lose my balance, Camden reaches out and saves me from a fall. He steadies me with both hands gripping my arms loosely. Our faces are inches apart. I stare up at him, unable to force my gaze away.
Time stands still. I forget where I am and what I’m doing. I only know that this sexy, alluring man is close enough to kiss, and I want him to kiss me. So much for business. He tilts his head, indicating he’s thinking the same thing. I lean in closer, so does he.
There’s a rap at my door, and we both jump. I scramble to get around the two chairs and as far away from him as I can.
Brian opens my door. “Inez, are you ready for the meeting?” His gaze slips to Camden and back to me. He can’t miss the guilty expressions on both our faces. He scowls deeply. I reach for my notepad.
“I’m ready,” I declare as I put on my professional mask, but Brian’s already suspicious. “Thanks for your help, Camden.”
“Is there something going on I should know about?” Brian asks as we walk down the hall toward the conference room.
“No. Nothing. Camden’s played recently with some of our minor leaguers. He volunteered some information.”
Brian’s puzzled, but he drops it. I breathe a sigh of relief. I dodged that bullet.
An hour later, the meeting is over. The coaches hustle back to their offices, eager to start preparations for tomorrow night’s game. Brian and I stay seated at the table. Everything went well. We chose all my picks, even though there was a long discussion about Elijah versus Hudson. Coach Jeffs finally conceded that the team needs stability over flashy inconsistency and possibly ruining a young prospect’s future by overwhelming him when he’s not ready.
“Good choices, Inez,” Brian says as he sips his coffee.
“I can’t take all the credit. Camden was a great help.” I believe in giving credit where credit’s due.
Brian rubs his chin. “You won the respect of the coaches today. I could tell they were impressed.”
“Thank you.”
“Let’s get these call-ups solidified and arrange for transportation and lodging. I’d like you to handle the entire process. I’ll walk you through the initial one.”
“I appreciate everything you’ve done for me to date.”
“One word of advice if you don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind.” I held my breath as if I knew what was coming.
“I understand your taking an interest in Camden. After all, he was your first action as a GM. There’s a subset of people who’re looking to make something out of nothing. I’d hate for you to get caught in their crosshairs. I trust you implicitly. I know you’d never compromise this organization, but there are too many out there salivating at a chance to prove you don’t belong here.”
“Because I’m a woman?”
“Exactly because you’re a woman. Fair or not, they’ll hold you to impossibly high standards and rejoice if you fall short. I’m not telling you not to be interested in Camden’s welfare on this team, but don’t cross that line of giving him special treatment.”
“Thank you for the advice. I assure you that my interest in Camden is strictly business.” If only it were that simple.
“Of course it is, Inez. Let’s get the process started to call up these kids.”
I follow him from the conference room and down the hall. I’m troubled, as he’s right, and he doesn’t know the half of it.
I can tell myself all I want that Camden and I have a working relationship and nothing else, but the truth behind my actions is more complicated than even I can put into words.
One thing I do know. Being alone with Camden is risky. I can’t allow that to happen again. The hard part is that my body wants what it can’t have, and Camden feels the same.